Are you suffering, or have suffered from mental illness?

4 Feb 2005

Quote by HungryP
I've often wondered about whether some people who are suffering with other problems, perhaps tend to use swinging as a way of addressing some sort of deep seated need. Two ladies, with whom I have separately had some fun over the past year, have both suffered some sort of nervous breakdown (and no I don't think meeting was the cause ). Each seemed to be under a lot of pressure, & seeing more & more men up until the point at which their lives "crashed". I have wondered whether this could be categorised as some sort of self-abuse.
It was a real shame for both, as I got to know each separately via MSN over a period of time, & they were both lovely people. From a selfish point of view, it was very frustrating as they were not just good friends of mine, but great fucks as well!!!!!

I think it`s very frustrating when people with issues are seen to be doing this. I`m not saying some don`t, and the impression people get is wrong, or even that people who are behaving in this way are at `fault`, but it does make me wonder if after encountering such people it encourages others to feel it might be irresponsible to swing with someone with a mental health issue. Spoils it for the rest of us nutters! :mrgreen: :wink:
I also think that after having to deal with living with something which carries so much stigma, that it makes people think twice about prejudicing other groups. Perhaps, like me, having dealt with something like that, some are just more inclined to hang out with more open-minded people?
Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Quote by MikeNorth

soooo . . . i wondered, is there anything about deep emotional things like depression, that links with deep emotional things like swinging, or would any forum have a similiar number of sufferers onboard , regardless of the subject matter?
neil x x x ;0

This would be impossible to ascertain statistically, but I have the impression of having encountered a slightly higher than average occurrence of people who have had serious illnesses (physical or mental) among the swingers I have met. I have wondered before now whether there is a connection of some sort, whether an encounter with a one's own mortality leads to people becoming more daring, deciding to go ahead and realise their fantasies (sexual or other), not putting off the things they have dreamed of for any longer. I don't know if this strikes a chord with anyone here.
Mike.
yep that was what i was kinda getting at, and roger's thoughts about being self-aware and accepting of yourself maybe feeds into being more open and accepting of others, rather than the swinging to fulfil an unfulfilled need thing. i've kinda formed the same impression at times too mike, and rings true for me anyways, so maybe some truth in it.
neil x x x ;)

4 Feb 2005

hiya all
depression is a very dark thing and did you know that it runs in FAMILYS.
my family has had it really bad over the past cpl of years but iam not going in to that just now! over the past 6 years my mum and my younger brother have suffered with depression. then last june life just seemed pointless for me and a took a overdose.
i know now that there is help out there but at the time i just could not seem to get myslef out of the black hole that i was in. with in days of the overdose and see my doctor i was put on a AD med. it took a cpl of weeks for the meds to work.
i have good days and bad days just like every body
wow iam spelling is really bad!!! redface

4 Feb 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
long answer now!
when we've had depression threads before, i was a bit taken aback how many contributed. now in the grand scheme of things, it was actually very few out of the whole membership, but still seemed a lot.
soooo . . . i wondered, is there anything about deep emotional things like depression, that links with deep emotional things like swinging, or would any forum have a similiar number of sufferers onboard , regardless of the subject matter?
neil x x x ;0

Good question. I`m not sure really, I do know that although noone is immune to the disease, it is a popular opinion that quite often it`s the deep thinkers who succumb more often, whether this has ever been proven I don`t know, but I do know it`s the more profound side of swinging which appeals to me as it does to many others here. What I don`tdo, is use swinging as some desperate unfulfilled desire to be loved rolleyes

...which would be the `cliche` reaction of some!
Venusxxx
I visit another site and this subject has cropped up a couple of times over the years. I'm always surprised how many people are on meds and who they are. Sometimes it seems like the most well-balanced people are just putting on a front for the benefit of others (or maybe they're denying their demons :dunno: )
As for me, well I have some experience of depression and I can see some of the symptoms in myself. However I think that my depression (if that's what it is) may be stress-related and I'm working hard to try and change some of the factors in my life to reduce the stress and hopefully the feelings I have.
As for the number of swingers with MH problems being disproportionate....... well I've always said that at least 2/3rds of people in this country would probably benefit from some kind of counseling if not more treatment.

4 Feb 2005

Quote by neilinleeds

soooo . . . i wondered, is there anything about deep emotional things like depression, that links with deep emotional things like swinging, or would any forum have a similiar number of sufferers onboard , regardless of the subject matter?
neil x x x ;0

This would be impossible to ascertain statistically, but I have the impression of having encountered a slightly higher than average occurrence of people who have had serious illnesses (physical or mental) among the swingers I have met. I have wondered before now whether there is a connection of some sort, whether an encounter with a one's own mortality leads to people becoming more daring, deciding to go ahead and realise their fantasies (sexual or other), not putting off the things they have dreamed of for any longer. I don't know if this strikes a chord with anyone here.
Mike.
yep that was what i was kinda getting at, and roger's thoughts about being self-aware and accepting of yourself maybe feeds into being more open and accepting of others, rather than the swinging to fulfil an unfulfilled need thing. i've kinda formed the same impression at times too mike, and rings true for me anyways, so maybe some truth in it.
neil x x x ;)

Quote by VenusnMars
All better now, and making up for lost time due to carrying a lifetime`s worth of unrecognised behavioural issues.

What, like the^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ above quote?
Nope, doesn`t strike a chord with me at all! rotflmao

:mrgreen:
Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Quote by onlyher
hiya all
depression is a very dark thing and did you know that it runs in FAMILYS.

I think you`ll find the jury is still out on that depending upon which professional you read up on. There is increasing evidence that Bipolar (or Manic depression which ever term you prefer) can be passed down through families, as can a variety of geneticmental health disorders. Those who have lived difficult childhoods due to living with a family member with depression may also be effected in later life, which could go a long way in seeming to support that theory, but I don`t *think* you will find that those who have simply had family members with your usual run of the mill depression are more prone to suffer themselves through this fact alone.
Somebody with more knowledge than I might know of a proven clinical study though?
Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
hiya all
depression is a very dark thing and did you know that it runs in FAMILYS.

I think you`ll find the jury is still out on that depending upon which professional you read up on. There is increasing evidence that Bipolar (or Manic depression which ever term you prefer) can be passed down through families, as can a variety of geneticmental health disorders. Those who have lived difficult childhoods due to living with a family member with depression may also be effected in later life, which could go a long way in seeming to support that theory, but I don`t *think* you will find that those who have simply had family members with your usual run of the mill depression are more prone to suffer themselves through this fact alone.
Somebody with more knowledge than I might know of a proven clinical study though?
Venusxxx
hiya venus
iam really sorry i didnt mean to get your back up or ne thing
sorry i should have said that my mum is a manic depression
and my brother was only put on AD meds after a really bad car crash . where he had to have is leg taken off the doctors say that the ad med would help.

4 Feb 2005

Quote by onlyher
hiya venus
iam really sorry i didnt mean to get your back up or ne thing
sorry i should have said that my mum is a manic depression
and my brother was only put on AD meds after a really bad car crash . where he had to have is leg taken off the doctors say that the ad med would help.

Oh gosh, no you didn`t get my backup at all! kiss

It`s was simply a healthy exchange of opinion, that`s always welcome. smile

There is only one opinion which would crop up on this thread which would get my back up, and if it does appear, I can, and will crucify it! :twisted:
And it certainly wasn`t yours, or anyone elses so far!
In fact if it`s manic depression you are referring to, then you are almost certainly correct. I don`t know what the exact stats are, but there does seem to be an increased chance of this being handed down through families....that is not to say it would happen, it might just mean a 1 in 100 chance, as opposed to a 1 in a 1000. (just pulling random numbers out of a hat to give an idea of a theory, not necessarily a truth)
I`d say that your brother`s depression isn`t related though, he sounds like he has enough crap on his plate for his depression to be standing alone (((hugs to him))). Manic depression is something else entirely.
Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Yes here too, depression is a constant issue in my life and has been since I can remember. It took me having a breakdown to get it recognised some years ago. Since then I have been on ADs pretty much constantly, barring a few breaks when I mistakenly thought I could fight on without them. I suffer panic attacks, anxiety, claustrophobia and agoraphobia at different times.
I don't think swinging is a result of that. It helps me in a therapeutic sort of way, builds my confidence in myself and makes me feel better to know that I am attractive to other people. I've had a lot of problems which have made the the way I am but swinging isn't part of it, more therapeutic I think biggrin

At this time in my life I find swinging attractive because I am single, enjoy sex but don't wish to be in a relationship. I know you could say I could go picking up men in clubs but I find the swinging scene to feel much 'safer' in the way that everyone has certain standards which not all Toms, Dicks and Harrys would have, the people are friendlier and I have a lot more control over what goes on as opposed to a drunken fumbling with some pillock in a nightclub. I like the sense of community, the opportunities to broaden my horizons and it's just fantastic amazing sexy fun!

4 Feb 2005

Thankyoufor sharing that MQ smile

I think I should add at this point thatswinging was something we looked at years before my breakdown, but it was definately the breakdown that gave me the huge wake-up call to help me to turn my life around on ALL levels, and do think that I am getting so much more out of it as a result.
Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Quote by onlyher
hiya all
depression is a very dark thing and did you know that it runs in FAMILYS.

I think you`ll find the jury is still out on that depending upon which professional you read up on. There is increasing evidence that Bipolar (or Manic depression which ever term you prefer) can be passed down through families, as can a variety of geneticmental health disorders. Those who have lived difficult childhoods due to living with a family member with depression may also be effected in later life, which could go a long way in seeming to support that theory, but I don`t *think* you will find that those who have simply had family members with your usual run of the mill depression are more prone to suffer themselves through this fact alone.
Somebody with more knowledge than I might know of a proven clinical study though?
Venusxxx
hiya venus
iam really sorry i didnt mean to get your back up or ne thing
sorry i should have said that my mum is a manic depression
and my brother was only put on AD meds after a really bad car crash . where he had to have is leg taken off the doctors say that the ad med would help.
aawwww onlyher, i don't think you put venus back up at all! ;)
but yeah, it's tricky to say whether something is nature ( genetic ) or nurture ( family ) ? certainly in my mum's family, there's a high number of depressive types, and related illnesses like alcoholism and other dependencies, but then they were brought up in a similiar environment themselves. now if a third generation of kids show similiar tendencies, it's easy to suggest that there's something wired in genetically, but without being able to prove this gene does that well i'd personally go for environment, which means you can change, and aren't predestined to suffer the same, as opposed to genetic, which kinda means you've got this whether you like it or not! ;)
n x x x ;)

4 Feb 2005

neillinleeds
smile

4 Feb 2005

Isn`t there some evidence of addictive behaviour linked to the genes, eg gambling, alcoholism, drug abuse? All these can lead to depression. So many different factors.
Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Many mental illnesses are hereditary, like other conditions. Many persist until the physical health improves and helps to heal the mental health. Its unpredictable until chronic and terminal conditions set in.
Many of us can exhibit temporary symptoms of deep rooted mental illness. These can pass over quite quickly and we forget they exist. Its all part of life.

4 Feb 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
I also think that after having to deal with living with something which carries so much stigma, that it makes people think twice about prejudicing other groups. Perhaps, like me, having dealt with something like that, some are just more inclined to hang out with more open-minded people?

The stigma is a terrible thing, with people being so unaware as to how common mental illness is. So many get such a wakeup call when they or their family is affected by it.
Many years ago I was chatting with friends over a beer, & a rather immature young lad, who we had only just met, made a comment about someone being a "loony", & followed it up with a "loony" impression & comments about how that person should be in a loonybin rolleyes

. I then informed him, with a straight face (but tongue slightly in cheek), that my grandmother died in a mental hospital, & that he should be careful as mental illness is much more common than most people think. He was terribly embarrassed & full of apologies, & when we finally got rid of him my friends were happy with the fact that the had episode shut him up. biggrin

:D

4 Feb 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
Isn`t there some evidence of addictive behaviour linked to the genes, eg gambling, alcoholism, drug abuse? All these can lead to depression. So many different factors.
Venusxxx

well yeah, i'd tend to agree that there's such a thing as an addictive personality, and i'd probably agree there's maybe a genetic disposition to certain addictive behaviours becoming actual addictions, so disregard my earlier comments, cos i was generalising on depressive illnesses, and it's confusing me now! lol

yeah for some specific illnesses i'm sure there is a physical cause.
neil x x x ;)

4 Feb 2005

I believe there is a sex addiction, didn't Michael Douglas famously suffer from it Though I wonder just how much of a problem it could really be? He had therapy for it I think. Does anyone know just how wide spread the problem is. (though maybe some wouldn't call it a problem)

4 Feb 2005

Quote by honeyriderx
I believe there is a sex addiction, didn't Michael Douglas famously suffer from it Though I wonder just how much of a problem it could really be? He had therapy for it I think. Does anyone know just how wide spread the problem is. (though maybe some wouldn't call it a problem)

An addiction is when someone is so obsessed with doing something, it has a harmful effect on their life, affecting their work, family etc. So whether an addiction is to do with sex, drugs, alcohol, cleanliness etc......... the pain that it causes to the suffferer & those around that person is not to be underestimated.

4 Feb 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
Isn`t there some evidence of addictive behaviour linked to the genes, eg gambling, alcoholism, drug abuse? All these can lead to depression. So many different factors.
Venusxxx

well yeah, i'd tend to agree that there's such a thing as an addictive personality, and i'd probably agree there's maybe a genetic disposition to certain addictive behaviours becoming actual addictions, so disregard my earlier comments, cos i was generalising on depressive illnesses, and it's confusing me now! lol

yeah for some specific illnesses i'm sure there is a physical cause.
neil x x x ;)
Sorry Neil, what I am trying to say is, that I recognise that there are possible genetic links involving Manic depression, addictive personalities, and other specific mental disorders which can all lead to depression, but I also people can succumb to depression without these factors. The latter can happen to anyone, depending upon which events it takes to break a person. Everyone has their Achille`s heel.
Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Quote by HungryP
I believe there is a sex addiction, didn't Michael Douglas famously suffer from it Though I wonder just how much of a problem it could really be? He had therapy for it I think. Does anyone know just how wide spread the problem is. (though maybe some wouldn't call it a problem)

An addiction is when someone is so obsessed with doing something, it has a harmful effect on their life, affecting their work, family etc. So whether an addiction is to do with sex, drugs, alcohol, cleanliness etc......... the pain that it causes to the suffferer & those around that person is not to be underestimated.
I can honestly say I have never underestermated the power of addiction. I know how painful and destroying it can be.

4 Feb 2005

I am just coming out of a very bad period of reactive depression which is mainly due to infertilty - hence the reactive title. Having said that though my dad is very very ill with chronic depression, he is self harming etc, my mum has suffered in the past and all 3 of my sisters either are or have been on antodepressants.
My illness changed my life totally, I can no longer go into childcare which is what I am qualified and exeprineced in, I will struggle to be able to foster and adopt and because of the overdose and brealdown I have had to wait even longer for the fertilty treatment - which is partly what caused the depression in the first place!!!

4 Feb 2005

I've in the past definately been clinically depressed and also had some manic depression at one point.
All my mental health problems were triggered by big emotional traumas eg losing a close family member
and thankfully I've been free of most of the symptoms for over a year now. I never trusted anti depressants but did take them for a while on the advice of my doctor but somehow always felt that I had let myself down by taking them!!
Also tried counselling but that made me worse to be honest - I do think each person copes in their own way and I needed time to work it all out on my own and learn from the whole thing.
I still have off days but now the good days far outweigh them.
To be honest the whole mental illness thing has helped me be a stronger and better adjusted person - not so quick to judge others either.

4 Feb 2005

Hiya
Ive post in the Cafe before about my history with past probs depression so wont bore you all with it again, but just wanted to say that reading all the posts and knowing that we are not alone, and how it is infact very common to suffer from a mental illness, helps to remove the stigma attached.
Love and hugs too you all :rose:

4 Feb 2005

Also tried counselling but that made me worse to be honest - I do think each person copes in their own way and I needed time to work it all out on my own and learn from the whole thing.
I still have off days but now the good days far outweigh them.
To be honest the whole mental illness thing has helped me be a stronger and better adjusted person - not so quick to judge others either.

:D :D
so many struggle with the counselling bit. really has to be available at the right time to even attempt it, else you might just open a huge can of worms when you're least able to deal with them all. trouble is you're most likely to get an NHS referral when in the midst of a depressive episode, which sometimes ain't a great idea. i tried it to help stop a problem spiralling and damaging a relationship, and that was the first thing to end up fucked up, which left a whole load more baggage to get my head round afterwards. sad

we'll leave the pretty piss poor lack of counselling options there for another time! ;)
think you need to be well outta the depressive phase to begin it, but trouble is by then it maybe doesn't seem quite so necessary? but yeah completely agree the stuff you learn during a downphase can be hugely valuable once you're back out the other side. what doesn't kill us makes us strong, as someone german once said! ;)
neil x x x ;)

4 Feb 2005

Quote by neilinleeds
we'll leave the pretty piss poor lack of counselling options there for another time! ;)
neil x x x ;)

Or to somebody else ;)
The problem here (and we will ignore piss poor doctors for now) is the lack of resources. Many people see doctors to be handing out AD`s like smarties, but in many cases they are necessary, but in too many more it will be because a doctor knows it can be at least six months before a patient has access to counselling to help pull them out of it. I wouldn`t like to conjecture where I would have been six months down the line with no support whatsoever. Of course it can be very helpful to be somewhat stablised before counselling, as it can open up a can of worms, but it is somewhat necessary if a person is to get to the root of a problem so that thier issues do not repeat themselves. Yes it can sometimes be done by acheived by introspection without the help of a counseller, but this can sometimes be worse, because a person will still be opening up the same can of worms, but will have no shoulder to support them and no badly needed outside stability (unless they have a very understanding support network elsewhere) whilst they do this. Having the awareness to be able to say, `I`ve dealt with enough for one session` is invaluable, but not always it`s not always that easy when it all too often comes back and bites you on the arse later.
I was one of the most self-aware people I knew when I started my counselling (which meant my counseller actually had to do some work, because she couldn`t just hand me the easy answers on a plate, I`d already done that bit by myself) but when we discovered the gravity of how deep-seated my behaviours were, it kicked the living shit out of me. I wouldn`t take it back for the world though, I might have carried on living like that indefinately if I hadn`t have snapped and confronted it. I had a breakdown because I am a strong enough person who on some level couldn`t accept living with a half-measure for any longer. It had nothing to do with being weak. smile

Venusxxx

4 Feb 2005

Hmmmm ofter what happens is you stay on the waiting list for several months, get an appointment to be assesed......then have to go on another waiting list for treatment. mad

:x

4 Feb 2005

(((((Honey))))) I know, and it`s totally unacceptable. I consider myself lucky to have only had to wait six months after some of the stories I`ve heard. WTF is up with that?!!
Venusxxx

5 Feb 2005

Sorry
But I donâ€™t see how 2 much sex can lead to depression rolleyes

5 Feb 2005

I've just started my counselling.. a year after I was originally referred by both my gp and my health visitor mad

TBH though.. I understand about the whole can of worms thing.. I'm really struggling with all the stuff that I'm recalling, and trying to shove it all into 45 minutes once every fortnight is bluddy hard work confused

I just find it very hard to talk to a complete stranger about how I felt last week, what i think triggered those feelings etc. And I also feel that everything I say is being taken the wrong way (prob just the paranoid side of me)..
But I'll give it a go, and if it doesn't help, then at least I've tried.

5 Feb 2005

But I don’t see how 2 much sex can lead to depression

But you won't will you, you're always happy lol

Bev
xx