Hi Guys,
Its nice to see a response like this as there are so many pointing out the disrespectful amongst us.
I will be in the "chase" Tuesday teatime if you are around and would like another enjoyable and positive encounter, drop me a line with a time and location and I will be there.
Cheers
Mac
As teh one that started the recent thread about bad behaviour, this is so refreshing to read, great news
Yeah well done guys. We always try and post a thanks when we can. It makes a great change from all the whingeing. Glad you had fun xx
It is a shame that the few idiots about have stained the reputation of us respectful people and given the Chase quite a bad name.
There are still a few respectful members like me who go over there but also a few who are too eager to jump in and overstep the mark.
We might make it yet “nice guys”. If we do, then it would be one of those entirely impractical exercises one undertakes in life from time to time, but where’s the fun in logistical viability? Hell, I woke up one Saturday morning whilst Mrs D was at her brothers and thought to myself “fuck it, I’ll drive to Nottingham to get Mrs D a John Holmes dildo" :twisted: .
I’d read about this new sex shop in Nottingham, and one of the sex toys featuring in the accompanying photographs was this John Holmes cyber skin UR3 incredibly realistic ultra soft dirty great bastard knob. Mrs D likes John Holmes films. Maybe it’s the piano accompaniment, the fact the girls are packing minges like forecourt carwashes or the clever way in which they go from colour to black and white every few minutes, but whatever the attraction, I thought I’d treat her to the dong.
Now, bearing in mind I didn’t know where Nottingham was, or indeed where in Nottingham this sex toy establishment was actually located, my journey might not have borne the hallmarks of a well strategised excursion. By the time I’d got as far as Sutton Bridge I was thinking to myself, “Dirty, you are a cunt son”. Still, I kept going and arrived at Nottingham feeling a little foolish, extremely perverted and quite disoriented.
What did I know about Nottingham? Castle, small village and nooky shop. Things couldn’t have changed that much since Dogging Hood and the lads were running amok in the woods there surely to Christ? They had. Fortuitously, the very first car park I arrived at was fair in the centre of the sprawling metropolis, but the hour was still very early. Finding a small pavement bistro serving Bacon Butties to masculine types with dubious moustaches and thick regional patter, I plonked me bum down at a table and over a cappuccino and the obligatory breakfast pie attempted to tune into the morphic field that pertains to all things pornographic. The vibration felt intense and I knew I was in the immediate vicinity of some seriously sick implements, and there it was, right in front of me! The area I now know to have been "Goose Gate".
It opened its doors just as I was crawling under the table on all fives mopping up the lost pie crumbs, and so I entered. Fuck me, where do you look? Its not like being in a newsagents where you can step away from the top shelf filth in order to peruse the motoring mags when the need to retain ones dignity arises. In the end, I had to surrender to my inability to locate this girthacious rubber sausage by asking one of the assistants! “Can I help you sir”? the lady asked.. Aww fuck, you just have to come right out with it and act the “calm and collected” bit. Honestly though “nice”, this girl was a bit tasty and I felt a fucker. I just KNEW that when I asked for that dildo she was going to assume it was going up me f’ing arse! To compensate, I just kept babbling on about it being for the wife and she just gave me that “look” which made things ten times worse really.
Anyway, she presents “the box” and it is bloody enormous.. It was the size and weight of a wall tile carton. She must have heard me mutter “bloody hell” and quickly interjected with “I’m sorry I can’t open it for you because its security sealed for hygiene purposes”. Eeek, 80 bloody quid it was too. You ever get those moments where you think “what the fuck am I doing here”? Well, for me, that was one of them. Its not like Mrs D has a big fanny on her either! Its like a mouse’s ear, but its like one of those fucking snakes that unhinges its jaw so it can swallow hippopotamuses whole.
I gets home, and there it is..“ Where have you been”? “Why didn’t you call me”?…”I didn’t call you because I felt a cunt”! was my reply…”Why, what have you done now”? Jeez, my heart sank mate…”I’ve been to Nottingham to get you a knob but I think its too big”. Silence…Well, it takes some registering right?
I pull out the box, whip off the tape and turn it upside down so as I may pull the beast from its cage. It looked like a draft excluder! She just looked at me and snapped “You vill take zee zing up your bottemstein before I hef anyzing to do weev it”! And there was me thinking the twat would be pleased. I got the impression flowers would have gone down better.
That night Mrs D wants some porn on. She is what you might call a porn film buff, and has an annoying habit of leaving the boxes strewn around the television for all to see. We both have a drink or three and once relaxed out of my head I’m starting to get meself a bit horny. Mrs D is evidently frisky too, having now gotton a glimpse of the owd cock and she says “ve vill attempt zee John Homes dickenstein”.
I’m not going into all the sordid details, but because she was all hot under the collar she went mental on it! After the third shagging the novelty had worn off and she’d gone back to her “old faithful”.. If Scooby is reading this he’ll remember old faithful from a few years back ! And the owd fella from the A14 site nearly choked on his cheese and pickle sandwich when Fraulein filth pulled it from her box one night during a show.
I actually ended up selling "John Holmes" to a bloke at a dogging site! This couple were always taking the piss out of the fellas by saying none were “hung” enough for her taste. I took that John Holmes knob out with me one night, and when the couple was up and leaving I held it to my crotch like I was having a pee against the trees. As their lights arced around they fell upon the 13 inch rubber beaver destroyer and he applied his brakes so suddenly the fucker nearly put them both through their own windscreen. Truckstop was there I think and he was pissing himself. .The couple must have twigged it was a wind up because Truckstop’s shrieks were making me start and I couldn’t keep my composure. They then screeched off, maybe thinking their bluff had been called and the organ had landed.
This fella then sidled up to me and asked how much I wanted for it? I explained it had been up Mrs Ds dirty great Minge, but it only seemed to excite him more. We agreed on £30, but he only had £10, offering to pay the balance next time he saw us. Never saw the twat again.. That’s why I’m a bit reluctant to commit to £600 worth of laminate flooring without first seeing it in the showroom, and why we might still undertake the journey lol.. Might..
Shad…A blog would make for some great, entertaining, horny, enlightening and educational reading! I’ve kinda overwhelmed this thread with my infuriating inclination to ramble about pretty much nothing, so I apologise for that.. Should you create such a blog, I promise I’ll keep on the tracks regarding any contributions of my own lol.. Laminate flooring lol.. Jeez, what WAS I thinking?
