The weather is making us want to get out doors.........
Before anyone says it, i know camp sites cant swing
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Camping
Sex God
SwingCamp, what a marvellous idea. Don't know why it's never been done before 
Quote by meat2pleaseu
SwingCamp, what a marvellous idea. Don't know why it's never been done before
There was this one time... at swing camp :giggle:
Tents or caravans davidandtracy?
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/81377.html
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/81031.html
Sex God
Don't mention it to Fecktart, before you know it he'll have bought the Taj Mahal in canvas form 
Sex God
Quote by Happy Cats
SwingCamp, what a marvellous idea. Don't know why it's never been done before
Why dont you help to organise one?
i just do ideas, i delegate the organisation to my glamourous assistant (well, to her tree hugging, bog brush headed other half
) Sex God
Trust me, they'd never get past the BBFC :shock:
(women, just pure filth)
(women, just pure filth)
Well, for those of you contemplating camping, especially for the first time, bearing in mind Wild Rose and Stags forthcoming reception, I thought it appropriate to stick up an event that happened to me last year.
Obviously all names have been changed to protect the innocent. It is probably a bit long winded, but try and see it through to the end!!
If you have never been camping before, this will read as absolute nonsense, however, for those of you who have spent at least one night under canvas, then you may appreciate this.
Ok, to set the scene.
8pm one warm evening on a campsite. Dave and I, both experienced campers mulling over stuff with a couple of beers. The pitches are surrounded on three sides by thick trees.
On the other side of the trees in the adjacent pitch behind us a car arrives and we hear voices. From what we can make out, it sounds like two couples. Although I cannot remember the complete dialogue, it went something like this. For ease of reading let us assume that couple 1 are Jack and Dianne, couple number 2 are Rosie and Jim.
Jack: Wow this site looks good (as we hear the crash of tent poles and stuff being heaved from the car)
Rosie: Where did you put the instructions?
Dave and I look at each other and grin
Jim: Nah – don’t need the instructions these tents are easy to put up
Dianne: But Jim, we have never been camping before
Dave and I share a small giggle – this is going to be fun
Lots of rattling is heard as we hear poles being put together
Jim: Hey, they have a bar on site, once we do this we can have a drink
Dave and I check our watches 8:15 – bar shuts at 11, nah no way
Jim: Well that’s the frame up, told you it was easy
Dianne: It doesn’t look like that in the picture
Jack: It must be just a general picture
Rosie: What are these poles for?
Jim: Extras
Dianne: Are you sure it looks like that – it seems very small
Jim: You girls go and look around while us guys do this
Rustle of canvas
Rosie: Is it meant to look that baggy
Jim: YES
Pauses
Jack: Rosie, where are those other poles
All goes quiet, lots of rustling
Jack: Err Jim, pass me that pole
Jim: Why, it doesn’t go there
Jack: Yes it bloody well does, here look at the picture
Time drifts by……………
Rosie: Seems to being going quite well guys
Jim: Where the bloody hell have you been, why don’t you at least lend a hand
Time drifts by………..
Jim: There we go, told you it was easy
Dave and I check our watches – 10pm
Dianne: What are all the pegs for?
Jim: I never said it was finished
Rosie: There seems to be lots of rope here
Jim: Yes of course there is, we do that last
Quite ironically the wind now starts to pick up ………
Jim: Rosie, where are those bloody pegs
Rosie: By your left foot dear
Jim: Why the f*** did you leave them there
Lots of banging now as the tent pegs finally go in
Kids in the background start to cry
Dave and I cracking up in our beer
Jack: I can’t see a bloody thing here
Jim: Get the bloody torch
Jack: I don’t have a bloody torch …………
Jim: Rosie turn the car headlights on
Jim: God’s sake, you will run the battery down, start the bloody engine
Dave and I look at each other – Petrol or Diesel?
Why is it that everything sounds so much louder at night?
The roar of a diesel is heard
Dave and I check our watches – 11:30
Jim: These guy ropes don’t work, there bloody useless, cheap shitty tent
Rosie: Darling, I don’t think they are meant to go like that
Jim: They are just crap – I’m going for a piss, you coming Dave
Lots of bustling heard
Time passes by
Rosie: Hi guys, did you find the loo ok?
Jim: I was just about to do those ropes, well done, although they look a little loose, here, this is how you tighten them
Jack: Ok ladies why don’t you do the sleeping bags while I get the mattresses up.
Dave and I turn as one – Oh no ffs, not air beds – electric or foot pump, we check our watches – midnight
SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Foot pump
Jim: Why is there all these stones under the ground sheet?
Jack: Dianne, I told you to make sure the area was clear of stones
Dianne: No you fuc***g idiot – you never said a bloody word
Dave: Whispers I call this the “total meltdown pointâ€
Jim: This poxy airbed has a hole in it
Rosie: It would help if you inserted this bung here instead of up your ass
All goes quiet apart from the continual SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Time passes by ………….
Jack: The beach looks nice
No response – all is quiet
SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Jim: There we go girls – we said it would be easy
Rosie: F*** off, I’m going to bed
Jim: Yep, just coming dear
Rosie: Piss off, see you in the morning
Rustle of zips etc is heard
Jack: God, women, they get to excitable
Dave and I check our watches – 1:30
If, Rosie, Jim, Jack or Dianne ever read this, please don’t think that I am taking the micky here. I wrote this in tribute to the four of you for providing Dave and I with the best entertainment we have had for years.
To all others reading this who have never done the camping thing but are thinking about it – let this be a warning to you – you never know who’s watching and listening to you.
Obviously all names have been changed to protect the innocent. It is probably a bit long winded, but try and see it through to the end!!
If you have never been camping before, this will read as absolute nonsense, however, for those of you who have spent at least one night under canvas, then you may appreciate this.
Ok, to set the scene.
8pm one warm evening on a campsite. Dave and I, both experienced campers mulling over stuff with a couple of beers. The pitches are surrounded on three sides by thick trees.
On the other side of the trees in the adjacent pitch behind us a car arrives and we hear voices. From what we can make out, it sounds like two couples. Although I cannot remember the complete dialogue, it went something like this. For ease of reading let us assume that couple 1 are Jack and Dianne, couple number 2 are Rosie and Jim.
Jack: Wow this site looks good (as we hear the crash of tent poles and stuff being heaved from the car)
Rosie: Where did you put the instructions?
Dave and I look at each other and grin
Jim: Nah – don’t need the instructions these tents are easy to put up
Dianne: But Jim, we have never been camping before
Dave and I share a small giggle – this is going to be fun
Lots of rattling is heard as we hear poles being put together
Jim: Hey, they have a bar on site, once we do this we can have a drink
Dave and I check our watches 8:15 – bar shuts at 11, nah no way
Jim: Well that’s the frame up, told you it was easy
Dianne: It doesn’t look like that in the picture
Jack: It must be just a general picture
Rosie: What are these poles for?
Jim: Extras
Dianne: Are you sure it looks like that – it seems very small
Jim: You girls go and look around while us guys do this
Rustle of canvas
Rosie: Is it meant to look that baggy
Jim: YES
Pauses
Jack: Rosie, where are those other poles
All goes quiet, lots of rustling
Jack: Err Jim, pass me that pole
Jim: Why, it doesn’t go there
Jack: Yes it bloody well does, here look at the picture
Time drifts by……………
Rosie: Seems to being going quite well guys
Jim: Where the bloody hell have you been, why don’t you at least lend a hand
Time drifts by………..
Jim: There we go, told you it was easy
Dave and I check our watches – 10pm
Dianne: What are all the pegs for?
Jim: I never said it was finished
Rosie: There seems to be lots of rope here
Jim: Yes of course there is, we do that last
Quite ironically the wind now starts to pick up ………
Jim: Rosie, where are those bloody pegs
Rosie: By your left foot dear
Jim: Why the f*** did you leave them there
Lots of banging now as the tent pegs finally go in
Kids in the background start to cry
Dave and I cracking up in our beer
Jack: I can’t see a bloody thing here
Jim: Get the bloody torch
Jack: I don’t have a bloody torch …………
Jim: Rosie turn the car headlights on
Jim: God’s sake, you will run the battery down, start the bloody engine
Dave and I look at each other – Petrol or Diesel?
Why is it that everything sounds so much louder at night?
The roar of a diesel is heard
Dave and I check our watches – 11:30
Jim: These guy ropes don’t work, there bloody useless, cheap shitty tent
Rosie: Darling, I don’t think they are meant to go like that
Jim: They are just crap – I’m going for a piss, you coming Dave
Lots of bustling heard
Time passes by
Rosie: Hi guys, did you find the loo ok?
Jim: I was just about to do those ropes, well done, although they look a little loose, here, this is how you tighten them
Jack: Ok ladies why don’t you do the sleeping bags while I get the mattresses up.
Dave and I turn as one – Oh no ffs, not air beds – electric or foot pump, we check our watches – midnight
SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Foot pump
Jim: Why is there all these stones under the ground sheet?
Jack: Dianne, I told you to make sure the area was clear of stones
Dianne: No you fuc***g idiot – you never said a bloody word
Dave: Whispers I call this the “total meltdown pointâ€
Jim: This poxy airbed has a hole in it
Rosie: It would help if you inserted this bung here instead of up your ass
All goes quiet apart from the continual SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Time passes by ………….
Jack: The beach looks nice
No response – all is quiet
SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Jim: There we go girls – we said it would be easy
Rosie: F*** off, I’m going to bed
Jim: Yep, just coming dear
Rosie: Piss off, see you in the morning
Rustle of zips etc is heard
Jack: God, women, they get to excitable
Dave and I check our watches – 1:30
If, Rosie, Jim, Jack or Dianne ever read this, please don’t think that I am taking the micky here. I wrote this in tribute to the four of you for providing Dave and I with the best entertainment we have had for years.
To all others reading this who have never done the camping thing but are thinking about it – let this be a warning to you – you never know who’s watching and listening to you.
Quote by davidandtracy
Does anyone know of any swinging camping sites?
The weather is making us want to get out doors.........
Before anyone says it, i know camp sites cant swing
There is one down in Somerset that holds regular parties and I know they ahve camping facilities.
Known up here as the west coast cabaret
Best appreciated when mixed with equal measures of rain, wind and midges!
Wonderful to watch tho oh and another wee tip - even if its new proof the bloody tent before you go !
GF2
no stranger to a muddy field
Best appreciated when mixed with equal measures of rain, wind and midges!
Wonderful to watch tho oh and another wee tip - even if its new proof the bloody tent before you go !
GF2
no stranger to a muddy field
Quote by Manolishi
Well, for those of you contemplating camping, especially for the first time, bearing in mind Wild Rose and Stags forthcoming reception, I thought it appropriate to stick up an event that happened to me last year.
Obviously all names have been changed to protect the innocent. It is probably a bit long winded, but try and see it through to the end!!
If you have never been camping before, this will read as absolute nonsense, however, for those of you who have spent at least one night under canvas, then you may appreciate this.
Ok, to set the scene.
8pm one warm evening on a campsite. Dave and I, both experienced campers mulling over stuff with a couple of beers. The pitches are surrounded on three sides by thick trees.
On the other side of the trees in the adjacent pitch behind us a car arrives and we hear voices. From what we can make out, it sounds like two couples. Although I cannot remember the complete dialogue, it went something like this. For ease of reading let us assume that couple 1 are Jack and Dianne, couple number 2 are Rosie and Jim.
Jack: Wow this site looks good (as we hear the crash of tent poles and stuff being heaved from the car)
Rosie: Where did you put the instructions?
Dave and I look at each other and grin
Jim: Nah – don’t need the instructions these tents are easy to put up
Dianne: But Jim, we have never been camping before
Dave and I share a small giggle – this is going to be fun
Lots of rattling is heard as we hear poles being put together
Jim: Hey, they have a bar on site, once we do this we can have a drink
Dave and I check our watches 8:15 – bar shuts at 11, nah no way
Jim: Well that’s the frame up, told you it was easy
Dianne: It doesn’t look like that in the picture
Jack: It must be just a general picture
Rosie: What are these poles for?
Jim: Extras
Dianne: Are you sure it looks like that – it seems very small
Jim: You girls go and look around while us guys do this
Rustle of canvas
Rosie: Is it meant to look that baggy
Jim: YES
Pauses
Jack: Rosie, where are those other poles
All goes quiet, lots of rustling
Jack: Err Jim, pass me that pole
Jim: Why, it doesn’t go there
Jack: Yes it bloody well does, here look at the picture
Time drifts by……………
Rosie: Seems to being going quite well guys
Jim: Where the bloody hell have you been, why don’t you at least lend a hand
Time drifts by………..
Jim: There we go, told you it was easy
Dave and I check our watches – 10pm
Dianne: What are all the pegs for?
Jim: I never said it was finished
Rosie: There seems to be lots of rope here
Jim: Yes of course there is, we do that last
Quite ironically the wind now starts to pick up ………
Jim: Rosie, where are those bloody pegs
Rosie: By your left foot dear
Jim: Why the f*** did you leave them there
Lots of banging now as the tent pegs finally go in
Kids in the background start to cry
Dave and I cracking up in our beer
Jack: I can’t see a bloody thing here
Jim: Get the bloody torch
Jack: I don’t have a bloody torch …………
Jim: Rosie turn the car headlights on
Jim: God’s sake, you will run the battery down, start the bloody engine
Dave and I look at each other – Petrol or Diesel?
Why is it that everything sounds so much louder at night?
The roar of a diesel is heard
Dave and I check our watches – 11:30
Jim: These guy ropes don’t work, there bloody useless, cheap shitty tent
Rosie: Darling, I don’t think they are meant to go like that
Jim: They are just crap – I’m going for a piss, you coming Dave
Lots of bustling heard
Time passes by
Rosie: Hi guys, did you find the loo ok?
Jim: I was just about to do those ropes, well done, although they look a little loose, here, this is how you tighten them
Jack: Ok ladies why don’t you do the sleeping bags while I get the mattresses up.
Dave and I turn as one – Oh no ffs, not air beds – electric or foot pump, we check our watches – midnight
SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Foot pump
Jim: Why is there all these stones under the ground sheet?
Jack: Dianne, I told you to make sure the area was clear of stones
Dianne: No you fuc***g idiot – you never said a bloody word
Dave: Whispers I call this the “total meltdown pointâ€
Jim: This poxy airbed has a hole in it
Rosie: It would help if you inserted this bung here instead of up your ass
All goes quiet apart from the continual SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Time passes by ………….
Jack: The beach looks nice
No response – all is quiet
SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK
Jim: There we go girls – we said it would be easy
Rosie: F*** off, I’m going to bed
Jim: Yep, just coming dear
Rosie: Piss off, see you in the morning
Rustle of zips etc is heard
Jack: God, women, they get to excitable
Dave and I check our watches – 1:30
If, Rosie, Jim, Jack or Dianne ever read this, please don’t think that I am taking the micky here. I wrote this in tribute to the four of you for providing Dave and I with the best entertainment we have had for years.
To all others reading this who have never done the camping thing but are thinking about it – let this be a warning to you – you never know who’s watching and listening to you.
Quote by Kiss_Me
Don't mention it to Fecktart, before you know it he'll have bought the Taj Mahal in canvas form
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: The funniest thing about your comment Meaty is that it's true!
Well when we take the kids away we need the extra room :giggle: and it comes in handy for sharing with the tentless too
Quote by Medic_1
Will this be a "social camp" or a "munch camp":
either one sounds great by me.
Phredd
:wink: Ahh now therein lies the question... this is a test of terminology isn't it?
guess we'd have to share facilities with vanillas so that would make it a social camp right? but if it's on a swinging campsite with an area sectioned off and separate facilities it would be a munch camp
Did I get it right? can I have a gold star?
Sex God
Quote by Sassy-Seren
:shock: (women, just pure filth
piss off Meaty....that's just how you love us :twisted:
did i suggest i didn't
Quote by celestria
Will this be a "social camp" or a "munch camp"
either one sounds great by me.
Phredd
:wink: Ahh now therein lies the question... this is a test of terminology isn't it?
guess we'd have to share facilities with vanillas so that would make it a social camp right? but if it's on a swinging campsite with an area sectioned off and separate facilities it would be a munch camp
Did I get it right? can I have a gold star?
