Being the "extra male"

My journey here started with myself and the wife looking for an extra male to join us. This happened and was over all a good ( if slightly nerve wracking ) experience.

Things have moved on and recently I have found myself wondering what it would be like to join another couple to be the extra male.

I am not a "Bull" as I understand the term and so it would have to be from a point of utmost respect. There would obviously need to be mutual attraction. We would all have to be comfortable with each other.

What else would I need to know and consider?

Any thoughts and advise and other such things would be gratefully received.

its great fun when it all clicks, but its a heavily infested male pool out there!

we know that if someone is playing away from home, alongside the mutual attraction element, we would want to know for sure that permission had been granted. We wouldnt want to be involved in someone elses fall out, we do this for fun, not drama !

Quote by swingyandalphabetty

we know that if someone is playing away from home, alongside the mutual attraction element, we would want to know for sure that permission had been granted. We wouldnt want to be involved in someone elses fall out, we do this for fun, not drama !

That is a very good point but one that is fairly easy to sort out with a webcam I would guess. I suppose that that sort of thing would filter out a lot of cheats and sneaks.

it would..... we have a view point, if someone is lieing to their partner, why would we trust them, when we dont know them. So yes a web cam would give the reassurances a couple like us would need.

Seperatley we know some prefer guys playing away from home, as there will never be a risk of attachment.

Every one is different

Aiden, what you need to remember is that you are the guest. You have to respect and fit in with the couple. Yes it can be very nerve wracking. But if you find a regular couple you will soon all be relaxed. You soon learn the do’s and don’t and likes and dislikes. Also, you will be wanting to do everything with the hot wife. But it’s important that the husband does not feel left out. So encourage him to join in and have fun.

Quote by Scotchlander

Aiden, what you need to remember is that you are the guest. You have to respect and fit in with the couple. Yes it can be very nerve wracking. But if you find a regular couple you will soon all be relaxed. You soon learn the do’s and don’t and likes and dislikes. Also, you will be wanting to do everything with the hot wife. But it’s important that the husband does not feel left out. So encourage him to join in and have fun.

Thanks for the reply Scotchlander.

Very good points and things to consider.

The things that I am picking up from these replies is that one should be honest, respectful, sensible and generally an all round good egg. Don't be a selfish idiot and then things should work out well.

Of course any such situation will likely be nerveracking but that's why getting to know the other (third) person well first is a good idea. Things are always much more relaxed and enjoyable when they're an extension of an existing friendship as opposed to a blind date for sex arranged after a few online messages or, worse still, a drunken shag down an alley behind a pub. Meeting socially first, possibly several times, is a good way of determining what sort of person you're really dealing with and establishing whether you click sufficiently well on a social level. Communicating mutual expectations/boundaries and having a relaxed, no pressure, approach is also vital to ensuring that, when the time comes, things proceed in a relaxed and enjoyable environment. What's the hurry folks?!!! Well, unless you're desperate that is and let's face it, that's not a good look is it.... No. Get to know eachother first and the whole situation becomes far more enjoyable. Many of the problems associated with meetings arranged through sites such as this are down to the speed at which people seem to want to act. Act in haste repent at leisure they say... People take months/years to cultivate good friends yet seem to think finding a good lover (as opposed to a maybe good/awful one off fuck) on a website is as easy as exchanging a few pictures and messages online, having a few drinks and wey hey...

I personally enjoy being the third person but have to totally agree I have to get to know the couple I am chatting to and always insist on a social meet prior to any chance of sharing an intimate evening with each other

I've always found that ongoing/regular meets when you're the 'extra' guy far better ( and easier ) than one offs , no one is ever at their best when they have new meet nerves , we're all a tad nervous on a first meet if we're honest .

We stopped meeting single guys for a few reasons. Some guys we met tried to treat Innuendo (F) like a piece of meat in a butchers shop. They were very surprised when everything stopped and they were on their way. We also stopped after we found two had lied to us and were married, without permission to play away. I know most guys don't give a shit, but Innuendo does! (so do I!) because she thinks about how she would feel if I went behind her back. This is a swingers site, not a cheaters site. We now only meet people who can bring honesty, safety and a partner with them!

when my wife and i were having 3somes we always wanted a married guy as they are 1/ more experienced 2/ usually more stable 3/ more likely to be clean 4/ more likely to keep there mouth shut

We started off our swinging lifestyle as softswingers, couples only. Then we had a series of single women, then Shel discovered she liked having MFM threesomes. Which is what we are mainly looking for now, though we would still like to meet couples.

We are looking for a decent guy who would become a regular meet for us. But it is difficult to find the right guy ! Problem is that first and foremost Shel want to find the cock which suits her. Yes, she enjoys mine, but for the extra one she is still finding out what size and shape suits her.

At first it was the novelty of a new cock and she came every time a new one entered her. But then she decided she wanted to try a long one, so we found such a guy, unfortunately as she has a small, tight fanny, a long one hurt her. Then she decided she wanted to try a guy we had known for years, rather than a more or less stranger from a swingers site. He was great to be with socially, but sexwise, he didn't do it for her, his cock was just too small.

Doesn't she sound like Goldilocks in the swinging scene, some were too big, some were too small and she has yet to find the one which is just right !

So now we need to find a guy who has an average length cock, but quite wide. He also has to be average build, clean shaven and personable, we will also only meet new single guys at swingers clubs. Needle (but let it be a thick one) and haystack (yeah, if she doesn't shave it for a year) spring to mind.

We don't give a hoot if he is married or not. If he can meet at a swingers club that's good enough for us.