As a married guy who is looking to get involved in the "scene" am I too honest telling all that I am married and that my wife would neither want to be involved or want me to be involved and is this whats preventing me from getiing into the "scene" .
or should i just lie??????......and why do bi-male guys always try to chat me up?
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
am I too honest???
last reply
45 replies
1.9k views
0 watchers
0 likes
Quote by robhambledon
As a married guy who is looking to get involved in the "scene" am I too honest telling all that I am married and that my wife would neither want to be involved or want me to be involved and is this whats preventing me from getiing into the "scene" .
or should i just lie??????......and why do bi-male guys always try to chat me up?
You're not being honest at all I don't think. Yes, you've told the truth ABOUT your wife but not TO her. You'll probably find that fems are put off by the fact that you're doing this on the sly. You shouldn't be doing this behind her back without thinking of the consequences if she does find out. Yes, you could lie, say you're single and get plenty of shags but in the long run is it worth losing your marriage and possibly your kids ( if you have any ) for a quick shag?
As for bi guys chatting you up, it's because they're all tarts
Sex God
Quote by robhambledon
As a married guy who is looking to get involved in the "scene" am I too honest telling all that I am married and that my wife would neither want to be involved or want me to be involved and is this whats preventing me from getiing into the "scene" .
or should i just lie??????......and why do bi-male guys always try to chat me up?
The problem is going to be that people who are swinging already usually want to swing with people who have come without baggage so to speak. So if you have a wife who is likely to appear spitting feathers during a meet (and you don't know...it COULD happen!) the chances are the person contemplating meeting you will meet someone else instead that does'nt have that situation hanging over them.
Just my musings though!
Love
Mrs Lizard xx
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:Quote by robhambledon
wow....thank you all who have posted.......I am impressed by the compassion shown and the wise words.....truly it is better to be honest with people such as you..and now I will be honest with myself..........so to all thank youl
You need to start by being honest with your wife about what you're doing
Quote by robhambledon
wow....thank you all who have posted.......I am impressed by the compassion shown and the wise words.....truly it is better to be honest with people such as you
Then when you've done that......be honest with your wife
Sex God
if you've already taken the decision to be dishonest with your wife, which IMO is something you will one day live to regret, the least you can do is be honest with the people here, so that they can avoid getting caught up in that dishonesty.
i'm making no judgements here. i don't live your life! ;) but i'm aware of the kind of fallout that can happen resulting from that kind of deception among our little community. deceiving your wife is something only you have to deal with at the moment. don't make anyone else complicit in it?
so long as you're honest with us at least, we can all make that decision for ourselves. if you lie to us, you take away our right to do that? honesty is always the best policy.
neil x x x ;)
i'm making no judgements here. i don't live your life! ;) but i'm aware of the kind of fallout that can happen resulting from that kind of deception among our little community. deceiving your wife is something only you have to deal with at the moment. don't make anyone else complicit in it?
so long as you're honest with us at least, we can all make that decision for ourselves. if you lie to us, you take away our right to do that? honesty is always the best policy.
neil x x x ;)
Quote by de_sade
Can one be too honest?
:smoke: 'ere...What you bin smokin' man. Your posts have gone decidedly hippy-dippy... :smoke:
What with Buddha and reincarnation and Nirvana... :smoke: Now deep, deep metaphysical questions... :smoke:
De_sade
Both question where serious, the above question; is one lie better than two.
As for the Buddhist question, and hippies. Buddhistum is better than piling up wealth for the love of money.
No I do not smoke
Warming the Bed
Whilst all this is good advice it is all taking a very simple black and white view of it. Things can be more complex, there can be issues and reasons why the wife isn't in the know.
Idealy all parties should be aware but life isn't always that simple.
Idealy all parties should be aware but life isn't always that simple.
Sex God
Quote by clinguist
Whilst all this is good advice it is all taking a very simple black and white view of it. Things can be more complex, there can be issues and reasons why the wife isn't in the know.
Idealy all parties should be aware but life isn't always that simple.
Who told you that? Your wife?
Warming the Bed
It may not be swinging but I wouldn't say it's an affair either.
EG, I am not happy in my life at the moe, don't see eye to eye with the wife on a lot of things, my view of sex is something fun to do with others (like wrestling but less painful
). Now I have thought long and very hard on what to do with my life. I could end the marrage and walk away, but this affects others, namely my kids who I love very very much.
OK, so the answer is don't seek out friends to have fn with, but in that case I am left in a not very happy place slowly going crazy, I need a release. I don't believe in an afterlife, or reincarnation so I want to enjoy my stint here and not waste it if at all possible. This keeps me sane, and happy, if I am happy this reflects at home and people there are happy. everyones happy, if I don't I'm not happy, if I leave I am happy and the others arn't happy.
There is a risk as you state, but there is a risk with pretty much everything in life, as long as you don't get cocky, don't take risks and think carefully there should be no problems.
It's not the best situation in the world I will admit, and hopefully it's only temporary (things improve at home, she decides to join in...)
hopefully you and others here can see what I mean, I'm not a bad person at heart.
EG, I am not happy in my life at the moe, don't see eye to eye with the wife on a lot of things, my view of sex is something fun to do with others (like wrestling but less painful
). Now I have thought long and very hard on what to do with my life. I could end the marrage and walk away, but this affects others, namely my kids who I love very very much.OK, so the answer is don't seek out friends to have fn with, but in that case I am left in a not very happy place slowly going crazy, I need a release. I don't believe in an afterlife, or reincarnation so I want to enjoy my stint here and not waste it if at all possible. This keeps me sane, and happy, if I am happy this reflects at home and people there are happy. everyones happy, if I don't I'm not happy, if I leave I am happy and the others arn't happy.
There is a risk as you state, but there is a risk with pretty much everything in life, as long as you don't get cocky, don't take risks and think carefully there should be no problems.
It's not the best situation in the world I will admit, and hopefully it's only temporary (things improve at home, she decides to join in...)
hopefully you and others here can see what I mean, I'm not a bad person at heart.
Sex God
Quote by clinguist
It may not be swinging but I wouldn't say it's an affair either.
EG, I am not happy in my life at the moe, don't see eye to eye with the wife on a lot of things, my view of sex is something fun to do with others (like wrestling but less painful
OK, so the answer is don't seek out friends to have fn with, but in that case I am left in a not very happy place slowly going crazy, I need a release. I don't believe in an afterlife, or reincarnation so I want to enjoy my stint here and not waste it if at all possible. This keeps me sane, and happy, if I am happy this reflects at home and people there are happy. everyones happy, if I don't I'm not happy, if I leave I am happy and the others arn't happy.
There is a risk as you state, but there is a risk with pretty much everything in life, as long as you don't get cocky, don't take risks and think carefully there should be no problems.
It's not the best situation in the world I will admit, and hopefully it's only temporary (things improve at home, she decides to join in...)
hopefully you and others here can see what I mean, I'm not a bad person at heart.
I agree with what Neil said, above.
If you choose to deceive your wife, fine. If you choose to be honest or lie to the people on here who may or may not be potential playmates, fine.
But don't insult us all by trying to justify what you are doing. It's cheating whichever way you look at it.
Quote by clinguist
It's not the best situation in the world I will admit, and hopefully it's only temporary (things improve at home, she decides to join in...)
"Things" will never improve at home while you're putting you energies into your "swinging" life rather than sitting down with your wife and working through your problems. Surely that's easier than standing in a divorce court and having your swinging life dragged into the proceedings because your wife found out?
How can she decide to "join in" if you're not telling her what you're doing? How does she know that you enjoy swinging and that you want her to be a part of that life unless you communicate that with her?
Quote by robhambledon
As a married guy who is looking to get involved in the "scene" am I too honest telling all that I am married and that my wife would neither want to be involved or want me to be involved and is this whats preventing me from getiing into the "scene" .
or should i just lie??????......and why do bi-male guys always try to chat me up?
Are you too honest?
Hmm thinks for all of 2 seconds.
You're lying to your wife, your debating whether to lie to everyone on here.
In answer to your question - no, you're not too honest
Warming the Bed
Quote by freckledbird
I agree with what Neil said, above.
If you choose to deceive your wife, fine. If you choose to be honest or lie to the people on here who may or may not be potential playmates, fine.
But don't insult us all by trying to justify what you are doing. It's cheating whichever way you look at it.
I wouldn't have thought being honest and open about my reasons was an insult. What I have said is my own reasoning, it makes sense to me, at this time, I am not sayin git is right for all. As I said it's not perfect, I don't deny it's wrong, and as such I am honest and upfront with the people who my deception may involve.
My choice doesn't sit well with you, that is perfectly acceptible, you're not me, we are different people after all, but I am not trying to insult anyone.
Quote by clinguist
Whilst all this is good advice it is all taking a very simple black and white view of it. Things can be more complex, there can be issues and reasons why the wife isn't in the know.
Idealy all parties should be aware but life isn't always that simple.
I don't normally bother with threads like this - but ..............
Bollocks. Life is exactlythat simple.
. . . . reasons why the wife isn't in the know ?????????????????????
What ? - Like she wouldn't stand for it ?
Warming the Bed
Quote by celestria
"Things" will never improve at home while you're putting you energies into your "swinging" life rather than sitting down with your wife and working through your problems. Surely that's easier than standing in a divorce court and having your swinging life dragged into the proceedings because your wife found out?
How can she decide to "join in" if you're not telling her what you're doing? How does she know that you enjoy swinging and that you want her to be a part of that life unless you communicate that with her?
It's quite a complicated and long winded tale that I am not going to recite here, I am putting my energies into my home life, I have no "swinging" life as such to speak of at the moment, the time I spend at home, alone, without my wife is when I am on here or doing other things, when my wife is actually present/availible/not asleep in bed I am with her, and trying to resolve things. The swinging would take a backseat and only take place at times when I would otherwise not be with my wife, I am not going to make special time to go out and do it.
My wife is quite well aware of my interest in the activity, and has many years ago had a very very very brief foray into it. I am slowly trying to convince her that it's not a horrible nasty thing to do and could be jolly good fun, so hopefully one day in the none too distant future, this alias will disapear and be replaced with a couple's alias, well that would be perfect. I myself am obvioulsy interested in trying it out as my presence here shows, who knows I may change my mind and not like it.
Sex God
Quote by clinguist
My choice doesn't sit well with you, that is perfectly acceptible, you're not me, we are different people after all, but I am not trying to insult anyone.
Your choice sits perfectly well with me, I don't give a monkeys because I wouldn't ever meet you. What I was saying is, don't try to justify your cheating by giving us all the sob story about different needs etc. We've heard it all before and it's still lying and cheating. Having said that, good luck - there are plenty of couples and singles on here who will (and indeed prefer) meet cheaters, whether they are male or female.
Warming the Bed
Quote by dambuster
My wife is quite well aware of my interest in the activity, . . . . . .
So - is she "in the know" or not "in the know" ??????????????
As of yet, I have done nothing, but thats not your question.
No she isn't "in the know" she just knows I like the idea and would like to try
Quote by clinguist
My wife is quite well aware of my interest in the activity, . . . . . .
So - is she "in the know" or not "in the know" ??????????????
As of yet, I have done nothing, but thats not your question.
No she isn't "in the know" she just knows I like the idea and would like to try
So would your wife not like to be involved if she is aware of your interest in the activity??
Sex God
Ahh this old chesnut again. one a week??? 
Sweapstake on when the next 'I'm not getting a shag, come pat me and give me sympathy' thread pops up??? :roll:I'm not being constructive cos I don't think it warrents it?
Why ask a question where you already know deep down the answer of what you should be doing? :dunno: If you really didn't care about your wife then you wouldn't have asked all us to chip our tuppence in and then given reasons to supposedly justify things. Thats what gets my back up. We all have reasons for one thing or another but not everyone needs to purge their own guilt via public hanging. :? If you're going to do it, declare your status so everyone else can have their personal preferrence and just darn well get on with it. each to their own.My two penny... you're better to be honest and then the people who meet you won't hunt you down and kill you like a rabied dog when they've found out you lied.
Simple really.
Could be worse... we could have set the resident darkfire to 'hound' ;) and growl at you instead!
;) Love ya really dark! Oh shit.... done it now....
