Am i a wrong un!!

6 Apr 2006

Dear SH members,
I have a dilema and wonder if i shoul dbe here.
I am a good looking married guy of 33. however, we are missing that certain zing in the bedroom and i have a need my wife is unable to satisfy.
I havent been with loads of women (although ive had my share!), and am loking to branch out a bit. so i was wondering if this was the rigght place??
My wife has said she's not interested in swinging so what do i do?
this is a 'liberal' site apparentlyso is it the sort of place where i could find someone to share some clean NSA adult fun??
Thanks,
PG

6 Apr 2006

You say your wife is not interested in swinging but you don't say if she is happy for you to.
If you are looking for a quicky this is not the place for you, if you are serious, want to make some friends, meet like minded people, then come and join us.
H.x

6 Apr 2006

I looked at this and thought I'd wait till someone else replied and see what they said but it did'nt help lol, anyway I'll try answer as I or indeed both of us think about as swingers, as far as I'm concerned and most we have played with when we swing as a couple we are still being faithfull to one another, as we have always been, what you are asking or correct me if I'm wrong is to go behind your partners back and play with others without her knowing, well in our books this is cheating, something we would never do, but it's your life BUT think what would happen if your wife found out or god forbid you contacted a STD, now would she be willing to forgive or would it be the end of a relationship for you blah blah blah going on the point It's always best to talk to your partner tell her your feelings about what you want to do and try, you never know she may give you permission or indeed play with you as a couple or she could simply say no. but then it's upto you as it always was in the first place. ..........end of sermon..............
cat

6 Apr 2006

Quote by PaperGiant
Dear SH members,

:welcome: PG

Quote by PaperGiant
...I have a dilema and wonder if i shoul dbe here. ..

:shock: no comment.

Quote by PaperGiant
< snip > married guy of 33. < snip> missing that certain zing in the bedroom and i have a need my wife is unable to satisfy. ...

... So you have a problem then?

Quote by PaperGiant
...and am loking to branch out a bit....

You ignoring that missing 'zing' thing between you & your wife?

Quote by PaperGiant
...My wife has said she's not interested in swinging so what do i do?

Join a swinging site? rolleyes

Quote by PaperGiant
...this is a 'liberal' site apparentlyso is it the sort of place where i could find someone to share some clean NSA adult fun??

ahhhh I see... & you want SH members to guarantee you an easy leg over?
Sorry mate... No Guarantee!!!
My only advice...if your honest you WILL get what you want on SH
Even those who cheat on their partners sad

Horses for courses...
But go try that honesty thing with your wife first... you wont find much sympathy here!
edit... sorry if the sympathy thing was a bit too blunt... that was my personal view & does not reflect the view of any one else on SH!

6 Apr 2006

thanks for the comments so far guys and gals.
im just dipping my toe in at the moment and trying to guage feelings. all your comments are helpful!

6 Apr 2006

Quote by PaperGiant
im just dipping my toe in at the moment and trying to guage feelings. all your comments are helpful!

A wise move and one I've sugeted a few times now, whilst sit back and learn may sound condesending it's reall not. Just take time out to view people react to whats posted, find you feet and when you feel comfortable join in. biggrin

However may I sugest the "my wife doesn't understand my sexual wants" normally doesn't work.

6 Apr 2006

Quote by PaperGiant
thanks for the comments so far guys and gals.
im just dipping my toe in at the moment and trying to guage feelings. all your comments are helpful!

:shock: helpful? us? we only help the deviated & the perverted on SH & if Toe Dipping is your bag then your more than welcome... PG dont be a stranger ok?

6 Apr 2006

Quote by PaperGiant
Dear SH members,
I have a dilema and wonder if i shoul dbe here.
I am a good looking married guy of 33. however, we are missing that certain zing in the bedroom and i have a need my wife is unable to satisfy.
I havent been with loads of women (although ive had my share!), and am loking to branch out a bit. so i was wondering if this was the rigght place??
My wife has said she's not interested in swinging so what do i do?
this is a 'liberal' site apparentlyso is it the sort of place where i could find someone to share some clean NSA adult fun??
Thanks,
PG

You've got a couple of options here
You can try to put the 'zing' in your bedroom that you feel is lacking. Find out her turn ons, subtly of course, don't just do the "our sex life is crap, what turns you on?" kind of line confused

Say to her you want to know everything about her, every detail, all her wants, needs, likes and dislikes - not just in the bedroom, but get to know this woman completely. You just work on the bedroom side of your relationship and it ain't gonna happen. Once you become sensitive to all aspects of her life, then chances are, she will open up to you more on the intimate side.
To give yourself fully to someone, let them know all about you, there has to be a massive trust - if you're thinking of doing this behind her back, then even if the trust hasn't gone yet, chances are it will. Then you won't have a hope in hell of finding out about your wife, on an emotional level, let alone the intimate sexual level.
Don't think any of this is something you can do over a weekend :? It's ongoing, you have to give yourself as much as you went her to give of herself. From what you've written up there you do come across as blaming your wife cos she's the one "unable to satisfy" - try taking half the problem instead of shrugging the whole lot off your shoulders! Believe me, sex an intimate thing between a couple, just cos she's not doing what you want her to do - don't blame her. After all, she could be thinking the very same thing - lousy lover and crap shag which ain't worth expanding upon :?
Of course there is another option, that one is hard work - being part of a couple does mean work and compromise on both parts!!!
You can go behind her back and party your head off :twisted: You can risk that you're not going to get caught - you might well not, swinging can be very anonymous.
But you have to presume that you will get caught - and when you do, you have to be man enough to take all the blame......... not shrug it off your shoulders cos your wife "was unable to satisfy", therefore pushing you elsewhere rolleyes

Noone can advise you on what to do - none of us know either of you - I suggest you have a bluddy good think about things, think of what you could lose..... and then decide if it's worth losing for a shag dunno

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Missy
You've got a couple of options here
You can try to put the 'zing' in your bedroom that you feel is lacking. Find out her turn ons, subtly of course, don't just do the "our sex life is crap, what turns you on?" kind of line
Say to her you want to know everything about her, every detail, all her wants, needs, likes and dislikes - not just in the bedroom, but get to know this woman completely. You just work on the bedroom side of your relationship and it ain't gonna happen. Once you become sensitive to all aspects of her life, then chances are, she will open up to you more on the intimate side.
To give yourself fully to someone, let them know all about you, there has to be a massive trust - if you're thinking of doing this behind her back, then even if the trust hasn't gone yet, chances are it will. Then you won't have a hope in hell of finding out about your wife, on an emotional level, let alone the intimate sexual level.
Don't think any of this is something you can do over a weekend :? It's ongoing, you have to give yourself as much as you went her to give of herself. From what you've written up there you do come across as blaming your wife cos she's the one "unable to satisfy" - try taking half the problem instead of shrugging the whole lot off your shoulders! Believe me, sex an intimate thing between a couple, just cos she's not doing what you want her to do - don't blame her. After all, she could be thinking the very same thing - lousy lover and crap shag which ain't worth expanding upon :?
Of course there is another option, that one is hard work - being part of a couple does mean work and compromise on both parts!!!
You can go behind her back and party your head off :twisted: You can risk that you're not going to get caught - you might well not, swinging can be very anonymous.
But you have to presume that you will get caught - and when you do, you have to be man enough to take all the blame......... not shrug it off your shoulders cos your wife "was unable to satisfy", therefore pushing you elsewhere
Noone can advise you on what to do - none of us know either of you - I suggest you have a bluddy good think about things, think of what you could lose..... and then decide if it's worth losing for a shag

:worship: :worship:

6 Apr 2006

Quote by little gem
:worship: :worship:

Thank you :happy: kiss

all chuffed now, the gorgeous Gem saw me post!! :happy:
I felt a right ol battleaxe nagging the poor sod tho :lol2:

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Missy
:worship: :worship:

Thank you :happy: kiss

all chuffed now, the gorgeous Gem saw me post!! :happy:
I felt a right ol battleaxe nagging the poor sod tho :lol2:
You'll never be an old battleaxe Missy! passionkiss

And your points were spot on.

6 Apr 2006

By asking the very question "am I a wrong 'un" you imply you have some sense of guilt.... otherwise, why ask?
We feel guilt for a reason!
Therefore, the first person to aswer the question should be you - to yourself.

6 Apr 2006

Some very good advice all round there PG.
If you've already recognised that you and your wife are having a few problems in that area, then that's what you should be looking at first rather than trying to saisfy your own needs. You don't say how long you've been married but from personal experience, it took me quite a few years to even be able to tell my (ex) hubby what I liked in bed.
If she doesn't like to talk face to face about sex ( and a lot of people don't ) then why not sit together and write a list of all the things you've BOTH wanted to try but haven't ( a couple of drinks usually helps loosen the imagination ) We tried this and discovered a whole newworld in the bedroom and it made me more open about sex in general. I'm not saying this WILL work for you but for the sake of your marriage ( which is more important than satisfying your own sexual cravings ) it's might be worth a try.
I harboured a bi curious fantasy for most of the time I was married but didn't have the nerve to try it until I split from my ex. You never know what she may be thinking about :twisted:
Sorry if it sounds like a nag but I do hope you work things out kiss

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Missy
...Noone can advise you on what to do - none of us know either of you - I suggest you have a bluddy good think about things, think of what you could lose..... and then decide if it's worth losing for a shag

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: nice one Missy!

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
... You never know what she may be thinking about :twisted:
...

A bucket full of man paste pehaps? dunno

6 Apr 2006

My 2p worth,
Doing something behind someones back ............... will always end in tears for the cheater and/or the cheated.
I would suggest you talk to your wife............ I dont mean a quick chat one night ........ I mean a real heart to heart talk.
Good luck
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

6 Apr 2006

Guys and girlies,
thanks for the advice.
most of you are, of course, right.
just wanted to see what the response would be like and whether i was doing a bad thing.
You never know, she may be thinking the same if we have an open chat - even better she may have bi tendancies!!! Now that would be the jackpot!
thanks

6 Apr 2006

Quote by PaperGiant
Guys and girlies,
thanks for the advice.
most of you are, of course, right.
just wanted to see what the response would be like and whether i was doing a bad thing.
You never know, she may be thinking the same if we have an open chat - even better she may have bi tendancies!!! Now that would be the jackpot!
thanks

Do you really know your partner or are you simply letting your imagination run away with you. I'm single but when I have been in a relationship loving or other wise, one of the things I have done in the past is TALK to said partner try it it's a good way of getting to know each others wants. As fo rthe bi bit I'd let her decide if she is or not instead of shouting it out in public as if it's some form of a trophy. confused

:? :? now where have I heard the tophy phrase before

6 Apr 2006

my advice- TALK, TALK and then TALK even more. Please respect her wishes if she doesn't want to swing.
Good Luck & welcome to the site

6 Apr 2006

Quote by redpantherman
... You never know what she may be thinking about :twisted:
...

A bucket full of man paste pehaps? dunno

:smackbottom: Go to my room, bad boy !

6 Apr 2006

The milk of human kindness.........Your all mean.
Well for my reply.... I would say try and make things right with your wife, are you sure your everything she wants in the bedroom? One thing I have learned in my very few years on this married planet is that its a two way thing... if your not getting I would bet my left nad your not giving!! Sorry if its harsh...... Try and give more and I bet my right Nad you get more.....
Ok Lecture over......... if all else fails lie like fluck and have a great time.
Mike x

6 Apr 2006

"am I a wrong 'un"
:shock: :shock: :shock: you wouldn't ask that where I work mate lol