Advice during a power cut please

8 Sep 2005

Last night, well early this morning, I was happily nattering in the chatroom. Just about to toddle off to bed when Angel Chat walks in. Excellent, a bit of a girly natter before bed me thinks. Then it happened, we had a power cut :shock:
So I closed down my laptop, what a stupid mistake that was as now it was complete and utter darkness. I was sat here thinking what I should do and decided I needed to get a couple of candles cos one of the kids doesn't like the dark so if he woke I'd be in trouble. I move over to the cupboard taking my phone thinking how clever I am as I flip open my phone and it shines enough light to find the candles. Grabbed them and headed for the kitchen, turning standing on the plug of me hair strengtheners which will teach me for not putting them away rolleyes

Sets off to the kitchen fumbles for a plate and matches opening and closing my phone for light, no problem there, sets off to bed putting the candles on their plate on the bedside table if they are needed. Settles down in bed then realises I needed the loo.
Now I never gave this a thought as I am used to walking to the toilet in the dark so off I went, sits down and did a what I needed to do, which was a number 2.
This is where things became difficult. How on earth do you check to see if your bums clean when your crapping in the dark dunno

Is there a compulsory amount of times to wipe, do you guess, sniff the paper or what. So at 2 am this morning I am sitting on the loo thinking what the hell do I do now. I couldn't take a shower to be sure because it is powered by the electric which still hadn't come back on. So in the end I just had to wipe 72 times to be on the safe side.
So I need advice please on the off chance I am in this situation again - what would you do if this happened to you confused

:

8 Sep 2005

Take a lighted candle and hope I don't fart too much and cause an explosion.

8 Sep 2005

You're supposed to check? confused

:? :? :? :? :? :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

8 Sep 2005

Wipe 73 times! dunno

:grin: :undecided:
mrs ccr xxx

8 Sep 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Last night, well early this morning, I was happily nattering in the chatroom. Just about to toddle off to bed when Angel Chat walks in. Excellent, a bit of a girly natter before bed me thinks. Then it happened, we had a power cut :shock:
So I closed down my laptop, what a stupid mistake that was as now it was complete and utter darkness. I was sat here thinking what I should do and decided I needed to get a couple of candles cos one of the kids doesn't like the dark so if he woke I'd be in trouble. I move over to the cupboard taking my phone thinking how clever I am as I flip open my phone and it shines enough light to find the candles. Grabbed them and headed for the kitchen, turning standing on the plug of me hair strengtheners which will teach me for not putting them away
Sets off to the kitchen fumbles for a plate and matches opening and closing my phone for light, no problem there, sets off to bed putting the candles on their plate on the bedside table if they are needed. Settles down in bed then realises I needed the loo.
Now I never gave this a thought as I am used to walking to the toilet in the dark so off I went, sits down and did a what I needed to do, which was a number 2.
This is where things became difficult. How on earth do you check to see if your bums clean when your crapping in the dark
Is there a compulsory amount of times to wipe, do you guess, sniff the paper or what. So at 2 am this morning I am sitting on the loo thinking what the hell do I do now. I couldn't take a shower to be sure because it is powered by the electric which still hadn't come back on. So in the end I just had to wipe 72 times to be on the safe side.
So I need advice please on the off chance I am in this situation again - what would you do if this happened to you :

has your phone got a camera function on it ???

8 Sep 2005

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Yeah, but I bet it's not got a flash. lol

8 Sep 2005

Quote by Jiggle
Last night, well early this morning, I was happily nattering in the chatroom. Just about to toddle off to bed when Angel Chat walks in. Excellent, a bit of a girly natter before bed me thinks. Then it happened, we had a power cut :shock:
So I closed down my laptop, what a stupid mistake that was as now it was complete and utter darkness. I was sat here thinking what I should do and decided I needed to get a couple of candles cos one of the kids doesn't like the dark so if he woke I'd be in trouble. I move over to the cupboard taking my phone thinking how clever I am as I flip open my phone and it shines enough light to find the candles. Grabbed them and headed for the kitchen, turning standing on the plug of me hair strengtheners which will teach me for not putting them away
Sets off to the kitchen fumbles for a plate and matches opening and closing my phone for light, no problem there, sets off to bed putting the candles on their plate on the bedside table if they are needed. Settles down in bed then realises I needed the loo.
Now I never gave this a thought as I am used to walking to the toilet in the dark so off I went, sits down and did a what I needed to do, which was a number 2.
This is where things became difficult. How on earth do you check to see if your bums clean when your crapping in the dark
Is there a compulsory amount of times to wipe, do you guess, sniff the paper or what. So at 2 am this morning I am sitting on the loo thinking what the hell do I do now. I couldn't take a shower to be sure because it is powered by the electric which still hadn't come back on. So in the end I just had to wipe 72 times to be on the safe side.
So I need advice please on the off chance I am in this situation again - what would you do if this happened to you :

has your phone got a camera function on it ???
No, just don't!

8 Sep 2005

now I know down your way, new fangled gizmos are few and far between.....but you ever heard of a torch !!!!!
oh and can I suggest baby wet wipes.....does the job so much better than tiolet paper.

8 Sep 2005

Quote by easy
You're supposed to check? :? :? :? :? :? :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

You dirty sod :kick: :lol2:

Quote by ccr
Wipe 73 times! :grin: :undecided:
mrs ccr xxx

Thats not funny rolleyes

:lol2:

Quote by marmalaid

has your phone got a camera function on it ???

No, just don't!
Its OK Chris, not even I'm thatdisgusting
Jiggle smackbottom

8 Sep 2005

Buy a battery operated push wall light about for two from major DIY stores, leave then upstairs or where ever in case of need..........

8 Sep 2005

or a flashlight? lol

8 Sep 2005

Quote by deancannock
oh and can I suggest baby wet wipes.....does the job so much better than tiolet paper.

They're not meant to go down the bog as they get tangled up further down the line rolleyes

8 Sep 2005

Dawn hun xxx
I can not answer as I might break a promis to you lol

.
But Ian might know wink

Fred

8 Sep 2005

Where there's no bidet, there's always garden hose.

8 Sep 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
Where there's no bidet, there's always garden hose.

colonic irragition done when theres a power cut :silly: :silly:
I'd go with the sniff and smell method lol

:lol: :lol:

8 Sep 2005

Dont go till the power comes back on.......Just keep farting
Shouldnt be tooooooo difficult wink

8 Sep 2005

Quote by JoeMiller
Take a lighted candle and hope I don't fart too much and cause an explosion.

:shock: You wipe your arse with a lighted candle? :shock:
You could always wear a pair of Ian's boxers, then, if there is any undersirable residue, you can blame him! :smug:
lhk
Kat

8 Sep 2005

simple answer to avoid any embraassment employ me to fit a backup generator with automatic changeover, seem to be ever fitting them in the sticks near home

8 Sep 2005

I guess you could do whatever blind people do, and I confess I'm too ignorant to know redface

You could buy a set of speaking kitchen scales and keep them in the loo. Weigh a clean piece of bog roll and remember the weight. Wipe then weigh, and keep wiping and weighing till you get down to the clean weight. Sorted smile

.
Or fit a waterproof light in the U-bend.

8 Sep 2005

Cracked it!....bloody hell Dawn it took some thinking and searching but the odd seafood platter looks like it might be the answer according to the local environmental health department...
Fish
Luminous marine bacteria: Luminous bacteria can sometimes be found on seafood, crabmeat, cooked shrimp and simulated seafood products made from surimi are the most common seafood associated with luminescence or glowing. When seafood glows it means that luminous bacteria are present. This suggests that the seafood was held for a time at a temperature that allowed these bacteria to grow. It does not mean the seafood is unsafe or of low quality. There are no reports of illness from luminous marine bacteria growing on seafood.

8 Sep 2005

Or have emergency lighting installed in the house that comes on with a power cut.. its great... For example I now know when there is a 3am power cut as the bedroom lights up like a christmas tree...

8 Sep 2005

Quote by Steve_Mids
Dont go till the power comes back on.......Just keep farting
Shouldnt be tooooooo difficult

Yes Steve but I have been taught by an expert -YOU :eeek:

Quote by KitKat
You could always wear a pair of Ian's boxers, then, if there is any undersirable residue, you can blame him! :smug:

Now I like this idea Kat but you should have seen Ians face when I mentioned it. Think he might come after you :lol2:

Quote by sparky230
simple answer to avoid any embraassment employ me to fit a backup generator with automatic changeover, seem to be ever fitting them in the sticks near home

That would work but be more expensive than a torch :eeek:

Quote by DarkEyedPhil
kitchen scales and keep them in the loo. Weigh a clean piece of bog roll and remember the weight. Wipe then weigh, and keep wiping and weighing till you get down to the clean weight. Sorted

Best option so far me thinks kiss

Quote by davej
Cracked it!....bloody hell Dawn it took some thinking and searching but the odd seafood platter looks like it might be the answer according to the local environmental health department...
Fish
Luminous marine bacteria: Luminous bacteria can sometimes be found on seafood, crabmeat, cooked shrimp and simulated seafood products made from surimi are the most common seafood associated with luminescence or glowing. When seafood glows it means that luminous bacteria are present. This suggests that the seafood was held for a time at a temperature that allowed these bacteria to grow. It does not mean the seafood is unsafe or of low quality. There are no reports of illness from luminous marine bacteria growing on seafood.

Dave do I eat them or just wear them on the inside of me knickers dunno

8 Sep 2005

Ian Mids would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the whole forum on behalf of my current wife, Dawn_Mids, and her discussion of toilet habits.
She's a lady? sometimes I forget.
Personally I thought it would be a good idea to use some doublesided sticky tape down the length of the bath. Stick the bog roll to the tape and wooo hooo.... you can run yer crack up and down to your hearts content.
Ian

8 Sep 2005

Quote by KitKat
Take a lighted candle and hope I don't fart too much and cause an explosion.

:shock: You wipe your arse with a lighted candle? :shock:

hahahah lol
that's funny lol

have you ever seen happy gilmore? there's a brilliant line in it where the villain goes "i eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast" and happy gilmore goes "you eat peices of shit for breakfast?!?"
it's all in the delivery of course, but you reminded me of that and made me laugh a lot!

8 Sep 2005

Quote by Ian_Mids
Ian Mids would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the whole forum on behalf of my current wife, Dawn_Mids, and her discussion of toilet habits.

OI you :kick: :kick: :kick:

8 Sep 2005

Quote by Ian_Mids
Personally I thought it would be a good idea to use some doublesided sticky tape down the length of the bath. Stick the bog roll to the tape and wooo hooo.... you can run yer crack up and down to your hearts content.
Ian

Or.... you could do the same thing but on the bannister and let gravity do the work!

9 Sep 2005

Quote by postie

Personally I thought it would be a good idea to use some doublesided sticky tape down the length of the bath. Stick the bog roll to the tape and wooo hooo.... you can run yer crack up and down to your hearts content.
Ian

Or.... you could do the same thing but on the bannister and let gravity do the work!
But what about the big wooden ball at the bottom of the bannister? Wouldn't that be painful
Ian

9 Sep 2005

Quote by Ian_Mids

Personally I thought it would be a good idea to use some doublesided sticky tape down the length of the bath. Stick the bog roll to the tape and wooo hooo.... you can run yer crack up and down to your hearts content.
Ian

Or.... you could do the same thing but on the bannister and let gravity do the work!
But what about the big wooden ball at the bottom of the bannister? Wouldn't that be painful
Ian
I don't know but if either of you two test it out for me it might be a possible option for the next power cut rolleyes

11 Sep 2005

dawn wud like the big ball at the end me thinks...
ian invest in a ups system conect it to a light and then leave it on....
or in case get a wind up tourch - that uses a dynamo.
MikeC

11 Sep 2005

Quote by MikeC
dawn wud like the big ball at the end me thinks...
ian invest in a ups system conect it to a light and then leave it on....
or in case get a wind up tourch - that uses a dynamo.
MikeC

But what if the UPS fails? (thats uninteruptable power supply to non geeks).
Anyhow Mike. dawn tells me that you once drilled a hole in the door of your fridge just to check the light went out when you closed the door. lol

Ian