Careers that stop you admitting you`re a swinger

4 Mar 2007

Quote by duncanlondon
Anyway getting back to the debate topic.
Is there a career or job where you can actually find a section on the application form, where they ask you if you have advanced sexual practices?

I hope not! confused

I don't see it's any business of employers what your sexual habits are dunno

4 Mar 2007

There`s a young man who frequents the chatrooms who says he works for ministry of defence and had to declare anything that would leave him open to blackmail.
Brilliant. Send me an application form. I'll get a nice well paid job and have an increased sex life.
cool

4 Mar 2007

I'm a bit of a bugger for this one.
I would probably lose my job and I'd certainly be subjected to a very invasive investigation if it came out I was a swinger. That's for definite.
However, I do show my face in pics on various sites from time to time as part of me would really like to be open and upfront about it and try to remove some of the stigma attached to it.
My parents know - I told them just in case, as I didn't want it to ever come from anyone else or for them to trip over pics on the net. (They have site restrictions lol

)
Whilst they aren't overjoyed, they aren't judgmental and aren't concerned so long as I am happy and safe.
I fully understand why some people have to be very careful, and to be fair I have the luxury of not having children to worry about, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I lost my job as our house is secure.
For those whose jobs are vital to them and their families I don't think they can afford to take the risk.
The media portrayal is always negative and if I was in that position then I can assure you, I would do my utmost to maintain my privacy and anonymity.
Jas
XXX

4 Mar 2007

I think that a lot of people just like to feel comfortable with their working lives, and this involves placing people into convenient pigeon holes with regard to the way they relate to each other. So many of us just build up a suitable impression of our colleagues and leave it at that.
It then becomes a bit unsettling to find out that some colleagues have started an affair or such like after the works xmas party. Its the usual stuff of workplace gossip, but nonetheless it takes people by surprise. Some people then have to reassess how they have perceived people before such an event and how they will relate to them afterwards.
Admitting that you are into something way beyond your colleagues expectations of you; just ups the gear ratio, and in most case they can go into shock mode. So its a delicate thing to get into. wink

I chose one corporate scenario to reveal details about my life. I wouldn't do it again. Whilst many appeared to be okay about it, they really weren't. The main thing I noticed was that people just felt they had read me completely wrong, and felt foolish and deceived. Also that some thought I was a tosser for doing so, or a fraud.
All of which hinders one's career prospects and progress. So I think its just good common sense to remain professional in your work life role.
Maybe one day owning up to swinging at work may be no different to telling people you do pottery classes. lol

4 Mar 2007

Quote by Sassy-Seren
I hope not! I don't see it's any business of employers what your sexual habits are

So why the need for hiding who you are?
This is exactly the point ive been making. Im not an antagonist, im simply trying to promote debate, but, too many people take it personally and go on the attack. Put your thought into the debate, not trying to outwit the last postee or taking umbridge and thinking something was said against you personaly.
If all the swingers in the country were to stand and be counted, AND everyone else could see what a broad spectrum of life, social backgrounds and careers were represented, then society at large might just start to accept swinging as 'normal'
But dont shoot the messenger again, shes fking fed up with it, its just an idea thrown into the melting pot, NOT a personal insult aimed and ANY of YOU

4 Mar 2007

What I do out of work is my own business nobody elses. Therefore, I like to keep it private...simple as. If I chose to be open at work I then have to take the flack for whatever comes next. Is that my own fault for not keeping my life private??
Im not hiding who I am or what I like to do in private. Im keeping something for me... smile

:)
Has anyone heard of Johari's window? That one part of the model is ME, all mine and no-one elses! My private life...my hidden area.
xanaisx

4 Mar 2007

Oh - and with regard to application forms, I have also had 3 which do the 'lets address diversity by ticking some boxes' thing that require me to not only state my ethnic origin & any disabilities etc, but also ask specifically for me to state my sexuality.
It does say it's optional, but, (imo) also widely assumed that if you dont fill it in you have something to hide.

4 Mar 2007

Quote by varca

If all the swingers in the country were to stand and be counted, AND everyone else could see what a broad spectrum of life, social backgrounds and careers were represented, then society at large might just start to accept swinging as 'normal'

Quote by Geminifemale
But dont shoot the messenger again, shes fking fed up with it, its just an idea thrown into the melting pot, NOT a personal insult aimed and ANY of YOU

I really think that you have issues that need to be dealt with via another vehicle than SH. Just my opinion and I will not be drawn into a shouting match over it with anyone. I'm not being nasty in any way but your posts are getting more and more inflammatory and provocative and are not conducive to healthy debate. I genuinely hope that you can find a way to resolve what ails you smile

Agreed :thumbup:

4 Mar 2007

Quote by Geminifemale
So why the need for hiding who you are? …
If all the swingers in the country were to stand and be counted, AND everyone else could see what a broad spectrum of life, social backgrounds and careers were represented, then society at large might just start to accept swinging as 'normal'

Because change in society’s social values doesn’t change over night – and that’s before you even start looking at religious values. Do you really think they will rewrite the Christian faith (and others) to accommodate swinging as being acceptable in the eyes of God?
I know a woman who stood up and said she was not ashamed of what her and her husband did. She didn’t get a job working behind the counter at her local chemist because it was common knowledge that she and her husband had photos of themselves on a website… it was deemed the position required a strong element of trust and her openness within the local community about her sexual activities did not present am image which the company neither wished to be associated with nor felt appropriate for the position. The lawyer told her “and you are surprised by that?”
If people just standing up and being counted is all it takes to change public perception and acceptance – why do we have laws to fight prejudice such as racism or disability and sexual discrimination? Is it not because no matter what is said, some people will still be prejudice or narrow minded.
Please don’t take this as a personal attack, but I am raising this next question to emphasise a point…

Quote by Geminifemale
specially if you have had any counselling or reason to see your GP for depression, which by the way, im not ashamed to admit ive had.

Why did you feel the need to mention you were not ashamed of a previous illness/situation – was it because you anticipated some people will still react with ignorance to mental illness issues?
May be people like to keep their private lives private as they anticipate some people being ignorant and expressing prejudice.
Then there is the question of who do you really count as being swingers? If you think the membership number of this site is any indication of how many active swingers there are – you are sadly mistaken. Think about how many people pass through here just thinking it is easier than going on the pull down the pub. How many just come on here to watch the web-cams and look at the photos – with no interest in meeting people. How many just want to fulfil and exhibitionist fantasy and just perform on cam to an anonymous audience. How many guys quite openly come here to look for a bit on the side. Would all these people want to stand up and be counted for the cause of swinging?
There is also the (for want of a better term) degrees of involvement – some people just arrange to meet 1-2-1 once in a while. This would be largely acceptable to many sectors of society because it happens in society… one off’s, one night stands, fuck-buddies. Sleeping with a married couple isn’t accepted in the same way. Full swap, soft swing, whether you are married or single, male or female – it all will generate a different response.
I anticipate not many people would bat an eyelid down the pub or in the works canteen at a young single guy saying he met some woman from a website and fucked her silly one afternoon. But to me that is not swinging anyway – it is just a shag.
I anticipate a different reaction if I was to say to the same group of people that I had sex with a couple in an open playroom with four other couples swapping and about 6 guys watching.
I anticipate yet another reaction if a married couple told the other members of the Parent Teacher Association that they both meet other couples for full swap sex and are currently exploring their bi-sexual curiosity.
You cannot surely expect the consequences of standing up and saying “I use a swinging site” to be the same for a single person using it to get a shag, to be the same as the possible consequences for a couple who are attending clubs and involved in full swap groups.
If you are still wondering why some people may have appeared to have taken this subject somewhat personally – well you could look at it this way … their choices are being questioned. They are being asked “why don’t you?” - so you shouldn’t be too surprised that being asked to justify personal choices will be emotive to some people.

4 Mar 2007

If you are still wondering why some people may have appeared to have taken this subject somewhat personally – well you could look at it this way … their choices are being questioned. They are being asked “why don’t you?” - so you shouldn’t be too surprised that being asked to justify personal choices will be emotive to some people.
Must admit I have read all of this with interest as it is something that has played on my mind at times. I am in no doubt that I would lose my job should my "lifestyle choices" (for want of a better term!) become public knowledge.
But getting back to the latest bit of the thread, I agree with Polo Lady, this is personal and emotive. Surely all the members on this site have the right to decide whether or not they display face pics or disclose details of their backgrounds etc? And whilst I applaud those that do, those of us who choose not to should be just as accepted and respected.
Noladreams30 xx

4 Mar 2007

My Career as such does'nt stop me being a swinger, but the the company I work with and for is a highly respected company in the industry and it was founded and is run by a Catholic man. Swinging I am certain is frowned upon and as a result we are unable to do business with certain companies that promote sexual freedom. So I know that my being a swinger would be frowned upon and maybe my life would be made difficult. I may be wrong but I am not willing to find out.
That aside however. When I have sex with anyone whether it's with Stormy or anyone else it is personal to me. I don't see any need to adverise it and consider it to be my choice as to whether I have my face shown on here or not. I have tried anonymous cam playing a couple of times, it was a buzz but a shortlived one. If I go on cam now I always show my face and I do it to chat. I am aware that screen shots can be taken but quite frankly if someone wants to take a screen shot of me chatting they need to get a life.
So thats my take on it. smile

4 Mar 2007

Quote by anais
What I do out of work is my own business nobody elses. Therefore, I like to keep it private...simple as. If I chose to be open at work I then have to take the flack for whatever comes next. Is that my own fault for not keeping my life private??
Im not hiding who I am or what I like to do I private. Im keeping something for me... :)
Has anyone heard of Johari's window? That one part of the model is ME, all mine and no-one elses! My private life...my hidden area.
xanaisx

Thank you hunni. You saved me a lot of typing there worship

4 Mar 2007

Quote by Geminifemale

I hope not! I don't see it's any business of employers what your sexual habits are

So why the need for hiding who you are?
Turning this on it's head. Why should I tell my employers about my sex life? Vanilla's aren't expected to reveal if it's their thing to go to a nightclub on the pull and pick up a different partner every weekend, so why should I tell my employers about my sexual preferences? Who I have sex with, when, why and how I have sex with them concerns no-one else but the people actually having that sex.

4 Mar 2007

I have read this thread with interest, I dont post much but this has triggered a response.
In my profession, my lifestyle would be sorely questioned and anyways its down to personal choice, I am not ashamed of my lifestyle, but I dont want all and sundry knowing and passing comment on me and my family, as that is what would happen.
Gemini female I have read many of your posts, and I fel that you come across as overly aggressive, we all have opinions and are entitled to air them, but there are ways of going about it.
Anyway I will not show my face on cam, I will not post face pics on our profile, thats because I dont want to!!!
Thx
J xxx

4 Mar 2007

Quote by Darkfire
Oh - and with regard to application forms, I have also had 3 which do the 'lets address diversity by ticking some boxes' thing that require me to not only state my ethnic origin & any disabilities etc, but also ask specifically for me to state my sexuality.
It does say it's optional, but, (imo) also widely assumed that if you dont fill it in you have something to hide.

I worked in the music/sound industry since leaving school and my sexuality was never an issue. I never thought about it, never needed too.
Then when I decided to change careers, for the first time I had to stop and think of how to deal with the fact that I'm with Mrs Kiss and what I should and shouldn't say and how it would be perceived.
I decided to be completely open from the start when applying for jobs, after all I wouldn't want to work for any company or person that didn't accept me and my life. Don't get me wrong, Mrs Kiss and I don't look gay lol

and don't shove it in peoples faces - but I wasn't going to live a lie or deny our relationship 42 hours a week.
Anyway I told my boss during my phone interview and he wasn't phased. If he was I wouldn't have been offended as I appreciate not everyone is comfortable with homosexuality, I just wanted to give him a chance to hang up. :lol:

4 Mar 2007

Quote by flower411
We seem to hear all the time that people are unable to show pics or to show their faces on cam because they have particular jobs .
Swinging is not illegal.
Why are people so ashamed of enjoying sex ?

I don't think my job would be particularly at risk should I be 'exposed' as a swinger, but on the other hand I don't especially want my employers to know either. As others have said, it's my business ;)
My life at work, at home, as a friend and as a swinger are all seperate and that's the way I like it. The people I trust know I swing, but they're not about to blab ;)
I have a partial facial pic on my profile and I have shown my face on cam many times in the chatroom. If my boss should spot me here, I am quite sure she wouldn't mention it!
I understand with certain professions however that it is a massive risk to post a face pic, let's face it we are considered sexual deviants by a lot of society rolleyes

I am pretty sure that most people who don't post pics are totally comfortable with being swingers, it's just the rest of the world that isn't confused

4 Mar 2007

I quite agree bi welsh minx, I know I could tell my friends but I dont want to. This part of my life is personal and enjoyed by me and MrJoJo

4 Mar 2007

Quote by Jo-jocouple
I quite agree bi welsh minx, I know I could tell my friends but I dont want to. This part of my life is personal and enjoyed by me and MrJoJo

Exactly!
Personal life means personal i.e. not something that is public. If people want to keep their swinging lives private, then why shouldnt they? :thumbup: However, if swinging was more accepted and it was a public thing, would swinging lose some of it's appeal????? (possibly an idea for another thread).
As for keeping things from employers, alot of people would potentially be out of a job if it was fully disclosed. Unfortunately not everyone in society agrees that swinging is an healthy pastime and would very soon make life difficult for others who do participate in it. Also people who are in public service roles very often have to be careful incase they are put in a position which opens them up to abuse or puts them in a position where they are unable to carry out their role impartially.
I am not ashamed of being a member of this site, or of any of my sexual activities however I CHOOSE to keep them private and the reason I make this choice is also private.
Maybe the people who think this is wrong should try and put themselves in the shoes of those who respect their own and others privacy, and actually think of the implications for a while confused

4 Mar 2007

:smile2: :cheers:
Thats exactly how I feel/meant to say lol Nauughty wigan couple.
Thank you
J xx

4 Mar 2007

Quote by flower411
Morning All
Well, I suppose now would be the time to admit that I had had a couple of beers last night.

I knew it was a mistake on my part to post a serious response on a Saturday night. I never learn! rolleyes

5 Mar 2007

Quote by anais
What I do out of work is my own business nobody elses. Therefore, I like to keep it private...simple as. If I chose to be open at work I then have to take the flack for whatever comes next. Is that my own fault for not keeping my life private??
Im not hiding who I am or what I like to do in private. Im keeping something for me... :)
Has anyone heard of Johari's window? That one part of the model is ME, all mine and no-one elses! My private life...my hidden area.
xanaisx

:thumbup: Spot on. Personal choice. Autonomy. Our life. We don't need to 'stand up and unite' we just want to have fun in our ownway, and that is for each and every one of us not because someone is telling us what to do.

5 Mar 2007

Quote by Jo-jocouple
I have read this thread with interest, I dont post much but this has triggered a response.
In my profession, my lifestyle would be sorely questioned and anyways its down to personal choice, I am not ashamed of my lifestyle, but I dont want all and sundry knowing and passing comment on me and my family, as that is what would happen.
Gemini female I have read many of your posts, and I fel that you come across as overly aggressive, we all have opinions and are entitled to air them, but there are ways of going about I will not show my face on cam, I will not post face pics on our profile, thats because I dont want to!!!
Thx
J xxx

Thank you! At last someone else has noticed! :shock: It shouldn't be like that, everyone is totally entitled to their own opinions without someone lordin over you.

5 Mar 2007

Quote by Darkfire
Oh - and with regard to application forms, I have also had 3 which do the 'lets address diversity by ticking some boxes' thing that require me to not only state my ethnic origin & any disabilities etc, but also ask specifically for me to state my sexuality.
It does say it's optional, but, (imo) also widely assumed that if you dont fill it in you have something to hide.

but are there any boxes that ask if you are a swinger?

5 Mar 2007

re you sure that gemini is being aggressive and not just passionnate x

5 Mar 2007

Quote by varca
re you sure that gemini is being aggressive and not just passionnate x

Grow up Drew!!!
second time youve said that now

5 Mar 2007

Quote by varca
I have read this thread with interest, I dont post much but this has triggered a response.
In my profession, my lifestyle would be sorely questioned and anyways its down to personal choice, I am not ashamed of my lifestyle, but I dont want all and sundry knowing and passing comment on me and my family, as that is what would happen.
Gemini female I have read many of your posts, and I fel that you come across as overly aggressive, we all have opinions and are entitled to air them, but there are ways of going about I will not show my face on cam, I will not post face pics on our profile, thats because I dont want to!!!
Thx
J xxx

Thank you! At last someone else has noticed! :shock: It shouldn't be like that, everyone is totally entitled to their own opinions without someone lordin over you.
I think you will find that there are a few with this opinion Jaymar... I posted my thoughts a page or so ago. I know I am not the only one with this opinion.
Yep, noted. wink

5 Mar 2007

I’m not going to bother with endless quotes in a “he said”, “she said”, kind of way, but I do find it strange that Swingers perceive themselves to be more open to vilification than for example, Homosexuals and Lesbians. Many people seem to be saying “I would rather tell someone I was Gay, than tell them I’m a Swinger, and perhaps more to the point, they seem to be saying society finds Homosexuality more acceptable than Swinging. dunno

Oh well, roll on “Swing Pride”

5 Mar 2007

With the imminent launch of the SH magazine one wonders how far it will go to providing a window on the lifestyle ?

5 Mar 2007

Private life to me is just that, private. Body parts could be anyone's, my face is my own and recognisable by way of more individaul features than my bottom would. confused

Do the majority of people day to day see my bare body, nekkid everyday for all to see? NO. my face on the other hand they see all the time. So, show body bits they'd not recognise therefore... for my personal choice... Hide face = semi annonymity.
Why do I have to tell anyone I'm a member of a website?
Does it change my ability or inabilty to do my job? NO.
Does it change the kudos I get from the swinging fraternity by announcing to everyone and anyone who'll listen that I'm a member of a swingers website? NO.
If anything I'm more wary of people who will tell anyone and everyone because they have nothing to loose by blurting out lifestyle choices in a possible inappropriate situation.
As for declaring it to my work... Either I can do my job, or I can't. My sexual preferences and choice to/not disclose private details do not define my brain power nor work abilities. mad

So why should I have to disclose anything to do with my private life if I don't want to? It's not illegal and I'm not hurting anyone so it's nobody's buisness but my own. :?