Why do people act that way?

13 Mar 2009

Quote by fluff_n_stuff
I'm with Minxy, .

You would be rolleyes

I don't quite know how to take that unnecessary comment. I'm sorry I offend you by agreeing with somebody.
I was brought up by a father who cared about me but was uncompromisingly arrogant, and a mother who was, and still is, a doormat to him. I didn't think I was as much like her as you evidently do, but I try not to behave like he would. I feel that in saying sorry whenever there is conflict defuses the situation and prevents the friction I regularly experienced growing up with a man who would never apologise. I guess I have the balance wrong. Sorry :undecided:
You haven't offended me, you've nothing to apologise for, please don't apologise as this thread suggests for nothing.
You don't have to explain about your upbringing Fluff.... for the record mine's EXACTLY the same but that doesn't make me apologise for things I've not done.
Fluff, do yourself a favour.. please? Either you and Minx are winding the whole forum up with this 'apology' business or you're being serious, I don't know as I don't know you, but what I do know is... just be yourself, you don't need to agree with other people to keep them happy, you don't need to apologise for things you haven't done, just be yourself and if you disagree say so, you'll be your own person, not your father's daughter and I can guarantee you'll be happier.

13 Mar 2009

Quote by jaymar
I'm with Minxy, .

You would be rolleyes

I don't quite know how to take that unnecessary comment. I'm sorry I offend you by agreeing with somebody.
I was brought up by a father who cared about me but was uncompromisingly arrogant, and a mother who was, and still is, a doormat to him. I didn't think I was as much like her as you evidently do, but I try not to behave like he would. I feel that in saying sorry whenever there is conflict defuses the situation and prevents the friction I regularly experienced growing up with a man who would never apologise. I guess I have the balance wrong. Sorry :undecided:
You haven't offended me, you've nothing to apologise for, please don't apologise as this thread suggests for nothing.
You don't have to explain about your upbringing Fluff.... for the record mine's EXACTLY the same but that doesn't make me apologise for things I've not done.
Fluff, do yourself a favour.. please?
Either you and Minx are winding the whole forum up with this 'apology' business or you're being serious,
I don't know as I don't know you, but what I do know is... just be yourself, you don't need to agree with other people to keep them happy, you don't need to apologise for things you haven't done, just be yourself and if you disagree say so, you'll be your own person, not your father's daughter and I can guarantee you'll be happier.
I didn't realise by me putting a thread up about apology could wind the whole forum up.
It was just a topic for conversation, most people that have posted here do not seem wound up.

13 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411
I`ve often apologised to people to diffuse an argument or a volatile situation. It serves a dual purpose
It shows the other people in the room that you are prepared to back down and not continue a futile argument just for the sake of it, which demonstrates that you are a strong person capable of diplomacy...And...
It annoys the shit out of the dick head who was looking for an argument in the first place

:thumbup:

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Theladyisaminx
I`ve often apologised to people to diffuse an argument or a volatile situation. It serves a dual purpose
It shows the other people in the room that you are prepared to back down and not continue a futile argument just for the sake of it, which demonstrates that you are a strong person capable of diplomacy...And...
It annoys the shit out of the dick head who was looking for an argument in the first place

:thumbup:
Half the time I think people wrap themselves in knots in this place and end up contradicting themselves and the princliple they set out to prove/debate.. and usually in my opinion as a result of not having a damn clue of where they are really starting from or what they really think confused

I say that because, and, if I'm reading this right:
Theladyisaminx - you approve of flower411 'annoying the shit' out of people with his insincere apologies and think that deserves a 'thumbs up'?
flower411 - you think 'annoying the shit' out of people is a good way of diffusing 'an argument or volatile situation'?
WTF? dunno

14 Mar 2009

Yeah I'm sorry too. In fact I can prove im sorry cos last time the police helped me up when I fell down drunk outside a club in Oxford they said I was a sorry individual - and the police are always right ! :shock:

14 Mar 2009

Why would healthy debate upset me flower?
It was just an observation and I'm being serious...I just don't see any logic in what either of you are saying - it seems to contradict itself.

14 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411
If you want to psychoanalyse every comment made in here good luck to you ....I`m afraid my lifes to short for all that.

Until of course somebody upsets you.... and then you go into overdrive.
Good luck to you too though :thumbup:

14 Mar 2009

I thought we were all gonna be nice/horny airheads for a bit confused

After all I didnt even get to read the end bit to that thread that got deleted evil

Group hug ?

14 Mar 2009

Quote by BIoke
If you want to psychoanalyse every comment made in here good luck to you ....I`m afraid my lifes to short for all that.

Until of course somebody upsets you.... and then you go into overdrive.
Good luck to you too though :thumbup:
Shhhh!! don't mention anything about the Catholics!

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Silk and Big G
Group hug ?

only if you promise not to cop a feel rolleyes

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Sassy-Seren

Group hug ?

only if you promise not to cop a feel rolleyes

Out of the question, I demand a grope !

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Sassy-Seren

Group hug ?

only if you promise not to cop a feel rolleyes

No, but I might... and that's just of flower! :shock: wink

14 Mar 2009

Thats settled then we all grope flower until we raise a smile

14 Mar 2009

.and i personally will take a bullet for the team and grope Seren if it is neccessary

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Silk and Big G
Thats settled then we all grope flower until we raise a smile

Cool - and then we apologise to him!
He's gone - he's sulking ... lol

Quote by Silk and Big G
.and i personally will take a bullet for the team and grope Seren if it is neccessary

A silver bullet? I've heard you're hairy! :twisted:

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Silk and Big G
.and i personally will take a bullet for the team and grope Seren if it is neccessary

I'm second in line behind flower??? hhmppphhhhh evil

14 Mar 2009

Hes not, hes coming round to the idea.
Sorry

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Silk and Big G
Hes not, hes coming round to the idea.
Sorry

Ah, OK. I must learn some patience.

14 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411
Goodness me !! Do I psychoanalyse other peoples comments ???

Well you're clearly hanging onto my every word right now and feeling the need to respond to mine that were several posts up from this.. whilst we've moved on to groping you cool

14 Mar 2009

Quote by BIoke
I`ve often apologised to people to diffuse an argument or a volatile situation. It serves a dual purpose
It shows the other people in the room that you are prepared to back down and not continue a futile argument just for the sake of it, which demonstrates that you are a strong person capable of diplomacy...And...
It annoys the shit out of the dick head who was looking for an argument in the first place

:thumbup:
Half the time I think people wrap themselves in knots in this place and end up contradicting themselves and the princliple they set out to prove/debate.. and usually in my opinion as a result of not having a damn clue of where they are really starting from or what they really think confused

I say that because, and, if I'm reading this right:
Theladyisaminx - you approve of flower411 'annoying the shit' out of people with his insincere apologies and think that deserves a 'thumbs up'?
flower411 - you think 'annoying the shit' out of people is a good way of diffusing 'an argument or volatile situation'?
WTF? dunno

Bloke if you noticed I did not highlight the bit that said that, I hightlighted the bits that I agreed with.
As for Flower he is a very nice person, and what he says sometimes you have to know him to understand him. As in all people in life.
But if you would like to judge me go ahead as I really can not be bothered what you think.
But have a nice day doing it!
And keep smiling.
To get to know someone takes time and effort.

14 Mar 2009

You can diffuse an argument without compromising yourself & making insincere apologies. That's diplomacy.

14 Mar 2009

That's entertainment
lp

14 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411

As for Flower he is a very nice person

Nice !!!! :shock: :shock:
What on earth happened to Super stud or sex god !!!
NICE !!! ????
I AM gonna sulk now !!!
That label has been taken

14 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411

As for Flower he is a very nice person

Nice !!!! :shock: :shock:
What on earth happened to Super stud or sex god!!!
NICE !!! ????
I AM gonna sulk now !!!
:shock: I could not say that after you said I am like a sister rotflmao

It just isn't right rolleyes

If I had said that you would have thought I had totally lost the plot! confused

14 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411

As for Flower he is a very nice person

Nice !!!! :shock: :shock:
What on earth happened to Super stud or sex god!!!
NICE !!! ????
I AM gonna sulk now !!!
:shock: I could not say that after you said I am like a sister rotflmao

It just isn't right rolleyes

If I had said that you would have thought I had totally lost the plot! confused

Oh Hell woman !! lol

You know I think that anyway :lol:
I was normal until I bumped into you in a chatroom once a long time ago. :lol:

14 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411

I didn't realise by me putting a thread up about apology could wind the whole forum up.
It was just a topic for conversation, most people that have posted here do not seem wound up.

Some people are threatened by "nice" gestures minx ...
They feel that people should be trying to "get one over on them"
When they can`t see the angle ...it annoys them
Don`t let it worry you wink

What a load of codswallop!!!
No one can be 100% nice all the time Flower, it's not human nature for gods sake, and if they are, it's slightly worrying.
And please don't presume people are threatened by niceness, 'cos I ain't, it's falseness I'm wary of.
Oh how the worm has turned in the Flower bed rolleyes

:wink:

14 Mar 2009

Quote by Theladyisaminx
I didn't realise by me putting a thread up about apology could wind the whole forum up.
It was just a topic for conversation, most people that have posted here do not seem wound up.

Contradiction in terms there Minx...
No one is wound up actually, they're all just commenting and discussing your topic in their own way, and giving their own opinion.
That's ok isn't it? wink

15 Mar 2009

Quote by flower411
I think I`ll have to make an exception and psychanalyse your words !!

OK.

15 Mar 2009

Some people get off on being regularly nasty...
I think it's a barrier to protect their own insecurities...
wink

15 Mar 2009

Quote by Bbw4umen
Some people get off on being regularly nasty...
I think it's a barrier to protect their own insecurities...

I agree, to a point. Some people find that the easiest way to make themselves feel better is to make others feel worse and yes, it's usually rooted in their own low self-esteem and insecurity issues.
However, it depends what you term as 'nasty'.
Some people feel if you disagree with them, that you are being 'nasty'. Some people feel if you are honest with them, you are being 'nasty' - it happens a lot on here. I know I can disagree with people without disliking them, that I can have an opinion and point out contradictions in what I think they are saying, without judging them.
There are very few people on here who I'd say I know beyond their words on the site, probably 1 or maybe 2 - so how on earth could I judge them? I try and use words like 'perceived' and 'allegedly' if I'm not sure, to show this. E.g. I'd have a pint with flower411 tomorrow (OK, maybe a brandy and Babycham, with a cherry!). The fact that I'm debating with him on this thread is no indication of whether or not I like the guy. I actually admire his tenacity and respect the fact that he debates and questions if I'm honest. I know he likely doesn't give a damn, I'm just trying to show that from where I stand and where people different to me stand, things sometimes look very different biggrin

I hope he sees this too.
We all choose to surround ourselves with people who fulfil different roles on our lives, and ours in theirs. Some listen, some coach, some hug, some reassure and some give is a slap around the face now and then when we need it. We all get like we need it sometimes, however we might come across.
"Wake up and smell the coffee!" ain't necessarily a bad thing as far as I'm concerned and neither is "Hey, come smell the roses!" BUT, they both have their place and if misused can only add to a person's misery.
I recently asked a few of my close and long-term friends what they get from me - the standard/average answer was "if we want an honest answer/opinion, you'll give us one".
For example: Q: "Does my bum look big in this?" A: "No, your bum IS big but you still look good!" That's made up but you get my drift.
I operate off fact rather than opinion, off logic as opposed to emotion. Sometimes I am perceived as being 'blunt, harsh, direct..' etc. I can be, I know that. I can also be that same bloke that will scoop you up and his arms and try and make it all feel better when the word falls apart. I just don't 'do' people who's biggest problem is themselves, that well - especially when they can see it but refuse to admit it. If somebody ever genuinely asks me for help my very hard-wiring means that I'll find it almost impossible to say 'no'. Until we are honest with ourselves then we never really move forward - we may think we do, but really we just go around and around in circles.
I came out of a long term relationship many years ago (my first BIG one) and I remember feeling really, really shit at the time - you know when you think the world is gonna end and someone stole all of your insides and there's one big, gaping hole where your heart used to be? A good friend asked "Are you OK?". and my usual reply would have been "Yeah, I'm fine!" However, I replied "No, I'm shit actually." They replied "Good, now you've said that we can help you." It was one of the smartest things I ever learned and did.
Does all that make me nasty? I hope not :P