Found on the net and there are 100s in total but will post a good few 10 at a time. Feel free to add your own ;-)
1. Half of the numbers on your mobile are listed only by screen names.
are running out of reasons to tell your workmates why you can't go out with them this weekend.
have let slip you are having a party to a vanilla friend then have to spend the rest of the week thinking of excuses why it is now cancelled.
had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
5. You position the computer screen in your home in such a way that your children can't possibly sneak up on you.
6. Before travelling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.
7. You worry about explaining to the neighbours why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don't leave until Sunday afternoon.
8. You keep spare ‘sensible’ clothes in the car in case you break down.
9. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
10. You never let the kids borrow your digital camera.
Come on, how many do you recognise!
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10 signs you are a swinger
Sexlightened
8. You keep spare ‘sensible’ clothes in the car in case you break down.
hah! forget the swinging side of it... I sometimes go to collect Mr B from Rugby at around 4-5am, and to spice up the meet went in seamed stockings and suspenders, crotchless knickers and a cami-top... didn't even bother with a jacket, it was Summer, nice and warm and if the odd truck driver spotted me so what!
Happily driving along the M6 south from birmingham when some idiot ahead decided to cross all three lanes of the motorway then suddenlt weave back, causing the 3 lorries behind to have to take evasive action, ended with one jack-knifing across the motorway effectively bringing it to a standstill...
No-one hurt... but I could go nowhere... and as a witness...
Ummm...
Funny how many truckers were there within half an hour!
Sex God
Quote by thebrummies
8. You keep spare ‘sensible’ clothes in the car in case you break down.
hah! forget the swinging side of it... I sometimes go to collect Mr B from Rugby at around 4-5am, and to spice up the meet went in seamed stockings and suspenders, crotchless knickers and a cami-top... didn't even bother with a jacket, it was Summer, nice and warm and if the odd truck driver spotted me so what!
Happily driving along the M6 south from birmingham when some idiot ahead decided to cross all three lanes of the motorway then suddenlt weave back, causing the 3 lorries behind to have to take evasive action, ended with one jack-knifing across the motorway effectively bringing it to a standstill...
No-one hurt... but I could go nowhere... and as a witness...
Ummm...
Funny how many truckers were there within
:laughabove: God wouldn't I of loved to be there to see that!! I bet you died a million deaths
Sex God
Quote by Plimboy
were these the best of the 100, or just at they come?
Plim
that's exactly what I thought when I saw the list! 
Orgasminator
Quote by alljustfun2001
Found on the net and there are 100s in total but will post a good few 10 at a time. Feel free to add your own ;-)
1. Half of the numbers on your mobile are listed only by screen names.
are running out of reasons to tell your workmates why you can't go out with them this weekend.
have let slip you are having a party to a vanilla friend then have to spend the rest of the week thinking of excuses why it is now cancelled.
had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.
5. You position the computer screen in your home in such a way that your children can't possibly sneak up on you.
6. Before travelling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.
7. You worry about explaining to the neighbours why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don't leave until Sunday afternoon.
8. You keep spare ‘sensible’ clothes in the car in case you break down.
9. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
10. You never let the kids borrow your digital camera.
Come on, how many do you recognise!
Always a bonus when the kids leave home
Sex God
Quote by alljustfun2001
5. You position the computer screen in your home in such a way that your children can't possibly sneak up on you.
Just call me harry potter
Yes i sit under the stairs in me cupboard on the pc. Added bonus is with creaky stairs and being right underneath you hear anyone before they hear you 
Quote by alljustfun2001
9. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.
I dont have a china set
but i have a big set of dildos :twisted: Quote by alljustfun2001we had to buy our son (aged 8)his own digital camera as he in really into photography and we had run all out of excuses why he couldnt use our cameras :shock:
10. You never let the kids borrow your digital camera.
Dont forget the leather couches and the pampas grass :P
wheres the rest ?
a mum in a school i go to was saying she was desperate to get a brown leather couch.....I had to bite my tongue not to blurt out " Theyre supposed to be a sign that youre a swinger, you know"
Imagine having to explain how I knew!!
If I see anything remotely worth repeating to friends or family on here, I always have to compeose what I say in my mind before I speak....but my sentences susally go...." Someone on SWI.....um, the internet the said other day that...." :lol: :lol:
Imagine having to explain how I knew!!
If I see anything remotely worth repeating to friends or family on here, I always have to compeose what I say in my mind before I speak....but my sentences susally go...." Someone on SWI.....um, the internet the said other day that...."
:lol: :lol: Orgasminator
Quote by Nomad_Soul
How many times have you known someone by a certain name........only to find out that it is only a screen name and not their real names at all??
Who doees that then, Mr Nomad?
Plimbo - There were loads so I copied and pasted a good few but wanted to keep you all thinking of your own and indeed, as Tiger said, the post would have been longggggggggg.
Here's a few more though.
1. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's knickers.
2. You've hugged your friend’s goodnight while naked.
3. You watch C4s wife swap each week and wish if only, just once.
4. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground.
5. Your party you go to also has an after party.
6. Your kids think its normal for adults to have sleepovers.
7. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
8. You've closed your e-mails with "Bi Bi".
And 1 just for you fanny... (Also can I come for Tea when you use your China tea set pls)
9. You don’t just sit on the sofas in the shop when looking for a new 1 but bend over the armrest and of course make sure it is easy to wipe down.
And a season 1...
10. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family.
Here's a few more though.
1. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's knickers.
2. You've hugged your friend’s goodnight while naked.
3. You watch C4s wife swap each week and wish if only, just once.
4. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground.
5. Your party you go to also has an after party.
6. Your kids think its normal for adults to have sleepovers.
7. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
8. You've closed your e-mails with "Bi Bi".
And 1 just for you fanny... (Also can I come for Tea when you use your China tea set pls)
9. You don’t just sit on the sofas in the shop when looking for a new 1 but bend over the armrest and of course make sure it is easy to wipe down.
And a season 1...
10. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family.
Quote by alljustfun2001
Plimbo - There were loads so I copied and pasted a good few but wanted to keep you all thinking of your own and indeed, as Tiger said, the post would have been longggggggggg.
Here's a few more though.
1. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's knickers.
2. You've hugged your friend’s goodnight while naked.
3. You watch C4s wife swap each week and wish if only, just once.
4. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground.
5. Your party you go to also has an after party.
6. Your kids think its normal for adults to have sleepovers.
7. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
8. You've closed your e-mails with "Bi Bi".
And 1 just for you fanny... (Also can I come for Tea when you use your China tea set pls)
9. You don’t just sit on the sofas in the shop when looking for a new 1 but bend over the armrest and of course make sure it is easy to wipe down.
And a season 1...
10. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family.
I need to see the rest now
Dave_Notts
Sex God
I guess this is what you're looking for Dave 
1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only by screen names. So true Laughing
3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can't go out with them this weekend.
4. You have over 100,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don't know their last names. Also true!
6. You go to a convention with three huge suitcases, yet are wearing the same outfit when you return as you did when you left.
7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person. Yup Laughing
8. You position the computer screen in your home office in such a way that your children can't possibly sneak up on you.
9. You can't remember the last time you had pubic hair.
10. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.
11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don't leave until Sunday afternoon...
12. You never open your garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed.
13. Your gynecologist wonders why you're asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set. Gets more use too! Twisted Evil
16. Your wife has a shirt that says: "I Like Girls Too."
17. You have a strippers pole in the middle of your den.
18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join your foursome.
19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's thong.
20. You've hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
21. You hear the word "Playmate" and your first thought is not "Playboy"
22. The word "slut" has become a term of endearment.
23. You carry lube as often as lipstick.
24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won't give you rug burns.
25. You've taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party.
26. The term Vanilla isn't just a flavor to you anymore.
27. You have a full-length mirror in your bedroom... On your ceiling.
28. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends' houses.
29. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground.
30. Your wedding reception has an after party.
31. You go to Las Vegas, but never gamble or leave the hotel.
32. You panic when your friend's digital camera goes missing.
33. You've invited friends over and watched porn.
34. You've invited friends over and made porn.
35. You've watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife's bare ass.
36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the cloths on the floor don't fit you or your wife.
38. Your kids think it's normal for adults to have sleepovers.
39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
40. You believe in Unicorns... Because you've actually ridden one.
41. You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store.
42. You've taken photos of yourself with your head out of frame; And it was on purpose.
43. You can't decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear this weekend.
44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed... And your guest bed... And your couch in the living room.
45. The employees fight to take your order at the One Hour Photo.
46. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits.
49. You place a want ad that reads: "Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn't ask any questions."
50. You ask the sales man at the furniture store which type of upholstery best repels semen stains.
51. The staff of Hedonism III sends you birthday cards.
52. You come home with that, "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle.
53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives.
54. In the gym shower you're the only guy with shaved balls.
55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals.
56. Half of your vacation photos were taken in your hotel room.
57. You have a free place to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe.
58. You've closed your e-mails with "Bi Bi".
59. You can expertly identify the tactile differences between every type of breast implant ever created.
60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family.
61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties.
63. The movie "Swingers" was a huge disappointment to you.
64. It's an unwritten law that you can't call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don't wake them up.
65. You've become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
66. At your "normal" parties no one can go into the basement because you're afraid someone will notice the sex-swing.
67. You're constantly afraid that visiting relatives will pop-in one of your home videos that you forgot to hide.
68. You make bets with other swinger friends about how long it will take to corrupt your cute vanilla girlfriend.
69. You're in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and say, "OK, here's how we know each other..."
71. You start having withdrawals after two days without internet access.
72. When someone asks where you're staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can't remember the name of the resort.
73. You ask a girlfriend to teach you: "That thing you do with your tongue that my husband enjoys so much."
74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.
75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.
76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines.
77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party.
79. Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m.
80. You've handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation.
81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long... Because they keep coming true!
82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly squeeze their butts.
83. You erase your computer's browser history and cache every time you leave your office.
84. You buy lap dances for your wife... And vice versa.
85. You own a double-headed dildo.
86. You're still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
87. You're at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, breath mints and Red Bull.
88. On vacation you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that are acceptable to show to your family.
89. After 25 years, people still ask if you're newlyweds.
90. You've had sex with more people since you've been married than you did when you were single.
91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.
92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you're on your period.
93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman's perfume and it brings a smile to your face.
94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.
95. You spend the whole week before your parents arrive calling all you friends telling them not to call your answering machine while your parents are in town.
96. You get really tired of not making it to McDonalds before they quit serving breakfast Sunday morning (on your way home).
97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
98. You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.
99. You spent twice as long on your online profile than you did on your resume.
100. If you are reading this and laughing because many of these describe you...
That's a pretty good sign that you are a swinger!
1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.
2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only by screen names. So true Laughing
3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can't go out with them this weekend.
4. You have over 100,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.
5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples (Rich and Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don't know their last names. Also true!
6. You go to a convention with three huge suitcases, yet are wearing the same outfit when you return as you did when you left.
7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person. Yup Laughing
8. You position the computer screen in your home office in such a way that your children can't possibly sneak up on you.
9. You can't remember the last time you had pubic hair.
10. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you look up couples in the area.
11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don't leave until Sunday afternoon...
12. You never open your garage door until you're in the car with the doors closed.
13. Your gynecologist wonders why you're asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.
14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.
15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set. Gets more use too! Twisted Evil
16. Your wife has a shirt that says: "I Like Girls Too."
17. You have a strippers pole in the middle of your den.
18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join your foursome.
19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife's thong.
20. You've hugged your friends goodnight while naked.
21. You hear the word "Playmate" and your first thought is not "Playboy"
22. The word "slut" has become a term of endearment.
23. You carry lube as often as lipstick.
24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won't give you rug burns.
25. You've taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party.
26. The term Vanilla isn't just a flavor to you anymore.
27. You have a full-length mirror in your bedroom... On your ceiling.
28. You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends' houses.
29. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground.
30. Your wedding reception has an after party.
31. You go to Las Vegas, but never gamble or leave the hotel.
32. You panic when your friend's digital camera goes missing.
33. You've invited friends over and watched porn.
34. You've invited friends over and made porn.
35. You've watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife's bare ass.
36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.
37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the cloths on the floor don't fit you or your wife.
38. Your kids think it's normal for adults to have sleepovers.
39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.
40. You believe in Unicorns... Because you've actually ridden one.
41. You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store.
42. You've taken photos of yourself with your head out of frame; And it was on purpose.
43. You can't decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear this weekend.
44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed... And your guest bed... And your couch in the living room.
45. The employees fight to take your order at the One Hour Photo.
46. You frequently use the term "Friends of friends" when explaining how you know certain people.
47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.
48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits.
49. You place a want ad that reads: "Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn't ask any questions."
50. You ask the sales man at the furniture store which type of upholstery best repels semen stains.
51. The staff of Hedonism III sends you birthday cards.
52. You come home with that, "There's Something About Mary" hairstyle.
53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives.
54. In the gym shower you're the only guy with shaved balls.
55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals.
56. Half of your vacation photos were taken in your hotel room.
57. You have a free place to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe.
58. You've closed your e-mails with "Bi Bi".
59. You can expertly identify the tactile differences between every type of breast implant ever created.
60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family.
61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.
62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties.
63. The movie "Swingers" was a huge disappointment to you.
64. It's an unwritten law that you can't call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don't wake them up.
65. You've become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.
66. At your "normal" parties no one can go into the basement because you're afraid someone will notice the sex-swing.
67. You're constantly afraid that visiting relatives will pop-in one of your home videos that you forgot to hide.
68. You make bets with other swinger friends about how long it will take to corrupt your cute vanilla girlfriend.
69. You're in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.
70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and say, "OK, here's how we know each other..."
71. You start having withdrawals after two days without internet access.
72. When someone asks where you're staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can't remember the name of the resort.
73. You ask a girlfriend to teach you: "That thing you do with your tongue that my husband enjoys so much."
74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.
75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.
76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines.
77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.
78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party.
79. Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m.
80. You've handed out business cards to people, but the cards have nothing to do with your occupation.
81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long... Because they keep coming true!
82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly squeeze their butts.
83. You erase your computer's browser history and cache every time you leave your office.
84. You buy lap dances for your wife... And vice versa.
85. You own a double-headed dildo.
86. You're still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.
87. You're at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, breath mints and Red Bull.
88. On vacation you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that are acceptable to show to your family.
89. After 25 years, people still ask if you're newlyweds.
90. You've had sex with more people since you've been married than you did when you were single.
91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.
92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you're on your period.
93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman's perfume and it brings a smile to your face.
94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.
95. You spend the whole week before your parents arrive calling all you friends telling them not to call your answering machine while your parents are in town.
96. You get really tired of not making it to McDonalds before they quit serving breakfast Sunday morning (on your way home).
97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.
98. You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.
99. You spent twice as long on your online profile than you did on your resume.
100. If you are reading this and laughing because many of these describe you...
That's a pretty good sign that you are a swinger!
Heres a few more snaffled from an old post by Gazbon elsewhere in the cafe!
see a really hot girl walking down the street and you say to yourself "I wonder if she'll do my wife!"
bottle of liquor in your house has a big sticker with your membership number or couple name on it.
are running out of excuses to tell your baby-sitter why you come home at 4am on Sat nights/Sunday morning and have a Freshly F*cked look.
closet is filled with 5" high heeled shoes... and you have more lingerie than most department stores.
go to Jamaica once a year and "Hedo" means something to you.
work, when someone tells of a risqué adventure, most are shocked or stunned and you say "Cool!
of a sudden you have friends in Cornwall, Liverpool and Glasgow
are sending out online Christmas cards to people with names like: dareustwo, wifewetandbi, and xoticcouple
nightstand drawer is full of bar napkins with couples names and phone numbers.
of your pictures are from different hotel rooms and in quite a few you have a convention wristband on.
only know couples by their first names and e-mail addresses.
spend more time grooming your privates than most porn stars.
make plans to meet a "normal" couple at a nice restaurant, and realize you have absolutely nothing you can wear.
both turn your head to watch the hot woman walking down the street!
going to a strip club with your guy friends, instead of your wife, seems like a ridiculous waste of time and money.
to yourself at the office when your coworkers tell you how wonderful their weekend was...If they only knew!!!!
17. You have never been to so many 'fund raising functions, parties of colleagues, parents evenings, business meetings, overnight conferences and the cinema' so many times in your entire life than you have been since you started swinging.
18. You keep a mental note of which excuse you used and when so your stories always tally up.
19. You always have a 'swing kit' in the car, of condoms, lube, spare knickers, wet wipes, cock rings, breath fresheners.
20. The websites bookmarked in your favourites are all swinging sites, suppliers of lingerie, sex toys, lubes and aphrodisiacs or swinging clubs.
see a really hot girl walking down the street and you say to yourself "I wonder if she'll do my wife!"
bottle of liquor in your house has a big sticker with your membership number or couple name on it.
are running out of excuses to tell your baby-sitter why you come home at 4am on Sat nights/Sunday morning and have a Freshly F*cked look.
closet is filled with 5" high heeled shoes... and you have more lingerie than most department stores.
go to Jamaica once a year and "Hedo" means something to you.
work, when someone tells of a risqué adventure, most are shocked or stunned and you say "Cool!
of a sudden you have friends in Cornwall, Liverpool and Glasgow
are sending out online Christmas cards to people with names like: dareustwo, wifewetandbi, and xoticcouple
nightstand drawer is full of bar napkins with couples names and phone numbers.
of your pictures are from different hotel rooms and in quite a few you have a convention wristband on.
only know couples by their first names and e-mail addresses.
spend more time grooming your privates than most porn stars.
make plans to meet a "normal" couple at a nice restaurant, and realize you have absolutely nothing you can wear.
both turn your head to watch the hot woman walking down the street!
going to a strip club with your guy friends, instead of your wife, seems like a ridiculous waste of time and money.
to yourself at the office when your coworkers tell you how wonderful their weekend was...If they only knew!!!!
17. You have never been to so many 'fund raising functions, parties of colleagues, parents evenings, business meetings, overnight conferences and the cinema' so many times in your entire life than you have been since you started swinging.
18. You keep a mental note of which excuse you used and when so your stories always tally up.
19. You always have a 'swing kit' in the car, of condoms, lube, spare knickers, wet wipes, cock rings, breath fresheners.
20. The websites bookmarked in your favourites are all swinging sites, suppliers of lingerie, sex toys, lubes and aphrodisiacs or swinging clubs.
Sex God
Quote by alljustfun2001Its never that cold
4. You don't think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground..
Quote by alljustfun2001
And 1 just for you fanny... (Also can I come for Tea when you use your China tea set pls)
9. You don’t just sit on the sofas in the shop when looking for a new 1 but bend over the armrest and of course make sure it is easy to wipe down..
very true also true for couches coffee tables kitchen tables, and buy the biggest bed you can afford to fit more in
(i even got wrong in the furniture shop for trying to lie down on the coffee table to test for size, took a little explaining) :shock: Quote by alljustfun2001me and dek always open our presents at midnight on xmas eve so we can use the presents before sleep time
And a season 1...
10. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can't be opened in front of your family.
ops: 
Sex God
oh this is sooooooooooooooooooooooo funny and also sooooooooooooooooooooo true just had to bump it back to page one so many more need to see this its made my day
An old friend of Mr B's phoned up and asked him on a stag do for his brother in law......this friend now onwns a lap dancing club, so it was held there.
The stag guys were treated to lapdances on the house and the 'old mate' was going....wow arent the girls so hot...nudge nudge wink wink, get a load of that Boney, and so on....Mr B was totally unimpressed...
Friends business partner at the bar asked him why the lapdancers werent floating his boat...so right out of the blue Mr B says......TBH mate, me and the mrs are swingers, so when youve seen and done what we have, a girl in her g string is tame by comparison!!
and I think thats another sign that you are a swinger....porn, sex and sexuality fit into your day as easily as a trip to tesco or buying the papers!
The stag guys were treated to lapdances on the house and the 'old mate' was going....wow arent the girls so hot...nudge nudge wink wink, get a load of that Boney, and so on....Mr B was totally unimpressed...
Friends business partner at the bar asked him why the lapdancers werent floating his boat...so right out of the blue Mr B says......TBH mate, me and the mrs are swingers, so when youve seen and done what we have, a girl in her g string is tame by comparison!!
and I think thats another sign that you are a swinger....porn, sex and sexuality fit into your day as easily as a trip to tesco or buying the papers!
Sex God
Quote by Bonedigger
An old friend of Mr B's phoned up and asked him on a stag do for his brother in law......this friend now onwns a lap dancing club, so it was held there.
The stag guys were treated to lapdances on the house and the 'old mate' was going....wow arent the girls so hot...nudge nudge wink wink, get a load of that Boney, and so on....Mr B was totally unimpressed...
Friends business partner at the bar asked him why the lapdancers werent floating his boat...so right out of the blue Mr B says......TBH mate, me and the mrs are swingers, so when youve seen and done what we have, a girl in her g string is tame by comparison!!
and I think thats another sign that you are a swinger....porn, sex and sexuality fit into your day as easily as a trip to tesco or buying the papers!
And you have to be that little bit more careful not to get them mixed up. It's all very well heading to school when you should be going to Tescos (done that before now), but turning up at the checkout in body stocking and porn shoes might just raise an eyebrow or two.
:D 