:rotflmao: :rotflmao:Took me ages to get past the bit where you Smacked em :rotflmao: couldn't stop laughing!!!
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Campaign to free Agricola!!!
I think its time we had a group visit to the prison to give Agricola some moral support. Its the only way Im gonna get a cup of tea with him. What trauma and suffering he is going through. I could even get my Delia book out and make him a cake if I can remember how to use the oven ...........................................................
I've done my bit, and nearly succeeded.
The bleeding farmboy is getting it all wrong.
The more we try to help him, the further in the shit he gets himself.
We need simple plans for his release.
Who do we know is simple?
We can get them to draw up a defence that even agricole can adhear to.
Country fellows are no good at multitasking, simple people simple lives.
I we do not act quickly then chappie will never see the light of day again.
Sid
The bleeding farmboy is getting it all wrong.
The more we try to help him, the further in the shit he gets himself.
We need simple plans for his release.
Who do we know is simple?
We can get them to draw up a defence that even agricole can adhear to.
Country fellows are no good at multitasking, simple people simple lives.
I we do not act quickly then chappie will never see the light of day again.
Sid
Sex God
re-lapse you think i haven't tried?
i gave agricola the benefit of my sage advice? what happens? completely ignored it and now he's buggered! possibly literally who knows?
warned him about that soapbar but did he listen? no! well sod that for a game of soldiers, he can rot down the block for all i care!
as for that alex! well i had a little whisper with old roger the dragon at the notts about rescue plans, cos i ain't sure my skills as attorney at law are quite up to her case, but her brains addled on all that whacky weed she's been growing! couldn't follow simple bloody instructions on my last visit to the big house, so she's a bit buggered too! well not literally buggered fortunately cos it's a womens nick, but metaphorically buggered all the same!
i despair at times of the legal profession i really do! thinking of becoming a plumber. roger will do the welding, i'll just rake in copious amounts of cash! gotta be easier than this eh?
neil x x x ;)
i gave agricola the benefit of my sage advice? what happens? completely ignored it and now he's buggered! possibly literally who knows?
warned him about that soapbar but did he listen? no! well sod that for a game of soldiers, he can rot down the block for all i care!as for that alex! well i had a little whisper with old roger the dragon at the notts about rescue plans, cos i ain't sure my skills as attorney at law are quite up to her case, but her brains addled on all that whacky weed she's been growing! couldn't follow simple bloody instructions on my last visit to the big house, so she's a bit buggered too! well not literally buggered fortunately cos it's a womens nick, but metaphorically buggered all the same!
i despair at times of the legal profession i really do! thinking of becoming a plumber. roger will do the welding, i'll just rake in copious amounts of cash! gotta be easier than this eh?
neil x x x ;)
Dear Alex,
I hope you get this letter: it's not being delivered by the nomal channels.
Well, thanks for visiting me, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. Please thank Mr and Mrs FC too. You've no idea how much it meant to me. In fact, when you left I felt proper 'cheesed off'. As ever, my mate 'Mauler' understood and asked what train you were catching. I told him and he said ,'Why don't you wave goodbye?' . What a fantastic idea I thought...but how? 'Well', he says, 'If you really wanted to show your appreciation you could climb up on the roof and wave goodbye properly' (we can see right into the station from here). So, without further thought, up I scrambled. I made it just in time to see your train pulling out from Shrewsbury Station; I hope you saw me waving. But, all of a sudden, sirens started wailing and screws started screaming and blowing their little whistles. ' I heard Mauler shouting, 'Roof Jockey, Roof Jockey!!'-he was obviously concerned about my welfare-and all the cons started gathering below. It was only when I looked down that I remembered that I was terrified of heights!! Ooh, Alex, I nearly died of fright. I grabbed hold of the old chimney in panic -I really didn't intend the bricks and tiles to cascade onto the screws below-honest-and suddenly felt VERY scared. I understand that a couple of screws were carted off to hospital; I feel bad about that.
The Chaplain came and started talking about 'understanding and compassion': I really couldn't hear him. So, I leant over to try and hear him better and another load of bricks and tiles laid him out cold. Blimey, I would have thought he might have had a bit of Divine protection!
Anyway, that's when they withdrew .
That was two days ago. You know, I never knew it was so cold in November.
I've scribbled your note on a piece of kitchen paper I had in my pocket-a piece that the 'nice' screw, Mr Cloughbarrow, gave me when I was a bit weepy after your visit. He is a nice man-used to be in TV work. But, the 'nasty ' screw, Mr McNay, has been screaming at me to come down before he has me blasted off with a 'non-soluble lead injection'. Well, Alex, I would gladly come down, but I'm too scared to move!!
I've been sitting here thinking about the lovely times we used to have on SH, when everyone was friendly, and we genuinely cared about each other. I remembered the munches, and the jokes and laughs we used to share; seems a long time ago now. Last night, despite the cold, I managed to nod off. I dreamt that NeilinLeeds, Sappho, Will, Sarge, Misschief and Wilma stormed the prison, dressed as French Revolutionaries, and set me free. They were about to cut off the heads of my captors when Mark came along, dressed as a Dalek, and preached 'tolerance and understanding'-and the screws were allowed to go unmolested. What a wierd dream.
Anyway, when I awoke I had Police helicopters circling round me-felt like a King Kong movie-and I was busting for a 'number two!' All the cons were concerned about my getting cold: they kept shouting 'Jump! Jump!'-obviously wanting me to jump about and keep warm-how thoughtful.
So, the screws shouted up and asked if I wanted to contact any relatives and friends: I replied ' Got to tell my friends at Swinging Heaven and countryside farming muckers' . Unfortunately , because of the wind, they only heard 'Go....Swing....Cunts....fuckers......'.
So, here I am, I've thrown down my message and hope you receive it.
Well, it's cold Alex, awfully cold. I don't know what to do now. I wonder if my SH mates have any suggestions.....
Your Shropshire friend
Agricola
I hope you get this letter: it's not being delivered by the nomal channels.
Well, thanks for visiting me, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed it. Please thank Mr and Mrs FC too. You've no idea how much it meant to me. In fact, when you left I felt proper 'cheesed off'. As ever, my mate 'Mauler' understood and asked what train you were catching. I told him and he said ,'Why don't you wave goodbye?' . What a fantastic idea I thought...but how? 'Well', he says, 'If you really wanted to show your appreciation you could climb up on the roof and wave goodbye properly' (we can see right into the station from here). So, without further thought, up I scrambled. I made it just in time to see your train pulling out from Shrewsbury Station; I hope you saw me waving. But, all of a sudden, sirens started wailing and screws started screaming and blowing their little whistles. ' I heard Mauler shouting, 'Roof Jockey, Roof Jockey!!'-he was obviously concerned about my welfare-and all the cons started gathering below. It was only when I looked down that I remembered that I was terrified of heights!! Ooh, Alex, I nearly died of fright. I grabbed hold of the old chimney in panic -I really didn't intend the bricks and tiles to cascade onto the screws below-honest-and suddenly felt VERY scared. I understand that a couple of screws were carted off to hospital; I feel bad about that.
The Chaplain came and started talking about 'understanding and compassion': I really couldn't hear him. So, I leant over to try and hear him better and another load of bricks and tiles laid him out cold. Blimey, I would have thought he might have had a bit of Divine protection!
Anyway, that's when they withdrew .
That was two days ago. You know, I never knew it was so cold in November.
I've scribbled your note on a piece of kitchen paper I had in my pocket-a piece that the 'nice' screw, Mr Cloughbarrow, gave me when I was a bit weepy after your visit. He is a nice man-used to be in TV work. But, the 'nasty ' screw, Mr McNay, has been screaming at me to come down before he has me blasted off with a 'non-soluble lead injection'. Well, Alex, I would gladly come down, but I'm too scared to move!!
I've been sitting here thinking about the lovely times we used to have on SH, when everyone was friendly, and we genuinely cared about each other. I remembered the munches, and the jokes and laughs we used to share; seems a long time ago now. Last night, despite the cold, I managed to nod off. I dreamt that NeilinLeeds, Sappho, Will, Sarge, Misschief and Wilma stormed the prison, dressed as French Revolutionaries, and set me free. They were about to cut off the heads of my captors when Mark came along, dressed as a Dalek, and preached 'tolerance and understanding'-and the screws were allowed to go unmolested. What a wierd dream.
Anyway, when I awoke I had Police helicopters circling round me-felt like a King Kong movie-and I was busting for a 'number two!' All the cons were concerned about my getting cold: they kept shouting 'Jump! Jump!'-obviously wanting me to jump about and keep warm-how thoughtful.
So, the screws shouted up and asked if I wanted to contact any relatives and friends: I replied ' Got to tell my friends at Swinging Heaven and countryside farming muckers' . Unfortunately , because of the wind, they only heard 'Go....Swing....Cunts....fuckers......'.
So, here I am, I've thrown down my message and hope you receive it.
Well, it's cold Alex, awfully cold. I don't know what to do now. I wonder if my SH mates have any suggestions.....
Your Shropshire friend
Agricola
Sex God
Agricola !!!!!!!!!
I'm off to get some help !!!!!! It needs to be undercover mind you.... I know what I have planned will not be off the norm.........but I have got some transport sorted to get you off the roof.
Hold on tight my friend I'm comming !!!! Oh ! look out for the copter that I have hired. Not much maybe but its all I could get hold off.
I'm off to get some help !!!!!! It needs to be undercover mind you....
I know what I have planned will not be off the norm.........but I have got some transport sorted to get you off the roof.Hold on tight my friend I'm comming !!!! Oh ! look out for the copter that I have hired. Not much maybe but its all I could get hold off.
Sex God
Wonderful!
I look forward to reading "The Song Of Shrewsbury Nick" in these hallowed pages sometime.
I look forward to reading "The Song Of Shrewsbury Nick" in these hallowed pages sometime.
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Oh alex that is a gem!!! One of the best reasons I can think of to hang out in here!
:lol: :lol: quality :lol: :lol: :lol:
Sex God
Surely Oscar Wilde's works were written around a hundred years ago, so are out of copyright. There's nothing to stop 'Gric writing "The Ballad of Shrewsbury Gaol" without fear of accusations of plagiarism.
Agricola: "I wish I'd written that"
Everyone: "You will, Agricola, you will!"
Mike.
Agricola: "I wish I'd written that"
Everyone: "You will, Agricola, you will!"
Mike.
Quote by Alexandra
His autobiography, 'Banged Up and Buggered in Shropshire', looks like it will be published
Ooohhh I do hope that we will be told when this undoubted masterpiece will be on sale.... I so look forward to reading his scribblings again....
Alexandra should you reply please be sure and pass on our kindest regards to the dear man, as he is greatly missed in many ways....
Shireen
xxx
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