Working away from home, all alone in a hotel and to cap it all I think I've started with Flu!
None of my mates on msn to chat to (specially one :cry: ) and it's throwing it down outside.
OK - now most know me - I'm not one for the sympathy threads - but I just want something to take my mind of this sore throat and headache.
I've had me tea, the free biccies and 3 glasses of wine.
So please - tell me a joke and make me laugh (not too much though - it hurts my throat!).
(and another thing - no one loves me - cos no-one noticed I'd passed 4000 the other day - boo hoo! j/k)
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A blatant feeling sorry for myself thread!
A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.
She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some a$$hole's got my pen."
:lol:
Shaz x
She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, and says, "Well that's great. Some a$$hole's got my pen."
:lol: Shaz x
Sex God
Well some lady still has to afford me a means of getting on to her MSN - I tried to re-establish contact some time ago but to no avail 
But c'mere in any case lovely :therethere:
But c'mere in any case lovely :therethere:
Quote by Alexandra
weeeee heeeeeeee 4000 year old.........poor bugger no wonder ya feeling down here have a debbiewebs hug
awwwww ty Debs - good job I use Oil of Olay isn't it - people reckon I dont look a day over 3500!
lol @ Shaz - I like that one!
i must get some of that because....... i feel 4603 and bloody look it :eeek: ........but i can still do this
Sex God
Try looking up some old threads ...the search button can be your friend
.....davej sat in his hotel room with the freebie jammie dodgers
.....davej sat in his hotel room with the freebie jammie dodgers
Quote by davej
Try looking up some old threads ...the search button can be your friend
.....davej sat in his hotel room with the freebie jammie dodgers
All I can say to that Dave is....
*** off!
:flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: And Jammie Dodgers!!!!!!!!!
Huh - Vienese fingers and golden crunch here!
AND free Wine AND Cheese and biscuits!
Beat that Pal!
Sex God
Ha......two! thats it count em two! bowls of mixed nuts and....wait for it!..wait for it! served in a dish with its on special mini wooden spoon so the salt and grease on the nuts doesn't soil my hands :smug:
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming."
What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts ."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
hope that does it for you.....
cheer up and ask the night porter for a hot womans phone number !!!
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming."
What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts ."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
hope that does it for you.....
cheer up and ask the night porter for a hot womans phone number !!!
Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, "Mum! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in cardiff.
Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the same she stood there wearing the black panties,
and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, "Mum! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in cardiff.
Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knew he was not getting lucky that night. The following night was the same she stood there wearing the black panties,
and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
There was this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem was that he hadn't had any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't scored. Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said, "I'm having no luck scoring a woman. How about coming back to my place for a roll in the hay? I'll give you 20 bucks!" She says, "I'm willing, let's go". They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay; they head for the bedroom. He loves the sex and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she's got to be a virgin. After the wonderful performance, he rolls off of her and puffs, "Wow! Lady, if I had of known you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks". Surprised, she says, "If I had of known you were actually going to get a hard-on, I would have taken my pantyhose off!"
Quote by davej
Ha......two! thats it count em two! bowls of mixed nuts and....wait for it!..wait for it! served in a dish with its on special mini wooden spoon so the salt and grease on the nuts doesn't soil my hands :smug:
I allways new you where kinky .......errrrr dave putting ya nuts in a bowl ..... ....................now next week it will be cock in van ......perve
Quote by Debbiewebs
Ha......two! thats it count em two! bowls of mixed nuts and....wait for it!..wait for it! served in a dish with its on special mini wooden spoon so the salt and grease on the nuts doesn't soil my hands :smug:
I allways new you where kinky .......errrrr dave putting ya nuts in a bowl ..... ....................now next week it will be cock in van ......perve
Oh God Debs - you and Dave aren't off Dogging are you?
Sex God
Quote by Alexandra
I allways new you where kinky .......errrrr dave putting ya nuts in a bowl ..... ....................now next week it will be cock in van ......perve
Oh God Debs - you and Dave aren't off Dogging are you?
not in my car we aint :shock:
Quote by Alexandra
I allways new you where kinky .......errrrr dave putting ya nuts in a bowl ..... ....................now next week it will be cock in van ......perve
Oh God Debs - you and Dave aren't off Dogging are you?
not in my car we aint :shock:
DEBS!!!!! - looks like you're driving!!!
more like driving bonkers after spending a night with dave! ......boy does he snor!
i have never been the same since!
Sex God
Quote by Alexandra
Awwww ty Sam
OK folks _ I have make some hot chocolate and I am off to bed with a couple of ibuprofen!
!
Never heard of them, are they an old Eskimo clan?
Sex God
You should just have added every MSN address you could find to your list and see what happens.....................
a quick few jokes..thanks to FHM
why is is good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the disabled spots ....
What did the blonde get on her IQ test??
Nail Vanish!!
How does a guy know when he has a high sperm count?
Its when his girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Why do women have 2% more brains than a cow?
So that they don't shit when you pull on their tits.
Why haven't you seen a women on the moon yet?
It don't need cleaning !!
Whats the differance between the Loch Ness monster and an intelligent blonde?
there have been reprted sightings of the Loch ness Monster>>
oh well they should get me into enough trouble for now !!
why is is good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the disabled spots ....
What did the blonde get on her IQ test??
Nail Vanish!!
How does a guy know when he has a high sperm count?
Its when his girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Why do women have 2% more brains than a cow?
So that they don't shit when you pull on their tits.
Why haven't you seen a women on the moon yet?
It don't need cleaning !!
Whats the differance between the Loch Ness monster and an intelligent blonde?
there have been reprted sightings of the Loch ness Monster>>
oh well they should get me into enough trouble for now !!
Quote by Alexandra
Working away from home, all alone in a hotel and to cap it all I think I've started with Flu!
None of my mates on msn to chat to (specially one :cry: ) and it's throwing it down outside.
OK - now most know me - I'm not one for the sympathy threads - but I just want something to take my mind of this sore throat and headache.
I've had me tea, the free biccies and 3 glasses of wine.
So please - tell me a joke and make me laugh (not too much though - it hurts my throat!).
(and another thing - no one loves me - cos no-one noticed I'd passed 4000 the other day - boo hoo! j/k)
shame about the flu, are you far from home???
