Serious post warning.
EDIT..... I edited the "serious post warning and lost my poll . Sorry... there were 4 votes cast... 3 for regular users thinking OK.. and one for a lurker who is scared to post.
Lurker = someone who hovers in the background and doesn't post. Regular = someone who is on here often and posts. Newbie = someone who joined recently.
I saw earlier this evening someone berate someone else for newbie bashing and calling them "part of the clique". Now I don't think there is a clique, as I was welcomed into the forum and my "newbie" status didn't seem to be taken into consideration.
Yes, I agree, there is a regular bunch of people who post and have met each other. But I know for the first few months on here I didn't post much and was quite happy to just read, learn, laugh....whatever. I was a Lurker!
But part of that lurking in the background was because I thought I couldn't add anything to what had already been said. Not because I thought I wouldn't be welcomed or was scared i'd be torn to bits.
So, here's your chance, Lurkers, and regulars, to have your say. Just click the button at the top... you don't have to write anything, but it'd be interesting to know....
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A poll for the Lurkers out there!
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Are you a happy lurker, scared lurker, or regular forum addict?
I lurk because I am scared too say anything because of the regulars.
i'm a regular forum user who thinks we are too harsh on newbies
I lurk because I don't have anything to add but i like it...
I'm a regular forum user and don't think there is a clique
I lurk because I am scared of the regulars
I lurk because I don't have anything to add
I'm a regular forum user and think it's OK
I'm a regular forum user BUT I think regulars scare newbies
Its been said before, in numerous other threads.. Most newbies only get grief when they start off making a dick of themselves.. those who have lurked, have usually learned enough.. those that are really new and haven't lurked, but ask serious or fair questions or post honestly usually get treated nicely...
If you post to antagonise or upset or just generally to make a nuisance of yourself as a newbie, then to be quite honest, your making yourself fair game..
I lurked, learned, and started posting... I haven't had any grief yet :uhoh:
Just my 2p worth...
If you post to antagonise or upset or just generally to make a nuisance of yourself as a newbie, then to be quite honest, your making yourself fair game..
I lurked, learned, and started posting... I haven't had any grief yet :uhoh:
Just my 2p worth...
Blimey icklesausage! I hope you weren't replying to me there! Because if you are i think you may have the wrong end of the stick...
I posted the poll to find out if the Lurkers were happy or not. If the concensus was as a whole we are hostile pisstakers... because i think those who say we are have it arse about face....
I don't think we are. And i'm going to guess the poll proves it....
I posted the poll to find out if the Lurkers were happy or not. If the concensus was as a whole we are hostile pisstakers... because i think those who say we are have it arse about face....
I don't think we are. And i'm going to guess the poll proves it....
Quote by icklesausage
yeah well I gues a whole 3-1 proves it all!
as for hostile pisstaking?, why hostile pisstaking?
and no wasnt directed at youJust my personal view, we live in such a diverese world eh ;)
When i said I was going to guess the poll proves it... i meant after it had run for some time... not after 10 , grrrrrr edit out swear word.......... minutes!
So who was on their high horse?
Sex God
I don't see a poll. Has it been removed or do I need to scream expletives at my computer? :shock:
Sex God
Oh, now it's there.
"You're entering another dimension. Not only of sight and sound but of senility. There's a signpost up ahead. Your next stop... the "wtf?" zone."
"You're entering another dimension. Not only of sight and sound but of senility. There's a signpost up ahead. Your next stop... the "wtf?" zone."
Sex God
Well there's something wrong with the poll because my vote didn't register - so I'll do it in the open as it were.
I voted I'm a regular and I think it's OK. That's because on average I think most newbies are treated fairly. If you are a good poster then you will be treated empathetically, if you're a twit then you will have a difficult time. I say 'on average' because there are times when a newbie is flamed unfairly. That could be for a number of reasons but usually because the more established members can't be arsed to put themselves in the shoes of the newbie. This is sometimes because the newbie hasn't expressed themselves too well. But c'est la vie, it's the rough and tumble of the forum and the good ones get on and get past it.
It is interesting, though, that regulars love to see humility as a character trait in a newbie. However after a newbie has been here for a bit, excessive humility is taken as sycophantic and boring.
I didn't vote for 'There is no clique' because I think you can argue that there is. The word 'Clique' though is emotive and therefore unfortunate. But the fact that there are people here who are experienced and comfortable will always create the impression of an established club that daunts a newcomer.
More than that I think there are some groups here who stick together very tightly in open forum - to the point that, on occasions, nobody can get a word in edgeways and if they do they'll be ignored. That is probably a good argument for 3-way PMing (if that were possible) but many will say the chat room is there for that.
I voted I'm a regular and I think it's OK. That's because on average I think most newbies are treated fairly. If you are a good poster then you will be treated empathetically, if you're a twit then you will have a difficult time. I say 'on average' because there are times when a newbie is flamed unfairly. That could be for a number of reasons but usually because the more established members can't be arsed to put themselves in the shoes of the newbie. This is sometimes because the newbie hasn't expressed themselves too well. But c'est la vie, it's the rough and tumble of the forum and the good ones get on and get past it.
It is interesting, though, that regulars love to see humility as a character trait in a newbie. However after a newbie has been here for a bit, excessive humility is taken as sycophantic and boring.
I didn't vote for 'There is no clique' because I think you can argue that there is. The word 'Clique' though is emotive and therefore unfortunate. But the fact that there are people here who are experienced and comfortable will always create the impression of an established club that daunts a newcomer.
More than that I think there are some groups here who stick together very tightly in open forum - to the point that, on occasions, nobody can get a word in edgeways and if they do they'll be ignored. That is probably a good argument for 3-way PMing (if that were possible) but many will say the chat room is there for that.
"A poll for the """LURKERS""" out there"
Mr Postie mate, as the last four questions of your poll have nowt to do with lurking and specificaly mention "regular" and "clique" (a dangerous word) and 80% of the replies are within the regular and clique group I would say that this is two polls in one with the possibility of a hidden agenda.
Flame me if you will but it is the way I read it.
Fred
ps:- did not do the poll
Mr Postie mate, as the last four questions of your poll have nowt to do with lurking and specificaly mention "regular" and "clique" (a dangerous word) and 80% of the replies are within the regular and clique group I would say that this is two polls in one with the possibility of a hidden agenda.
Flame me if you will but it is the way I read it.
Fred
ps:- did not do the poll
I think it's difficult getting into any new group of friends. It's just the same as real life. It's like walking into a pub on your own when there is a big group of people laughing and drinking and having fun, people who know each other well.
We have to "lurk" on the outside of the group, gradually starting to say hello and then after a while offering a comment when we hear a conversation going on that we know about.
It's a slow process and can be very difficult.
I think that's all it is. I have posted quite a lot now and people are starting to respond to me.
Just takes tine to get accepted. Some people find waiting patiently too hard or would take it personally if people don't include them.
We have to "lurk" on the outside of the group, gradually starting to say hello and then after a while offering a comment when we hear a conversation going on that we know about.
It's a slow process and can be very difficult.
I think that's all it is. I have posted quite a lot now and people are starting to respond to me.
Just takes tine to get accepted. Some people find waiting patiently too hard or would take it personally if people don't include them.
Sex God
Postie, there's definitely summat wrong with your poll.
I voted "I'm a regular forum user and think it's ok" but it didn't register even though I got the confirmation message after I hit 'submit'.
:dunno: :dunno:
I voted "I'm a regular forum user and think it's ok" but it didn't register even though I got the confirmation message after I hit 'submit'.
:dunno: :dunno: 
Sex God
I voted that I think it's OK, but then I would of course . I said in a post last night that newbies who post in a humourous way with personality quickly become regs. Those that come on all arsey, or act like dicks either get ignored, taken the piss out of, or banned if they get abusive. Exactly the same as would happen in real life......
Anyway..... you three lurkers that are scared....... WUSSES the lot of you! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I don't know whether the poll registered my vote cos I didn't look at the number before hand... but this is a copy of the numbers immediately after I voted. If others can't see these in the original, then yes, the poll is fLucked :shock: :lol:
Are you a happy lurker, scared lurker, or regular forum addict?
I lurk because I don't have anything to add but i like it...
16%
I lurk because I don't have anything to add
0%
I lurk because I am scared too say anything because of the regulars.
16%
I lurk because I am scared of the regulars
0%
I'm a regular forum user and don't think there is a clique
50%
I'm a regular forum user and think it's OK
0%
i'm a regular forum user who thinks we are too harsh on newbies
16%
I'm a regular forum user BUT I think regulars scare newbies
0%
. I said in a post last night that newbies who post in a humourous way with personality quickly become regs. Those that come on all arsey, or act like dicks either get ignored, taken the piss out of, or banned if they get abusive. Exactly the same as would happen in real life...... Anyway..... you three lurkers that are scared....... WUSSES the lot of you! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I don't know whether the poll registered my vote cos I didn't look at the number before hand... but this is a copy of the numbers immediately after I voted. If others can't see these in the original, then yes, the poll is fLucked :shock: :lol:
Are you a happy lurker, scared lurker, or regular forum addict?
I lurk because I don't have anything to add but i like it...
16%
I lurk because I don't have anything to add
0%
I lurk because I am scared too say anything because of the regulars.
16%
I lurk because I am scared of the regulars
0%
I'm a regular forum user and don't think there is a clique
50%
I'm a regular forum user and think it's OK
0%
i'm a regular forum user who thinks we are too harsh on newbies
16%
I'm a regular forum user BUT I think regulars scare newbies
0%
Warming the Bed
Hello all
As newbies and lurkers, it all seems OK to us, but our difficulties relate to our poor internet abilities; we are learning both netiquette and technical at a steady rate.
We have found that there seem to be an excessive number of threads and to our minds this is a disadvantage, but possibly others have a different view.
As newbies and lurkers, it all seems OK to us, but our difficulties relate to our poor internet abilities; we are learning both netiquette and technical at a steady rate.
We have found that there seem to be an excessive number of threads and to our minds this is a disadvantage, but possibly others have a different view.
Quote by icklesausage
Ohhhhhhhhhh up on the high horse already are we, maybe newbies only make a dick of themselves because oh yes they are newbies?
OK.. I went to bed after I posted last night.. so time to reply.. If you read my post fully, I dont agree that newbies make dicks of themselves just because they are newbies.. I said...
Quote by wolvie_dude
those who have lurked, have usually learned enough.. those that are really new and haven't lurked, but ask serious or fair questions or post honestly usually get treated nicely...
I say usually, cos we are all human (well, I think so..
) and sometimes for whatever reason we are all less likely on some days to put up with things that other days we would let slide.. I'd only really start to vent my spleen, when I read a post that has been specificaly designed to provoke an emotional response.. ie..Quote by icklesausage
Ohhhhhhhhhh up on the high horse already are we?
That to me is prompting reply of a sarcastic or maybe even 'newbie bating' tone.. But not from me (I had a good nights sleep, and am in a nice mood today :D )
Quote by icklesausage
I personally havent had a lot of "swinging" experiences but more than some newbies. Maybe some people have reasons why they are so nervous???
I can understand that a lot of newb's on here would be nervous, but nerves don't make people put stupid posts on here, more the opposite, that nerves make people post hesitantly and with thought..
Quote by icklesausage
Or were you all so confident when you began that you knew it all.
I doubt that anybody on here 'knew it all' when they started posting, and would probably be correct in saying that even those who post regularly, or appear to be part of any 'clique' would readily admit that even now they don't know it all.. Life itself is just one big learning experience..
Quote by icklesausage
I mean public forum does in some way suggest that it is general chit chat.. As I said, diverse world and we're all different, we all find, do and explore differently!
As you say, it is a public forum of sorts, and in being so, it gives all of us (all 26,000+) a public arena into which we can throw our views and opinions.. And that probably means 26,000+ DIFFERENT views, so some posts will appear to be newbie bating to a few, the same response would seem to be justified criticism to others.. We are all bound to upset people in the things we say on here, just like we would in real life... You said it yourself.. Its a diverse world and we are all different...
Sex God
What wolvie said! :thumbup:
Quote by icklesausage
Well it wasnt me who started the thread in the first place, I just posted my views.!
As is your god given right as a member of this open forum... As the famous quote goes.. I may not agree with what you are saying, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. You are right, that this does seem to be a hotly debated topic, maybe because people feel left out from the 'clique', or dont like what is being said...
Another often used analogy on here is the one that this is like a pub (lets call it the 'Swinging Heaven Arms'), and that groups of friends DO meet in said pub. That is bound to happen.. When I moved into the area I live now, I knew nobody, so I ventured down the local pubs, tried a few till I got the feel of them, and MADE friends.. Thats what people do.. It would be a sad old pub, if everybody sat on their own on an individual table, just spouting off random nonsence.. It is a fact of life that groups will form, people who have similar ideals in life and similar interests. Even though in the 'Swinging Heaven Arms' we all share an interest in swinging, we all have other things going on in our lives that attract others to us or repel others away from us.. Groups and 'cliques' have to be an accepted part of life in this and real life pubs...
Now, if someone came into your pub one night, someone you had never met or heard from before, and shouted to you and your group of friends, "Your all a bunch of bastards sat there in your little 'clique'.. why aren't you being nice to me?" How long would it take for you and your group to evict the fellow from your pub and out onto the street..?
Alternatively, If someone you never met before comes in, asks politely "I am new here, which is the nicest pint they do here?" and then proceeds to make general chit chat about the football, weather or whatever, it wouldn't be long before he would possibly be accepted into said group or clique..
Phew.. my fingers are aching now
Quote by Fred aka Medic 1
"A poll for the """LURKERS""" out there"
Mr Postie mate, as the last four questions of your poll have nowt to do with lurking and specificaly mention "regular" and "clique" (a dangerous word) and 80% of the replies are within the regular and clique group I would say that this is two polls in one with the possibility of a hidden agenda.
Flame me if you will but it is the way I read it.
Fred
ps:- did not do the poll
Mr Medic, firstly the original poll only had 4 questions... and then they disappeared when i edited the "Serious post warning" into red large type. So as I couldn't delete the thread I re-wrote the questions in the poll as best as i could remember them... which is why some are duplicates. Hopefully people will see around that and the poll is still valid enough to work.
There isn't any "hidden agenda".... UNLESS it is to honestly find out how many people out there look at the forum and don't add anything for a reason. There is certainly no hidden agenda on my part. I added the word "clique" because i could think of no better word to sum up how others may see the regular posters on here. And it was the word used in the post that berated someone else, which is what got this poll started in the first place.
I wouldn't flame you Fred ! I am hoping for a serious debate on it based on the results of the poll.
Ideally, i imagined that the poll may show one of two things. That "lurkers" do read the posts here and don't contribute for a reason. Secondly that regulars think the site is ok and those who go on about newbie bashing are in the minority.
Personally i hope some lurkers read my top entry about how I lurked and maybe see themselves there and maybe start to get the confidence to join in...
anyhows, just to be crystal clear, i'v writing the above trying to explain my motives... no offence taken and certainly none given back fred!
Quote by icklesausage
Well it wasnt me who started the thread in the first place, I just posted my views.
I mean theres a lot of complaints about posts/polls recurring, isnt this just another???
Hopefully not icklesausage, if it is then it deserves to be locked, and i would n't mind if it was... I think it is different because it has questions to answer specifically for those who may be lurking out there... and we may find out whythey are lurking!
Too often someone accuses someone of newbie bashing.... I have stated i don't think it is justified to say that it is common. when it comes up, we have a debate but don't ever get the opinion of those who are not posting here. Hopefully it'll clear that issue up.
Anyhows.. hope your hangover clears up...
Quote by EagerSlut
Postie, there's definitely summat wrong with your poll.
I voted "I'm a regular forum user and think it's ok" but it didn't register even though I got the confirmation message after I hit 'submit'.
snap eager.
:lol: Yes there are cliques, yes there are lurkers, there are peeps afraid to post, there is newbie baiting.....there is oldie baiting and everything in between.
But IMHO thats life
You go to a nightclub.......there are groups of peeps having fun with mates (your clique), there is peeps on the fringes of the club afraid to join in,(your lurkers) peeps worried that they will be told to p** off, and peeps having a laugh (sometimes nasty, sometimes in a friendly way) about other peeps around them (newbie/oldie baiting)
It happens in all walks of life.
I'm not saying its right or wrong.......just life
just been on the poll and added that "im a regular forum user and think its ok"....
we have been on the forums for a while now after starting on the site purely looking for couples to swing with......
we havent had much luck as the ones we thought were ok kinda lost interest when we said we would like a phone chat between girls (funny that isnt it
), however we stuck around as we enjoyed the threads and interesting ideas cast on the forums, particularly the cafe. we did if truth be known think it was a bit clique, but soon discovered that this was not the case as it kind of shows that if you hang around, as apposed to poping in for a visit you get to know people and they take a look at your posts once you become familiar.
anyway, we are enjoying the site, even if our add turns up the odd weirdo now and again, but hey such is life, i think we initially expected too much, hoping that by posting an add, we would be innundated with offers of meets etc, which looking back on it now im glad wasnt the case.
we enjoy the topical debates, and giving some of the idiots that appear for one post a bit of ahem... constructive criticism, glad to have found some intelligent and witty people on a site to share a few laughs and ideas with, welldone Mods :cheers:
we have been on the forums for a while now after starting on the site purely looking for couples to swing with......
we havent had much luck as the ones we thought were ok kinda lost interest when we said we would like a phone chat between girls (funny that isnt it
), however we stuck around as we enjoyed the threads and interesting ideas cast on the forums, particularly the cafe. we did if truth be known think it was a bit clique, but soon discovered that this was not the case as it kind of shows that if you hang around, as apposed to poping in for a visit you get to know people and they take a look at your posts once you become familiar.anyway, we are enjoying the site, even if our add turns up the odd weirdo now and again, but hey such is life, i think we initially expected too much, hoping that by posting an add, we would be innundated with offers of meets etc, which looking back on it now im glad wasnt the case.
we enjoy the topical debates, and giving some of the idiots that appear for one post a bit of ahem... constructive criticism, glad to have found some intelligent and witty people on a site to share a few laughs and ideas with, welldone Mods :cheers:
:? :? :?I've only posted once, just to intrduce myself as I AM a newbie, but I've spend some time in the chatroom and from the people I've chatted to in there, everyone seems pretty friendly. Obviously there is the odd one or two that makes the odd stupid comment and upsets a few people but like has been said... that's life.
I only tend to post when I find a thread that I feel I want to post on and not only that, being a newbie I don't know how people will react to comments I might make.
I only tend to post when I find a thread that I feel I want to post on and not only that, being a newbie I don't know how people will react to comments I might make.
Quote by markz
great post postie but won't the result be a bit bias as most of the peps your trying to get to respond will just lurk and all the regs vote????
It's a possibility markz. So it may be flawed from the outset. But it doesn't recquire a "lurker" to actually say anything just click whatever button they choose at the top and no one will know they have. They can carry on lurking.
On top of that there are 2 questions for the lurkers specifically, and 2 questions for the regs, (taking out my feck up with setting the questions on the poll!) Sowe can get a good idea of what the regs think and what the lurkers think.
And maybe as a bonus.... a lurker may come out of the shadows and post his or her thoughts... it'd be very nice if they did...
Quote by MidlandsBob
I've only posted once, ....
snippity snip
I only tend to post when I find a thread that I feel I want to post on and not only that, being a newbie I don't know how people will react to comments I might make.
This is what i mean! Thanks MidlandsBob for you comment...
Quote by I
And maybe as a bonus.... a lurker may come out of the shadows and post his or her thoughts... it'd be very nice if they did...
Sex God
Quote by Captain-dogger
Is it me or does it blink at me every now and then ?????
:eeek: :eeek: :eeek:
FFS, yes, it just blinked at me.............. sure it never used to......... :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh:
