A: Hello all, my name is Tech, lol your not going to get my real name without asking! I am 37 years old.

I got started in BDSM about 10 years ago. My partner at the time actually got me into it with her asking me to read 50 Shades of Grey. While reading the story, I started asking her if she wanted me to be more like Mr. Grey in that I start taking a more dominant role in the bedroom, and she admitted she did.

So, what did you do?

I started doing more research into the BDSM lifestyle and watching more videos that were on the BDSM spectrum. In doing some research, I found a local BDSM group that had a monthly demonstration of various aspects of the lifestyle; rope bondage workshops, whips and the proper way to use them, pet play, and various other aspects within the BDSM lifestyle. My partner and I started going to the workshops, and the play parties afterwards, and learning a lot about the lifestyle and ourselves. This was by far the best thing for us to learn all sorts of different aspects within the lifestyle. Plus they were in a safe setting where we could test out the instruments with the teachers and get expert advice on the proper way to use those toys.

It was at these play parties that I discovered that I am a very sadistic person. I really do enjoy inflicting pain on a masochist. I think these feelings really came to light when we were at a whipping demonstration. As I was watching the female take the whipping and slowly slip into subspace, it was like Pandora’s box opening up in my mind. I started thinking of all the different ways I could inflict pain on my partner. Lucky for me, she liked that!! It wasn’t long before we were playing at the parties as well and started collecting various implements. It has been 4 years since I started collecting toys and I have close to 50 different instruments I can use.

Are you still with your partner?

No, we mutually parted ways. It turned out BDSM was a bond between us initially but a driving wedge later down the line. It became apparent that my newly discovered passion was just a fad for her. We parted ways with respect for one another and remain friends to this day.

What was it like realising you were a Dom/sadist?

One thing that I had to come to grips with about the sadistic mindset was that while I like inflicting pain on someone, that person also enjoys receiving the pain I am giving them. It was a hard thing to allow myself to feel those feelings and still not consider myself a psychopath. Now I embrace it as it gives me a dark primal urge to control someone's pleasure and pain simultaneously!

What’s it like being a Dom?

It is a very unique experience when I tap into my sadistic side. It makes me become hyper aware of all the sounds and movements the submissive makes while my sub is tied up. I develop tunnel vision and everything else in the room sort of becomes white noise. I enjoy watching the pain blossom through the submissive when I hit them with whatever instrument I am using. I love seeing the skin get red and more dark with each additional hit. Hearing the sub make moans and take in a sucking breath, screaming out in pain – it’s the greatest soundtrack. Watching the sub take more and more pain and taking them into subspace is the ultimate pleasure for my sadistic demon. I get a high from watching the submissive float and ride the endorphins. I feel like it connects us in a way that few people will ever be able to achieve.

One of the things I like to do is breath play. It is such a rush to have one’s life in your hands, deciding when they can breathe in and when they cannot. It takes a tremendous amount of trust on each other’s behalf. The submissive has to trust their Dom with their life. They are allowing another person to decide when they can breathe. The Dom has to be able to read the signs of their submissive to make sure that they are taking them to the edge, but not going over to the point that their submissive passes out. The main instrument I use in this play is my hands. I like to feel my subs pulse under my hand, the way it quickens as I allow just a little bit of air. The struggle for her to keep her submission or panic and start to fight back shows vividly in her eyes. It is such a rush to have someone’s life in your hands, but with such extreme play you have to make sure that you are hyper aware of the sub and any little signs that she may be in serious distress and not to injure her neck with the pressure you place there with your hands.

Aftercare is so important as well when doing extreme play, or any play for that matter. I think the aftercare portion of the play is just as important as the paying attention to the sub during play. Because the sub has such a rush of endorphins and is coming down from that rush, it is important to be there and take care of the sub. Sometimes the play can involve stuff that would make most people question if you actually love someone or not. So it is important to make sure the sub knows they are cared for and that your feelings have not changed for them in any way, shape or form. If nothing else, you are so proud of them for taking what you gave them and they gave you their submission seamlessly.

Love to hear any questions from anyone!