Wow!
It's a difficult one.
Just my personal opinion but I think while sex is a huge part of a relationship. if you really love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with that person then sex isn't the be all and end all.
What if she couldn't nave sex due to disability or illness. should he just up and leave or shag someone else?
Nothing is impossible though. The guy needs to get as much advice as possible from all agencies. If they've previously had a good sex life then something somewhere has gone wrong and there will be an answer for it.
It's pretty sad to think that this situation is probably very common. Poor couple.
Hide all her vibrators and she'll beg you for sex soon.
Or maybe he's really shite in bed ? That the reason she doesn't want him?
Maybe he's got a 2ft dick and she's fed up with that pain.
Seriously, are you sure she's not shagging someone behind his back?
This situation must happening to lots of people up and down the country...both men and women. As I said in a previous thread - relationships change and not always for the better. I know disabliities can mean that sex isnt always possible in the traditional way but there are ways for couples to stay close sexually without getting physical. Getting counselling isnt something I would recommned to anyone. When my marriage was breaking up we tried and it was the most heartbreaking thing. It involves raking up old heartaches and old grudges surface that should have been left alone. We sorted things by realising that we had grown apart and we needed to get out. We divorced without solicitors as we acted like adults and made sure the kids came first.. But some couples want to stay together for whatever reason and I personally think that if it means that someone gets sex elsewhere without hurting the other one thats fine. I know that feeling I had to have sex with my husband, when I knew things didnt feel right, hurt me more than if he had gone to someone else for it.
Another hypothetical question, if this same guys wife had some illness that prevented her from walking would he be expected to stop walking too?
If she genuinely dosnt want sex why should he also not have sex?
Personally , I think he should find someone who does want sex , but not a relationship, the easy way out here being to pay for it. I have no doubt he will feel better abel to contribute to famiyl life (lets be honest here most men are so much nicer when their balls are empty). My only word of caution is that he should make sure that both him and his shagging pal should be clear that he is married and will stay that way.
I think this a far more adult and honourable way of dealing with the situation than just ditching the wife and kids and moving on.
The hypothetical person entered the relationship with the assumption that sex was part of the bargain. As the other partner has withdrawn from this agreement permanently, supposedly because he/she no longer finds it important in their lives, then why shouldn't the person find an outlet elsewhere?
As Roger said, everything else in the relationship is rosy, all the talking has been done, and leaving would cause a lot of heartbreak for both parties. Why should someone be forced to spend the rest of their life without sex? Which, in real life, is the lesser of the two evils?
By swinging rather than looking for an affair, the person is less likely to get entangled emotionally outside of the relationship. He/she should go for it but be very careful and discreet.
Where's the option .... discuss alternative arrangements with wife as in hubby seeks sexual gratification elsewhere with wife's permission. If she doesn't give permission then I still don't think cheating discreetly is right. If the wife finds out or the kids then he's shattered lives possibly irreparably! all for a quick shag!
Cx
Try all three options
1. abstinance
if that doesn't work
2. cheat
when found out
3. adios amigo
.........davej who lives in a blissfully uncomplicated world that will no doubt bite his arse one day.
Bit close to home this one, he could have been my ex husband. There were a LOT of factors in my case that put me off sex and instead of us being strong together and getting through it he strayed and I threw him out. It would have been much better if he had come clean to me that our relationship was over in his eyes and finished it before involving someone else.
I do think relationships should be about more than just sex though, unfortunately my ex didn't, in every other way I was as good a wife and mother as I could have been under our circumstances, but we had a lot of difficulties at the time and he was too weak to deal with things in a decent way.
