For what it's worth -
Several folk more experienced than I am have already added great advice on this topic, but I thought I'd add something - there's many genuine guys come on this forum but with not much idea of how to start.
Firstly, Swinging is probably nothing like you expect it to be. In some ways it's easier to get into as a couple (go thru the checklist posted elsewhere - it's helpful for guys too) but it's not impossible for a guy on his own.
Depending where you live, there are lots of clubs, most of which will admit single guys, and going along to a club let's you learn at a gentle pace (and also see how much there is to learn!)
What you don't want to be is one of those chaps with his dick in his hand going 'who wants to fuck?' The chances of you succeeding with this approach are minimal (unless perhaps you are Brad Pitt). Sometimes these folk are referred to (a tad unkindly) as 'goons' or 'zombies'.
Swinging is a social scene. It's about getting to know people. So how do you do that? One way, when confronted with a lot of very attractive ladies, is to put sex right to the back of your mind. They are still people! If you can talk to strangers easily, that helps (if you can't, try improving your skills, it may pay off!) Take an interest in her as a person, and if she is with a partner, take the same interest in him as well. A general compliment to start off with works well (make it genuine!) followed by some lighthearted humour (it doesn't have to involve sexual innuendos at this stage!)
How do you make a compliment? Take notice of the person. Everyone in the world has some wonderful feature, and if something that you've noticed is something a hundred others haven't, even better. Make the eye contact and hold it for just a second longer than necessary (no longer than that, or you may look too clingy and off-putting!)
If you are getting good responses from the lady, whether verbally (particularly more than one-syllable words!) or lingering looks and encouraging body language, then start making contact with her partner. Try and view the situation from his point of view - show him you find him interesting, find out where he's coming from, what he likes and doesn't like, get him to like you rather than see you as muscling in. You need to let your defences down a bit (harder for guys than ladies) - let him know the things (non-sexual, at least to start with) that you find important - and be honest. Find some common ground.
After you've interacted a bit with both people they may probably have a private chat themselves to see if they want to take it further. Be prepared for both options, yes and no. If the answer is no, there may be a hundred and one reasons and it's not your business, but don't take it personally - just give out the same friendly vibes that you've been doing all along. You may not find people who want to swing on that occasion but you will have made contact - at least there's someone you can say "hi" to!
When you do get the invitation to go further, remember you are the guest and it's their rules (or at least this is probably the common scenario). You have two guys trying to please a lady and the other guy has more experience and knowledge with his lady than you do, so take the lead from him if you can (at other times the lady may orchestrate things - remember, the ladies are generally in charge!) If you are part of a set up that takes her to seventh heaven maybe she will want to do the same for you (or maybe she won't - if you are only interested in this for yourself you should maybe try speeddating or singles bars instead).
At the end of the encounter remember the couple that you've just had a fantastic time with have their own life - you have just made good friends (hopefully) but they may want time to themselves now. They may want to swap phone numbers but they may well not - meeting up again unexpectedly in the club or through the swinging network has that nice no-strings-attached feel that many people treasure. If they were looking for something more long term they probably will have made that clear (and even if they have, don’t assume it will be you).
Swinging can be an exhilarating emotional roller coaster and a very safe one. I've learnt a lot about myself emotionally, and grown a lot as a result of it (I like to think!). The next main thing is I've met some truly wonderful people through swinging, people who have become special friends, or people who have just inspired me and made me remember how wonderful human beings are. The sexual adventures are about third on the list - amazing and liberating as they have been, I wouldn't swap them for the warmth and love of the great people I've met, or for the lessons I've learnt about myself. I think I’ve learnt to be more sensitive to other people emotionally (guys as well as ladies), more tolerant of different ideas, more open to new ideas (emotionally and physically), more caring, and more respectful of differences and where others are coming from.
When you swing through private meets you don’t have the club situation that keeps everyone clear about what’s generally acceptable. Personally I think it’s harder to understand if you haven’t been clubbing. It was harder to get my head round before I went to a club. I love talking to people, and my partner is gorgeous, so that’s a head start for me – but I find online forums much harder! But the advantage of Swinging Heaven is that there is an online community here, people who have been there, done that, and can guide newbies. It just means opening up to a shared mentality that a majority swingers have about certain things, getting yourself onboard, seeing how we see it, and having the courage to practice it (the first step is always hard!)
If I’ve got it wrong anywhere, I hope some of the more experienced swingers will correct me or point it out. Apart from that, take it easy, learn slowly and realise that swinging is a whole new world.
Be safe, remember no means no, and now enjoy meeting all those wonderful people out there . . . x x x
Chris :rose:
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Good post Chris
And a lot of guys would do well to take note.
Well done!
Mal
And a lot of guys would do well to take note.
Well done!
Mal
Warming the Bed
yeah i really agree with this...very sound advice. A lot of guys just think women are there to fuck. Well i know that women like to be treated like women with some compliments of how they look. The romantic scenes like soft music dim lights a great bottle of wine. This can lead up to that special moment. But in my book a women always has the last word like no means no. Gee iv`e blabberd on sorry 
Sex God
Excellent post.
So many guys would benefit from the post, if they bothered to take the time to read it.
G & D x
So many guys would benefit from the post, if they bothered to take the time to read it.
G & D x
Quote by dundeecpl
Excellent post.
So many guys would benefit from the post, if they bothered to take the time to read it.
G & D x
do you mean i'v gotta read all of it!!! i couldn't see any sexy pics so i kept scrolling down!!
but serious good post.
Being a sinlge bloke i know whats its like trying to get into a "couple" oriantated thing.
JGL
Sex God
Quote by JGL
Excellent post.
So many guys would benefit from the post, if they bothered to take the time to read it.
G & D x
do you mean i'v gotta read all of it!!! i couldn't see any sexy pics so i kept scrolling down!!
but serious good post.
Being a sinlge bloke i know whats its like trying to get into a "couple" oriantated thing.
JGL
Oi, you cheeky beggar :kick:
Delete
Quote by Scubajon
Chris,
Thank you for a well written articulated post. I seem to spend so much of my time shaking my head at the idiots who can not string a sentence together/ think that they are gods gift/don't read ads/and generally want to be panda's (eats, shoots and leaves)
I am a single guy who has not had much luck on the site, but will now perserve and try and get sorted. It does pain me though when I spend time replying to an advert, having met all the criteria and I dont get a response. Sometimes a "thanks for your mail but no thanks" would be nice.
The idiots do spoil it for everyone!
Ok soapbox rant over now
Good advice be safe.
Jon
Seems to be a sign of the times, lack of manners and being discourteous
But when you hear what some parents say to their children in public the next generation hasn't got a cat in hells chance of improving
What and where did we go wrong
: Was it the offspring of the so called swinging sixties that started the decline (apologies to any of those immaculate behaved children here who do not fit into that category :!: )
Me thinks they were allowed to question authority (not thats a bad thing in its place) and run the roost.
Thanks EdinburghChris - the most wothwhile post I've ever read on here. And I agree it would be nice to get a thanks but no thanks if I don;t make it through the "competition".
Does anyone know of any suitable clubs I could go to in the Edinburgh area?
Thanks, Stewart (single M)
Does anyone know of any suitable clubs I could go to in the Edinburgh area?
Thanks, Stewart (single M)
Hi m8 well what a refreshing change.
its nice to see some single guys understnd a couples view
1 point id like to add for clubbing for singles sitting down and wanking in front of a lady vary rearely acctually turns a woman on in that scenario quiet the opposite effect , so to those of u who like to do this may want to think b4 someone spills a drink all over ur actions, most cpls see it as degrading the lady and is frownned upon .
maybe some food for thought lets hope so.
2nd point is grabbing a lady often results in a smack in the mouth , the curtious thing to do is ask , obviously chris is a gent so he wouldnt think about the two points above but by witnessing them in clubs i think it may be worth thinking about.
well done again chris hopefully they will take heed
bass
its nice to see some single guys understnd a couples view
1 point id like to add for clubbing for singles sitting down and wanking in front of a lady vary rearely acctually turns a woman on in that scenario quiet the opposite effect , so to those of u who like to do this may want to think b4 someone spills a drink all over ur actions, most cpls see it as degrading the lady and is frownned upon .
maybe some food for thought lets hope so.
2nd point is grabbing a lady often results in a smack in the mouth , the curtious thing to do is ask , obviously chris is a gent so he wouldnt think about the two points above but by witnessing them in clubs i think it may be worth thinking about.
well done again chris hopefully they will take heed
bass
Excellent post Chris..all you have said is true and more besides..lol
But humans being human especially male's..and may I add females at times can make mistakes..however as long as a lesson is learned then recognition of that fact should be catered for!
Swinging is harder than prostitution, especially if you are a single male..even Brad Pitt would struggle..the main thing to remember also is you never have a bad experience..just a different part of the learning curve of life!
I hope in some way we all find what we are looking for, that includes the experienced amongst us, the newbies and all those who look in from afar!
Happy new year by the way...and to all friends old and new..give everyone a chance!
Well be safe everyone..and dont forget the seatbelt!!
Regards
Al_mighty
But humans being human especially male's..and may I add females at times can make mistakes..however as long as a lesson is learned then recognition of that fact should be catered for!
Swinging is harder than prostitution, especially if you are a single male..even Brad Pitt would struggle..the main thing to remember also is you never have a bad experience..just a different part of the learning curve of life!
I hope in some way we all find what we are looking for, that includes the experienced amongst us, the newbies and all those who look in from afar!
Happy new year by the way...and to all friends old and new..give everyone a chance!
Well be safe everyone..and dont forget the seatbelt!!
Regards
Al_mighty
