In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight.
One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a scottish accent came from within the dense fog.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 10 englishmen".
With this, the english general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice was heard.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 50 englishman".
With this the english general sent down 50 of his soldiers. The same thing, a terrible fight ensured and again NO ONE returned. An hour later the same voice.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 100 englishman".
Same same, down went 100 of the best. NO ONE returned. An hour later.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 1,000 englishman".
By this time, the english general had enough and was about to send down his elite soldiers, when he saw a lone englishman crawling up the hill. He was battered to a pulp. As he reached his general he said, "Don't send any more troops down, its a trap, THERES TWO OF THE B*STARDS".
lhk
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1320 re-visited
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Did you post that to stay in Jags good books
:lol: :lol: 
Mod
You were busy panting, I believe!!!
Mal
Mal
Sex God
1320? What happened then? Apart from lunchtime
(The Declaration of Arbroath doesn't count!)
They got lucky in 1314 (Bannockburn) - ONCE
....and have been bleating on about it for the last 700 years!
I promise not to mention 1298 (Falkirk), 1513 (Flodden), 1745 (Prestonpans). Of course, mention of the final decider in 1746 (Culloden) when the English gently and courteously put down a rebellion by a few crazed savages usually shuts them up.
What?
Who, Jags? Nah, she won't mind! She is a lover of the truth, after all. :jagsatwork:
(The Declaration of Arbroath doesn't count!)
They got lucky in 1314 (Bannockburn) - ONCE
....and have been bleating on about it for the last 700 years!
I promise not to mention 1298 (Falkirk), 1513 (Flodden), 1745 (Prestonpans). Of course, mention of the final decider in 1746 (Culloden) when the English gently and courteously put down a rebellion by a few crazed savages usually shuts them up.
What?
Who, Jags? Nah, she won't mind! She is a lover of the truth, after all. :jagsatwork: Quote by steve_1
ah.. an artist are you Dawn?
Piss artist maybe :confused2: Before you say anything, I mean getting drunk!
(phew saved that one before I got into trouble)
Quote by KitKatNo but I am partial to a bit of open air activities :giggle:
And here was me thinking Dawn was a gardener:
Dawn :silly:
Sex God
Oh goody - can I have a go at the French as well? :happy:
Poitiers, Crecy, Agincourt, Blenheim, Trafalgar, Waterloo - plus so many others to choose from.
Yes, The Auld Alliance was a perfect match - they had so much in common. Two wannabe nations who kept getting thrashed by the English.
Not much has changed. It's just that now we use rugby instead of war!!
It's not our fault we are the best - we are just made that way :happy:
Poitiers, Crecy, Agincourt, Blenheim, Trafalgar, Waterloo - plus so many others to choose from.
Yes, The Auld Alliance was a perfect match - they had so much in common. Two wannabe nations who kept getting thrashed by the English.
Not much has changed. It's just that now we use rugby instead of war!!
It's not our fault we are the best - we are just made that way :happy:
Quote by Will 'BushBlair' xx69So, purely in the interests of truth, and as a matter of historical accuracy, these liberating English armies, did they they ever find any Weapons of Mass Destruction?
I promise not to mention 1298 (Falkirk), 1513 (Flodden), 1745 (Prestonpans). Of course, mention of the final decider in 1746 (Culloden) when the English gently and courteously put down a rebellion by a few crazed savages usually shuts them up.
What? Who, Jags? Nah, she won't mind! She is a lover of the truth, after all.
:2fingers: :2fingers:
So nice to see how learning from the past has made us so much more civilised. :twisted:
lhk
Quote by KitKat
So, purely in the interests of truth, and as a matter of historical accuracy, these liberating English armies, did they they ever find any Weapons of Mass Destruction?
They did find an arsenal of protractors, set squares and rulers....
but these were the weapons of maths instruction..
steve
Sex God
Quote by KitKat
So, purely in the interests of truth, and as a matter of historical accuracy, these liberating English armies, did they they ever find any Weapons of Mass Destruction?
Yes - the haggis!!! Surely a crime against humanity.
What have they followed it up with since? The deep fried Mars bar. Scotland's finest contribution to world culture. Quite frankly, they needn't have bothered!
Mind you, I will have to give them credit for malt whisky!
Will - desperately looking forward to the Scotland munch when the peasants of the North can fall at my feet and swear undying fealty to their English overlord!! :evil2:
Sex God
Quote by KitKat
Because Tripe is so much more appetising
Ah, but that's a Northern thing. The further North you go the less civilised the English become. It's a well-known fact. It comes from being too close to Scotland, I think.
Disclaimer : If there is anyone out there who I haven't insulted yet - I apologise. Let me know by return and I will see what I can do to work you in. I would hate anyone to feel left out.
:lol: Will - always scrupulously fair and even handed
Disclaimer : If there is anyone out there who I haven't insulted yet - I apologise. Let me know by return and I will see what I can do to work you in.
:doh:
I was going to hand over some body armour but I think the average claymore would make short work of that.
Guess I'm just going to have to protect him with my body - either that or a nuclear fallout bunker.
Please - nobody mention Dunkirk!
Sappho xxx
Sex God
Quote by Sappho
Please - nobody mention Dunkirk!
Oh, and another thing.......
:gagged: :gagged: :gagged: :gagged: :gagged:
:gagged: :gagged: :gagged: :gagged: :gagged:
:gagged: :gagged: :gagged: :gagged: :gagged:
(Sappho has gagged Will for his own good!!! She rolls her eyes in an exasperated fashion and then salsas seductively out to make a cup of tea)
Thanks for giving us your thoughts, Will.
Handy being able to do so down the wizardry of a phone line.
While looking into a monitor that looks a bit like a television.
Otherwise you would have been stuck with postage stamps.
Or even be forced to travel to deliver your message, but hopefully in a vehicle with pneumatic tyres.
And, I have no doubt that your message would be in the best English, culled from the pages of the Oxford English Dictionary.
If you catch my drift.
Gordon.
Handy being able to do so down the wizardry of a phone line.
While looking into a monitor that looks a bit like a television.
Otherwise you would have been stuck with postage stamps.
Or even be forced to travel to deliver your message, but hopefully in a vehicle with pneumatic tyres.
And, I have no doubt that your message would be in the best English, culled from the pages of the Oxford English Dictionary.
If you catch my drift.
Gordon.
Quote by WillOh, I see, and I assume this is something to do with the fact that the further south you go, the less, how shall I say, tainted? it becomes due to foreign incursions. Apart from the Romans of course, oh, and the Angles, the Saxons, Jutes, Danes, (in fact - just about everyone Scandanavian has been through England - I wonder if that is where the fascination for blondes comes from?), The Normans of course. And the Bretons, remind me, where did they come from?
The further North you go the less civilised the English become.
Archeologists recently unearthed a sign on the continent, it is thought to be over a thousand years old. Big arrow pointing across the channel : "England - PYO Kingdom"
lhk
Sex God
Quote by KitKat
Apart from the Romans of course, oh, and the Angles, the Saxons, Jutes, Danes, (in fact - just about everyone Scandanavian has been through England - I wonder if that is where the fascination for blondes comes from?), The Normans of course. And the Bretons, remind me, where did they come from?
:lol: :lol: :lol: Couldn't have put it better myself!!
Actually, the Bretons were Celts (didn't even speak French) and the Normans were Vikings. So neither were actually French.
Ok, on a serious note. I am fully aware that the true ancient Brits were pushed westwards by the invading Angles, Jutes, Saxons etc. and basically ended up in Wales or Cornwall. Mind you, that might just about include Shropshire (:inlove
! So we are all a big mixture anyway. Actually, some of my best friends are Scots and it is one of my favourite parts of the country, but don't tell Jags just yet. Not until we have had some more fun!
I do hope that no-one is really offended if I play up to my Forum caricature in the interests of friendly fun.
Now, as for the Welsh............. :gagged: Sappho drags Will out and locks him safely in her boudoir
, before he does any more damage willxx69 wrote,
Actually, some of my best friends are Scots and it is one of my favourite parts of the country, but don't tell Jags just yet. Not until we have had some more fun!
I do hope that no-one is really offended if I play up to my Forum caricature in the interests of friendly fun.
Your humble, unconditional and abject surrender is accepted....again.
(Sigh.)
Gordon.
Actually, some of my best friends are Scots and it is one of my favourite parts of the country, but don't tell Jags just yet. Not until we have had some more fun!
I do hope that no-one is really offended if I play up to my Forum caricature in the interests of friendly fun.
Your humble, unconditional and abject surrender is accepted....again.
(Sigh.)
Gordon.
Sex God
Quote by gordHey, now wait a minute!!!
Your humble, unconditional and abject surrender is accepted....again.
(Sigh.)
Gordon.
:jagsatwork: Sappho, uses best teacher's glare, and taps her little foot authoritatively!
Will instantly goes weak at the knees!
ops:"Coming, my love!"
I shall maintain a dignified demeanour about this rubbish. Will, you are really going to be SO SORRY when we meet (when is that again???) and you are going to have to GROVEL on your knees.
BTW kind folk of this forum - I received a very grovelling text message this afternoon from this very scaredy-cat Will. Unfortunately I didn't read it until just after 6p.m. but he is in so much trouble - he may not ever be seen again after this.
Just for the record....most of the battles were in fact english against english as the majority of the landowners and titled folk were english. Nowt to do with the ordinary scots people - they only suffered the backlash. (Highland Clearances comes to mind!!).
:violin: :violin:
oke: 
Will - either run or be thrashed.
BTW kind folk of this forum - I received a very grovelling text message this afternoon from this very scaredy-cat Will. Unfortunately I didn't read it until just after 6p.m. but he is in so much trouble - he may not ever be seen again after this.
Just for the record....most of the battles were in fact english against english as the majority of the landowners and titled folk were english. Nowt to do with the ordinary scots people - they only suffered the backlash. (Highland Clearances comes to mind!!).
:violin: :violin:
oke: Will - either run or be thrashed.
