Thanks everybody. I know I'm a really lucky guy to have a wife I love more than anything in the world so this is just one of those things. My wife without swinging would win every time over swinging without my wife.
Being an eternal optimist and having got over the initial down, the seed is planted in her mind so you never know..............................................
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Advice on asking Wife to swing
Thanks again for all the support. My wife has been great about it as well although its not been mentioned since shes not making me suffer for it and its life as normal which is great. I'll certainly be sticking around on here though and I've not completely given up yet!
I might not be swinging but I've got a great forum to enjoy
I might not be swinging but I've got a great forum to enjoy
Quote by Spark61
Thanks everybody. I know I'm a really lucky guy to have a wife I love more than anything in the world so this is just one of those things. My wife without swinging would win every time over swinging without my wife.
Being an eternal optimist and having got over the initial down, the seed is planted in her mind so you never know..............................................
one more thought spark
how about just being in the same room as another couple just watching each other no touching at all
my lady would never consider swinging but she does love to watch and be watched
and i must say it is good fun
colin
Well it s been nearly a year and I can't believe where the time has gone. I 've not mentioned swinging to my wife in all that time and then the other night there was a glimmer of hope. Laying in bed watching real wife swaps my wife said something like "that looks like a fun place". Now you may think I should have jumped right on that but I was so sort of shocked and just came out with a pathetic " "does doesn't it" Then nothing! Now was she just referring to the decor or what? Do I raise the subject again?
We are out and about today so mybe mention it in a non sexual environment which is maybe where I went wrong last time. Maybe there is hope after all!
We are out and about today so mybe mention it in a non sexual environment which is maybe where I went wrong last time. Maybe there is hope after all!
Quote by Spark61
Well it s been nearly a year and I can't believe where the time has gone. I 've not mentioned swinging to my wife in all that time and then the other night there was a glimmer of hope. Laying in bed watching real wife swaps my wife said something like "that looks like a fun place". Now you may think I should have jumped right on that but I was so sort of shocked and just came out with a pathetic " "does doesn't it" Then nothing! Now was she just referring to the decor or what? Do I raise the subject again?
We are out and about today so mybe mention it in a non sexual environment which is maybe where I went wrong last time. Maybe there is hope after all!
maybe in all the time that has passed she has thought more about it and the idea not so shocking and even appealing perhaps? remind her about the prog and simply ask her what is was that she thought was fun, once you know this, then you will have a better understanding of the the next step. It may be she likes the idea of the dressing up, the fact that it appeared not as intimidating or threatening as she had imagined?
Good luck, you have got a lot further than me, my wife wont even consider watching the bloody prog lol
Quote by KitKat
Hiya Sparky,
You will need to ensure Mrs Sparky does not think that you are going to put any pressure on her to change her mind.
Then - indulge the fantasies. The beauty of fantasies is you can go a whole lot further than you ever would in real life!
There are many couples that never actually reach the stage where they can even relax
enough to enjoy their fantasies - I will tell you one thing for sure - you may not be lucky enough to have a wife that swings but you are a damn sight luckier than several thousand husbands on here who wish their wives were more like yours.
Be realistic - recognise that you are a very lucky man, and make sure that Mrs Sparky knows you feel that way.
lhk
Kat
I agree with above advice. :thumbup:
Now mine. Sparky you’re in the right place for sharing your story. Every now and then, we get this ‘moral dilemma’ type of thread from people in non-swinging committed relationship.
Like you, I’ve mentioned the possibility of swinging to my partner in the past but deep inside, I know I didn’t mean it and besides, the topic was brought up in the heat of the moment, you know when women are in miserable winging mood. Like your wife, he said no, you know a non-negotiable arrangement.
Although I harped at him for being a boring fartbag, I look back and say I’m saner now because he said no. It’s like I needed his veto to protect me from knowing what’s really good for myself. Even if he had agreed to it readily, I would have been hugely disappointed, hurt and even scared shit of what I had proposed…then you’d have to act on it. Human beings or women rather, are rather complex. You have to understand it’s only because your wife loves you in that ‘old fashioned way’ that it’s very difficult for her to come round to your drastic swinging suggestion. From your post, she sounds like a marvelous person and that you two appear to have a fairly healthy sexual relationship (unlike other pointless marriages I’ve come across with zero sex – but who am I to judge?).
I don’t particularly feel it’s such a huge sacrifice respecting my partner’s right to veto and if you really love and care for your wife’s feeling you’d do the same thing. All life is a compromise and who is to say swinging has none but the grass is always greener on the other side. You did say you’d rather be a non swinger with your wife than be a swinger without her. You’ve answered part of your own question.
Also consider if you yourself will be able to cope with swinging lifestyle. Once you get your wife hooked on swinging, you might not like the sort of person she’s become. I feel similarly to you and I guess we’re what you call people in the grey area between swinging and non-swinging. Still I’ve found that fantasy can get you high and the last thing on my mind is suggestion of swinging to my partner.
Maybe the question isn’t about to swing or not to swing but to take this experience as a process to learn more about yourself. You might actually find that you weren’t the person you thought you were. But if you do make it to swinging scene with a willing wife, be prepared for the transition to take time in months and perhaps even time in years when you and your wife hit your 50s. Good luck with your journey…
Many thanks for the extremely useful and considered advice, its really appreciated. Just hearing other peoples views helps to get things in perspective. I see there are people not even as far down the line as me and people a lot further ahead so normal life really.
softly, softly catchee Monkey ! I think thats the expression I'm looking for lol
softly, softly catchee Monkey ! I think thats the expression I'm looking for lol
Quote by Spark61
Many thanks for the extremely useful and considered advice, its really appreciated. Just hearing other peoples views helps to get things in perspective. I see there are people not even as far down the line as me and people a lot further ahead so normal life really.
softly, softly catchee Monkey ! I think thats the expression I'm looking for lol
My experience in sales has taught me that given a gentle enough approach, and enough time, nearly anyone can be persuaded of nearly anything.
"Plant the seed and let it grow" is definitely the way - something in your wife is going to have to have changed from the person who said "definitely not" a year ago, before she'll give it a go, and you can't force that change on her... but a bit of gentle nurturing, and a lot of patience, and you'll be amazed what can happen. It's a two way process though, and you may find that you change your position as well, and go off the idea!
