its getting a bit problematic really,our ever increasing collection of "tools" is reaching saturation point,and mrs dirty is finding the selection,through sheer choice,a little daunting.....trouble is,she has dicovered a liking for the expensive range of dongs,apparantly cast from moulds taken from the pornstars,but at around 60 to 80 quid a shot,they tools are stretching more than the ole flange.....the usual warm up device in the rabbit,but visually it isntthe most last visit to the local sex emporium saw us walking away with a new hi-tech designer version,chrome plated with lights sirens and whistles,she used it once,and declared it all show and no go......recently we watched a john holmes porn flick,"i'll have one of them" says she,so,the next morning i'm driving 100 miles to nottingham,85 notes later,i'm manhandling the john holmes cyberskin dong onto the roofrack...."i've got it",i announce triumphantly."lets have a look then" says she...now i have to admit,it was the first time either of us had seen it,and it was fucking big!!.."i'll never take that" she announces,well,30 minutes later only the nuts were left uninserted,..its a formidable ride,but its no show weapon,on account of the amount of relaxation,lubrication or intoxication required....so,what are we left with,the bendy jelly double ender,good for our girly shows,but rather unweildy for solo purposes,the g-spot vibe,a rather comical looking piece of apparatus,which could be used as a boomrang,in order to bring down fleeing doggers....the latest addition to the armoury would be a bright pink machine called the whisperer,on account of its silent motor,which although stimulating,visually is again,rather unimaginative....so,our trump card,the replica organ that brings universal acclaim,and gasps of awe,whenever unsheafed....black thunder....its a beauty...it takes some sinking,but unlike holmes,doesn't require a lump hammer...the only trouble is,..its an impossible act to follow,once the damage has been done,it really is like sticking your knob out of the window,and fucking the world....so,in view of its superior statistics,i've now been demoted to the foreplay,while thunder takes the starring role,effectively,i've been replaced....i mean,what is it with girls and their toys....when a couple arrived at our venue once,the girls got into comparing weapons,upon showing the visitor a recent purchase,she pulled it from my grasp and shoved it up her hole,when her husband tried to retrieve it,her top lip started to curl,revealing her teeth,in a manner not dissimilar to a bull terrier defending a marrow bone....it seems that these pornstar replicas are desireable objects indeed..............ok,to the point at last.....oh,let me just tell you this...you know those creme caramel things,well i was showing off earlier,pretending i was going to suck it off the plate,and the whole fucking thing dissapeared down my throat,i nearly fucking shat myself!......anyway,as i was saying,..do the guys favour the caressing moves of a small vibrator,or a full on crack attack with a latex thermos flask?...and,in case any ladies are still reading this,what seduction supplement do you enjoy?
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
weapons of seduction
Sex God
We normally take the Rabbit with us as it certainly gets everyone (ok, I really mean me) really in the mood for lots of fun! Last week we bought a new toy just to take out but have not yet had the chance to try it - An 8inch Black Jelly, nicknamed Big Bob!
Would be interested to see what others think about the use of toys?
Would be interested to see what others think about the use of toys?
Sex God
OMG Dirtydoggers that is the best description of toys I have heard.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
I'm not a dogger but if I see a couple go past in a car with a penis strapped to the roofrack, I'm following.
:lol:
Roger.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: I'm not a dogger but if I see a couple go past in a car with a penis strapped to the roofrack, I'm following.
:lol: Roger.
Sex God
great crack that if ya pardon the pun,we have a few toys the best being the rabbit which has had loads of use ,so we went out and bought the new deluxe one ,gets it out later she says" shit thats to big" a few hours later its " oo i dont know its cany powerful and very big" a few days in traing its now " ooo ahhh ooo" yes its one the best we have,but when ya go to a shop and ya looking at all the toys we cant make our mind up soo if any has any good points on anything we love to hear them ,thinking of getting a doubleender any reviews from any one welcome, same as the pulse ones
the chrome plated rabbit we mentioned had a pulse mode,plus a host of other programmes,but,after a quick shuffle,the verdict from mrs d was that the origional is still the fact she doesn't even use the rotating balls option,just the buzzing ears that are supposed to stimulate something called the clitototorious that some women apparantly rabbit obviously is a girls best friend,and for the bedroom,its indispensable,but mrs d bieng a dogging version of evel knievel,has to go for the wow factor when it comes to stunt tackle,which is where the black thunder comes into the is an ebony manmeat of generous proportions,and usually has the effect of discouraging guys from suggesting more involvement......the cyberskin dongs are worth trying though,the material is firm,but quite soft,and as mentioned earlier,are usually cast from actual pornstars...put a search in for doc johnson,that should give you an idea of the range available.
whisperer is totally silent,and very ,she did drop it in the footwell of the car once,due to the untimely arrival of the police,where it took on the resonation of the proverbial skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin..if the officers had approached,i imagine they would have requested the armed response unit,thinking mrs dirty was loosing of with a gattling gun...you may also wish to bear in mind,performing simulated oral sex on this machine is unadvisable,as no doubt a dental visit will become neccersary,but what a show that would be!!...we saw the whisperer bieng demonstrated at erotica,but was able to purchase one at a local sex shop........as for severance pay,no,although i've been replaced by black thunder,i've been given a position as torch bearer,so all is not lost.....dildo technology is improving all the time,but as yet,mrs d hasn't found one that can get a round of drinks in,so i'll be ok for a while 
Warming the Bed
i like the sound of the whisperer as some toys are so bloody noisy !
i have one called the 10 inch mamba its bright purple and has a good girth on it the actual vibrator bit broke ages ago but its still very enjoyable
i have one called the 10 inch mamba its bright purple and has a good girth on it the actual vibrator bit broke ages ago but its still very enjoyable
Sex God
THIS has got to be the one guys ! Light up dildo sex , weve seen the future and it isnt garlic bread ! ( great thread as always xx )
ello mr and mrs d
well another great story think im gonna ask you next time if i can be your agent mr d?
trouble is im now wondering if the vino has been consumed in a large quantiy as the spelling is gettin slurred :lol: :lol:
keep it up you pair,bloody great storys,love reading em
good job you now know who i am hey :P
well another great story think im gonna ask you next time if i can be your agent mr d?
trouble is im now wondering if the vino has been consumed in a large quantiy as the spelling is gettin slurred
:lol: :lol: keep it up you pair,bloody great storys,love reading em
good job you now know who i am hey :P
Sex God
Hi all
Quite briliiant Mr D, I was chuckling away at the first part, when the following just floored me
I haven't had much experience in this subject so seeing any toy would make me happy.
Serendipity if you want me to come and monitor the noise levels of the whisperer for you just ask.
NWC dont forget to bring all these toys with you on your travels.
Regards
Harry Jones
Quite briliiant Mr D, I was chuckling away at the first part, when the following just floored me
it took on the resonation of the proverbial skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tinI cant remember the last time I hurt so much from laughing.
I haven't had much experience in this subject so seeing any toy would make me happy.
Serendipity if you want me to come and monitor the noise levels of the whisperer for you just ask.
NWC dont forget to bring all these toys with you on your travels.
Regards
Harry Jones
guys,this has to top the lot,this is for real,and will be the must have accessory for the 2005 dogging season,the incredible "dildo-cam".the catalogue reads "a sophisticated cctv camerahas been cleverly built into a sleek dildo complete with its own light simply plugs into yourtv,video recorder or pc for grand stand viewing"..lads,can you imagine that fucker?the internal workings of yer actual flange,fantastic!!..for a follow up,mrs dirty will get out her tyre levers and show you her kidneys!
:lol: :lol: Stop it, my face is hurting! We can never have a SH meet, Silk & Big G will be lighting up the car park with a strange yellow glow, Mr & Mrs D will be making internal organ movies (god knows where Harry will stick his noise level detector for that!), The Naughtys, Clarrich and NorthEastCouple will be having a competition for whose is the biggest and everyone else we be on the CB (fox hunt anyone? oh god I'm old!!). Thank you for brightening up my Saturday lunchtime!!
Back to the topic - I don't know if we're allowed to recommend retail sites so one of the mods might delete this, but I've been using this company for toys lately and they have a great range, very reliable and discreet with delivery. Unlike Ann Summers who fold their delivery note so that the address is showing, not so bad you think? I'm not home during the day so deliveries go to work, and as I do some business with AS, people can recognise the address if they see it!!
:lol: Sex God
Mr D, you need to add a signature to your profile saying that reading your posts can seriously damage your health - you will have terrible pains in your sides and in your face due to all the laughing!
Serandipity, that site looks really good (browsing at the moment) think I just might have to buy myself a present which I can bring and show Harry when we get down there later this year (now looks to be second week in June). I normally use which have some good stuff, and at very good prices (it also helps as I work with one of the guys who run it so I dont have to worry about delivery, he brings them to work in Tescos carrier bags!)
Think I need to go and have a lie down after reading that! So very funny!
Serandipity, that site looks really good (browsing at the moment) think I just might have to buy myself a present which I can bring and show Harry when we get down there later this year (now looks to be second week in June). I normally use which have some good stuff, and at very good prices (it also helps as I work with one of the guys who run it so I dont have to worry about delivery, he brings them to work in Tescos carrier bags!)
Think I need to go and have a lie down after reading that! So very funny!
