Christmas is an emotive time where the family idealogy is rammed down our throats at every opportunity from early November onwards, where we are bombarded with advertisements from the various media.
Although I put on a happy face for my cherubs at Christmas time, I personally find it a very difficult time of year. Having to spend time with relatives that you manage to avoid the rest of the year is something that I hate doing. For me, Christmas brings up memories of occasions that I would rather forget such as relationship break-ups, childhood trauma and financial problems.
Our culture today reinforces that in order to be happy, we must spend:-
1. lots of money on the perfect presents and
2. our valuable time off playing happy families with our relatives.
With these high standards our culture enforces in order for us to achieve the "perfect christmas" and therefore attaining the family idealogy, it is no wonder that many people wake up in January feeling despondent and low.
What does anyone else think?
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
A thought for those people who find it hard at Christmas
It has all been taken over by Commercial sales or force, as you say, to buy buy buy. I am Pagan in my attitude. I have Kids that I have always said Xmas is a bit of a sham and the Church thing is not worth a token gesture. That to one side I enjoy the time of year to celebrate a New Year coming, time off work and, hopefully, new friends gained. I re- evaluate my life and try to show good will to all. It's a time for the Kids to enjoy - lets set up a celebaration for the Adults to enjoy with NSA and no pressure to do anything 
J
P.S.
I hope it isn't a depressing time and should depression creep in i'll send you a Peter Kay Video to enjoy :arrow: or something else more tasteful. Hopefully something will happen in Hull as the scene seems to of died since i lived here previously :cry:
J
P.S.
I hope it isn't a depressing time and should depression creep in i'll send you a Peter Kay Video to enjoy :arrow: or something else more tasteful. Hopefully something will happen in Hull as the scene seems to of died since i lived here previously :cry:
I think the same as you Alex. Although in my case I have a huge family who I never see, some of them I never want to see at all. For someone who has 20-odd cousins, about 20 aunts and uncles, 2 siblings, 2 live parents and 1 live grandparent, I live a pretty lonely life. Not one of them ever visits me and most of them I have no idea where they live any more. We just have one of those families that doesn't bother apart from weddings and funerals 
Christmas day will be me and the kids until my ex comes round and takes the youngest home with him. I hate that thought and it's going to upset me but I am going to try my best to make the most of it for their sakes like you are.
All we can do is hold on for a couple of weeks then it will be back to normal again. I will probably spend the rest of the day on the phone to whoever answers to me :roll:
Christmas day will be me and the kids until my ex comes round and takes the youngest home with him. I hate that thought and it's going to upset me but I am going to try my best to make the most of it for their sakes like you are.All we can do is hold on for a couple of weeks then it will be back to normal again. I will probably spend the rest of the day on the phone to whoever answers to me :roll:
Sex God
Here is the link Rainbows mentioned, Alex. Quite a few of us have had our say on the topic. What you said is very true.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/29927.html
Mike.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/29927.html
Mike.
Warming the Bed
Christmas has been hijacked by commercialism for sure.
It worries me to see parents plunging themselves into debt in order to give there kids a quick high on Christmas day with loads of presents - many of which will be thrown into a corner and never played with.
We seem to be brainwashed that buying the best for kids is all that matters. Along with easy money from credit cards, this is a dangerous combination.
I dont know what the solution is, but just felt like a good old rant.
It worries me to see parents plunging themselves into debt in order to give there kids a quick high on Christmas day with loads of presents - many of which will be thrown into a corner and never played with.
We seem to be brainwashed that buying the best for kids is all that matters. Along with easy money from credit cards, this is a dangerous combination.
I dont know what the solution is, but just felt like a good old rant.
Can't argue with most of what has been said already.
This will be my first Christmas ever away from my children following my separation - and so it will be a sad time for me
I will miss them enormously and no amount of presents can replace their cuddles and smiles!
Christmas should be about being with the people that you want to be with - not those you feel obliged to be with - and valuing others. But then .... that should happen all year round!
This will be my first Christmas ever away from my children following my separation - and so it will be a sad time for me
I will miss them enormously and no amount of presents can replace their cuddles and smiles!Christmas should be about being with the people that you want to be with - not those you feel obliged to be with - and valuing others. But then .... that should happen all year round!
Sex God
judy 
i've said what i had to say on the other thread, but (((hugs))) to all. all i can offer. bring on the new year and a new start. i'll be spending it at home with my family, and reflecting, hoping for a better year to come.
neil x x x x
i've said what i had to say on the other thread, but (((hugs))) to all. all i can offer. bring on the new year and a new start. i'll be spending it at home with my family, and reflecting, hoping for a better year to come.
neil x x x x
Sex God
You have hit a nerve with me Alex, i havent really enjoyed Christmas since my parents passed away when i was still young myself, I watched my mum slipping away from me over Christmas and New Year 1994, when she finally passed away on 16th Jan 1995.
Christmas always meant, getting together with family and friends, but most of my family are spread over the country and it was really my parents who kept us all together and in touch. We have all drifted apart, grown up and got our own families now and the only thing thats made my christmases better the past few years are my own children. It makes me sad thou that they never had the christmas I knew with my parents et al.
Im looking forward to New Years more really this year, because we will be travelling up to spend a few days in Manchester, treating ourselves to a nice hotel with good facilities, meeting up with some new friends from SH and spending time (however little) with a very special friend who needs a hug right now, cos hes having a rough time now too :therethere:
Heres to a safe and happy christmas and new year to you all! xxxxxxxx
Christmas always meant, getting together with family and friends, but most of my family are spread over the country and it was really my parents who kept us all together and in touch. We have all drifted apart, grown up and got our own families now and the only thing thats made my christmases better the past few years are my own children. It makes me sad thou that they never had the christmas I knew with my parents et al.
Im looking forward to New Years more really this year, because we will be travelling up to spend a few days in Manchester, treating ourselves to a nice hotel with good facilities, meeting up with some new friends from SH and spending time (however little) with a very special friend who needs a hug right now, cos hes having a rough time now too :therethere:
Heres to a safe and happy christmas and new year to you all!
xxxxxxxx 
Sex God
I have upset what's left of my family this year and decided to have xmas my own way.
Last year I spent it mainly on my own and a lovely neighbour let me go to her house for xmas lunch as none of my family had included me in their plans. This year though they want me to drive round to their houses (with kids, presents and toys in tow) just to please them.
My kids usually go with their dad on xmas day (from 11am) so my time is limited with them, but this year I have them till tea time (yippee) but then they are away for 3 days.
Christmas should be a time for family but I find the family stress me more than anything and since they don't bother much the rest of the year I will be having lunch with my kids at home and relaxing - the way it is meant to be.
I've put my foot down and will stick to my guns and if they think I'm being selfish then so be it. I can't please everyone all of the time.
Last year I spent it mainly on my own and a lovely neighbour let me go to her house for xmas lunch as none of my family had included me in their plans. This year though they want me to drive round to their houses (with kids, presents and toys in tow) just to please them.
My kids usually go with their dad on xmas day (from 11am) so my time is limited with them, but this year I have them till tea time (yippee) but then they are away for 3 days.
Christmas should be a time for family but I find the family stress me more than anything and since they don't bother much the rest of the year I will be having lunch with my kids at home and relaxing - the way it is meant to be.
I've put my foot down and will stick to my guns and if they think I'm being selfish then so be it. I can't please everyone all of the time.
Christmas. Jesus's birthday. Yeah, that might be upsetting for some to hear, but that is what it's all about.
We have Yule, the Solstice... our true celebration and sometimes I wish people are celebrating that, but they are doing it in the name of Christmas.
The two are placed together because the 'new' religion thought it would make the transition, from old to new, easier for the common people that it affected.
My kids are off on Friday, as usual, to their dads place. Just happens to be Christmas eve this week. So he's got factory shut-down for a week or so, they'll be coming back to me in the new year. Do I mind? Nope. They'll have their gifties from me & R on the eve, then spend the season with him and his extended family. They love that... I used to hate it, when we were together. All board games and TV and whathaveyou. My idea of hell.
AND the best bit is I do not have to have two over excited kids at home on Christmas eve, not able to go to the pub because of them, and them not sleeping, getting up at the crack of dawn on Christmas day, etc etc.
We have Yule, the Solstice... our true celebration and sometimes I wish people are celebrating that, but they are doing it in the name of Christmas.
The two are placed together because the 'new' religion thought it would make the transition, from old to new, easier for the common people that it affected.
My kids are off on Friday, as usual, to their dads place. Just happens to be Christmas eve this week. So he's got factory shut-down for a week or so, they'll be coming back to me in the new year. Do I mind? Nope. They'll have their gifties from me & R on the eve, then spend the season with him and his extended family. They love that... I used to hate it, when we were together. All board games and TV and whathaveyou. My idea of hell.
AND the best bit is I do not have to have two over excited kids at home on Christmas eve, not able to go to the pub because of them, and them not sleeping, getting up at the crack of dawn on Christmas day, etc etc.
Well, Christmas is easy enough with support around you. Perhaps (and I'm not being flippant, I speak from experience) you should try something altruistic.
A few years ago I was feeling down in the dumps, alone, family away, g/f free etc so I went to Manchester on the spur of the moment and wound up in the Big Issue office, going out to soup kitchens and distributing blankets.
Met some f*cked-up people and cried more than once, I can tell you. Wouldn't change the day for a thing though. Without taking away from your (or anyone elses') personal griefs, it really put it in perspective for me.
We live in a mercenary society so be the same. Take pleasure from the free films, buy gifts for those you want to, tell Coca Cola and McDonalds to f*ck off back to America, help someone else and avoid the commerce. Try the countryside and speak to strangers, or try a massive get-together with the lovely people on this site!
Hope it's good for you, drop me an e-mail anytime if you want to chat about being down.
A few years ago I was feeling down in the dumps, alone, family away, g/f free etc so I went to Manchester on the spur of the moment and wound up in the Big Issue office, going out to soup kitchens and distributing blankets.
Met some f*cked-up people and cried more than once, I can tell you. Wouldn't change the day for a thing though. Without taking away from your (or anyone elses') personal griefs, it really put it in perspective for me.
We live in a mercenary society so be the same. Take pleasure from the free films, buy gifts for those you want to, tell Coca Cola and McDonalds to f*ck off back to America, help someone else and avoid the commerce. Try the countryside and speak to strangers, or try a massive get-together with the lovely people on this site!
Hope it's good for you, drop me an e-mail anytime if you want to chat about being down.
I love Christmas.........done with the right spirit. I`ve had too much going on on the sidelines to have been able to put much effort in this year (not enough hours in the day) but I intend to make future Christmases count, in a way which is valuable to me and mine. Presents will be restricted to home made, or purchases from charity shops, and we will get together with our immediate family, and play games, make deccys and generally eat ourselves stupid, regardless of the marketing, or religious connotations!
I`d like my kids to grow up appreciative of what they have, and not whether they can go back to school in January to tell thier mates that they recieved an Xbox for Christmas!
Venusxxx
I`d like my kids to grow up appreciative of what they have, and not whether they can go back to school in January to tell thier mates that they recieved an Xbox for Christmas!
Venusxxx
I've made my plans known on the other thread but just to add to this one ...
We're spending time together, my whole xmas budget is £100 ... but each gift is meaningful. Xmas day is spent with my parents reflecting on a year and comforting each other on the anniversary of the death of my nan. Boxing day is spent with my grandad tryin to comfort him as previous and spending time with a man who is not long for this life unfortunately My grandparents helped raise me for a time and I owe them a lot so it's a particularly painful time .. they were married 50 years and were so in love and tolerant of each other that I have a lot to thank them for with regards learning abuot love and relationships.
Monday or Tuesday we are spending the day with Pete's parents. A non christmas thing (just that all the family are around) and we play games and listen to music and spend time reflecting.
Personally I'll be glad when it's all over.
Calista xx
We're spending time together, my whole xmas budget is £100 ... but each gift is meaningful. Xmas day is spent with my parents reflecting on a year and comforting each other on the anniversary of the death of my nan. Boxing day is spent with my grandad tryin to comfort him as previous and spending time with a man who is not long for this life unfortunately
My grandparents helped raise me for a time and I owe them a lot so it's a particularly painful time .. they were married 50 years and were so in love and tolerant of each other that I have a lot to thank them for with regards learning abuot love and relationships.Monday or Tuesday we are spending the day with Pete's parents. A non christmas thing (just that all the family are around) and we play games and listen to music and spend time reflecting.
Personally I'll be glad when it's all over.
Calista xx
Yes a lot of you have said wise words on this thread regarding Xmas.
To many its a time of none stop celebration and to others it brings back
painful memories over various sadness.
So when things start getting on top of me i think of those less fortunate
than my self and to be thankful for what i have.
To think of being alone at this time of year must be the sadest of all.
Zina4.......
To many its a time of none stop celebration and to others it brings back
painful memories over various sadness.
So when things start getting on top of me i think of those less fortunate
than my self and to be thankful for what i have.
To think of being alone at this time of year must be the sadest of all.
Zina4.......
For me Christmas and new year are the last two remaining hurdles left for me to overcome in my recovery.I shall be working on both days and evenings,in the company of a gentleman who has no concept of either celebration,but he needs me there and I will be happy to be with thoughts and regrets will doubtless be there but thats ok,I will survive them as I have done for months the new year will bring new adventures.
Lb
Lb
Quote by VenusnMars
I love Christmas.........done with the right spirit. I`ve had too much going on on the sidelines to have been able to put much effort in this year (not enough hours in the day) but I intend to make future Christmases count, in a way which is valuable to me and mine. Presents will be restricted to home made, or purchases from charity shops, and we will get together with our immediate family, and play games, make deccys and generally eat ourselves stupid, regardless of the marketing, or religious connotations!
I`d like my kids to grow up appreciative of what they have, and not whether they can go back to school in January to tell thier mates that they recieved an Xbox for Christmas!
Venusxxx
this is the sort of christmas i remember and love when i was young, cant stand christmas as it is now, i suppose thats why i have volentered to man the office over christmas.
Quote by GenHertsCpl
You have hit a nerve with me Alex, i havent really enjoyed Christmas since my parents passed away when i was still young myself
Bereavement at any time of year is hard but around christmas time makes it especially difficult.
My thoughts are in line with JudyTV, I wish xmas and new year to be over with ASAP so I can continue with normal, everyday life where my emotions and feelings are on a level par.
Take care of yourself.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:therethere: 
To Alex and all who feel down at this time of year. Like many of you I've lost more than one member of my family at Christmas time - it almost seems like a trdition in its own right sometimes.
However, despite the commercialism, the gluttony and the family feuding (yes we still have that here in the Borders) I think that people do, in general, have a bit more goodwill than the rest of the year.
I'll spend my time cooking, looking after everyone and trying my best to make my children's Christmas as much like the happy, joyful ones I remember - that way they will be able to do the same for their children and so on through the generations; hopefully there will always remain a kernel of the true Christmas/Yuletide/Solstice spirit.
SA
XXX
To Alex and all who feel down at this time of year. Like many of you I've lost more than one member of my family at Christmas time - it almost seems like a trdition in its own right sometimes.However, despite the commercialism, the gluttony and the family feuding (yes we still have that here in the Borders) I think that people do, in general, have a bit more goodwill than the rest of the year.
I'll spend my time cooking, looking after everyone and trying my best to make my children's Christmas as much like the happy, joyful ones I remember - that way they will be able to do the same for their children and so on through the generations; hopefully there will always remain a kernel of the true Christmas/Yuletide/Solstice spirit.
SA
XXX
Quote by SpiritedAway
I'll spend my time cooking, looking after everyone and trying my best to make my children's Christmas as much like the happy, joyful ones I remember - that way they will be able to do the same for their children and so on through the generations;
For all of you with kids - please give them an extra special hug and a kiss at Christms! And when they start getting noisy - give them a bigger one - and try and think of all those kids out there who aren't enjoying what you are giving yours. Kids who are being beaten up, or are on the streets becuase of abusive parents that they couldn't take anymore. Or ones who have had their homes destroyed in war, or poverty.
Think of the kids this christmas and don't assume that they all have what you and yours have.
Hi everyone (sorry i haven't been on for a few weeks)
Unfortunately this is going to be bad Christmas for myself and a lot of fathers and grandparents out there who don't get too see their kids through no fault of their own. i haven't seen my daighter for 3 months now and niether have my parents.
After getting my mother to call my ex to see if her and my dad could drop presents off she responded with a no (in text format). I'm sorry there is no excuse in my book for this sort of behaviour by a parent whether they be a mum or a dad. I have never seen my daughter open a present on Christmas day she's coming up 3 soon.
I myself will be in the pub this Christmas refusing to celebrate it, No i'm not a scrooge or a humbug i think i'll find it more upsetting seeing my daughters presents laid unopened. i have said i will hang around for my miece to come around and see her open hers.
I really feel for a lot of dads out there who are in my situation, we're not asking to have our kids all day although that would be nice.
Just to see my daughter would be the best Christmas present i could ever wish for and i will keep on wishing and praying, hoping she will still recognise me, to try and cope with this i have started writing a journal as i really don't know when i will see her again, so if i never get to see her grow up or open a present i can show her this when she is older and she can see i and my family have missed her and never stop loving or thinking about her.
Merry Christmas everyone Dj
Unfortunately this is going to be bad Christmas for myself and a lot of fathers and grandparents out there who don't get too see their kids through no fault of their own. i haven't seen my daighter for 3 months now and niether have my parents.
After getting my mother to call my ex to see if her and my dad could drop presents off she responded with a no (in text format). I'm sorry there is no excuse in my book for this sort of behaviour by a parent whether they be a mum or a dad. I have never seen my daughter open a present on Christmas day she's coming up 3 soon.
I myself will be in the pub this Christmas refusing to celebrate it, No i'm not a scrooge or a humbug i think i'll find it more upsetting seeing my daughters presents laid unopened. i have said i will hang around for my miece to come around and see her open hers.
I really feel for a lot of dads out there who are in my situation, we're not asking to have our kids all day although that would be nice.
Just to see my daughter would be the best Christmas present i could ever wish for and i will keep on wishing and praying, hoping she will still recognise me, to try and cope with this i have started writing a journal as i really don't know when i will see her again, so if i never get to see her grow up or open a present i can show her this when she is older and she can see i and my family have missed her and never stop loving or thinking about her.
Merry Christmas everyone Dj
Quote by djswinger
Hi everyone (sorry i haven't been on for a few weeks)
Unfortunately this is going to be bad Christmas for myself and a lot of fathers and grandparents out there who don't get too see their kids through no fault of their own. i haven't seen my daighter for 3 months now and niether have my parents.
After getting my mother to call my ex to see if her and my dad could drop presents off she responded with a no (in text format). I'm sorry there is no excuse in my book for this sort of behaviour by a parent whether they be a mum or a dad. I have never seen my daughter open a present on Christmas day she's coming up 3 soon.
IMO there is no excuse for this unless you are a danger to the child which I'm sure you aren't. I hate stories like this because it makes it look bad for all single parents when most of us do our best for our kids in very difficult circumstances. I wish my ex-husband would fuck off and die sometimes but I tolerate him for the kids sakes, it's still important that they see him and if in the meantime they realise what a complete arsehole he is well they found out for themselves from his own behaviour. I make sure he has regular access to the kids but he chooses only to bother with the youngest apart from buying the odd token gestures at xmas and birthday for the other bairn. Even though he carries on like this I bite my tongue and my eldest has soon made his own mind up about Dad anyway.
To deny a father who wants to play their part in a childs life is wrong though, despite the breakup of a relationship a child should have the opportunity of two parents wherever possible.
Orgasminator
Hello Alex_Female.
I don't just find it 'Hard' at Christmas, It's hard every bloody day of the year. The only cure I have found is to have a very nice lady on the end of it. After a while it's no longer 'hard' but it recovers again after a while. lol.
Just trying to make you smile.
Harry0
Casanova and Drunk of this Parish
I don't just find it 'Hard' at Christmas, It's hard every bloody day of the year. The only cure I have found is to have a very nice lady on the end of it. After a while it's no longer 'hard' but it recovers again after a while. lol.
Just trying to make you smile.
Harry0
Casanova and Drunk of this Parish
Quote by djswinger
Unfortunately this is going to be bad Christmas for myself and a lot of fathers and grandparents out there who don't get too see their kids through no fault of their own. i haven't seen my daighter for 3 months now and niether have my parents
I totally sympathise with your dilemma because my first ex' is still very similar.
After seperating from my first ex 11 years ago, my daughter still infrequently see's her father (his choice) and he still makes huge promises he never has any intention of keeping. This has taught my daughter a very hard lesson in life at a young age. Without any help from me, she is realising what a bastard he truly is. I know this hurts her very deeply, which then hurts me, but as a mother, I know that I have done everything in my power to maintain her happiness, but changing her father is something I cannot do.
Letting go of situations you cannot change is hard, but it is the only way forward.
:therethere:
