Magazine Articles - Chameleons

Chameleons Club

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SHM got two of our web members to check out the West Midlands' finest for us. They came back with this excellent report - it's all you need to know,whether you're a 'seasoned swinger', or are a novice who'd like to dip your toes in the water...

Chameleons swinging club is in Darlaston. It's a little-known area of the West Midlands between Birmingham and Walsall - but the club itself, tucked away discreetly on a small back street, is possibly one of the best known venues in the country.

This is a private club, open only to members and their guests, so on your first visit you will be expected to show identification. It's no big deal, just a copy of a utilities bill, or something else with your name and address on it - then you complete a standard application form and, where necessary, pay for annual membership. This is not so easy for single males as there is currently a waiting list for membership, but it is always worth getting on the list. Entrance fees depend on whether you are single or a couple on which night of the week you are visiting. Single ladies usually pay £5 or £10, couples pay from £15 to £25 and single guys pay £25 every night. Annual membership is currently £50 for single males. Couples and single females don't pay for membership. We were pleasantly surprised to see that on busier nights there are attendants to help you find a parking space. The car park itself is well lit, patrolled by some very friendly guys and has reassuring CCTV coverage. If you arrive late in the evening, you may find the car park full - so you may need to park in one of the side streets near the club.

Club etiquette

Once inside the club you are greeted by one of the welcoming staff who will explain everything you need to know and offer any new guests a personal guided tour of the club. We were shown through the main bar area to the changing rooms. Single guys have their own area on the ground floor, whereas couples and single females have changing facilities and lockers on the first floor. Although smoking is allowed within certain areas of the club, it will soon become 'no-smoking throughout' to comply with the forthcoming smoking legislation. When we spoke to Lynne, the club manager, she told us that they are hoping that the new conservatory which leads on to the sun lounge can be kept exempt from the changes. In any case, there will be several outdoor areas made available to club visitors who still want to smoke.

The majority of people wear just a towel which is provided with your locker. If you prefer a larger towel, it's worth asking for one on your way into the club. However, there's no uniform - some of the women wear lingerie or a little nightie and some of the guys just wear boxer shorts. The atmosphere is easy-going, so as long as you feel comfortable, no one really worries what you wear.

Staying refreshed

Chameleons doesn't have an alcohol licence, but if you want you can take alcoholic drinks in with you. You hand it over to the staff when you arrive, they mark it with your locker number and they'll serve it to you whenever you want it throughout the evening - just ask at the bar. Soft drinks, tea, coffee and really tasty bar snacks (such as chips or bacon sandwiches) are available at very reasonable prices. Any additions such as these are added to your bill (you just show your locker number to add to your tab) and you pay when you leave at the end of the evening. Since towels don't have pockets, the pay on exit system works very well.

The evening's entertainment

There are alcoved seating areas for over fifty people in the downstairs bar area, which has a small dance floor in the centre, complete with pole dancing 'pole' - which some of the ladies use to practise their moves (and some of the more adventurous men have also been known to give it a whirl). Music is played in this area. It's a good place to mingle, chat and get to know people. Still on the ground floor, through another door, are the two Jacuzzis. On quieter evenings, the club only runs one of them, however, on busier days both are used, and upwards of fifteen to twenty people can fit into each Jacuzzi at any one time. It can become friendly in there, and when the Jacuzzis are full, getting in and out can be an interesting and delicate manoeuvre, and toes can get trodden on! Even when this happens, its still smiles all round.

More fun upstairs

On the first floor there's an assortment of playrooms, including a large play area for couples only. This room has a large viewing window so that others can see in. During our visit we had the pleasure of watching a number of couples having a lot of fun. Also on this floor are several small play rooms with no windows and lockable doors so if you do decide to play, you have the option of keeping things private. You will also find the steam room, toilets, including ladies only toilets, showers, TV lounge and brand new cinema room - of which more later. Finally, there's the round room. This is usually quite dark and has a large round bed in its centre with numerous sofas and chairs around it. If exhibitionism is your thing, then you can take full advantage of this area - but you should be aware that others might join in.

Further upstairs, on the second floor, there are even more, specialised, play areas. A dungeon, sauna, three lockable rooms, two open play rooms (both with large beds and windows into the corridor), and one of these has a love-swing. Throughout the evening we were in the club, these rooms went through stages of being completely empty, to being all used at the same time - with appreciative spectators looking on.

The decor is of a high standard throughout, and the level of general cleanliness is excellent. There are tissues, toilet rolls and bins placed discreetly in every room, and the staff walk around the club constantly to ensure that everything remains clean and tidy. We noticed that any empty cans, bottles and glasses were always quickly removed.

Hot flicks

The latest addition to the long list of Chameleon's facilities is the Cinema Room, hard core porno DVDs are projected on to a screen about six feet wide. There is a threetier bed/sofa arrangement so the film-goers can lie back and really enjoy the movies. While we were there, the DVD was on the 'play' screen for a while, but a quick word to one of the staff, and the movies swung into action. There's a plan for the near future to replace the DVD player with a multi-disk player which can run all night long.

House rules

In any club - especially a swingers venue - there have to be rules, and these are displayed prominently all round the club premises. The main rule is that 'NO means NO, without exception', and it's made clear that anybody breaching rules can lose their membership and be ejected from the club. Although some of the couples we spoke to did comment that single guys can sometimes be a little forward in their approaches, there were no stories of anything more troublesome.

To cater for a wider section of the community, Monday night is 'Bi-night'. Couples, single females and single males are welcome Tuesday through Sunday, however, at 7:30pm on Saturday evenings, all single males have to leave the club. There are regular themed party nights organised throughout the year - there's usually one a month. These tend to be very well attended. Sometimes the entrance fees are increased to cover the costs of buffets or other entertainment. The club's opening hours are different for almost every day of the week. Monday is from 7:00pm until 01:00 am. Tuesday to Thursday opening time is 11:00am and it closes at 01:00am. Friday hours are from 11:00am to 03:00am. Saturdays are midday until 04:00am and Sundays are 2pm until 01:00am.

A warm welcome

The staff are very friendly and approachable if you need to ask questions and they are constantly walking round the club. However, on a busy night, new members to the club may not be able to identify the staff who, as they often wear similar clothing to the members, blend in quite seamlessly. We wondered if maybe a 'staff' armband would be a good idea.

On the night we visited, there was a wide mixture of people at the club. The average age would probably have been in the late thirties, early forties age brackets.Without wishing to offend or pigeonhole anybody, it made no difference if you are tall, short, thin, not so thin, white, black, hairy or bald.

The atmosphere was comfortable and relaxed and everybody could move around the club without being embarrassed or in fear of ridicule. It's the house tenet that you are accepted for who you are and not what you are.

We sat in a number of the areas of the club, and during the night, we got talking with quite a few fellow club-goers. In fact, we spent quite a while in one room talking to a couple who had some very good dogging experiences to share. They were happy to answer all our questions - while others talked about vital matters, such as the football results, or who was voted off reality television programmes that evening.

Anybody who has a distance to travel to reach the club can book one of the in-house en-suite bedrooms. Alternatively, the club staff can help with finding other local accommodation - they can even help with arranging taxis to and from the club. It may seem just another small thing, but if you live outside the area and don't know your way around, these considerate touches mean a great deal. However, due to the popularity of this service, it's a good idea to make arrangements well in advance of your visit.

Our overall opinion is that Chameleons' reputation as one of the best swingers' clubs in the UK is fully justified.With so many different areas to spend time, there should be somewhere in the club for everybody. If you have thought about visiting a club, but are uncertain whether to go or not - or you have been undecided on which club to try - then we would fully recommend Chameleons. It's well worth a visit and we'd have no hesitation in returning to explore it further.