Dewi
not trying to give advice but just to share something that a dear friend once told me.
It's nto about who you can live with, it's about who you can't live without.
Ask yourself the question, can you imagine your life without her? If the answer is yes, then perhaps you are disadvantaging both of you by trying tobe what you are not cut out to be. Maybe you would be a better support and friend to her if sex was not involved. If she is about to go through so serious surgical procedure that can be life threatening, then I should think she could do better with a supportive friend than a cock.
As for your swinging lifestyle, would you actually consider being in a relationship with her if she said she would be into it too? If the relationship was mundane to start with, then I doubt that is a solild foundation from which you can build a swinging relationship on.
Just my two pence worth
hi dewi,
what a situation hun!!! i sympathise for you.
just because shes having a life threating operation and wants someone there for her it doesnt mean u have to have a relationship! maybe be good friends. When my mum had her double heart bypass she was petrified even sorted all her funeral was convinced she would die, but it never changed her life, although the stress affected my mum and dads relationship. Its hard enough working on a relationship (trust me i know) esp after a split, and with this on your plates too, it could either make you or brake you.
personally i think although i dont know the background in detail that it would be very wise to take things slowly and to be blunt if she wants to get bck together for some support does this not mean that she will be using you emotionally????
I dont think its fair to put that pressure on you, in respect that she wants support.
I dont know this girl at all but i think guilt tripping is not a good way to start a relationship.
If you have feelings for her again which ever you decide to do it will be hard and will probably hurt u.
The best advice i can give from experience is follow your heart!!!!
lou xxxxxxxxx
Dewi,
Don't be a pratt. She has just paid you one of the biggest compliments that anyone will ever pay you.
She is shit scared, and looking for a way through this. She has chosen you to help her find it.
lhk
Kat
if u even remotely care about her......
shes got a life threatening op coming up.....
take her down a swinging club.........
let her have her fun.....
but remember she could die
she`s got a life time to fit in.....
did u know we`re drunk like you??
2`s
best luck to both of you
Forget the swinging and the disucssions you've had about swinging .... if she's going through what you're saying she's going through she needs friends. Just be a friend to her.
Steve
Dewi, this sounds like one of those situations that you can't plan or take definitive advice over - you will just have to wing it as best as you can.
But my opinion is be a friend - nothing more - if it comes up in conversation what you have both been up to since the split ( by accident or design ) the front her full on and 'fess up about your new lifestyle ( don't apologise for it ) if she freaks, just tell her you are the same friend you were a week agao, etc, etc - otherwise play it all by ear.
Morning....................... hows the head?
IMO there has been some good advice here, I would just add this,
It has been said, follow your heart, I tend to agree, but also be aware that it might not work out, so guard your heart a little, that way you may not get quite so badly hurt if it all goes wrong.
Wish you all the best of luck and hope it works out.
now, where's the Asprin
Dewi I empathise. My ex and I are pondering the same q at the moment and it is a fucking difficult one isn't it. I'd be careful about asking for advice tho cos the way I experience this confusion of emotions is that I'll latch onto some advice (usually that fits a needy part of me) and ignore the rest!
Others are otherstoo, only you are you, so while their advice may be perfect for them, only you can know what is right for you. It isn't so much that you know the answer, but only you can take responsibility for it. Come back in a few months and no-one is going to want that. Shitty huh!
I have no idea what you should do, but I have some things which I find very useful in my rel with my ex and offer to you as possibilities: total honesty all the time, total acceptance all the time, and I try to trust in me, her, life, the universe and everything (even when it donesn't deliver what I think I want and it feels really really really fucking shit - shit is part of being alive so try to accept that to and I think you will be more alive than if you don't). These tenets won't work for everyone and may cause big problems if just switched on, so you must judge if they are for you and then discuss if they are for her, where you are at with them right now, how to go forward together with them etc.
Good luck mate, oh, actually I do have one piece of advice: don't take these decisions unless sober. I proposed at new years eve many years ago while in exactly this kind of situation. The marriage that followed is history and I have two kids who's dad doesn't live with them and all the guilt that comes with that. Doh! We all make mistakes tho, and who knows in another sitution I might have proposed to someone I didn't want and end up discovering my perfect partner! Doh! Doh! Doh!
All the best, and try getting some sleep!
Mark
:dunno:
see, I can do direct! 
:? Isn't that what I said, but got to agree with him this time (dammit)
lol.