FOR SALE
One teen (16), slightly intelligent, not intelligent enough to get own arse up in the morning for college, raw material, has potential. Will swap for laptop.
0ne teen, (13) highly volitile, will spot ALL things which are `sooooooo unfair` from a distance of 1000 ft, possibly before it happens. Will swap for flat screen monitor, or a 256 meg memory card.
One squinny, (9) will swap for working copy of The Sims.
One mother-in-law...........free to a good home.
Venusxxx
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Bargain Basement
Female, the only boy is the 9 year old.
Best hurry up on the Mother-in-law deal, I`m off to do her with her shopping in a mo, I may have to wheel her into town and leave her there with a sign around her neck :twisted:
I expect to see loads of offers by the time I get back!
Catch you later
Venusxxx
Best hurry up on the Mother-in-law deal, I`m off to do her with her shopping in a mo, I may have to wheel her into town and leave her there with a sign around her neck :twisted:
I expect to see loads of offers by the time I get back!
Catch you later
Venusxxx
I'm afraid I can only add to that list:
FREE TO GOOD HOME!
13 year old skateboarding nut, loves loud rock music and nagging me for money
7 year old royal pain in the arse, loves making a mess and screeching when I'm trying to watch something interesting on TV!
Already offloaded the ex husband thank god but if anyone has a way of making him disappear off the face of the earth I would be open to suggestions!
FREE TO GOOD HOME!
13 year old skateboarding nut, loves loud rock music and nagging me for money
7 year old royal pain in the arse, loves making a mess and screeching when I'm trying to watch something interesting on TV!
Already offloaded the ex husband thank god but if anyone has a way of making him disappear off the face of the earth I would be open to suggestions!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Can I add to the list -
6 year old (female) - 6 going on 16. Comes complete with tantrums, door-slamming and wide array of popular phrases (eg: Its not fair, NO, I don't want to, I'm booooooooored, and the all time favourite "I hate you" when refused sweets).
All the usual services and actions included - refuses to wash but then won't get out the bluddy bath for hours, makes more mess than will clean up, wipes snot on the curtains (FFS!!!!!!!), immediately scuffs £37 school shoes but lovingly preserves cheap wellies and steals nail polish to decorate your favourite bedding
Of course, what 6 year old would be complete without consistently being totally angelic for other family members making you look like a candidate for an RSPCC advertising campaign.
I'll also throw in a very neglected guinea-pig with hutch and outdoor playpen - and maybe even the 5 - yes, 5 - hamster cages in the shed. Don't ask!
In return, I'd like a corset that FITS! ( .. me, preferably) Before Saturday if you can. Ta!
Hmmmm sorry Venus :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
A race against time to swap my 12 year old, before she puts me 'in a car boot sale for 50p' (
) cheeky bluddy kid 
........ A blameless child, who loves to designate fault to others. Doesn't tell mother about a school trip form until the day before she is due to leave, then uses the fault designation to blame said mother for the Post Office being shut so can't pick up form!
To her credit, she will never wear new clothes just bought for her - to her discredit, she will wait a year until grown out of said items before 'liking' them, and then blame mother for buying the wrong size
This is a buy one get one free offer
- the second one, a newer variety, only 8 years old. Although she does have a hearing problem with some sounds, main ones being 'bath', 'tidy' and 'up' ..... but she makes up for this fault at being able to hear a sweet wrapper from a distance of anything up to 2 miles :roll:
Will swap for a DVD, a bottle of wine and box of choclates :D
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:A race against time to swap my 12 year old, before she puts me 'in a car boot sale for 50p' (
) cheeky bluddy kid ........ A blameless child, who loves to designate fault to others. Doesn't tell mother about a school trip form until the day before she is due to leave, then uses the fault designation to blame said mother for the Post Office being shut so can't pick up form! To her credit, she will never wear new clothes just bought for her - to her discredit, she will wait a year until grown out of said items before 'liking' them, and then blame mother for buying the wrong size
This is a buy one get one free offer
- the second one, a newer variety, only 8 years old. Although she does have a hearing problem with some sounds, main ones being 'bath', 'tidy' and 'up' ..... but she makes up for this fault at being able to hear a sweet wrapper from a distance of anything up to 2 miles :roll: Will swap for a DVD, a bottle of wine and box of choclates :D
Sex God
Quote by Marya
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Can I add to the list -
6 year old (female) - 6 going on 16. Comes complete with tantrums, door-slamming and wide array of popular phrases (eg: Its not fair, NO, I don't want to, I'm booooooooored, and the all time favourite "I hate you" when refused sweets).
All the usual services and actions included - refuses to wash but then won't get out the bluddy bath for hours, makes more mess than will clean up, wipes snot on the curtains (FFS!!!!!!!), immediately scuffs £37 school shoes but lovingly preserves cheap wellies and steals nail polish to decorate your favourite bedding
Of course, what 6 year old would be complete without consistently being totally angelic for other family members making you look like a candidate for an RSPCC advertising campaign.
I'll also throw in a very neglected guinea-pig with hutch and outdoor playpen - and maybe even the 5 - yes, 5 - hamster cages in the shed. Don't ask!
In return, I'd like a corset that FITS! ( .. me, preferably) Before Saturday if you can. Ta!
We've got almost exactly the same thing, but male, oh and we don't have 5 hamster hutches (
:? :? what were you thinking? I know they breed, but bloody hell 
).Let's never, ever got them in that same room eh? :scared: :scared: :scared: :lol: :lol: :lol: :shock: :shock:
Ours also comes with the phrase "you don't love me" :roll: :lol: :lol:
To which our reply is "yes we do. Now get on with cleaning the toilet and no you can't have a brush. Use you bloody hand like normal." :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:One mother-in-law...........free to a good home.
Venusxxx
Why a good home, you can have mine free, as long as you treat her like she has treated me all these years! Namely, be really sweet and nice to her face, then lay into her when out of earshot. Also, make sure at Xmas, you spend a long time getting exactly the present she will never , ever use!
Bitter, divorced, no, not me, honest.
Venusxxx
Why a good home, you can have mine free, as long as you treat her like she has treated me all these years! Namely, be really sweet and nice to her face, then lay into her when out of earshot. Also, make sure at Xmas, you spend a long time getting exactly the present she will never , ever use!
Bitter, divorced, no, not me, honest.
Orgasminator
I can add to that !!! 24yr old who won,t leave home to to see if he copes without sky tv, 19yr old who can,t stay in a job for 5 mins , 7 yr old going on 17 tries to rule the roost and already thinks he,s god,s gift to women ( although he does attract them !! )
All will go to a good home
All will go to a good home
Sex God
willing to part exchange any of the above for a stubborn, pig-headed and far too independant 2 year old.. and a very painful 'bump' :shock:
Sex God
Ooooooooppppppssssss 
ops: :oops:
Forgot to add to mine....
Will exchange for Bi-fem (must have all own teeth) or WHY.
ops: :oops: Forgot to add to mine....
Will exchange for Bi-fem (must have all own teeth) or WHY.
Wow we must be lucky, asked our 10 year old son what he wanted for xmas his reply nothing I need have got everything.
Mind if you could find a way of making him do his home work on time and not leave it until 1 minute before he is to go to bed on the night before that would be a blessing.
Oh and by the way expect the xmas present situation will change before xmas
Mind if you could find a way of making him do his home work on time and not leave it until 1 minute before he is to go to bed on the night before that would be a blessing.
Oh and by the way expect the xmas present situation will change before xmas
Quote by zootle
While a nice fresh (legal) 16 year old girl is certainly tempting, since getting my laptop back in March it's rapidly become my main PC at home. So I don't think I could really part with it.
OI!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I`m it`s mother, THAT will never be legal FFS!
Should have seen that one coming......... :doh:
Venusxxx
Sex God
Venus... there is no way you are old enough to have a 16 yr old!!!! Now please stop lying to us all, its just not fair!
Quote by VenusnMars
Should have seen that one coming......... :doh:
:rascal:
It's not my fault, I can't help it.
If I see some juicy bait then I have to take it!
(and I'm talking about something to which I can make (what I, at least, percieve to be) an amusing remark here, NOT jail bait! :shock: )
Sex God
I still got 2 goats going free to a good home
Best keep the kids cos they can be good company and the brawls are definately entertainment - bless them!
Have a dog that would like a new home too
Best keep the kids cos they can be good company and the brawls are definately entertainment - bless them!
Have a dog that would like a new home too
Swap: 1 Wife, light usage, good runner but bugger to start, only 2 kids on clock...
in return for ... :twisted: :gagged: they know who they are...
As the cat said in Red Dwarf "Hey as soon as I meet the right girls, the small group of women that are right for me my wandering days are over buddy"
in return for ... :twisted: :gagged: they know who they are...
As the cat said in Red Dwarf "Hey as soon as I meet the right girls, the small group of women that are right for me my wandering days are over buddy"
Quote by zootle
Venus... there is no way you are old enough to have a 16 yr old!!!! Now please stop lying to us all, its just not fair!
Looking at Venuses avatar I was thinking the same thing.
Aww, chuffed to bits with that! Both girls tower over me, and yes it can get confusing when I`m out with my eldest! I was told gratuitously (sp?) that I look like a 24 year old at the Notts munch (younger yes, but not that young), and I was chuffed to bits about that too. So I shall drop all dignified attempts at remaining humble and glorify in the flattery here!
Where else if not SH should I reap the confidence?! :lol:
I have to say though, Alexander is the one who looks like she bathes in the blood of virgins....honestly!
Venusxxx
