I chose to change my name when I got married. It never bothered me, but thinking back I don't think I would do it now. A factor was that our son had already been registered in husband's name.
Anyway, divorce followed and I considered changing my name back. But I decided it would probably be too expensive and difficult to tell everyone who needed to know - it's bad enough when you change the first time round. And there was still the fact that I would have a different name from my son.
But now, I will be getting married in the next couple of years - and I'm thinking - do I change my name? I certainly don't want to keep what is only an ex-married name when I marry again. Changing back to my maiden name, rather than taking the traditional route, looks like a rejection of the man I love. etc etc etc.
I'm not strictly looking for advice - still have loads of thinking to do. But I'm curious what others have done / would do in similar circumstances. Do married names matter that much? Or is it just a hang-over of the whole 'wife is husband's property' thing?
My best friend married four years ago after nine years and three children together. She has never changed her name she still calls herself Miss. She is the only one with a different surname in their house.
I changed my name when I married last year as I wanted our family to all have the same surname. I know its not a big issue to everyone but I wanted our family to be seen as a unit.
I like the idea of a name for myself - but I see I shall have to choose a simple one to spell. LOL
Now musing about what name I could chose. Someone I admire? A made up name? hmmmmmmmmmm
Forgive the hijack, but thank you, splendid, your post reminded me of a poem I love by Zelda. This translation is gender specific so substitute what you will:
Each Man Has A Name
Each man has a name, given him by God
And given him by his father and mother.
Each man has a name given him by his stature
And his way of smiling,
And given him by his clothes.
Each man has a name given him by the mountains
And given him by his walls.
Each man has a name given him by the planets
And given him by his neighbours.
Each man has a name given him by his sins
And given him by his longing.
Each man has a name given him by his enemies
And given him by his love.
Each man has a name given him by his feast days
And given him by his craft.
Each man has a name given him by the seasons of the year
And given him by his blindness.
Each man has a name given by the sea
And given him by his death.
I lived with my partner for more than 10 years before we married, nearly 10 years ago, and I have kept my previous husband's surname for all that time.
Long and complicated story, but never really had a surname of my own (many given to me by somebody else) and could never find one that I liked so much I wanted to formally change my name.
So I settled on one and stuck to it. Everyone who matters knows why my surname is different from D's and he is happy with my choice, but, I am comfortable being referred to as Mrs D by hotels, etc.
A surname is just a label - it's what's going on inside that really matters.
Foxy...this is the only thing that Mike and I fall out about!
I was married at 23, took my ex hubbies name, all our children have the same name. I am still known as that name, even though I remarried over 2 years ago.
In some circles I use my new name, but they are few and far betweeen.
All bills are still in my old nams(ex hubbys surname)
university contacts for children etc. The main one is my business connections know me as my ex name, and for that reason alone really, I have not changed it, as it is a registered name now.
Mike now wants me to change everything to his name, but I feel I can not at this stage.
I love to be known as Mrs .......(new hubbys name) but for now will not switch over completely!
He still loves me!
Supplementary question.
Should the husband change his name to match his wife's?
I know the wife changes because of tradition - but nowadays that is no excuse. So should a couple have to make a formal decision about names instead of the assumption that 'she' changes and 'he' doesn't?
In the US a couple often double-barrel their joint names. Not the daftest idea I've come across.
one of my bessie mates had a double barrelled name when she married as did her husband.
Her name was one that she had chosen for her (in a similar way to me choosing mine - but for different reasons)and when she married she wanted to keep it. Her hubby was happy to take hers as well as his so they both had double barrelled names.
I changed to my husband's name both times I got married and it's a pain in the ass to change it back again. When my divorce is finalised, I'll be going back to my maiden name and keeping that til the day I die
I find it quite ironic that in Italy, still quite a patriarchal society, my friend is able to keep her name despite being married. For professional dealings etc, the woman keeps her name. As a family, they have the husband's name.
Well, that's how it was explained to me anyway.
Nola x
i hated my maiden name and cant even bring myself to say it. I adore being a "smith" now
when i married i changed names and when i got divorced I changed it back again. Wasnt too much hassle at all.
However I lived with someone for 9 years and had children with them and my children have their dads surname (I wanted them to have my surname and it caused alot of problems and had to give in to them having his surname). However now we have split up anything connected with the kids ie hospital, doctors, school etc everyone just assumes I am married to their father and call me mrs, that really annoys me.
I think names are really important. I choose not to use the name I was given at birth because it simply doesn't fit with the person I am now.
TY for the lovely poem.
and took name two.. because I was the wife of. When I seperated from him he refused to divorce me because he was still in love with me :roll: and bombarded me with letters and cards addressed to Mrs 'wife of name'. I was unhappy with that and his son was still his son (and mine) but my name is about me and who I am. I wanted a name that was about me and for me and me alone. I took name three. I will never change it and I may or may not marry. I may or may not have more kids. My name won't be changing. My name is mine because of me. It is unique - which comes with it's own challenges. It is mine.
