THIS IS NOT A MOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is not a moan, all i want is an honest opinion of my ads, to see if i am doing anything wrong, or to have someone guide me as to how i word my ads, any critisism will not be taken the wrong way, i know it could be that im not in a high activity area, the resrictions i have may be the main factor for not yet having a meet, although i have had a few timewasters,
i just want to learn.
hope some of you more experienced and luckier guys can help.
look forward to hearing from you.
thanx.
paul.
my ad numbers are :- 16494, 14124, 9025
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am i doing anything wrong?
when a couple mutually consent to sex outside of their marriage it's not cheating on each other... cheating implies deceipt.
The moral issue of hypocrisy given wedding vows etc is another matter, but one of the advantages of swinging is the open nature of the relationship, and the mutual consent.
I'm not going to judge on whether it's right or wrong for a married woman or man to have sex without their partners consent, but you can't skirt around the fundamental fact that's it's deceipt. There are many reasons why folk do it, some bullshit, some understandable, nevertheless... it's still deceipt.
Some couples choose not to make moral decisions for you, and allow you to make them yourself. Others choose not to be a party to deceipt in the first place. I guess you should cast the sex to one side for a while and maybe just talk with them about their thinking process, and try to understand it from their point of view. Sometimes, they might even bend towards your point of view too... but as long as it looks like you're just after a quickie behind the wife's back... it's never going to appeal on a wide scale is it?
/TheKid
The moral issue of hypocrisy given wedding vows etc is another matter, but one of the advantages of swinging is the open nature of the relationship, and the mutual consent.
I'm not going to judge on whether it's right or wrong for a married woman or man to have sex without their partners consent, but you can't skirt around the fundamental fact that's it's deceipt. There are many reasons why folk do it, some bullshit, some understandable, nevertheless... it's still deceipt.
Some couples choose not to make moral decisions for you, and allow you to make them yourself. Others choose not to be a party to deceipt in the first place. I guess you should cast the sex to one side for a while and maybe just talk with them about their thinking process, and try to understand it from their point of view. Sometimes, they might even bend towards your point of view too... but as long as it looks like you're just after a quickie behind the wife's back... it's never going to appeal on a wide scale is it?
/TheKid
i haven't said i wanted to have sex with anyone in my ads, none of them have said that, does watching couples having sex constitute cheating? if so the majority of the world who watch porn films are then cheating?
if so then your points could well be correct.
as i said earlier, i am looking for an honest opinion of my ads.
all replies are gratefully received
if so then your points could well be correct.
as i said earlier, i am looking for an honest opinion of my ads.
all replies are gratefully received
Orgasminator
Hi Bad Hubby
In a few words, Yes, just about everything.
1. You are by your own admission a married man, who is deceiving his wife. That alone is a turn off for most couples and single females.
Neither want to get into any form of contact that may result in a visit from an irate wife, should she get suspicious. 
2. If you are willing to cheat on your wife, do you really expect anyone else to trust you. :(
3. It may come as a surprise to you, but not all meetings end up bed with the contacts you make.
Some people simply want to meet others with a similar lifestyle, to form friendships where they can discuss their mutual interests. 8) I have made several good friendships that way. Occasionally we may end up in bed but more often, not.
4. Multiple adds (you have at least 3) are a sign of desperation. :cry: It also clogs up the system, making it more difficult for others searching them. :shock:
5. A facial picture usually generates more interest than 'cock shots'. If you are lucky enough to make a contact then these sort of pics may be exchanged, if requested.
However, In your case, being married it could be a problem, you may well be recognised :( by your neighbours or even your boss :cry: This site is currently getting over 15,000 hits per day. Its only a matter of time before someone comes in that knows you. 
6. You should have read Heather's tips column. Its full of sound advice
7. If you really want to Swing, then you must discuss it with your wife, if she is inclined to agree, thats great. :D If not (when you come out of hospital) you will probably be served with divorce papers. :cry: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. :twisted:
8. Be honest with yourself for a moment. Aren't you just a married guy who has got bored with marriage, and wants a touch of the 'Wild Poontang'.
9 To be honest with you, I must admit, that on present form. You appear have less chance of making a contact than the bottom man on a Red Indian Totem Pole. Sorry if that offends, I'm just trying to help. 8)
Harry0
___________________________
I've been swinging since before they invented the pendulum. lol
In a few words, Yes, just about everything.
1. You are by your own admission a married man, who is deceiving his wife. That alone is a turn off for most couples and single females.
Neither want to get into any form of contact that may result in a visit from an irate wife, should she get suspicious. 2. If you are willing to cheat on your wife, do you really expect anyone else to trust you. :(
3. It may come as a surprise to you, but not all meetings end up bed with the contacts you make.
Some people simply want to meet others with a similar lifestyle, to form friendships where they can discuss their mutual interests. 8) I have made several good friendships that way. Occasionally we may end up in bed but more often, not.4. Multiple adds (you have at least 3) are a sign of desperation. :cry: It also clogs up the system, making it more difficult for others searching them. :shock:
5. A facial picture usually generates more interest than 'cock shots'. If you are lucky enough to make a contact then these sort of pics may be exchanged, if requested.
However, In your case, being married it could be a problem, you may well be recognised :( by your neighbours or even your boss :cry: This site is currently getting over 15,000 hits per day. Its only a matter of time before someone comes in that knows you. 6. You should have read Heather's tips column. Its full of sound advice
7. If you really want to Swing, then you must discuss it with your wife, if she is inclined to agree, thats great. :D If not (when you come out of hospital) you will probably be served with divorce papers. :cry: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. :twisted:
8. Be honest with yourself for a moment. Aren't you just a married guy who has got bored with marriage, and wants a touch of the 'Wild Poontang'.
9 To be honest with you, I must admit, that on present form. You appear have less chance of making a contact than the bottom man on a Red Indian Totem Pole. Sorry if that offends, I'm just trying to help. 8)
Harry0
___________________________
I've been swinging since before they invented the pendulum. lol
Sex God
I agree with the points that Harry O and /TheKid have made. Swinging within an open relationship is NOT cheating, as, as already has been pointed out, there is no deception involved. Masturbating to porn is not (in my view at least) cheating as there is no-one else involved (although this doesn't mean that your partner might not be upset by it, but for other reasons). If you are wanting to watch real people in a real encounter, whether you actually touch them or not, you ARE cheating as it involves deception AND other people. If in any doubt, why don't you ask your partner what she considers cheating?
... if you're keeping it from your wife... whatever you do then it's deceipt.
If you caught your wife watching your broother have sex and getting aroused by it... I'm damn sure you'd want to know.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being voyeuristic, it's not what you do... it's how you go about it. Your name 'bad hubby' already implies you have some semblance of knowledge that what you're doing might well be an issue.
I'm married too... I know what it's like, that said, doesn't make everything 'ok' does it? You have to make your own decisions, but acept that couples might choose to do the same and decline to take part in 'fun' with you.
And don't gimme the 'just watching' crap. You can get your 'just watching' kicks via webcam, or video etc... you want the intimacy and kick of real life... emphasis being on 'real'. That's what I'd call real deceipt too.
If you caught your wife watching your broother have sex and getting aroused by it... I'm damn sure you'd want to know.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being voyeuristic, it's not what you do... it's how you go about it. Your name 'bad hubby' already implies you have some semblance of knowledge that what you're doing might well be an issue.
I'm married too... I know what it's like, that said, doesn't make everything 'ok' does it? You have to make your own decisions, but acept that couples might choose to do the same and decline to take part in 'fun' with you.
And don't gimme the 'just watching' crap. You can get your 'just watching' kicks via webcam, or video etc... you want the intimacy and kick of real life... emphasis being on 'real'. That's what I'd call real deceipt too.
hi harry0,
no offence taken, far from it, going back to your points,
1. yes granted, being married is a turn off for MOST couples and single females, but not all.
2. how am i cheating on my wife when all i am wanting to do is watch?
as i said earlier in the thread, none of my ads say " lets get down to some serious sex sessions"
3. as above, i am not expecting to leap into bed with anyone, to quote yourself "some people simply want to meet others with a similar lifestyle, to form friendships where they can discuss their mutual interests".
4. multiple ads, the ads are on <MEN SEEKING COUPLES> i would like to watch couples having sex <MEN SEEKING WOMEN> i woul like to watch women masturbate in front of me while i do the same <DOGGING> see the above catagories. these are not a sign of desperation, but a variation of the same theme surely? what clogs up the system is people putting ads in the wrong catagories.
5. okay, maybe a facial ( no pun intended )...lol, maybe the answer, as, if my neighbour or boss did come in then maybe i could meet up with them!!!!!
6. heathers tips column, as sound advice as it is, doesn't affect me, as they are tips on answering ads, not posting them.
7. we are, in fact, discussing the possibillity of WATCHING other people, but this will take time, as i would never bully her into doing anything she didn't want to do.
8. i am a married guy who has got bored, not with marriage, and not with my wife, i can have as much sex with my wife as i want, but as with lots of things in life, we try different things, and these are some of the things i would like to try, and maybe, someday, my wife may want to try something totally different.
9. i would rather you be honest with me, isn't that one of the criteria of this kind of thing, being honest with everyone, as they say, "patience is a virtue".
well that passed away a little time, on a dank and dismall day.
hope you will be lucky and safe.
paul
no offence taken, far from it, going back to your points,
1. yes granted, being married is a turn off for MOST couples and single females, but not all.
2. how am i cheating on my wife when all i am wanting to do is watch?
as i said earlier in the thread, none of my ads say " lets get down to some serious sex sessions"
3. as above, i am not expecting to leap into bed with anyone, to quote yourself "some people simply want to meet others with a similar lifestyle, to form friendships where they can discuss their mutual interests".
4. multiple ads, the ads are on <MEN SEEKING COUPLES> i would like to watch couples having sex <MEN SEEKING WOMEN> i woul like to watch women masturbate in front of me while i do the same <DOGGING> see the above catagories. these are not a sign of desperation, but a variation of the same theme surely? what clogs up the system is people putting ads in the wrong catagories.
5. okay, maybe a facial ( no pun intended )...lol, maybe the answer, as, if my neighbour or boss did come in then maybe i could meet up with them!!!!!
6. heathers tips column, as sound advice as it is, doesn't affect me, as they are tips on answering ads, not posting them.
7. we are, in fact, discussing the possibillity of WATCHING other people, but this will take time, as i would never bully her into doing anything she didn't want to do.
8. i am a married guy who has got bored, not with marriage, and not with my wife, i can have as much sex with my wife as i want, but as with lots of things in life, we try different things, and these are some of the things i would like to try, and maybe, someday, my wife may want to try something totally different.
9. i would rather you be honest with me, isn't that one of the criteria of this kind of thing, being honest with everyone, as they say, "patience is a virtue".
well that passed away a little time, on a dank and dismall day.
hope you will be lucky and safe.
paul
Sex God
One question, Badhubby... If you got lucky and a couple let you watch, would you say no if the woman asked you if you would like to join in, something to the effect of: "Sorry, I can't shag you because I'm married", or would you just do it anyway? I suspect the latter.
Sex God
Who mentioned TVs? I didn't, did I?
I was asking you a simple question based on what you said previously, no offense was meant. If all you want to do is watch, that is fair enough, you do not need to justify yourself to me or anyone else for that matter. Best not mention it to your partner though, I rather suspect that she would consider "just watching" to be cheating, especially if you wank throughout the episode.
I was asking you a simple question based on what you said previously, no offense was meant. If all you want to do is watch, that is fair enough, you do not need to justify yourself to me or anyone else for that matter. Best not mention it to your partner though, I rather suspect that she would consider "just watching" to be cheating, especially if you wank throughout the episode.
I didn't say it was ok... I said it's not what you do, it the way in which you do it...
If you're hiding your activities, be it webcam or video or real life, then there's really only a handful of explanations.
a) because there's some feeling of guilt / embrassment involved
b) some notion of 'protecting' your partner - what they don't know won't hurt them.
c) because you've already been told not to, and have chosen to anyway.
No matter what the motive... hiding the activity is still deceipt. Even if it's lying by omission of the truth.
I'm not condemning nor condoning it... merely trying to tell the truth. You know when the truth's gonna hurt your partner, and so hiding it might help prevent that hurt.... nevertheless, going ahead with an activity that could potentially hurt them is a gamble... which means you're prepared to gamble with their feelings, for what?... your own?
It's a tough call, and this happens almost everyday... in matters other than sexual too. Please don't feel I'm having a personal go at you, that's not the case... I just think it's a great topic!
Whilst none of your ads state a requirement for full sex, it's also true that they hardly make clear that 'soft swinging' is your limit. I'd call it keeping options open!
If you're hiding your activities, be it webcam or video or real life, then there's really only a handful of explanations.
a) because there's some feeling of guilt / embrassment involved
b) some notion of 'protecting' your partner - what they don't know won't hurt them.
c) because you've already been told not to, and have chosen to anyway.
No matter what the motive... hiding the activity is still deceipt. Even if it's lying by omission of the truth.
I'm not condemning nor condoning it... merely trying to tell the truth. You know when the truth's gonna hurt your partner, and so hiding it might help prevent that hurt.... nevertheless, going ahead with an activity that could potentially hurt them is a gamble... which means you're prepared to gamble with their feelings, for what?... your own?
It's a tough call, and this happens almost everyday... in matters other than sexual too. Please don't feel I'm having a personal go at you, that's not the case... I just think it's a great topic!
Whilst none of your ads state a requirement for full sex, it's also true that they hardly make clear that 'soft swinging' is your limit. I'd call it keeping options open!
Bad Hubby...
I hope you can have a decent think about what I'm going to say.
If I think I can help someone, I share my experiences. My experience of the 'behind the wife's back' is this:
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. From my perspective it's up to people's own morals as to whether it's right or wrong for them, but for one thing I will make *damned* sure I'm not going to get caught in any crossfire!
What has made the times it's worked good is when the guy in question has taken the time and effort to get to know *me*, i.e., when he has sought me out and been truthful and clear about his circumstances but has still shown me respect and made me feel wanted.
When it hasn't worked it's because he's made me feel like a substitute or compensation for what he's not getting at home.
I would think that no woman (unless they are cheating on their own Hubby, that is!) would willing walk into a situation like that. But maybe one or two will accept it if you approach them the right way.
And stop trying to pull a Clinton... Voyeurism is an act of sexual intimacy. A porno film is a porno film. Never the twain...
So in a nutshell, Bad Hubby... you are labouring under a big handicap and you need to be aware of it. I'll leave you to wrestle with your conscience as to the effect it has on your relationship with you wife...
Hxx
I hope you can have a decent think about what I'm going to say.
If I think I can help someone, I share my experiences. My experience of the 'behind the wife's back' is this:
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. From my perspective it's up to people's own morals as to whether it's right or wrong for them, but for one thing I will make *damned* sure I'm not going to get caught in any crossfire!
What has made the times it's worked good is when the guy in question has taken the time and effort to get to know *me*, i.e., when he has sought me out and been truthful and clear about his circumstances but has still shown me respect and made me feel wanted.
When it hasn't worked it's because he's made me feel like a substitute or compensation for what he's not getting at home.
I would think that no woman (unless they are cheating on their own Hubby, that is!) would willing walk into a situation like that. But maybe one or two will accept it if you approach them the right way.
And stop trying to pull a Clinton... Voyeurism is an act of sexual intimacy. A porno film is a porno film. Never the twain...
So in a nutshell, Bad Hubby... you are labouring under a big handicap and you need to be aware of it. I'll leave you to wrestle with your conscience as to the effect it has on your relationship with you wife...
Hxx
