A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've
heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to
the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass.
Yet the deer excretes little pellets,
the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded.
Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
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A Smart Blonde
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And another one
A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The
husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides
to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to
read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any
moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman.
"But I haven't touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.
MORAL: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN WHO READS. IT'S LIKELY SHE CAN ALSO THINK.
A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The
husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides
to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to
read her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and
says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?").
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any
moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman.
"But I haven't touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.
MORAL: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN WHO READS. IT'S LIKELY SHE CAN ALSO THINK.
Sex God
Alex 
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
I needed that today.
Thankyou !!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: I needed that today.
Thankyou !! Three Lovelies apply for the job as Barmaid.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The Landlord is always concerned about he honesty of his staff, so after the initial interview he invites each girl in turn to do an hour behind the bar. First half of the hour, they are helped by the landlord, the second half, they are left with another junior barmaid to deal with whatever comes up.
Before leaving the bar, the landlord hides a crispy £20 note in one of the crisp boxes.
The blonde is first up and eventually finds the £20. To the other barmaid "Look at this. I've just found twenty quid. If you keep quite, I'll split it with you"
Next the brunette. She finds the twenty, pockets it and says nothing.
Then it's the turn of the redhead. She finds the twenty, calls the landlord through to the bar and tells him of her find.
Question - Which one got the job?????????????????
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The Landlord is always concerned about he honesty of his staff, so after the initial interview he invites each girl in turn to do an hour behind the bar. First half of the hour, they are helped by the landlord, the second half, they are left with another junior barmaid to deal with whatever comes up.
Before leaving the bar, the landlord hides a crispy £20 note in one of the crisp boxes.
The blonde is first up and eventually finds the £20. To the other barmaid "Look at this. I've just found twenty quid. If you keep quite, I'll split it with you"
Next the brunette. She finds the twenty, pockets it and says nothing.
Then it's the turn of the redhead. She finds the twenty, calls the landlord through to the bar and tells him of her find.
Question - Which one got the job?????????????????
Sex God
I saw the topic title and thought "Oh, how cute, a thread about Labradors."
Sex God
Quote by dambuster
Three Lovelies apply for the job as Barmaid.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The Landlord is always concerned about he honesty of his staff, so after the initial interview he invites each girl in turn to do an hour behind the bar. First half of the hour, they are helped by the landlord, the second half, they are left with another junior barmaid to deal with whatever comes up.
Before leaving the bar, the landlord hides a crispy £20 note in one of the crisp boxes.
The blonde is first up and eventually finds the £20. To the other barmaid "Look at this. I've just found twenty quid. If you keep quite, I'll split it with you"
Next the brunette. She finds the twenty, pockets it and says nothing.
Then it's the turn of the redhead. She finds the twenty, calls the landlord through to the bar and tells him of her find.
Question - Which one got the job?????????????????
Errrrrrr, dambuster. Do you actually have an answer worked out yet?
Sex God
I hired a blonde to paint my porch. She returned to claim her fee only half an hour later, which was a bit of a surprise as the porch goes all the way round the house.
"Blimey, that was quick." I said.
"Well it wasn't that difficult", she said, "In fact, i had plenty of paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Wow, thanks!" I was impressed, and handed over the £50.
"Oh, and by the way" she said as she turned to leave, "it's not a porch it's a saab."
"Blimey, that was quick." I said.
"Well it wasn't that difficult", she said, "In fact, i had plenty of paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Wow, thanks!" I was impressed, and handed over the £50.
"Oh, and by the way" she said as she turned to leave, "it's not a porch it's a saab."
Sex God
Quote by Alexandra
A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've
heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to
the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass.
Yet the deer excretes little pellets,
the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded.
Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
Thanks Alex, I need this today, really cheered me up.
John
