1) Don't ask us, we are swingers not doctors.
2) Phone NHS direct on 0845 46 47, you can do this anonymously (although they will pester you for an addres), and they will have better advice than we can give.
3) If you need to go to casualty, simly do it a long way away from home. They will know what you did, but they should deal with it in a professional manner (at least while they are in earshot!). Removal of objects jammed into orifices is aparrently such a regular ocurrence they don't even get amused by it any more, so this shouldn't be too bad.
Good advice above. Best not use home remedies, see a doctor if you are concerned. This is not a swinging issue but a medical one.
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