An Ode to the ''Women seeking Men'' adverts

17 Jun 2009

Folks,
This is meant as a bit of fun - if you spend time scouring the 'Women seeking Men' adverts then you'll have seen something like this (OK - not as extreme but for comic effect, i've made it so). Hope this raises a smile...
'Women seeking Men'
Looking for a very select male who absolutely must tick all of the following:
- Brad Pitt lookalike - and not just in any old movie, must be exactly the same as Brad Pitt in Troy scene 1 with the ruffled hair. Complete with 6-pack and leather skirt. Or Donnie Darko - but without the rabbit.
- Must have hair, naturally needs to match Brad's colour perfectly. And I have a lock of his hair (off ebay) and will check - no match = bugger off. Dare not have a single hair on your body mind. Ok so I may have a little facial hair - but it's you who will be going away with a rash and not me.
- Did I say 6-pack ? Yes, by looking at my pictures you'll see I'm considerably overweight but I just like my guys to work out lots and look more like Adonis to my BBW version of Sticky Vicky.
- Age - up to 25. Brad may have been 41 when he filmed Troy but lets face facts, he is the only guy on this earth who can possibly look good over 25. You may be my junior by 20 years but that's just what I'm looking for, get it ?
- I'm Bi - happy to meet up with any woman regardless.
- No piercings or tattoos except for one mandatory small star of David on your scrotum. Did I mention I was Jewish ? Obviously I can't shag any Muslim guys - oh, unless you're black, in which case that's fine.
- 16 inch penis. Nothing less will do. At exactly 9 inches (from pubis) it must bend upwards by 15 degrees - this will really hit my g-spot and make me scream. I will have a tape measure and protractor to hand on our meet.
- NO MARRIED MEN. May the Earth open up beneath your feet, fire and brimstone pour into said hole and drop in a plague of locusts for good measure. I'm extremely judgmental and don't care if your wife has run off with your Auntie Pauline, you made your commitment for life so get on with it.
- Married women fine.
- and NO WINKS - yes, I could just select 'Wink auto responders' but I'd rather sound really tough and demand that you type in an essay with 1500 words describing your likes and dislikes. I won't tell you mine so it's a bit of a lottery - good luck.
This may sound a bit harsh to you but face facts; you outnumber us by 50 to 1 so I can afford to be choosy - now back to your work-out !
Coming soon:
The trying-not-to-sound-desperate 'Men seeking Women' advert and of course the unwanted response that soooo many couples / females get "I'm not at all what your looking for but just in case you had a mental block when you placed the ad, I'm exactly the opposite. Here's hoping..."
Enjoy.

17 Jun 2009

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dam

17 Jun 2009

This should be sent to the ''women Seeking Males'' appears some women are seeking the holy grail. Surely its the person that matters and how a woman is treated that is important

21 Jun 2009

I wonder if it's why so many people complain of time wasters. People post their profile probably (being kind ) doctored a little and when they get a come on from someone they've replied to they would rather be thought a time waster than be shown up as being inaccurate on their profile. That being said the initial post says it all that women can afford to be choosey but by being so choosey they are missing out cos who says you have to be an Adonis to be able to please a woman.
ps isn't it funny Brad Pitt and Ange had to adopt

7 Jul 2009

Quote by massageman
I wonder if it's why so many people complain of time wasters. People post their profile probably (being kind ) doctored a little and when they get a come on from someone they've replied to they would rather be thought a time waster than be shown up as being inaccurate on their profile. That being said the initial post says it all that women can afford to be choosey but by being so choosey they are missing out cos who says you have to be an Adonis to be able to please a woman.
ps isn't it funny Brad Pitt and Ange had to adopt

We should have a rating system, We should have a floppy cock next to our profile, The more votes the hard the cock. So all the time wasters will have floppy cocks :P

7 Jul 2009

Quote by massageman
I wonder if it's why so many people complain of time wasters. People post their profile probably (being kind ) doctored a little and when they get a come on from someone they've replied to they would rather be thought a time waster than be shown up as being inaccurate on their profile. That being said the initial post says it all that women can afford to be choosey but by being so choosey they are missing out cos who says you have to be an Adonis to be able to please a woman.
ps isn't it funny Brad Pitt and Ange had to adopt

We should have a rating system, We should have a floppy cock next to our profile, The more votes the harder the cock. So all the time wasters will have floppy cocks :P

7 Jul 2009

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
No women seem to be replyong to this thread...

7 Jul 2009

Quote by stevesms
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
No women seem to be replyong to this thread...

Ok I will, he missed a bit.
You also have to be funny, intelligent, and witty, have a great sense of humour, and know how to make me laugh. rolleyes

21 Jul 2009

Very funny and so true! You read the check list at times and think to yourself: 'fuck me this lady must be Jennifer Lo's doppleganger', then you go to the pix and she's as plain as your Aunty Doris and carrying at least two stone!
lol

The other thing often put: 'no face pix on your profile don't bother us/me'. Then you check their/her profile and they/she either don't have face pix themselves or they've pasted themselves out! Like oh yes your privacy is more important than mine.