Swinging Dutch Style at Fun4Two

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Seasoned swinging travellers Kaynie and Jed recently spent a weekend checking out the hospitality at Fun4Two on the outskirts of Rotterdam and reported back for SH Magazine.

We have been to a number of clubs in Europe and always enjoyed ourselves, and we'd heard that Fun4Two in Holland was an excellent club. Indeed, we had heard it was better than the clubs located in the UK... For this reason we half hoped that we would be at least a little bit disappointed with our visit there - after all the claims could be exaggerated. We all like to think we have the best clubs closer to home and that Britain knows best. Well, the club more than lived up to expectations.

Live-in accommodation

We had decided that we would make a weekend of our visit - this would give the club the best opportunity to impress us over three nights, all carrying a varied and different theme. It would also allow us to sample the delights of the nearby city of Amsterdam, which is only half an hour away (Rotterdam is only 10 minutes away). So, with this in mind we booked our accommodation at the club itself. They offer two types of place to stay - the cottage, a delightful and well-equipped two-bedroom converted barn-style building and a twobedroom apartment.

Although on this particular visit we were travelling alone (it would have been nice to go with friends and share the cottage), we opted to stay at the cottage and have the 'share' arranged for us, thus reducing the cost. The cottage itself is well equipped with two good-sized bedrooms, lounge, kitchen and bathroom. The accommodation is not cheap, but when you take into account that it includes your entrance fees to the club, it's not unreasonably priced - and of course it is located in the grounds of the club itself which saves on travel expenses over the weekend. You will need to book the cottage or the apartment well in advance as they are very popular! (There are also a number of hotels nearby that offer discounts for guests who want to stay locally and go to Fun4Two.)

First impressions

The club itself is impressive on the outside - and even more so on the inside. The reception on arrival is not only welcoming, but also very efficient and professional. The usual formalities of completing membership forms are dealt with in a friendly manner, after which you are given a complete guided tour of the club facilities by one of the attentive hosts - who are chosen for their excellent command of the English language! I feel sure that the same facility is offered to Italians, Spanish and German clients as the club is well accustomed to catering for people from all over Europe and, indeed, the rest of the world.

Touring the club is an enjoyable and must see experience, a lot of thought has gone into creating the right ambience and atmosphere to help even the newest of couples relax and feel secure. The decoration is tasteful, lavish and in some areas decadent, Kaynie felt enchanted at the sight of the wet area whose decor is bordering on the fantasy world. I particularly enjoyed the naughtiness of the 'red light district' - an area of numerous private rooms themed in the style of Amsterdam's most famous streets, and the sauna complex is described as 'a scene from the arabian Nights'. I felt it was also very reminiscent of the Eygptian palaces of old, and I could easily imagine how this would enhance the pleasures of an orgy of Roman proportions.

Fun 4 All

As we toured the club, we saw many of the guests who had arrived earlier - and it was nice to see a mix of all shapes, sizes and ages enjoying various activities, from the restaurant to the dance floor and from the sauna and outdoor swimming pool to the play areas. There were many attractive couples, and we felt sure that whatever your taste, you would find suitable partners here.

The buffet was of excellent quality and variety - in fact, to call it a buffet somewhat demeans the choices available which, for instance, included delicious freshly-cooked steak or salmon. This is also included in the entrance price - which again helps to bring down the price of weekend as a whole.

I suppose many people wonder about the language barrier, but personally speaking I have never found a Dutch person who didn't speak English reasonably well - if not perfectly. For ourselves, we can get by in French and German so we were not put off by the obvious mix of nationalities that a club in Europe is going to attract. Anyway, on the day we found that almost all of the couples spoke fair English.

Dressing to thrill

As for the dress regulations, we found this worked very well in this club - whereas it might not in others. There is a good-sized dance floor and many social areas where I enjoyed being smartly dressed and it was a chance for Kaynie to look sexy in a short, smart cocktail dress. It helped us to feel that the whole visit was part of the really 'special' weekend away that we hoped it would be. At certain times in the evenings, depending on the day you visit, a tune is played to let everyone know that they have to strip down to lingerie. This includes the guys, and it was nice to see that all the guests had made a special effort to do just that. The ladies, of course, were dressed in a variety of skimpy and sexy lingerie outfits, such as we have come to expect in British clubs, but here, the men too tended to wear nice kit - sexier boxers in silk or leather, or sleeveless vests in wild colours.We found this much more erotic than the usual towel scene that is all too common in many clubs.

Programme of events

The club is open on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and each night has a different set of rules regarding who can enter the club. Friday nights are split into different themes for each week of the month and incorporate bi nights and attached single males (attached in that they can only enter with a couple), and even nights when the club itself supplies the single males who, judging by the look of them, take this one night a week away from the gym and their regular jobs as male strippers! Big winks!

An interesting addition for the bi nights is that you can wear a wristband to say that you're bisexual, allowing couples who are both bisexual to see which couples are like them and which couples have only one bisexual partner present. The website explains all the different rules for the different nights and is well put together, so again we recommend good advance planning to get the best of the facilities that you personally want. Shame we didn't do this ourselves and pick better weather so that we could have used the outside swimming pool - but perhaps the rain was just laid on to let us Brits feel more at home...

The verdict...

So in summary, the things we look for in a club were all positively ticked in our boxes so to speak - the club was clean, elegantly and tastefully decorated; the staff created the right atmosphere to help things along; the club was laid out in a comfortable and sensible way so that no matter what you seek, you could do so with ease - so, for instance, if you want to avoid loud music and dancing, there are places to do this. The staff were ever helpful, polite and attentive - the food, which is not so important to us at clubs back home but more so here on a weekend away, was excellent. The other couples were polite and in no way 'cliquey' - and they were attractive in all sorts of ways (it's not just a place for the pretty people - though there were certainly quite a lot of pretty people about!). The accommodation was excellent and well situated, the website easy to navigate and informative - and of course written in English, which is a great help (why don't British sites publish French, Italian and German options to encourage others to do as we did and have a weekend away?).

The weekend was certainly not cheap - but it was definitely value for money.We had a great weekend visiting Rotterdam and Amsterdam and we really enjoyed meeting and making new friends from all over the world (a special thank-you to the American couple and the Israeli couple, if you read this article!).Would we go again? We've already booked a second visit. Again, we'll go for the whole weekend - this allowing us time to unwind and relax in the comfort of the cottage after the flight, a leisurely wake-up to breakfast at times to suit us after our nights in the club. It also gives us another opportunity to pamper ourselves with the Tantric massage - it's one of the elements that is so worth the extra cost in the club.

We would only change one thing this time, and that is that next visit we hope to go with another couple we know to share the cottage.We were very lucky this time and shared with the above-mentioned American couple, whom we got along with tremendously - however, we could see that perhaps another time we may not be so lucky with our cottage-mates - after all Charlie is out of the Big Brother house now and at large...

Rules of the House

There's nothing controversial or new here:

ID must be provided on arrival
Smart dress essential
Lingerie (worn after the 'watershed') must be a bit special
Absolutely no drugs
Alcohol is available - but misuse will result in ejection
The usual respect for the rule 'no' means 'no'!