We have had experience of three men joining us for mmfs. has had problems rising to the occasion and every one of them has pleaded 'nerves' as the reason. We have discussed this with each other and find this hard to believe firstly because each of those men was an experienced swinger and secondly because we are a friendly couple who not only have no problems about sex but no problems talking about it either. Has anyone else encountered this kind of problem and can anyone offer us any advice?
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Orgasminator
i wont be anything personal, perhaps they would have been better suited to more private meets more of a 1 to 1 situation. i have met and (not) played with guys at clubs and the same can happen there, as well as the excuse of 'its the condoms'. just take it on the chin and perhaps choose more wisely asking for more experienced and more exhibitionist type of meets. even then it wont be assured as not everyone can rise to the occasion. good luck with your search and perhaps a greedy girl night at a club might be the way to go i know i have enjoyed them on the occasions i have been
Sex God
Yeah we've had the same things happen. It doesnt seem to happen at all when its 1-1 meets but we've had a few guys round here for 3sums who have 'problems' using the excuses (as Sara said) of its never happened before or it's the condoms. Mr Fun likes to think that theyre intimidated by his 'light-sabre' (someone elses description, not his) I just nod to make him feel better!! 
I dont know why it happens and I used to take it quite personally but I wouldnt let it bother you.
I dont know why it happens and I used to take it quite personally but I wouldnt let it bother you.
One to one appears to bring few problems. However, I been to parties, threesomes, and other, when "Stage fright" has entered the arena. I guess sometimes, playmates becomes nervous about performing for, or with others for the first time. Thats probably top of the tree, when it comes to reasons. A few "debutants" to swinging think its easy. But when the moment actually arrives,the body, and ethics kick in.
Sex God
Quote by Dave__Notts
.........
Dave_Notts
And there in red was your problem Dave :lol2:
Little experience so little use here but from limited experience all we can say is this. Not had a problem with a guy getting it up, Ive not had a problem getting it up in another guys presence. However I could envisage a problem in a club busy room type setting. I might find that off putting. Its kind of like when as a man you are out drinking and you need a pee but you get in there at the over crowded urinal and you can stand there for an hour and your cock just isnt gonna let out any pee
We refer to that as stage fright, similar could happen in a swing situation. Condoms are another concern as in day to day sex Ive no use for them so on the odd occasion I do get to use them its not something I am over familiar with and anything unfamiliar can be off putting or stalling which in turn can cause droop. Roll with the punches I guess and dont worry about it too much.
Sexlightened
Hi Sexy
I have perved at the pictures and am fairly sure it isn’t you !! (umm there lovely !)
Although us blokes are fairly simple when it come to sex – rub it enough and it will cum is the sort of thing, we do appear to have some hang-ups when focusing on our genitalia ! (we are constantly comparing size and ability !!) I think the first night nerves is all that it is – the bloke wants to impress but oddly enough it probably isn’t you he is hung up about its Mr’s ability he is living up to and concerned about. In my case I can’t really handle the gang bang scenario – too many guys there really puts me off – Ratio of 2 or 3 guys : 1 is fine but hit 4:1 and ‘he’ flops !! Oddly enough this doesn’t occur in couple’s rooms where there can be 10 couples and ’he’ is fine – (personally I think ‘he’ can do odds and realises that at over 3:1 chances are he will brush against something he doesn’t want to !! ) . But I have been to clubs and marveled at the way some blokes can just perform when 10 are crowding around a greedy girl. Personally it does nothing for me. So Sara may be right but it wouldn’t appeal to my makeup !
I would go with what most appear to be saying – basically – it happens ! don’t take it to heart. That doesn’t help at all when you have planned the evening and got all horny thinking about it will go and it doesn’t happen !! Maybe as a back up have a supply of Viagra or some such thing and if the next bloke fails to rise pass him that and tell him to come back in 20 minutes when its working (or however long it takes ) .
An if all else fails – give me a call…….
Just a thought
Alan
I have perved at the pictures and am fairly sure it isn’t you !! (umm there lovely !)
Although us blokes are fairly simple when it come to sex – rub it enough and it will cum is the sort of thing, we do appear to have some hang-ups when focusing on our genitalia ! (we are constantly comparing size and ability !!) I think the first night nerves is all that it is – the bloke wants to impress but oddly enough it probably isn’t you he is hung up about its Mr’s ability he is living up to and concerned about. In my case I can’t really handle the gang bang scenario – too many guys there really puts me off – Ratio of 2 or 3 guys : 1 is fine but hit 4:1 and ‘he’ flops !! Oddly enough this doesn’t occur in couple’s rooms where there can be 10 couples and ’he’ is fine – (personally I think ‘he’ can do odds and realises that at over 3:1 chances are he will brush against something he doesn’t want to !! ) . But I have been to clubs and marveled at the way some blokes can just perform when 10 are crowding around a greedy girl. Personally it does nothing for me. So Sara may be right but it wouldn’t appeal to my makeup !
I would go with what most appear to be saying – basically – it happens ! don’t take it to heart. That doesn’t help at all when you have planned the evening and got all horny thinking about it will go and it doesn’t happen !! Maybe as a back up have a supply of Viagra or some such thing and if the next bloke fails to rise pass him that and tell him to come back in 20 minutes when its working (or however long it takes ) .
An if all else fails – give me a call…….
Just a thought
Alan
Human sexuality eh who can odds it.
I don't offer to provide a walking hard on service cos I cant do it. I know there are plenty of men that can, I just don't happen to be one of them.
Mebbe your playmates are less experienced than they make out of mebbe they anticipate a different scenario from the one presented.
I would suggest that swinging clubs are an ideal environment for achieving your goals, plenty of walking hard ons and the facility to select and play immediately.
Good luck.
I don't offer to provide a walking hard on service cos I cant do it. I know there are plenty of men that can, I just don't happen to be one of them.
Mebbe your playmates are less experienced than they make out of mebbe they anticipate a different scenario from the one presented.
I would suggest that swinging clubs are an ideal environment for achieving your goals, plenty of walking hard ons and the facility to select and play immediately.
Good luck.
Sexlightened
It's deffinetely not you thats for sure! Very sexy!
We have been fortunate enough that only one guy of the couples we have met had this problem. But he was nervous from the start and it was very easy to see.
Mr P has never suffer with this yet but then we have only met couples so there has ony been one other man there. And we haven't had much experience of clubs yetthough this is going to be corrected this year!
If it does happen then so be it, at the end of the day theres not much that can be done about it.
Wish we were closer we'd love to aid you in your investigations! lol
Xx
We have been fortunate enough that only one guy of the couples we have met had this problem. But he was nervous from the start and it was very easy to see.
Mr P has never suffer with this yet but then we have only met couples so there has ony been one other man there. And we haven't had much experience of clubs yetthough this is going to be corrected this year!
If it does happen then so be it, at the end of the day theres not much that can be done about it.
Wish we were closer we'd love to aid you in your investigations! lol
Xx
Sex God
I think it can be a problem if the guy is worried about it happening, this can then cause it to happen. But then if you tell someone not to worry about something.. it's just going to make it worse. No answer I'm afraid. If it ever happens in my presence I just remind them they have prefectly functioning fingers and a tongue for in the meantime ;)
Quote by alaninuk
Hi Sexy
I have perved at the pictures and am fairly sure it isn’t you !! (umm there lovely !)
Although us blokes are fairly simple when it come to sex – rub it enough and it will cum is the sort of thing, we do appear to have some hang-ups when focusing on our genitalia ! (we are constantly comparing size and ability !!) I think the first night nerves is all that it is – the bloke wants to impress but oddly enough it probably isn’t you he is hung up about its Mr’s ability he is living up to and concerned about. In my case I can’t really handle the gang bang scenario – too many guys there really puts me off – Ratio of 2 or 3 guys : 1 is fine but hit 4:1 and ‘he’ flops !! Oddly enough this doesn’t occur in couple’s rooms where there can be 10 couples and ’he’ is fine – (personally I think ‘he’ can do odds and realises that at over 3:1 chances are he will brush against something he doesn’t want to !! ) . But I have been to clubs and marveled at the way some blokes can just perform when 10 are crowding around a greedy girl. Personally it does nothing for me. So Sara may be right but it wouldn’t appeal to my makeup !
I would go with what most appear to be saying – basically – it happens ! don’t take it to heart. That doesn’t help at all when you have planned the evening and got all horny thinking about it will go and it doesn’t happen !! Maybe as a back up have a supply of Viagra or some such thing and if the next bloke fails to rise pass him that and tell him to come back in 20 minutes when its working (or however long it takes ) .
An if all else fails – give me a call…….
Just a thought
Alan
Interesting. Whilst Sexy considered that it might have something to do with her, I didn't. Okay, I am biased because I am her husband, but notwithstanding this the men knew what she looked like from our pictures before they came to see us, and they saw her face to face at a preliminary meeting. I put it down to physical problems and denial of this on their parts. But you might have a point. I am lucky enough to be self-confident by nature, but many people aren't I suppose, and all three of the men did say they felt a little nervous. The sad thing is that all three of them were really nice guys with whom we could easily have become friends.
Master of Sex
Perhaps you should send them out into the woods first, armed only with a spear and get them to kill a bear to prove their manhood.
Orgasminator
A supply of 'dick' splints???
Sex God
Quote by sexyslut79
We have had experience of three men joining us for mmfs. has had problems rising to the occasion and every one of them has pleaded 'nerves' as the reason. We have discussed this with each other and find this hard to believe firstly because each of those men was an experienced swinger and secondly because we are a friendly couple who not only have no problems about sex but no problems talking about it either. Has anyone else encountered this kind of problem and can anyone offer us any advice?
We have had a few occasions, one happened with a regular of ours, we had met twice before and many time since, all with no problem.
I think that our imagination is our best sex aid, the only trouble with this is, too much thinking and it can easily become our enemy also.
Having looked at your profile, sexy is clearly stunning, with a gorgeous body, have you considered that possibly some men could become intimidated.... I think it could be very easy to start thinking along the lines of gosh she is so hot, hope I live up to her expectations, or don't cum too soon, before you know whats on, the little fella gives up on ya... I think there is little one can do about this only meet them again and see how it goes.
I could possible liken it to a family get together last year, I found myself sat next to family members I had not seen since I was very young, I new I should start a conversation, but the harder I tried to think of some thing to say the more my mind went blank.
The mind is a funny thing
Quote by Bluefish2009
We have had experience of three men joining us for mmfs. has had problems rising to the occasion and every one of them has pleaded 'nerves' as the reason. We have discussed this with each other and find this hard to believe firstly because each of those men was an experienced swinger and secondly because we are a friendly couple who not only have no problems about sex but no problems talking about it either. Has anyone else encountered this kind of problem and can anyone offer us any advice?
We have had a few occasions, one happened with a regular of ours, we had met twice before and many time since, all with no problem.
I think that our imagination is our best sex aid, the only trouble with this is, too much thinking and it can easily become our enemy also.
Having looked at your profile, sexy is clearly stunning, with a gorgeous body, have you considered that possibly some men could become intimidated.... I think it could be very easy to start thinking along the lines of gosh she is so hot, hope I live up to her expectations, or don't cum too soon, before you know whats on, the little fella gives up on ya... I think there is little one can do about this only meet them again and see how it goes.
I could possible liken it to a family get together last year, I found myself sat next to family members I had not seen since I was very young, I new I should start a conversation, but the harder I tried to think of some thing to say the more my mind went blank.
The mind is a funny thing
You may have a point there bluefish-i didn't think of that. Perhaps there's an opening for 'swinging therapists' to counsel men who are about to take part in an mmf .In fact perhaps I could do it myself-I fancy a career change and therapists make a lot of money! :lol:
To be fair, hearing what the guys experienced might throw another perspective on this fairly common 'problem'. As a couple you present admirable credentials, but something is not working for you.
It might be that you are focussing on the outcome and not investing in the process. Are you spending enough time and effort in working with the partners or just expecting a result? Your relationship may need all your energy and focus in what you normally do. Do you have the capacity to take on other people, really?
Most people think that they are okay with sex when they are already in a good relationship and having fab sex. Change things slightly and it may not be the case anymore. Then that comfortable feeling goes and you are on edge again.
Most of us are conditioned to monogamistic thinking, and despite wanting to swing and even doing it, may still be deeply fundamentally not content about doing it. So is it really for you?
Some couples present an impenetrable quality brought about by a strong love and commitment. Its a powerful shield, which you have to switch off when swinging. Otherwise the extra partner may feel excluded.
Well some ideas to think about.
It might be that you are focussing on the outcome and not investing in the process. Are you spending enough time and effort in working with the partners or just expecting a result? Your relationship may need all your energy and focus in what you normally do. Do you have the capacity to take on other people, really?
Most people think that they are okay with sex when they are already in a good relationship and having fab sex. Change things slightly and it may not be the case anymore. Then that comfortable feeling goes and you are on edge again.
Most of us are conditioned to monogamistic thinking, and despite wanting to swing and even doing it, may still be deeply fundamentally not content about doing it. So is it really for you?
Some couples present an impenetrable quality brought about by a strong love and commitment. Its a powerful shield, which you have to switch off when swinging. Otherwise the extra partner may feel excluded.
Well some ideas to think about.
Quote by duncanlondon
To be fair, hearing what the guys experienced might throw another perspective on this fairly common 'problem'. As a couple you present admirable credentials, but something is not working for you.
It might be that you are focussing on the outcome and not investing in the process. Are you spending enough time and effort in working with the partners or just expecting a result? Your relationship may need all your energy and focus in what you normally do. Do you have the capacity to take on other people, really?
Most people think that they are okay with sex when they are already in a good relationship and having fab sex. Change things slightly and it may not be the case anymore. Then that comfortable feeling goes and you are on edge again.
Most of us are conditioned to monogamistic thinking, and despite wanting to swing and even doing it, may still be deeply fundamentally not content about doing it. So is it really for you?
Some couples present an impenetrable quality brought about by a strong love and commitment. Its a powerful shield, which you have to switch off when swinging. Otherwise the extra partner may feel excluded.
Well some ideas to think about.
Your comments and advice, like everyone else's are most welcome,but I have to say that I do not agree with what I think is the the gist of what you are saying. It is not for a couple to effectively pretend that they are not a couple in order to make a man who wants to join them for an mmf feel comfortable with them, but for that man to refrain from contacting them with a view to joining them for an mmf if he doesn't feel that he can be comfortable in an mmf situation with a couple. He can reasonably expect them to be friendly and considerate, but if he expects them to do what you appear to be saying they should do, then I would suggest that it is he who should ask himself whether mmfs are for him, or whether he should stick to one to ones.
With regard to your comments concerning conditioned monogamy, I don't really think this has a are both educated, thinking people who know precisely what we want and what we don't want-and we do want mmfs. What we don't want is limp penises!!!
Sex God
Quote by sexyslut79
.We are both educated, thinking people who know precisely what we want and what we don't want-and we do want mmfs. What we don't want is limp penises!!!
Just be grateful that as a female all you have to do is spread and lay there like a sack of spuds
Sex God
Quote by tweeky
.We are both educated, thinking people who know precisely what we want and what we don't want-and we do want mmfs. What we don't want is limp penises!!!
Just be grateful that as a female all you have to do is spread and lay there like a sack of spuds
Organic?
Quote by tweeky
.We are both educated, thinking people who know precisely what we want and what we don't want-and we do want mmfs. What we don't want is limp penises!!!
Just be grateful that as a female all you have to do is spread and lay there like a sack of spuds
Er, she does considerably more than that, and speaking as a man, if I have a pair of lips around my cock, then no matter how I feel, it will rise to the occasion, and I am 52, have smoked cannabis since 1973 and tobacco since 1975.
Erectile dysfunction is reportedly far more common in Britain than is popularly believed. Perhaps the NHS should consider dispensing free cannabis and tobacco to these unfortunate people! :lol:
After reading your replies, did you want advice or just to take the piss out of those that didn't perform when you wanted them to?
I thought it was a good topic to start with, but looks like it is degenerating into taking the piss out of limp dicks because you don't "when I have a pair of lips around my cock.
Dave_Notts
I thought it was a good topic to start with, but looks like it is degenerating into taking the piss out of limp dicks because you don't "when I have a pair of lips around my cock.
Dave_Notts
Sex God
Er, she does considerably more than that, and speaking as a man, if I have a pair of lips around my cock, then no matter how I feel, it will rise to the occasion, and I am 52, have smoked cannabis since 1973 and tobacco since 1975.
Erectile dysfunction is reportedly far more common in Britain than is popularly believed. Perhaps the NHS should consider dispensing free cannabis and tobacco to these unfortunate people!
Doing considerably more is not the point. The point is Woman in general can have a whole heap of performance related worry in thier head yet they dont have the mechanical performance worry that men have. Woman dont have to worry about getting it up or letting it off too early. I would guess that eases sexual performance worry for woman some what. I know there is a lot of other stuff you can worry about as a woman but the those two in particular for a man mean no intercourse and possibly a lot of embarrassment.
Erectile dysfunction is reportedly far more common in Britain than is popularly believed. Perhaps the NHS should consider dispensing free cannabis and tobacco to these unfortunate people!
Doing considerably more is not the point. The point is Woman in general can have a whole heap of performance related worry in thier head yet they dont have the mechanical performance worry that men have. Woman dont have to worry about getting it up or letting it off too early. I would guess that eases sexual performance worry for woman some what. I know there is a lot of other stuff you can worry about as a woman but the those two in particular for a man mean no intercourse and possibly a lot of embarrassment.
Quote by tweeky
Er, she does considerably more than that, and speaking as a man, if I have a pair of lips around my cock, then no matter how I feel, it will rise to the occasion, and I am 52, have smoked cannabis since 1973 and tobacco since 1975.
Erectile dysfunction is reportedly far more common in Britain than is popularly believed. Perhaps the NHS should consider dispensing free cannabis and tobacco to these unfortunate people!
Doing considerably more is not the point. The point is Woman in general can have a whole heap of performance related worry in thier head yet they dont have the mechanical performance worry that men have. Woman dont have to worry about getting it up or letting it off too early. I would guess that eases sexual performance worry for woman some what. I know there is a lot of other stuff you can worry about as a woman but the those two in particular for a man mean no intercourse and possibly a lot of embarrassment.
Emphasising that I am being totally serious here (which is rare for me), it seems from the reading I have done recently, that there are all kinds of reasons why men sometimes fail to get erections . Some I knew-tiredness, stress etc. But others I didn't. For me It's all been a bit of an eye-opener really. All I can say is that I am glad that I am what I would call an uncomplicated person and what my wife would call a 'simple' person :lol:
Sex God
There comes a time in every mans life when he must shrug his shoulders and admit it just isn't going to happen....and that is also the answer ..shrug your shoulders and deal with it,it is I'm afraid just one of those things our biology (and psychology) throws at us occasionally
Don't forget, men are very performance orientated and anxious, and the more gorgeous the woman (which you really are) the more concerned he is likely to be about not doing a good job. A sort of backhanded compliment really. And then being watched by another guy who is obviously able to fuck you successfully .....
We also see guys for MMFs and have had the same problem now and again. We now try and choose experienced guys, which is unfair to newbies but they do seem to be less bothered by the occasion. And I think that that in itself bears out that it is nerves of some sort. We have also had guys go soft when condoms are being put on and also a guy who was so excited that he came while he was putting one on. Condoms are quite a barrier for some strange reason.
I would say that if you like him, don't judge him as a failure because of this (that's unfair and is falling into to the male "performance" way of looking at things), and invite him back instead. If he fails the second time then maybe think again. Believe all of us when we say that is not an adverse reflection on you. And don't give him too much to drink.
Just keep going until it comes right - my wife loves her MMFs!
We also see guys for MMFs and have had the same problem now and again. We now try and choose experienced guys, which is unfair to newbies but they do seem to be less bothered by the occasion. And I think that that in itself bears out that it is nerves of some sort. We have also had guys go soft when condoms are being put on and also a guy who was so excited that he came while he was putting one on. Condoms are quite a barrier for some strange reason.
I would say that if you like him, don't judge him as a failure because of this (that's unfair and is falling into to the male "performance" way of looking at things), and invite him back instead. If he fails the second time then maybe think again. Believe all of us when we say that is not an adverse reflection on you. And don't give him too much to drink.
Just keep going until it comes right - my wife loves her MMFs!
