And Now A Few Questions...

11 Jun 2007

WOW, after quite a wild weekend on the shores of the Northern Riviera of Blackpool, we now have some questions...
On Saturday night, we decided that after a lovely Chinese meal on the North Shore, that at the very last minute we swallowed our fears and nerves and just went to go to Infusion (Blackpool) at about 10pm. We wandered about for a bit trying to find the street, with no success so rang up and got the directions and ended up getting a cab as we decided it was too far to walk.
From this comes question number one and :
If you are getting a cab to a Bar or a Club of this nature, do you get dropped off at the door, or at the top of the street and walk down? Do Taxi drivers ever have a problem doing this / give you any abuse?
and question two;
Is it wrong to need a little bit of Dutch courage as we were petrified at the prospect of going through a UPVC door and couldn't find a pub nearby to get a stiff drink? ;-)
We got into the reception - and were calmed considerably by the lovely girl on the reception, we didn't know what to expect and to be honest didn't want to be "shown" around as we felt we would look like idiots being shown around...
question three;
Are people at clubs for the first time that easy to spot or is everyone just as nervous regardless of the number of times that you have been?
We went and sat in the lounge and then by the pool, then explored a little bit upstairs and then watched a few people frolicking about in the pool and after about an hour decided that we would go for it and went and got changed into a towel. We had a quick dip and a little bit of banter with the people around us, and decided to go and have a play together in one of the rooms.
We ended up coming back downstairs and got talking to another couple who were also new that night and had a lovely natter while watching the people playing in the pool.
Question four;
We just got talking to this lovely couple, but are there any things that we need to know about like the masons handshake? (I jest somewhat, but there is a serious question underneith) If we get up and pro-actively go and talk to a couple are they expecting us to play with them from that point on?
We ended up having a bit of a play together and another couple came in and watched / played together in front of us, we didn't know if they wanted to play or what, because as with a lot of people who we saw / were near to - very little was said...
question five;
Is swinging a quiet society, as we thought on the whole that people were quite quiet / non chatty or is that because we didn't know anyone there? We weren't particularly bold just walking up to people, but that was because we felt that we should respect peoples privacy somewhat.
question six;
What time should we think about going to a club like that, because it was quite quiet when we arrived and seemed to be packed at when we were leaving? or is each one different?
question seven;
As I was walking around the pool, a lovely looking couple were sat on a swing chair, she was lounged over him with her legs spread playing as I walked past, I felt like I wanted to look, and that I wanted to watch, but where is this / isn't this appropriate, I didn't want to look like an idiot by standing there gawping, but at the same time, I wanted to watch, is this a point where you should ask if you can watch or just sit quietly nearby and see what happens?
Sorry for all the questions, I am just curious about what different people say in response as we have mulled over it the last few days and come up with about a million answers and are just thinking about it too much so wanted other peoples opinions...
But all in all, we felt this was a fantastically liberating experience and that everyone who was there was having a great time.
Mr & Ms. Absolute

11 Jun 2007

WOW, after quite a wild weekend on the shores of the Northern Riviera of Blackpool, we now have some questions...
On Saturday night, we decided that after a lovely Chinese meal on the North Shore, that at the very last minute we swallowed our fears and nerves and just went to go to Infusion (Blackpool) at about 10pm. We wandered about for a bit trying to find the street, with no success so rang up and got the directions and ended up getting a cab as we decided it was too far to walk.
From this comes question number one and :
If you are getting a cab to a Bar or a Club of this nature, do you get dropped off at the door, or at the top of the street and walk down? Do Taxi drivers ever have a problem doing this / give you any abuse?
and question two;
Is it wrong to need a little bit of Dutch courage as we were petrified at the prospect of going through a UPVC door and couldn't find a pub nearby to get a stiff drink? ;-)
We got into the reception - and were calmed considerably by the lovely girl on the reception, we didn't know what to expect and to be honest didn't want to be "shown" around as we felt we would look like idiots being shown around...
Don't worry we were all new once, and we thought this is good becasue perhaps people may talk to you more if you're new
question three;
Are people at clubs for the first time that easy to spot or is everyone just as nervous regardless of the number of times that you have been?
Course not, everyone looks the same, we always get that nervous feel but each time does get easier
We went and sat in the lounge and then by the pool, then explored a little bit upstairs and then watched a few people frolicking about in the pool and after about an hour decided that we would go for it and went and got changed into a towel. We had a quick dip and a little bit of banter with the people around us, and decided to go and have a play together in one of the rooms.
We ended up coming back downstairs and got talking to another couple who were also new that night and had a lovely natter while watching the people playing in the pool.
We've experienced many ways of playing, meeting at a club to play, playing side by side and joining in, chatting and "officially" deciding to go to a room together and not even talking just brushing against each other in the pool and starting to play. You can't plan it, just go with what feels right on the night.
Question four;
We just got talking to this lovely couple, but are there any things that we need to know about like the masons handshake? (I jest somewhat, but there is a serious question underneith) If we get up and pro-actively go and talk to a couple are they expecting us to play with them from that point on?
Course not!! You chat to see if you get on, have sexual chemistry, if you don't move on....it's what we're all there for. Having said that I sometimes feel scared to smile at people in clubs for fear of being jumped on (auction kinda nose scratch!)
We ended up having a bit of a play together and another couple came in and watched / played together in front of us, we didn't know if they wanted to play or what, because as with a lot of people who we saw / were near to - very little was said...
Again tricky one. Often if people play beside you and they give lots of eye contact or touch you slightly, this could mean they are interested in playing. We've been floating in a pool when another cpl touched us in the water which we sharply followed up on!
question five;
Is swinging a quiet society, as we thought on the whole that people were quite quiet / non chatty or is that because we didn't know anyone there? We weren't particularly bold just walking up to people, but that was because we felt that we should respect peoples privacy somewhat.
We are always amazed at this, that flirting is so unapparent in clubs! I think many people are scared of rejection ultimately so afraid to make moves.
question six;
What time should we think about going to a club like that, because it was quite quiet when we arrived and seemed to be packed at when we were leaving? or is each one different?
question seven;
As I was walking around the pool, a lovely looking couple were sat on a swing chair, she was lounged over him with her legs spread playing as I walked past, I felt like I wanted to look, and that I wanted to watch, but where is this / isn't this appropriate, I didn't want to look like an idiot by standing there gawping, but at the same time, I wanted to watch, is this a point where you should ask if you can watch or just sit quietly nearby and see what happens?
Watch!!! Unless they are in a locked room, then generally watching is expected and often wanted (yum)! You never know you may get invited to join in...and don't be scared to say hello and that you're enjoying the show!
Sorry for all the questions, I am just curious about what different people say in response as we have mulled over it the last few days and come up with about a million answers and are just thinking about it too much so wanted other peoples opinions...
But all in all, we felt this was a fantastically liberating experience and that everyone who was there was having a great time.
Other than that...........relax! Try not to question everything and go with the flow. Next time will be easier, I was a rabbit in headlights first time!Mr & Ms. Absolute

pink x

11 Jun 2007

* Don't worry we were all new once, and we thought this is good becasue perhaps people may talk to you more if you're new
We hadn't thought of it like that - maybe that is a really good thing - its a fine line between confident and brash in this situation however
Course not, everyone looks the same, we always get that nervous feel but each time does get easier
Good, We couldn't work out whether it was the anticipation that was making us petrified or the fact that it might lead to something
We've experienced many ways of playing, meeting at a club to play, playing side by side and joining in, chatting and "officially" deciding to go to a room together and not even talking just brushing against each other in the pool and starting to play. You can't plan it, just go with what feels right on the night.
it makes perfect sense, but i felt it was worth asking ;-)
Course not!! You chat to see if you get on, have sexual chemistry, if you don't move on....it's what we're all there for. Having said that I sometimes feel scared to smile at people in clubs for fear of being jumped on (auction kinda nose scratch!)
Again tricky one. Often if people play beside you and they give lots of eye contact or touch you slightly, this could mean they are interested in playing. We've been floating in a pool when another cpl touched us in the water which we sharply followed up on!
I guess its because if you go to a bar - everyone has been to a bar or pub before and they know the format - you go to the bar, you queue, you give them your money, take your drink and the change and then move out of the way and stand/sit somewhere. You may then talk to the people who are around you and then may buy them a drink. If a guy buys a single woman a drink it normally implies something, if a guy buys a couple a drink it normally implies that they are getting on well, it doesn't imply that he wants to play with them... Where as all these kind of assumptions just don't apply in a swinging club... and no-one knows the rules of engagement so to speak. LOL
We are always amazed at this, that flirting is so unapparent in clubs! I think many people are scared of rejection ultimately so afraid to make moves.
I think we may have to be a lot more provacative next time...
Watch!!! Unless they are in a locked room, then generally watching is expected and often wanted (yum)! You never know you may get invited to join in...and don't be scared to say hello and that you're enjoying the show!
Damn! ;-) Would have loved to watch them...
Other than that...........relax! Try not to question everything and go with the flow. Next time will be easier, I was a rabbit in headlights first time!
I think that we must have looked like that too, we were like teenagers to be honest, couldn't sit still, and when we did we were just talking nervously - neither of us can remember what we said or talked about.
I think that the one point that you mentioned that does stick out is the fear.
One being of rejection and the second of someone you don't like the look of being interested in you.
We are a young couple, and the majority of people who we saw on Saturday were quite a lot older - not that we have any kind of problem with this, but it maybe wharps you boundaries of attraction. IE. If there is no-one there under 35 for intance (there were on Saturday, but say that there weren't) then you would automatically be searching for the person "nearest" to your desires.
You are in an environment, where you expect something to happen rather than not and hope that it will. So I wonder if we need to be more strict about what we do and don't want rather than being worried about offending people or worrying about being offended by people saying no?
More thoughts and opinions welcome... :-)
Mr. Absolute

11 Jun 2007

Quote by Absolutely
You are in an environment, where you expect something to happen rather than not and hope that it will. So I wonder if we need to be more strict about what we do and don't want rather than being worried about offending people or worrying about being offended by people saying no?
More thoughts and opinions welcome... :-)

To be honest, I'm not qualified to answer your questions about clubs because we've only ever been twice and it's not really our thing.
However, I do think that I can comment on what I've quoted above. I think the key word may be 'hope' - I wouldn't ever go anywhere 'expecting' anything to happen - you're setting yourself up for a fall if you do that, in my opinion.
I think that talking more and deciding what you both want/don't want, is something you should do as a matter of course. How will you know what's acceptable to one another if you don't talk about it first?
Don't be worried about offending people; even in a club situation, 'no' means 'no' and it's unlikely that anyone will be offended by that. As long as you aren't offensive about it, anyway! biggrin

11 Jun 2007

However, I do think that I can comment on what I've quoted above. I think the key word may be 'hope' - I wouldn't ever go anywhere 'expecting' anything to happen - you're setting yourself up for a fall if you do that, in my opinion.
I think that talking more and deciding what you both want/don't want, is something you should do as a matter of course. How will you know what's acceptable to one another if you don't talk about it first?
Don't be worried about offending people; even in a club situation, 'no' means 'no' and it's unlikely that anyone will be offended by that. As long as you aren't offensive about it, anyway! biggrin

If you're offended by someone saying 'no' to you, then you might want to think about whether you should be doing this anyway. If you expect people to say 'yes' to you all the time, you're going to be disappointed.
I may have worded that slighty poorly FreckledBird.
I intended to say something along the lines of...
If something is going to happen there is a much higher chance of meeting someone with similar desires in a swingers club that in your local pub/club/bar (in my opinion) so you are more expectant that if something does happen, you are more prepared for it...
In regards to talking about things - of course, without that we would be on a hiding to nothing. :-)
I think in regards to being offended by people, I don't think we would ask if we didn't think we may get a positive response, and if we didn't that would also be fine. We get the impression that some people just immediately respond to questions with; No means NO and you need to decide what you want from it, and have rules. Whereas the simple human curiosities are just ignored LOL.
I don't think any of my comments implied that we hadn't anticipated either of these situations Freckles. We had a lovely time and intend to go back soon. :-) We are very new to this and are quite articulate and inquisitive people, and would like to know as much as we can about what we are getting involved in... and what parts of it we like and don't like - that I think is something that you can only decide when you are near to or understand fully before you can make that kind of decision? But, what you say is right; maybe "expect the unexpected" could be a more accurate description of what the expect lol

11 Jun 2007

You've got some fine replies to your original questions Absolutely, so there's little to add.
One suggestion: if you are planning another visit to a club at least several days ahead, why not put a post in "Let's Meet Up" asking whether any other SH members are planning to go to the club on the specific night in question, so that you can exchange details, thoughts, and possible plans with them in private before the night.
Good luck.

12 Jun 2007

If you are getting a cab to a Bar or a Club of this nature, do you get dropped off at the door, or at the top of the street and walk down? Do Taxi drivers ever have a problem doing this / give you any abuse?

they've made a wage out of it? all they're out to do really? like they give a flying one. probably seen things would have your eyes out on stalks? lol

here . . . you should have seen what they had in the back of their cab last week! ;)

Is it wrong to need a little bit of Dutch courage as we were petrified at the prospect of going through a UPVC door and couldn't find a pub nearby to get a stiff drink?

in my experience, you would be somewhat unusual if you didn't? hardly your everyday night out is it? :P just don't go mad on it. so long as you have all your wits about you, and aren't so uninhibited as to face regrets in the morning thanks to the beer, fine.

Are people at clubs for the first time that easy to spot or is everyone just as nervous regardless of the number of times that you have been?

not sure? never really thought about it? dunno

would think though that quite often the nerves in a newbie and the anticipation in the more experienced are pretty much indistinguishable? can't say as i've spotted it in others, though others may have spotted it in me? :dunno: ;)

We just got talking to this lovely couple, but are there any things that we need to know about like the masons handshake? (I jest somewhat, but there is a serious question underneith) If we get up and pro-actively go and talk to a couple are they expecting us to play with them from that point on?

nope? not at all! you kind of have to make it clear at some point that this ain't just a social chat, this is foreplay. in a natural way obviously. ;) of course, both couples are gonna be a bit reticent at times, and feeling eachother out, trying to work out if this is just social chat, or foreplay. ;) sometimes you just have to lay your cards on the table. worst you'll get is a polite and respectful 'no', so long as your question is polite and respectful in the first place. can be a bummer thinking and wondering if you missed an opportunity later, just cos you went all shy on them, or were trying to second guess everything? i'm crap at second guessing, cos i imagine everyone's as shy and reticent as me. on reflection though, most wouldn't be there if they were!? from my point of view, nothing is expected, everything has to be explicit?

As I was walking around the pool, a lovely looking couple were sat on a swing chair, she was lounged over him with her legs spread playing as I walked past, I felt like I wanted to look, and that I wanted to watch, but where is this / isn't this appropriate, I didn't want to look like an idiot by standing there gawping, but at the same time, I wanted to watch, is this a point where you should ask if you can watch or just sit quietly nearby and see what happens?

very, very general rule . . . don't always apply, but, if they didn't want anyone to see them, they would not be in such a public area. voyeurism / exhibitionism is a big part of the swinging club experience, especially so for those who don't actually play with others. if they do feel uncomfortable, they will make it known, subtlely or otherwise. ;) ask if you can watch by all means. probably not necessary though? just don't disturb them by being in their face, be discreet about watching them, see what happens? they might really get off on it. not to say that's an invite, though they will make it pretty clear generally if it is.
HTH? ;)
neil x x x ;)

12 Jun 2007

Quote by neilinleeds
]
can't say as i've spotted it in others, though others may have spotted it in me? ;)

Never noticed you were nervous Neil - I was too busy being nervous myself. :scared: