As a newbie with 15 posts under his belt and doesnt know anyone, but has read how bored & unhappy you all are tonight Im going to attempt to cheer you up... think of it as online Jongleurs and links night.....
All in favor say I!!!
Coool...... let me get my bearings...
:shock:
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Cheerup time...
I already went through that in my "newbie" post....
hmmm... shame you cant upload pics on here,
:shock:
A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS.
HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED.
HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK,THEN GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.
WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE:
"LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE
PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS.
I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK - IF HE WANTS 5EX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU.
SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU.....
THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS.
IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US.....BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"
TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS:
"HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS WHISPERING IN MY EAR....
HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM.
BE STRONG HONEY. I LOVE YOU TOO!!"
:shock: - look!! IM TRYING HERE.... GIMME A FRICKIN BREAK!!!
hmmm... shame you cant upload pics on here,
:shock:
A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS.
HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED.
HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK,THEN GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM.
WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE:
"LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE
PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS.
I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK - IF HE WANTS 5EX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU.
SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU.....
THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS.
IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US.....BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"
TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS:
"HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS WHISPERING IN MY EAR....
HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM.
BE STRONG HONEY. I LOVE YOU TOO!!"
:shock: - look!! IM TRYING HERE.... GIMME A FRICKIN BREAK!!!
I also think now... on my 24th post would be an appropriate time to tell you about my 10" penis which shoots sperm 15ft (aslong as the wind isnt against me)
I also have a bit of a disability where I have 12 fingers and 2 thumbs, although this means I can actually accomodate 2 more women than the usual "average" guy. Each finger is 12inches long. Surgically stretched to mimick Edwards Scissorhands "gift"
If anyone would like to meet me like yesterday after that description then PM me.
And it all the truth.. so help me god..
:shock:
I also have a bit of a disability where I have 12 fingers and 2 thumbs, although this means I can actually accomodate 2 more women than the usual "average" guy. Each finger is 12inches long. Surgically stretched to mimick Edwards Scissorhands "gift"
If anyone would like to meet me like yesterday after that description then PM me.
And it all the truth.. so help me god..
:shock:
A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife:
"Y'know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station."
"Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets."
"Bell 2 rings ,we slide down de pole."
"Bell 3 rings, we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go."
"From now on, when I says 'Bell one' I want you to strip naked."
"When I says 'Bell two' you jump on de bed woman"
"When I says 'Bell tree' we's gonna mek love all tru de night."
The next night he came home and shouted:
"Bell One" and she stripped naked.
"Bell Two" and she jumped on the bed.
"Bell Tree" and they started to make love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out "Bell Four".
"What de hell is 'Bell Four'?" he asked.
She replied :
"Roll out more hose, mon, you aint nowhere near de fire."
:shock:
"Y'know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station."
"Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets."
"Bell 2 rings ,we slide down de pole."
"Bell 3 rings, we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go."
"From now on, when I says 'Bell one' I want you to strip naked."
"When I says 'Bell two' you jump on de bed woman"
"When I says 'Bell tree' we's gonna mek love all tru de night."
The next night he came home and shouted:
"Bell One" and she stripped naked.
"Bell Two" and she jumped on the bed.
"Bell Tree" and they started to make love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out "Bell Four".
"What de hell is 'Bell Four'?" he asked.
She replied :
"Roll out more hose, mon, you aint nowhere near de fire."
:shock:
Finally... i would like to point out that DUE TO THE LARGE LENGTH AND GIRTH of ones Peni (latin for Penis)... I am prone to passing out with the blood rush, therefore ensure I dont keep wallets or keys on me as I have had the misfortune of being robbed in the past.
Unfortunately.. I dont seem to remember the "sesh" either.
:shock:
All true....
(looks like you have a nutter on yer hands)
Unfortunately.. I dont seem to remember the "sesh" either.
:shock:
All true....
(looks like you have a nutter on yer hands)
Sex God
Some nice jokes and threads mate. 
Some are old ones but still good, I love the eBay song - I couldn't decide between that and my current W W W link.
BTW - wasn't Manic Miner a 80's computer game character?
Some are old ones but still good, I love the eBay song - I couldn't decide between that and my current W W W link.BTW - wasn't Manic Miner a 80's computer game character?
Sex God
Quote by MQ
Yeah it was the predecessor of Jet Set Willy
Thanks MQ - I am not completely mad after all. I reakon Jet Set Willy could be a good forum ID though.
:lol: Sex God
Quote by ManicMiner
Yes he was... many months of my childhood spent on the good old ZX Spectrum.....
Must have been on the C64 to - the place of my misspent youth.
Quote by ManicMiner
Yes he was... many months of my childhood spent on the good old ZX Spectrum.....
The man... thing... in action...
Ahh the memories of childhood come flooding back, the graphics, the games, the tape recorder that squeaked and squealed its way through loading programs only to fucking crash seconds before it was done
It's no wonder it took me this long to get on the internet, bloody stupid efforty computers put me off for years! Sex God
Nothing quite matches the memories of those old games though.
My first sexual experience - jumping on the lady frog on frogger.
My first sexual experience - jumping on the lady frog on frogger.
Sex God
Quote by MQ
a man goes to a fancydress party,wears nothing but a jam jar on his knob, lady asks WHAT R U? he replys a fireman, u break glass, pull knob, and i'll come as fast as i can.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 
