Hi Guys,
This week and next were going to be fantastic. I had it all planed. i was finally going to meet four new couples that i had been talking to on mobiles, on MSN, via texts, and via email. They had all received a number of piccies of me in action showing i was the real McCoy, and they had sent me some piccies back. It couldn't get any better!
Then two days before meeting the first new couple, the guy suddenly announces that he has to watch me in action with another regular couple that i see to "check me out" and oh, would it be ok if i could set it up for him to fuck my couple? He said that his wife was classy but choosy and he always vetted guys first. The fact that he had never sent a piccie of her should have rung alarm bells , but as a single guy on here you have to go out on a limb sometimes. Well Keith, you are a sad fucking wanker and a fucking liar!
Then on Thursday, having spoken earlier in the day to the second couple that i had arranged to meet, i drove for 3.5 hours to stay in a Hotel near them so we could meet that evening. Guess what? Suddenly the lady was working late and no show. This was in fact the second time that i had failed to actually meet with this couple. But of course, they are"completely genuine".
Now today, i have arranged to meet my third new couple tomorrow night. Whilst we have swapped many piccies and emails, all of a sudden since arranging a date, they have become mysteriously quiet. No email to confirm the meeting from their end. Are these two also timewasters?
So, one more new couple left. Again, i'm meant to be seeing them next week. I've set a date and asked them if they can make that, but so far no reply.
i read on here many examples of couples moaning about single guys who are timewasters and wannabes, but it would appear to me that there are just as many couples that do the same thing.
Is there no way that we could set up some kind of database where swingers could confirm the genuineness of contacts that they have successfully met. I don't mean giving them marks on performance or bad mouthing those couples that don't show up, mearly an area to confirm those contacts that do show up.
What do you think?
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Bloody Timewasters!
Sex God
Quote by Hogman
Is there no way that we could set up some kind of database where swingers could confirm the genuineness of contacts that they have successfully met. I don't mean giving them marks on performance or bad mouthing those couples that don't show up, mearly an area to confirm those contacts that do show up.
What do you think?
:eeek:
Search for the word "verification" and see what a controversial subject you have just brought up!!!!!
Actually, don't - unless you have the whole of the day to spare :eeek: :eeek: :eeek:
In short, no, it isn't going to happen here.
Though I'd nip in here a bit quick before it gets locked :twisted:
Bloody good idea m8,
OK it might be a bit sad for those that are continual no-shows, and yes I agree that some times things can conspire against you through no fault of your own, but at least after several no shows on the database folks could start to form thier own ideas.
And on the plus side, It would help to verify those that do bother to show up.
hogman, time to hit the shelters m8
Bloody good idea m8,
OK it might be a bit sad for those that are continual no-shows, and yes I agree that some times things can conspire against you through no fault of your own, but at least after several no shows on the database folks could start to form thier own ideas.
And on the plus side, It would help to verify those that do bother to show up.
hogman, time to hit the shelters m8
Thanks Katien_n_John,
At least someone seems to agree with me. Can someone please tell me why what i have said is so "controversial"? Surely as swingers we want to do anything that will improve and enhance this site and lifestyle. It is irritating for everye concerned when a contact doesn't show, so why shouldn't we praise those that do?
Why is the first moderator so upset that i have posted this topic? Surely it is perfectly reasonable to talk about this subject, after all this is an open forum where we can discuss whatever we wish. What is the problem? If you are so fed up with reading such posts, perhaps it just goes to show the scale of the problem and the need to tackle it.
At least someone seems to agree with me. Can someone please tell me why what i have said is so "controversial"? Surely as swingers we want to do anything that will improve and enhance this site and lifestyle. It is irritating for everye concerned when a contact doesn't show, so why shouldn't we praise those that do?
Why is the first moderator so upset that i have posted this topic? Surely it is perfectly reasonable to talk about this subject, after all this is an open forum where we can discuss whatever we wish. What is the problem? If you are so fed up with reading such posts, perhaps it just goes to show the scale of the problem and the need to tackle it.
Sex God
Quote by Hogman
Thanks Katien_n_John,
At least someone seems to agree with me. Can someone please tell me why what i have said is so "controversial"? Surely as swingers we want to do anything that will improve and enhance this site and lifestyle. It is irritating for everye concerned when a contact doesn't show, so why shouldn't we praise those that do?
Why is the first moderator so upset that i have posted this topic? Surely it is perfectly reasonable to talk about this subject, after all this is an open forum where we can discuss whatever we wish. What is the problem? If you are so fed up with reading such posts, perhaps it just goes to show the scale of the problem and the need to tackle it.
You were obviously asleep when the shit hit the fan about this... read this thread and then you might understand why it is a controversial subject
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/27234.html
OK, OK seriously a minute, I can see lots of pitfalls here unless there were some pretty stringent guidelines.
I don’t think we are talking about verification here, really? Are we? Hmmmm
Ok, what I am trying to say here is that a process that says “hay these guys are ok and a good shag†is not something that appeals to me. However something that says “ ok arranged to meet these guys and yes they did show up†no details, no slagging off no mutual appreciation societies, just yup, we all met up, no probs. Now where’s the harm in that?
Not even sure if there should be a, “These are the bad guys†bit, as I said in my last post, sometimes life can conspire.
Oh and inclusion should of course be by mutual consent, not hard “ hey guys, mind if I add you to the “have met†database?†“Sure no probs, we’ll do the same for you†see, easy.
IMHO
John
I don’t think we are talking about verification here, really? Are we? Hmmmm
Ok, what I am trying to say here is that a process that says “hay these guys are ok and a good shag†is not something that appeals to me. However something that says “ ok arranged to meet these guys and yes they did show up†no details, no slagging off no mutual appreciation societies, just yup, we all met up, no probs. Now where’s the harm in that?
Not even sure if there should be a, “These are the bad guys†bit, as I said in my last post, sometimes life can conspire.
Oh and inclusion should of course be by mutual consent, not hard “ hey guys, mind if I add you to the “have met†database?†“Sure no probs, we’ll do the same for you†see, easy.
IMHO
John
Sex God
Quote by Katien_n_John
I don’t think we are talking about verification here, really? Are we? Hmmmm
Well, what else would you call such a "system"?
Quote by Hogman
Why is the first moderator so upset that i have posted this topic? Surely it is perfectly reasonable to talk about this subject, after all this is an open forum where we can discuss whatever we wish. What is the problem? If you are so fed up with reading such posts, perhaps it just goes to show the scale of the problem and the need to tackle it.
Yes it is a reasonable topic to talk about aside from the fact that no-one will ever know the real reasons for no-shows..... The reason that the Mods are not happy about you posting this thread is purely that it causes alot of bad feeling and it ends up a rollercoaster of nasty comments aimed at people who may not actually be what you percieve to be a time waster... Plus you will find that it has been talked about on a regular basis...
There are many reasons that people back out of a meet and yes I know that it would be nice to be informed of their decision, but not everyone is confident to actually turn around and say sorry but we have decided not to meet afterall....
In our early days of swinging we had actually arranged to meet people but when the time came felt that we had changed our minds, but were unsure how to say so without upsetting the other couple...
There is no way to know if an arranged meet will take place, life itself is very unpredictable and things can change in an instant, especially if the other people have children/commitments etc...
Try doing a search on the word timewaster and have a mooch through the threads that have gone before, hopefully you will see why the Mods discourage this sort of discussion...
Shireen
Hi Bluexxx,
Thank you, no i wasn't asleep. I just don't spend every waking hour checking out the forums and chat rooms. I would rather be out and about meeting contacts.
I've read some of that post you directed me to. Thank you and whilst i can see that some people get terribly upset about the whole idea, i still can't see the problem. The general complaint against the idea seems to be that new comers would have a difficult time being accepted into the fold because they wouldn't have been verified. Well i don't know how busy the scene is where you live but it seems to me that there are not thousands of couples around me all wanting to swing. Therefore that means there are a relatively limited number of people swinging and so once a contact has met all those confirmed genuine swingers in their area, then they would naturally want to give new unconfirmed swingers a chance. So i don't accept the arguement that newbies would be excluded.
And even if there was an element of that, surely the result would be good in that it would have the effect of discouraging those who are not genuine in that they would have to struggle and perserve to be recognised?
Thank you, no i wasn't asleep. I just don't spend every waking hour checking out the forums and chat rooms. I would rather be out and about meeting contacts.
I've read some of that post you directed me to. Thank you and whilst i can see that some people get terribly upset about the whole idea, i still can't see the problem. The general complaint against the idea seems to be that new comers would have a difficult time being accepted into the fold because they wouldn't have been verified. Well i don't know how busy the scene is where you live but it seems to me that there are not thousands of couples around me all wanting to swing. Therefore that means there are a relatively limited number of people swinging and so once a contact has met all those confirmed genuine swingers in their area, then they would naturally want to give new unconfirmed swingers a chance. So i don't accept the arguement that newbies would be excluded.
And even if there was an element of that, surely the result would be good in that it would have the effect of discouraging those who are not genuine in that they would have to struggle and perserve to be recognised?
Ok so do we then need a section for reasons for a non show. Such as the dog died, the car broke down or they turned up but were too nervous to go through with it.
OR
I met this couple and he was a crap shag, which we all know is an individual thing. We met this couple socially and didn't like them so I will given them a no show on purpose?
I don't like the way someone posted on the forum so I'm going to say I was meeting him when I wasn't
Its so open to abuse that no way would it be brought into practise on this site.
OR
I met this couple and he was a crap shag, which we all know is an individual thing. We met this couple socially and didn't like them so I will given them a no show on purpose?
I don't like the way someone posted on the forum so I'm going to say I was meeting him when I wasn't
Its so open to abuse that no way would it be brought into practise on this site.
In reply to shireen above,
Whilst i accept that events can chage and things can crop up that prevent people from turing up, that does not excuse the sheer bad manners of people who do not have the deciency to inform the contact that they will not be there. I was brought up to believe that manners were everything, and so bad manners are never acceptable. How difficult is it to call to say we're not coming!
Whilst i accept that events can chage and things can crop up that prevent people from turing up, that does not excuse the sheer bad manners of people who do not have the deciency to inform the contact that they will not be there. I was brought up to believe that manners were everything, and so bad manners are never acceptable. How difficult is it to call to say we're not coming!
Sex God
Quote by Hogman
still can't see the problem. The general complaint against the idea seems to be that new comers would have a difficult time being accepted into the fold because they wouldn't have been verified. Well i don't know how busy the scene is where you live but it seems to me that there are not thousands of couples around me all wanting to swing. Therefore that means there are a relatively limited number of people swinging and so once a contact has met all those confirmed genuine swingers in their area, then they would naturally want to give new unconfirmed swingers a chance. So i don't accept the arguement that newbies would be excluded.
Of course it would be harder for newbies
.Who would you rather swing with.... people who were "verified" as genuine on the database cos people had already met them or people who had no recommendations and no meets, not cos they are not genuine, just that they were new to the site???
Come on, think about it........ not a difficult decision to make, is it?
And if people are just as willing to give newbies a go even if they had not been "verified", what's the point of the system in the first place?
Doesn't make sense, does it?
Anyways, a similar system to the one to suggested was trialled in the chat room. It caused a lot of grief and was dropped within a week. It WILL NEVER happen on this forum.
As for timewasters, we all get them... yes they are annoying....... but, it doesn't take long to work out who is genuine and who isn't on the forum... all you have to do is get to know people.... yes, that takes time, and yes you might not want to waste that amount of time..... but, if you want to get laid fast this site isn't for you.
Quote by Hogman
In reply to shireen above,
Whilst i accept that events can chage and things can crop up that prevent people from turing up, that does not excuse the sheer bad manners of people who do not have the deciency to inform the contact that they will not be there. I was brought up to believe that manners were everything, and so bad manners are never acceptable. How difficult is it to call to say we're not coming!
I agree whole heartedly hogman... We too were bought up (and in turn are teaching our children) believing that manners are paramount but unfortunately there will always people who dont inform you...
MOMF said "but I may have found something out and I dont want to discuss it with the person.....doesnt make me a timewaster .... " nope it doesn't make you a timewaster MOMF...
Blue said "As for timewasters, we all get them... yes they are annoying....... but, it doesn't take long to work out who is genuine and who isn't on the forum..." Par for the course in swinging unfortunately, there will always be the people that arrange meets with no intention of doing so... It does take time to weed them out and while I understand what you are getting at with the database it has been proven that it really wouldn't work...
Shireen
You know these forums are a complete waste of time. Unless you agree with a moderator, you just get shot down in flames by them every time. Also why do you have to get personally insulting bluexxx by suggesting that i am just looking for a quick shag and am not serious about this lifestyle?
Don't worry, you have once again confirmed for me the idea that whenever you have forums like this, they are totally dominated by a small click of friends who dictate whatever is said. There is no true open, reasonable discussion. Don't worry, i will not post another topic or reply here. Mant thanks!
Don't worry, you have once again confirmed for me the idea that whenever you have forums like this, they are totally dominated by a small click of friends who dictate whatever is said. There is no true open, reasonable discussion. Don't worry, i will not post another topic or reply here. Mant thanks!
Actually hogman you haven't been shot down in flames nor have you been personally insulted... It's just your perception of what has been said... Which very neatly brings us back to the point of why we wouldnt allow a database of no-shows.... It's just your perception of a situation...
Shireen
Shireen
Quote by Hogman
You know these forums are a complete waste of time. Unless you agree with a moderator, you just get shot down in flames by them every time. Also why do you have to get personally insulting bluexxx by suggesting that i am just looking for a quick shag and am not serious about this lifestyle?
Don't worry, you have once again confirmed for me the idea that whenever you have forums like this, they are totally dominated by a small click of friends who dictate whatever is said. There is no true open, reasonable discussion. Don't worry, i will not post another topic or reply here. Mant thanks!
......picks up Hogman's dummy !!!
You are ONE person out of many thousands and there was a large discussion about this last year. if you'd read the thread that Bluexxx gave you then you would know that.
If this is how you react when knocked back then I'm personally not surprised people aren't turning up. Whilst manners are one thing, attitude is another!
Grow up!
C
Sex God
Quote by Hogman
Also why do you have to get personally insulting bluexxx by suggesting that i am just looking for a quick shag and am not serious about this lifestyle
Hey mate, I was trying to help!!!!
Jeeez, if you think that's insulting you have a problem.... I'm kinda beginning to see why people back out of meets with you..... Anyways, you're right - this forum is a waste of time for people with your attitude...
Oi..... make sure you shut the door firmly on the way out, it's kinda sticking at the min, we're waiting for a joiner to come and sort it. Thanks
:lol: :lol: :lol: Quote by manofmuchfun
As to a geniune meet then I'm of the old school to tell them and explain.........why should we explain to pretenders????? .........they aint got the time to be honest and we dont have the time to reply.........
Actually Alan I hadn't thought of that.... That's a good point... I dont think I have ever agreed with you twice in one day so I am off for a lie down
Shireen
Quote by bluexxx
Also why do you have to get personally insulting bluexxx by suggesting that i am just looking for a quick shag and am not serious about this lifestyle
Hey mate, I was trying to help!!!!
Jeeez, if you think that's insulting you have a problem.... I'm kinda beginning to see why people back out of meets with you..... Anyways, you're right - this forum is a waste of time for people with your attitude...
Oi..... make sure you shut the door firmly on the way out, it's kinda sticking at the min, we're waiting for a joiner to come and sort it. Thanks
:lol: :lol: :lol:We should get an official SH bouncer. I nominate........
:rotflmao:
Hey.. It could be like E-Bay.
"AA+++++ Great SH-er. Well packaged with a prompt fast delivery!! Would USE again."
well it works for E-bay.
Hogman - There is definetly an element of the SH SS clique who like to bad mouth other peoples post. Perhaps this is a case of "tone" being lost when being written down. Hogman's opinions seemed quite reasonable. IMO!!! emphasis on the IMO.
"AA+++++ Great SH-er. Well packaged with a prompt fast delivery!! Would USE again."
well it works for E-bay.
Hogman - There is definetly an element of the SH SS clique who like to bad mouth other peoples post. Perhaps this is a case of "tone" being lost when being written down. Hogman's opinions seemed quite reasonable. IMO!!! emphasis on the IMO.
To be honest, I can see the problems that this whole thing throws up, but at the same time I can see how useful it could be if properly thought out.
I know, sounds like I am sitting on the fence here, but on the whole I would be in favour of something being done. Personally Katie and I have nothing to gain from it as we have as yet not had the pleasure of meeting anyone from this site, so would probably be at the bottom of everyone’s list for a while, but then eventually it would happen and then we would reap the benefits.
Guess I can just sympathise with the frustration of being let down without warning …….
Still, I think it would probably be nigh on impossible to devise a system that was abuse proof and would have to rely a lot on trust.
Glad I’m not a mod
John
I know, sounds like I am sitting on the fence here, but on the whole I would be in favour of something being done. Personally Katie and I have nothing to gain from it as we have as yet not had the pleasure of meeting anyone from this site, so would probably be at the bottom of everyone’s list for a while, but then eventually it would happen and then we would reap the benefits.
Guess I can just sympathise with the frustration of being let down without warning …….
Still, I think it would probably be nigh on impossible to devise a system that was abuse proof and would have to rely a lot on trust.
Glad I’m not a mod
John
Quote by duncanlondon
Four couples, eight people. That's a lot to fall in love with in 2 weeks.
Since when has swinging been anything to do with falling in love with couples?
If we ever thought there was any possibility of falling in love with people we played with we would be out of the scene very quickly.
