Addiction do I confess to swinging?

30 Nov 2004

:shock: They always say when your not looking it happens, well, I wasnt looking, happy with my life as a single gall, widening my circle of friends, making time for me...
A chance encounter, and then coffee, then dinner, then dinner again, then lunch, and lunch, and coffee, and 2hr long phone calls every night...... I cant get enough of someone!!!!
After not even a month knowing him I feel Iv known him forever, from the woman with four lovers Iv offered a stranger I feel I know inside out monogamy!!! redface

That awful L word has reared its head, and it didnt scare me when he used it... Id instinctavely known it was what he felt dunno

Im in a whirlwind romance that I dont want to jeperdise, so do I tell him about me and my brush with swinging?

30 Nov 2004

i can really relate to your dilemer, but as the truth always has a habit of comming out, then yes, i would tell him, as it was in the past ..so to say, then he may accept it. you cant honestly tell me that you are his only ever lover?? can you?. it may be a big gamble, but better out now rather than him finding out later..i hope this is of some help

30 Nov 2004

I think you should decide how important swinging is to you. If you have no intention of stopping then you need to tell him right now, if there's a possibility that this guy could be everything you ever wanted and he's so fantastic that you won't want to be with anyone else then wait until you are sure.

30 Nov 2004

Tough call.
Try discreetly bringing the subjecyt into conversation to guage what he feels first. If he's cool about it then go for it. If he is the jealous type and backs off at the idea then keep quiet

30 Nov 2004

Actually I think I may have misread your post, you seem to have already decided to give up swinging in order to be with him. If that's the case I see no reason to tell him anything, it's the kind of thing that could stick in his head for years.
If you feel you have to tell him please don't sit him down and announce it, it will sound like a confession. It's better to just wait until you've watched something on TV or read something in a magazine about swinging then casually mention that you used to be involved in it.
I think you should just not mention it though, so what if he finds out? It was before you got together so who cares?

30 Nov 2004

Yes I agree

30 Nov 2004

The truth has a way of getting out. If, further down the line, it comes out and he's very shocked about it, that could be bad. I'd be honest and upfront myself, make sure it's not a problem before getting too deep.

30 Nov 2004

Tell staight away if youre good together he will understand

30 Nov 2004

:P Tell him now. Have a monogomous relationship with him sure, but you never know, swinging may come in handy again when the sex life goes through one of those slumps confused

30 Nov 2004

Quote by teppic
i can really relate to your dilemer, but as the truth always has a habit of comming out, then yes, i would tell him, as it was in the past ..so to say, then he may accept it. you cant honestly tell me that you are his only ever lover?? can you?. it may be a big gamble, but better out now rather than him finding out later..i hope this is of some help

Teppic, thanks, we have covered a little about our past, and no I most certainly am not his only lover lol

So far nothing has been an issue on either side, Iv told him at one point I did have 4 lovers running concurrently, just havnt used the word 'swing'

Quote by amylou
I think you should decide how important swinging is to you. If you have no intention of stopping then you need to tell him right now, if there's a possibility that this guy could be everything you ever wanted and he's so fantastic that you won't want to be with anyone else then wait until you are sure.

Amylou, Im going to answer both of your posts together,

Quote by amylou
Actually I think I may have misread your post, you seem to have already decided to give up swinging in order to be with him. If that's the case I see no reason to tell him anything, it's the kind of thing that could stick in his head for years.
If you feel you have to tell him please don't sit him down and announce it, it will sound like a confession. It's better to just wait until you've watched something on TV or read something in a magazine about swinging then casually mention that you used to be involved in it.
I think you should just not mention it though, so what if he finds out? It was before you got together so who cares?

I agree it was before I met him, and as for an opportune moment to bring it up, one of his friends swings, and he doesnt appear to have any issues with it.
Our past is our past, and nothing can change that. I trust him not to judge me on it either, as I havnt judged him.

Quote by glasgowllama
Tough call.
Try discreetly bringing the subjecyt into conversation to guage what he feels first. If he's cool about it then go for it. If he is the jealous type and backs off at the idea then keep quiet

He admits to being the jealous type, however also has the same feelings about trust as I do, if you hide something it causes jealousy, rather than alleviates it.

Quote by Mark
Plus, you never know, once (if) he finds out he might be keen to get involved himself

ooooo, Im not worthy, Im not worthy, god has spoken :lol: Thanks Mark, at the moment Im still in the first flush of not wanting to share, however you never know wink

Quote by zootle
The truth has a way of getting out. If, further down the line, it comes out and he's very shocked about it, that could be bad. I'd be honest and upfront myself, make sure it's not a problem before getting too deep.

Im bending to your way of thinking zootle, I like this man enough to have no secrets from him, and have told him as much, if it came out later then it poo poo's my own convictions about being honest with him.

Quote by coachmaster
Tell staight away if youre good together he will understand

:shock: a fantastic first post in my eyes, thankyou coachmaster!

Quote by Libra-Love
:P Tell him now. Have a monogomous relationship with him sure, but you never know, swinging may come in handy again when the sex life goes through one of those slumps

Now there's a thought :twisted:

30 Nov 2004

like many of the others have said, tell him slowly now, it will be better in the long run, he may want to join in

30 Nov 2004

Have you ever broached the subject with him as a general topic of conversation. Just ask his opinion about swinging and see what reaction you get. If he says he doesnt agree with swinging, delve a little deeper he may say it the first time to protect your feelings. Then just take it from there, if hes dead set against it then that will be the point you will need to make the decision. Dont forget, even if you do give up swinging and things dont work out with you two SH will always be here for you to come back to.

30 Nov 2004

Nimbus,lets not lose sight of what is a wonderful turn about in your life - it looks like you've found something deep and lasting.
Really you've all but told him about your swinging-ish past inclinations - and remember - he has lived too - doing whatever..
I think when you get rid of the silly misconceptions and media hype there are far more people than many realise who have taken part in what might be termed swinging.
Its not unusual to meet people through computer dating and the like - this is just a more freer,sexually open version of that.
Its early days yet for you have lots to tell each other about all kinds of things,new dimensions to each other you have yet to with other aspects,feel your way with this steadily Nimbus - and the very best of luck to you my friend - I hope you will live the dream - good for you!x