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Another holiday Monday.
Sex God
Quote by Mr-Powers
if your daughter wants to stay with you....its up to you to do something about it....if she is clearly old enough for the courts to listen to,she can easily deal with what comes with it!
I don't have kids so it's not easy to comment but I was just about to say almost the same as Mr Powers :shock: (now I'm starting to worry!)
If your daughter is old enough for the courts to listen to her opinion and her preference as to where she lives then you should listen too. At the end of the day her happiness is what comes first and if it's making her unhappy living with her mum then you need to sit her down and make sure she knows what going to court would entail and then do what's right for her.
Hope it works out for you both!
Quote by flower411
if your daughter wants to stay with you....its up to you to do something about it....if she is clearly old enough for the courts to listen to,she can easily deal with what comes with it!
I said the law says that the family court should listen to her !!
I take it you have not ever had dealings with the family courts !!!
my brother has....and he now has joint custody,they listened to him...what says they won't do the same for you and your daughter.
The trouble seems to me that your ex is doing this to be difficult for the sake of doing it. Dragging it through the courts is the absolute last thing you do, I would say that you have talked to her mum and asked her why she feels so strongly about your daughter wanting to live with you and not mum. Surely she can see that in long run she will alienate her daughter and ruin any chance she has of a long lasting relationship with her daughter.
Quote by flower411
if your daughter wants to stay with you....its up to you to do something about it....if she is clearly old enough for the courts to listen to,she can easily deal with what comes with it!
I said the law says that the family court should listen to her !!
I take it you have not ever had dealings with the family courts !!!
my brother has....and he now has joint custody,they listened to him...what says they won't do the same for you and your daughter.
My Barrister
so your going to give up without a fight?
i know you don't need to but you haven't really said why your daughter doesn't want to be with her mum...if its as bad as she says...you've just got to give it your best shot....even get your hands dirty!
Under the new Children Act, the courts and welfare officers recognise the needs and feelings of the child, obviously she knows her own mind and wants to live with you.
It's horrible isn't it all this tug of war, I'm lucky mine was plain sailing but I've comforted by husband no end over the years with his battle.
I hope it all sorts itself out soon :therethere: xxx
It's horrible isn't it all this tug of war, I'm lucky mine was plain sailing but I've comforted by husband no end over the years with his battle.
I hope it all sorts itself out soon :therethere: xxx
Quote by flower411
if your daughter wants to stay with you....its up to you to do something about it....if she is clearly old enough for the courts to listen to,she can easily deal with what comes with it!
I said the law says that the family court should listen to her !!
I take it you have not ever had dealings with the family courts !!!
my brother has....and he now has joint custody,they listened to him...what says they won't do the same for you and your daughter.
My Barrister
so your going to give up without a fight?
I`m trying to find the direction for the fight !!
Should I fight through the courts, which could take years and will definately bankrupt me this time !!
Or should I just make my daughters life as bearable as possible in the current situation .. Lets face it , if she feels this way in a couple of years time she will be able to just walk away... If I start court proceedings it will take a couple of years anyway.
Flower, it'll not take years honest, I have reason for knowing a bit about the Family Proceedings Courts and if you want any further advice please feel free to PM me anytime. You should be entitled to some legal aid (I don't know your circumstances) but on average it should only take a couple of months (unless it's contested by your ex wife but won't take years) and you should be applying for a Residence Order.
Here's a link that should help you with any queries you might have .. (ignore the fact it's a bit sexist in that it says 'rightsof women' as the info remains the same..
Sex God
If you are not happy with your Barrister then 'sack him or her' and get another one.
You dont need a barrister! You dont need legal representation!
Family Law states that a "CAFCAS" Officer is assigned to your Daughters case.
They will go and talk to her at your Ex's house and/or your house.(If that is what your daughter wants)They will go and talk to her at school or at their Offices. They are great to deal with and have seen everything a million times before.
You also need to ask yourself is your daughter saying that she wants to live with you because she feels like thats what you want her to say........ or because that is what she REALLY wants?
Most divorces are awful for both the Adults and the children involved.
The best you can do is listen to your daughter.
If she wants you to go to court for her, then do it.
If she wants you and your Ex to stop putting her in the middle of a war, then do it.
I would suggest that if she gets stressed out on the day when she moves from one parent to the other that is because tension exists between the 2 of you and she is scared it will blow up during the hand over.
I hope I havent offended you
Good luck.
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Family Law states that a "CAFCAS" Officer is assigned to your Daughters case.
They will go and talk to her at your Ex's house and/or your house.(If that is what your daughter wants)They will go and talk to her at school or at their Offices. They are great to deal with and have seen everything a million times before.
You also need to ask yourself is your daughter saying that she wants to live with you because she feels like thats what you want her to say........ or because that is what she REALLY wants?
Most divorces are awful for both the Adults and the children involved.
The best you can do is listen to your daughter.
If she wants you to go to court for her, then do it.
If she wants you and your Ex to stop putting her in the middle of a war, then do it.
I would suggest that if she gets stressed out on the day when she moves from one parent to the other that is because tension exists between the 2 of you and she is scared it will blow up during the hand over.
I hope I havent offended you
Good luck.
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by flower411
If you are not happy with your Barrister then 'sack him or her' and get another one.
I am very happy with my barrister !! I am absolutely certain that she tells me how it is and doesn`t fantasize about how things should be !!
My solicitor was a little inexperienced as it happens and probably lead me up the wrong path a couple of times, but I think we have both learnt a lot from the experience.
Apparently this case was one of the most complicated she had ever dealt with. It all seemed perfectly straightforward to me ... but then before this I thought that the law had to do with truth. But the family courts deal on the basis of case law, in other words just do what you did last time unless some one can come up with a reason for not doing it.
If they do come up with a reason for not doing what we did last time then they sure as hell got to have a cast iron case !!
But in the family courts it appears that it depends on which judge you get as well !!!!
i feel i may have to chat to you in the future if thats ok
Quote by flower411
Flower, it'll not take years honest, I have reason for knowing a bit about the Family Proceedings Courts and if you want any further advice please feel free to PM me anytime. You should be entitled to some legal aid (I don't know your circumstances) but on average it should only take a couple of months (unless it's contested by your ex wife but won't take years) and you should be applying for a Residence Order.
Here's a link that should help you with any queries you might have .. (ignore the fact it's a bit sexist in that it says 'rightsof women' as the info remains the same..
Yeah !! When I called the police, they came round questioned me and then one of them went round to my ex .. Took her statement and then cautioned her not to leave the house because she was so pissed.
I recieve a booklet in the post a couple of weeks later called " How to deal with domestic violence " or some thing like that !!
It has a note attached suggesting that when I read it I should change the "her`s" and the "she`s" to "hims" and "hes" cos thay haven`t actually got a booklet for men !!!!!
It`s not funny !!
No I know, I've just done lectures on domestic violence but that wasn't what you were asking...
On the other hand you could've just thanked me for taking the trouble to help and advise you.
Quote by flower411
.......But it`s still a difficult one. I never ever want to force her to say anything against her will and she loves both her mum and her dad. To me the whole idea of brainwashing children is totally abhorent but as her father I have an obligation to guide my daughter through her formative years.
My ex will stop at nothing to convince her that she should stay with mummy so I am confronted with a huge dilema. How far do I go to counteract the brainwashing without doing any further damage ??
You don't try to counteract it!!!!!
Its bad enough that one parent is doing it!
Your Daughter will work it out for herself ......
Be the parent who is reasonable, easy to talk to and doesnt try to manipulate.
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Quote by flower411
Do you know what qualifications cafcass officers need ? and do you know how long their records are kept after a court order is made ??
Check it out ... you may be surprised !!
Apparently some are ex-probation officers but others are welfare officers with social work experience.
Whilst CAFCASS officers are 'reputed' for not keeping records the courts do and they do this 'in house' for up to 10 years and then a central archiving system takes over.
In my previous work I saw court orders from 1970.
I read ur history after i spoke to u in the chat room. Ur state of affairs is same as mine but thing is the CAFCASS officer has discussed with my lad and yet his mother is contesting purely for financial reasons. The child is stuck in between. If u feel we can help each other out do feel free and we can stay in touch by email
Quote by flower411
I know, I've just done lectures on domestic violence but that wasn't what you were asking...
On the other hand you could've just thanked me for taking the trouble to help and advise you.
Yep ... that`s true .... but I am not a happy bunny right now and the whole sex discrimination thing touched a nerve ... I always promised myself that I would not lose my sense of humour but your little laughing face after saying that your link was all about women just brought the tears to my eyes again and I wasn`t feeling very charitable .
I know you didn`t mean it ... so thanks ...
I did tell you to ignore the fact it was for women it was the content I wanted you to see and that content was to help you with your daughter not about the adults. It wasn't about sex discrimination, I was trying to link you to a site that gave you some positive advice.
We are all here to help you Flower and totally understand you are clearly very upset.. maybe you should go to bed, get some sleep and chat to us all tommorow. Growling at the ones who are here for you won't help hun xx
Sex God
Quote by flower411
yeah !! but growling in here makes it easier not to growl in real life ... And I do enjoy a good growl now and then ..
I'm sorry flower but this statement realy upsets me....
you have plenty of room here to say what you are thinking, but instead you just have a whinge about nothing at all.............
if you want a rant there is the steam room.........I really don't understand why you've made that commet...........
Sex God
Quote by flower411
Sorry if it came across as whinging and my daughters future obviously means nothing at all to you.
To me it is the most important thing in the world. I can`t help that.
Thats not very fair is it
My 15 year old daughter went to live with her dad last September. It was her choice and I respected her wishes. We are very close and it hasnt changed our relationship. I just miss her but thats not a good reason to have her stay with me.
Its hard when you split up but it is the responsibility of parents to talk and make their children feel safe and I wish that we could all do this instead of children feeling insecure because adults cant talk to each other. Once barristers and solicitors get involved you cant talk. Yes I understand why adults cant talk by the way but at some stage somewhere down the line it really is the best thing.
Hope at some stage you and your ex can ditch the legals and just get back to reasonable conversations.
Its hard when you split up but it is the responsibility of parents to talk and make their children feel safe and I wish that we could all do this instead of children feeling insecure because adults cant talk to each other. Once barristers and solicitors get involved you cant talk. Yes I understand why adults cant talk by the way but at some stage somewhere down the line it really is the best thing.
Hope at some stage you and your ex can ditch the legals and just get back to reasonable conversations.
Not sure he was really taking it out on members - just being human and upset means we have to all show tolerance.
Think you do have a point that booklets should be for both men and women when it comes to kids these days.
Being angry can make you blind to whats being said. Under the "Every Child Matters" government policies and the 2004 children's act the childs needs are put first. Dont give up but remember even if you do win custody, she may change her mind and go back to her mum and you would need to accept that too.
Strangely enough time does move this on and the most important time for you is with your child. When she is with you she needs to see a happy face not one thats sad. Hope you get to where you need to be even if it takes time.
Think you do have a point that booklets should be for both men and women when it comes to kids these days.
Being angry can make you blind to whats being said. Under the "Every Child Matters" government policies and the 2004 children's act the childs needs are put first. Dont give up but remember even if you do win custody, she may change her mind and go back to her mum and you would need to accept that too.
Strangely enough time does move this on and the most important time for you is with your child. When she is with you she needs to see a happy face not one thats sad. Hope you get to where you need to be even if it takes time.
Quote by Mallock2006
Sorry if it came across as whinging and my daughters future obviously means nothing at all to you.
To me it is the most important thing in the world. I can`t help that.
Thats not very fair is it
Echo.
You're not the only person here to be having family problems, and I can say for sure that when I confided in PK recently, despite never having met her- she was concerned and supportive. That's the response I've had from everyone here I've confided in.
I can get pretty bloody angry at times- but you won't catch me "biting the hand that feeds me."
Sex God
Quote by flower411
Sorry if it came across as whinging and my daughters future obviously means nothing at all to you. To me it is the most important thing in the world. I can`t help that.
And my growl comment was in answer to a comment made by jaymar. I probably should have sent it in a pm but I was tired and about to go to bed.
Flower I apologies if you thought I was belittling the difficulties you've been having with your daughter, I was merely commenting on the was you were speaking to someone who had only been trying to help you. If I had any advise that was relevent to your current situation I would of course have given it but unforunatley I don't. All I can say is that I hope you can resolve things in the best way for your daughter....
Quote by flower411
Sorry if it came across as whinging and my daughters future obviously means nothing at all to you.
To me it is the most important thing in the world. I can`t help that.
Thats not very fair is it
Not very fair !! it`s no good just quoting what I said without quoting what I was answering !!
Of course it can be made to look like i was being unfair !!
The post i was answering specifically said that i was whinging about nothing at all.
Which, in turn also needed to be taken in context. Oddly enough, we reasonable, (vaguely) intelligent people have read, understood & responded to the whole thread, in context.
I'm not here to fight, and I sure as hell don't wish to make you any more miserable at a difficult time, so I'm stepping out. However, as a parting shot I want to say that everyone in this thread was trying to help, and in return they got "growled" at.
