Ruined what promised to be a great show.

3 May 2009

Firstly we would like to thank the respectfull old school dogger who made all the right moves, keeping distance at first and moving in ever decreasing circles. As i said to you last night just as we were leaving, too many bloody idiots were on our car park mad

.
We won't name the location other than to say it is a well known location in the Hinkley area and has offered some great dogging over the years.
We were as you know getting into the moment when what can only be described as a kresh of children drove into the car park and proceeded to shout at one another in what could loosely be termed English and drive round reving engines to the can only hope that when they got home they were sent to bed with no tea.
We will in future stick to car parks where we outnumber the kiddies.

3 May 2009

Strange how all these little groups develop isnâ€™t it? I remember my mate Meat turning up in his Ford Cortina mark 3 with a fucking great confederate flag airbrushed on the roof confused

. The next accessory was the obligatory air horns and the "Dukes of Hazard" look was all but complete cool

. Naturally, both of us were far too lardy to have any hope of entering and exiting through the windows should our rotund arses become inexorably wedged within the framework, but we were so happy with that yellow 1:8 motor car, I can't begin to tell you.
One fateful day our dreams came literally crashing around our ears however, where Meat in characteristically buoyant mood decided to strive for some extreme air facilitated by a hump back bridge as per our newfound personas. It was never going to be sexy, but the resulting carnage was beyond anything that could reasonably have been anticipated. The silence as we floated high about the Norfolk countryside will reside in my memory forever, and I swear that during our flight, the sound of a lone skylark registered in my conscious mind lol

.
The rear axle bounced along behind us, ricocheted off a gnarled oak tree before settling into a water filled ditch. Our passage was accompanied by a shower of sparks and flame, yet Meat was manoeuvring the steering wheel in the manner of a man that felt he still had some vestige of control over our fate rolleyes

. Slewing off the road, we ploughed into the same water filled ditch that had claimed our axle, and there we came to rest amongst the steam and fire. Meat reached for the handset of his CB radio, and muttered these words. â€œAnyone for a copy câ€™mon? One skateboard in the surf, square wheels on the B1332â€. Fuck me, what an animal :shock: .
Next came the silver 3:00 Ford Capri and hastily permed barnets. What a pussy magnet that little baby turned out to be! I looked a twat, but thankfully the birds were shallow. We had a synthesizer purchased quite legally from Halfrauds, but a quirk of British law dictated that actually using aforementioned rig was a criminal offence :? . We reaped havoc for three whole days before Pugwash was arrested in his workplace for impersonating a police officer :twisted: . The synthesiser was cleverly wired through air horns under the bonnet and could be tuned to replicate the emergency sirens of various nations. We took our new found Bodie and Doyle personas a little too seriously at times, and actually arresting a prostitute and her punter in the Norwich red light district was probably taking things too far, in hindsight :cry: .
Such were some of our early influences, and Iâ€™ll not even touch upon the Mad Max era redface

, but I had no idea until recently where the kiddy racers, that scourge of the nations car parks, derived theirs :?: . Watching â€œThe Fast And The Furiousâ€ the other day, the penny finally dropped! :idea: Sitting in my drive is a tricked up Punto with nitro and under slung neon 8-) . If you see a fat fucker eating and burning doughnuts in a car park near you this weekend, its probably only yer Uncle Dirty wink

.
We had a weird one the other week! Five guys looking like Gangsta rappers, bald bonces and metal fucking teeth in a silver beamer! :shock: I really thought weâ€™d dogged our last and was going to be victims of a â€œLock, Stock and Three Smoking Barrelsâ€ type of car park execution :cry: . Luckily, the worse they did was wake some local hounds from their 2am slumber with the skilled and naughty use of the horn. :lol:
We know one of the guys here uses an ingenious tactic 8-) . He just pipes classical music through a wild fuck pig of a sound rig :lol: . It works on a principle described by Derron Brown as incompatibility and bypassing, but in simplistic terms in makes em look like cunts. I accept there is a kinda reverse logic to that gambit, and it could clear the entire car park, but hey, it works for him :twisted:
Now "Greensleeves" is probably out, but I'm sure the more refined amongst us can rack up some appropiate classics?

4 May 2009

Dirty Doggerst that post made me laugh out loud.
Commiserations OP.

4 May 2009

Thanks for the comments Unc, we may well take heed of your friends idea of playing some clasical music for the appreciation of the youngsters. Heard somewhere that they shy away from pink lights as well, a bit like vampires in the dawn light lol

shows up the skin blemishes apparently.
I can actualy picture it now, me rolling into a car park with Beethoven thumping out vibrating the undergrowth with pink under car neons doing it's fair share of light pollution.

4 May 2009

:lol: :lol: :lol: Hes on form of late x

4 May 2009

:lol: :lol:
My vote is Ride of the Valkyries over a tannoy accompanied by a roof mounted floodlight covered with the cutout of a dogger with a stiffy (think bat signal).
Run Novaboy, Run! :twisted:
Mind you, I can recall using a CB and going on fox hunts with like minded teenage friends back in the day, hanging out in a variety of car parks with no awareness of any other..ahem....vehicular activities :lol:

4 May 2009

Blimey fox hunts !!! I remember them :-)

5 May 2009

I find that Amy Winehouse being played on the 100W sound system (van) while "at rest" in the layby tends to clear a space.
When the local layby-layabouts come in to wind the gays up with the megaphone you cannot even hear them !
Requests to turn the music down so they can "hear themselves think" (as-if) were met with the reply: "pardon darling, can't hear a word you're saying"

5 May 2009

A slow march round the place wi one of these works too J mate..........

......and can be utilised for the show when they have gone (the small end only in our vehicle)

5 May 2009

Nice post Unc, with apologies to the OP who's lost this thread completely.
Dippity, Ride of the Valkyries does work, but I find that the Planet suite at 1500W does the job admirably!
It didn't quite work out in Norwich though, there must be a better class of young moron over there or something, I had one lot come over and park next door as they were really enjoying it!
I had to threaten them with Westlife before they finally went!
Just when you were all thinking that Uncle Dirty made these stories up..............!

5 May 2009

Nice one DD smile

"...
Now "Greensleeves" is probably out, but I'm sure the more refined amongst us can rack up some appropiate classics?..."
Perhaps ' Hair on a G-String ', or ' A Night on Bareback Mountain '..?
Or even something by Rimmersky CorSuckoff might suit
:shock:
wink