Magazine Articles - Swinging for Girls
Swinging for Girls
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The idea that swinging is a couples-only
activity is so old hat -
swinging is well and truly for
you single girls too! SH
Magazine's intrepid single
siren explores the scene for
girls on their own.
Compared to the number of couples and
single guys on the scene, single girls are
elusive - for a variety of reasons. Normal
supply-and-demand rules apply, making lone
ladies very much sought after, and this is
even more true for single bisexual females
(or bi-fems, in swing-speak).
There can never be enough single ladies
who swing, so let's demystify swinging for
girls and encourage more of you to come
out and play...
What type of people swing?
Before you dip your toe in the water of 'swinging heaven', you might assume the people to be sleazy, sex-crazed and all-round nutters (OK, some may be, but let's stop talking about me for a moment!). Seriously though, people who swing are generally very normal - a mixed bag of individuals with different jobs and backgrounds, just as you would find in any group you join or new activity you take up. Our activity just happens to be sex - and we like variety! Because of this, of course, a common-sense approach to personal safety is a must - but more of that later.If you're asking the question, 'what type of people swing?', it's also worth asking why some single ladies don't swing, in particular those who would be ideally suited to the lifestyle. Reasons include the fallacious perception that swinging is a couples-only pastime; they don't know enough about 'swinging' itself to give it a try - or they may be scared at the thought of going to a club, especially if they have no one to go with. Some women have one-night-stands to fulfil their sexual needs - well, swinging is similar but with a bit more certainty. Among other things, you can find out their vital statistics and check in advance if they are the kind of person (or length or girth etc!) that you prefer. And if you don't want that particular one, there are plenty more out there to choose from!
Do I have to be a 'skinny Minnie' to swing?
Absolutely not! Swinging is for every type of woman. Some men, and women, do prefer to meet slim girls, but there are lots who love the sexy, fuller figure. Cuddly, voluptuous, BBW (big beautiful woman) - however you label yourself - there'll be folks out there who'll find you sexy and want to meet you. Swinging can be a great confidence boost - and don't forget that confidence is an alluring quality in itself - so get on your sexy lingerie and strut your stuff!
Who plays with single girls?
The unbalanced ratio of single guys and couples to single ladies means we girls are very much in demand. Swinging welcomes people of all preferences, gay, straight or bi. Straight single ladies are more likely to play with a man (or several at the same time); it is less usual for her to play with a couple.This is more the domain of the single bi-fem, as she can play with both partners, as well as being popular with the single guys and other single bi-fems. Some ladies may be bicurious and want to experience the pleasures of another woman, with some going on to discover they are bisexual - which opens up more possibilities for meets.
How do I get started?
OK, so once you've decided to go for it, there are several places where you can start. Either you can go online, for instance with the Swinging Heaven website, where you'll find over 700,000 members. Arranging a 'meet' with someone online is very easy; photo ads are very popular, as are the chat rooms and forums. Or you can join a swinging club... Going alone to a club for the first time can be very daunting. Call the club in advance and explain you're a single lady and will be coming alone - you'll find most clubs will really make an effort to ensure you feel welcome and safe. They will usually show you around the club, and may introduce you to a few people too. In some cases, if they have the time, staff may check on you at various points throughout the night to make sure you're all right.In a way, going to a club is the easier option for your first time, in that you have more choice available there, on the spot. Then there's the added benefit of being able to assess potential playmates in person instead of communicating with an online persona. Some clubs have different entry criteria on different evenings, for instance couples and single ladies only, and on other nights single men are allowed entry.
An excellent way of getting to know people and to build up confidence is through attending a social - where there is no playing. This is sometimes called a 'munch' and it may be a great starting point for ladies, gents or couples who are a little unsure of how to start swinging or are worried about their first time. Socials are relaxed, fun, and a safe way to meet people.
What should I wear?
This of course depends on whether you have arranged a 'meet' through a website or are going to a club. It is advisable that you meet the person somewhere neutral to start with - say a local pub - meaning that no special dress is needed. A club may have specific rules or advice on dress, or you may be going to a themed night. Spa-type clubs may have a towel-only dress-code, whereas you might want to wear something sexy, provocative, fetish-style or club-wear for other types of swinging club. Some places operate a policy that by a certain time, everyone is asked to get down to underwear only. This may seem daunting if you're not confident about your body, but it does make it an even playing field. If in doubt, call the club in advance and inquire about any rules they have or what clothes they recommend.
What if I want to say 'no'?
The rule of swinging is 'no' means 'no'. Depending on the situation, a polite shake of the head or a hand signal may suffice. If you're in a hot tub, for example, someone may start touching your leg without saying anything, or they may ask you if you would mind them playing with you. You have the right to say 'no' if you don't want to do anything, or wish to stop playing at any time. In swinging, the lady calls the shots and has the final say - and everyone should respect your wishes. However, the occasional person may not, and a firmer 'no' may be needed. Should the person persist, the best option will depend on the situation, but it may be best if you physically walk away, then ask someone nearby for help or make a complaint to the club manager or website admin team.It's unlikely you'll want to meet up with everyone who asks you to, so knowing the best way to decline an offer can save any awkwardness. For example, if you give the person a specific reason why you don't wish to meet, this can, on occasion, result in the individual challenging you, going on to explain why you should meet them - which can make you feel that you have to justify your decision further. My personal preference is to give a simple yet standard reply saying, 'Sorry, you're not what I'm looking for - but have fun'. Given how popular single females are, you may find yourself with far more offers than you can take on, so to reduce the number of unsuitable requests, try to state clearly in your online profile what you are looking for, and also what you don't want. Not that everyone bothers to read profiles!
Even if you give a polite 'no thanks', some people don't handle rejection well. Luckily this is rare, but when it does happen, it can result in insults, or even harassment. It proves very quickly that the person was not someone you'd wish to meet anyway. If you find yourself on the end of any insulting behaviour or harassment of any kind, report the person to the website admin team or club manager. It is important that whatever website you use is well administered and moderated for situations such as this, and that the clubs you frequent don't tolerate this kind of behaviour. Of course just as we can say 'no', so others can say 'no' to us.We can't be everyone's cup of tea, so accept any rejection with good grace and move on - there really are plenty more fish in the sea!
Safe sex rules!
Sexually transmitted diseases are a risk for sexually active people, and for ladies there's the added complication of the risk of pregnancy. Condoms are recommended as standard; also appropriate protection for oral sex, such as a condom or dental dam - and any additional contraceptive of your choice.If someone doesn't want to use a condom, then you need to decide whether to compromise your own standards. Some people choose to swing 'bareback', meaning without a condom, and every individual has the choice to practice safe sex or not, but again 'no' means 'no', and you should never feel unable to ask a person to wear a condom or feel pressured to play with them if they won't.
Personal safety rules too!
The last but most important issue for single ladies is that of personal safety. On the internet it is easy for people to pretend to be something and someone they are not - the vast majority of swingers are absolutely genuine, but you can never be too careful. It is advisable that you chat on the telephone prior to meeting the person/s - there are occasional cases of a supposed 'couple' actually being a single man, very likely trying to increase his chances of a meet. If you are meeting a couple, then ask to speak to the female half of the pair to check they are genuine. Be wary if she is always 'out', 'not available' or is suddenly unable to make the meet and the man turns up alone.If you've never met him/her/them before, it's advisable to meet somewhere public and neutral first - say a local pub - and then only go back to their hotel or home (or take them back to your home) if and when you feel comfortable. If you live alone, you may decide as a single woman it is better not to 'accommodate' (which is the term used for hosting a meeting in your home). It's also worth letting someone know who you'll be out with and where you will be. If this isn't feasible, leave a note in your home that can be found quickly should anything happen.
If you are nervous, then you may feel some Dutch courage will help, however, be careful that you don't get so drunk that you become incapacitated or compromise your ability to make good judgement calls. If you do get drunk, try to be around people you trust, so that they will have your interests at heart and if necessary, will take care of you.
Consider carefully how much information you wish to give out about yourself - would it cause problems for your job or family if someone found out you were a swinger? People can be identified relatively easily with the power of the internet, so be cautious what you tell people if you either don't want your full identity to be known, or just in case the person turns out not to be as genuine as you first thought. If you can afford it, it's better to get a mobile phone number that is separate from your usual one - to be used just for swinging. It is also recommended to use a generic email address, such as hotmail or yahoo that doesn't contain your real name, year of birth and all those other nuggets of personal information people tend to disclose when choosing an email account! Decide whether you wish to disclose your landline number - after all, you may only meet a person once and decide not to see them again - so you don't want them to have your home number.