Cliques

31 Jan 2007

Quote by hisandhers
whats a "clique" then ?
can i be in one please ?
or should i go to the bottom of the garden an eat worms? :silly:

slugs are better hun :giggle:
bit chewy worms go down better wink

31 Jan 2007

Quote by sercher01
whats a "clique" then ?
can i be in one please ?
or should i go to the bottom of the garden an eat worms? :silly:

slugs are better hun :giggle:
bit chewy worms go down better wink

wot about greenfly down at the bottom of that garden? You by any chance by sheddy's shed lol

nice bar!!
edit sorry hijack over :lol:

31 Jan 2007

This place hasn't felt at all cliqeuy to me. I stumbled in here and wibbled on about my hair and said my hellos and have had nothing but nice replies and a few pm's welcoming me.
It may have felt different had I arrived in here with something along the likes of, 'Hello. Who wants me? I rule and have a nob the size of heathrow airport' (actually, I think that should be my next ad...) - but then, as a newbie to any site, you have to understand there is an established group who probably know each other pretty well even if only through thier online persona and if you just sit back for a bit and get the feel of a place it becomes much easier to announce yourself respectfully and with good humour.
I am on several message boards covering a variety of different interests I have (music, comics, games) and this has probably been the most welcoming.
It's just important to remember that this forum is filled with people first - thier interests and opinions will be as diverse as anywhere else - and though it is ndeed a site with a focus on sexuality, the people on here are far more than the sum of thier... bits. I've seen some posts - the ones that don't tend to get the best responses - which are little more than, 'I fancy every chick in the world. Somebdy please shag me' - and while I understand and appreciate that getting laid is as valid a reason as any for joining this site, sometimes you just need to relax a bit and make some friends first.
I hope this hasn't come accross as nasty in any way - it wasn't meant to but then I don't do serious very well at all...

31 Jan 2007

My 2p worth .........................
Cyberland is like anywhere else ..................... some people you get on with and some people you dont!
Peoples personalities come out in their postings :rascal:
I suppose we pick our Cyber friends the same way we pick our RL friends!
off to the "silly blondes clique"!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

31 Jan 2007

cant say i have seen a clique, i have been a lurker for a while and onlny a full member and poster in the last month.I have racked upover 100 posts in that time, if there is one i have just ploughed on regardless.
I do not belong to any particular group of friends that i know of i tend to chat or reply to lots of posts, i have had people seek me out in chatroom and comment me on my posts in the forum. you will never find a more diverse group of people in any chatroom forum.
Most places are based on specific ideals which tend to draw in specific social people profiles. its the COMMON DENOMINATOR, here ours is SEX and that will always cross ANY social, sexual, class, race and basically ANY reason you can think of devide.
i think that makes sense just had a very fucking bad/sureal day again

31 Jan 2007

Ok.. I have to admit I DID think this forum was cliquey when I first came to posting. The mistake I made and what everyone else prob makes is that sometimes people who are new come in here and think they are going to be 'liked', 'respected', and 'known' but in my opinion these things are earned. They are earned by hanging on in there and not being just a two post poster and then complaining everyone's ignoring you.
I'm the type of person who doesn't need to be part of a 'gang' or 'group'.. I am me and some people may like what I write others may not, I don't really care. I'm not afraid to post my feelings and whilst I don't want to upset people I don't expect everyone to agree with me.
I don't profess to being something that I'm not and I'm proud of that fact. Anyway, to answer the question.. no it is not cliquey - there are just groups of people who get on better than others smile

31 Jan 2007

Quote by Gothic-punk
This place hasn't felt at all cliqeuy to me. I stumbled in here and wibbled on about my hair and said my hellos and have had nothing but nice replies and a few pm's welcoming me.
It may have felt different had I arrived in here with something along the likes of, 'Hello. Who wants me? I rule and have a nob the size of heathrow airport' (actually, I think that should be my next ad...) - but then, as a newbie to any site, you have to understand there is an established group who probably know each other pretty well even if only through thier online persona and if you just sit back for a bit and get the feel of a place it becomes much easier to announce yourself respectfully and with good humour.
I am on several message boards covering a variety of different interests I have (music, comics, games) and this has probably been the most welcoming.
It's just important to remember that this forum is filled with people first - thier interests and opinions will be as diverse as anywhere else - and though it is ndeed a site with a focus on sexuality, the people on here are far more than the sum of thier... bits. I've seen some posts - the ones that don't tend to get the best responses - which are little more than, 'I fancy every chick in the world. Somebdy please shag me' - and while I understand and appreciate that getting laid is as valid a reason as any for joining this site, sometimes you just need to relax a bit and make some friends first.
I hope this hasn't come accross as nasty in any way - it wasn't meant to but then I don't do serious very well at all...

:thumbup:
what he said, from a relative newcomer this is one of the most sensible posts yet, IMHO. certainly much more sensible that a lot of my early posts redface

31 Jan 2007

I have to agree Pete :thumbup:
Yes I do think there was a clique in earlier days but now since the takeover there are so many new people joining the site it's not as exclusive as it used to be wink

It can be daunting with all the regulars having their in jokes etc, but once you get used to people it can be quite friendly biggrin

31 Jan 2007

Quote by Ukwineman
i have had people seek me out in chatroom and comment me on my posts in the forum.

You're lucky, that's never happened to me in three years! :shock:

1 Feb 2007

My opinion for what its worth....i lurked on here for a very long time before i parted with our money for full membership and joined up .
As a free member i would read the forums sometimes daily :thumbup: for them being very informative about the lifestyle and also on general topics too. But for a time i did find some of the posts almost aggressive towards other members posts, which made the site one that i wasnt sure i wanted to join. There seemed to be a pack instinict occuring and if one person jumped negativly on someones post the rest of the pack soon followed (just my opinion) I also saw some good post's be totaly ignored. Is that a clique?? dunno

I also witnessed alot of very open and honest people give their opinions,veiws, quite often with great passion despite it going against the greater number on the forum. They stuck their head out for what they beleived worship

and wasnt here to win a popularity contest
The site has gone thro lots of changes and evolved,members left some returned and lots of new members have joined. This has made the site from my outsiders/newbies point of vue much more welcoming. The acid test come when i was offered a free 7 day trial full-membership(ty admin),i hesitantly jumped in and found on the whole most people were friendly and welcoming,not all but as has been said it takes time to strike up friendships with some people in any community. And of course as in RL your never been friends with everyone.
I personaly will chat,welcome because im not intrested in somebody as potential play partners that doeant mean to say i dont respect them as individuals and welcome thier veiws,opinion and friendship. Sometimes i think people may forget that its not just usernames but that their are people with feelings attached to them.
Im here to be me nothing more and nothing less,join in when i have something to add,meet people to have fun both sexualy and otherwise and hopefully not offend anyone in the process. Not everyone will like me on my posts,my appearance and many other number of possibles but i offer respect and have found i mostly get treated with such........
so all in all its not a bad place to be :thumbup:
Nicky

1 Feb 2007

Quote by swing_fun_cpl
My opinion for what its worth....i lurked on here for a very long time before i parted with our money for full membership and joined up .
As a free member i would read the forums sometimes daily :thumbup: for them being very informative about the lifestyle and also on general topics too. But for a time i did find some of the posts almost aggressive towards other members posts, which made the site one that i wasnt sure i wanted to join. There seemed to be a pack instinict occuring and if one person jumped negativly on someones post the rest of the pack soon followed (just my opinion) I also saw some good post's be totaly ignored. Is that a clique??
I also witnessed alot of very open and honest people give their opinions,veiws, quite often with great passion despite it going against the greater number on the forum. They stuck their head out for what they beleived and wasnt here to win a popularity contest
The site has gone thro lots of changes and evolved,members left some returned and lots of new members have joined. This has made the site from my outsiders/newbies point of vue much more welcoming. The acid test come when i was offered a free 7 day trial full-membership(ty admin),i hesitantly jumped in and found on the whole most people were friendly and welcoming,not all but as has been said it takes time to strike up friendships with some people in any community. And of course as in RL your never been friends with everyone.
I personaly will chat,welcome because im not intrested in somebody as potential play partners that doeant mean to say i dont respect them as individuals and welcome thier veiws,opinion and friendship. Sometimes i think people may forget that its not just usernames but that their are people with feelings attached to them.
Im here to be me nothing more and nothing less,join in when i have something to add,meet people to have fun both sexualy and otherwise and hopefully not offend anyone in the process. Not everyone will like me on my posts,my appearance and many other number of possibles but i offer respect and have found i mostly get treated with such........
so all in all its not a bad place to be :thumbup:
Nicky

:thumbup:
not much more that I can add to that....... biggrin

1 Feb 2007

well all of the above i agree with, good thread bloke

1 Feb 2007

My opinion for what its worth....i lurked on here for a very long time before i parted with our money for full membership and joined up .
As a free member i would read the forums sometimes daily :thumbup: for them being very informative about the lifestyle and also on general topics too. But for a time i did find some of the posts almost aggressive towards other members posts, which made the site one that i wasnt sure i wanted to join. There seemed to be a pack instinict occuring and if one person jumped negativly on someones post the rest of the pack soon followed (just my opinion) I also saw some good post's be totaly ignored. Is that a clique??
I also witnessed alot of very open and honest people give their opinions,veiws, quite often with great passion despite it going against the greater number on the forum. They stuck their head out for what they beleived and wasnt here to win a popularity contest
The site has gone thro lots of changes and evolved,members left some returned and lots of new members have joined. This has made the site from my outsiders/newbies point of vue much more welcoming. The acid test come when i was offered a free 7 day trial full-membership(ty admin),i hesitantly jumped in and found on the whole most people were friendly and welcoming,not all but as has been said it takes time to strike up friendships with some people in any community. And of course as in RL your never been friends with everyone.
I personaly will chat,welcome because im not intrested in somebody as potential play partners that doeant mean to say i dont respect them as individuals and welcome thier veiws,opinion and friendship. Sometimes i think people may forget that its not just usernames but that their are people with feelings attached to them.
Im here to be me nothing more and nothing less,join in when i have something to add,meet people to have fun both sexualy and otherwise and hopefully not offend anyone in the process. Not everyone will like me on my posts,my appearance and many other number of possibles but i offer respect and have found i mostly get treated with such........
so all in all its not a bad place to be :thumbup:
Nicky

:thumbup:
not much more that I can add to that....... biggrin

Good post Nicky. i felt similar watched the forum for months before trying a 7 day trial. Because I had seen newbies slammed for the "Who wants a shag?" kind of first post i decided to prepare for FORUM ENTRY!!. I though long and hard before posting an introduction. I had loads of really nice replies and welcomes mainly from the well known members I am sure are being accused of being in the cliques. Personally I think the attitude I displayed was one of openness, then started to post reguarly. I have never felt my posts were ignored but then I try to write posts I have thought about and are not frankly idiotic in content or unreadable.
I like the fact that sex crosses all social boundaries and forums by nature will have a huge variety of people on, and not everyone will get on, that's RL for you. I choose what and what not to reply to here as I would in a RL conversation.
As Jaymar said I have no need to belong to a group or clique (delinquent teenagers often join gangs to make them feel less inadeqaute and have a sense of belonging to) but I do like to chat to my friends here and exhange a little light hearted banter as well as discuss important issues be they swinging realted or not (my favourite threads).
Lastly for my 2pennerth worth. I understand debates can get heated with everyone's opinions and I am all for that, I lvoe a good exchange of opinion we are all different and should celebrate that and respect other's views. HOWEVER I think there is no excuse for blatant rudeness sometimes shown to people on here newbies or not.
pink x

1 Feb 2007

Without wanting to belittle the effort that has gone into the posts with my own glib comment, but it's all in the eye of the beholder. If you perceive there to be a clique - there is a clique.
I personally don't think there is, just sometimes there is a bit of a pack mentality (which I try very hard not to be party to these days!).

1 Feb 2007

Yesteday I wrote a huge post, then deleted it.
In a nutshell it said…when we first joined I thought there were cliques now older and wiser I still think there are cliques but…they are very small and develop and degrade at lightning speed depending on the situation ( so probably aren’t cliques at all in the dictionary sense)
I do however think one or two folks delight in ripping the piss from newbies who fall foul of some basic rule and that can make it look like there is a clique to people who are looking in.
Don't do it smackbottom

1 Feb 2007

Quote by Stormwalker
Yesteday I wrote a huge post, then deleted it.
In a nutshell it said…when we first joined I thought there were cliques now older and wiser I still think there are cliques but…they are very small and develop and degrade at lightning speed depending on the situation ( so probably aren’t cliques at all in the dictionary sense)
I do however think one or two folks delight in ripping the piss from newbies who fall foul of some basic rule and that can make it look like there is a clique to people who are looking in.
Don't do it

I think this sums up my opinion.
There are some fairly subtle ettiquettes in operation in the cafe and many people seem to delight in having a go at newcomers who break them. This does give an impression of cliques. I know I fell foul of it when I started. It took me a hell of a time to work out what to post and how to post it and I'm still learning.

1 Feb 2007

Are there cliques on the forum – No
But then when you consider the ‘need’ issues which lead to the formation of certain types of cliques – being visible would defeat the purpose of the clique, as it would have an adverse effect on fulfilling the needs….. Goody Syndrome.

1 Feb 2007

There are cliques in the forums ....
Once used to be quite large and extremely prominent...
Now smaller but every bit as prominent...

1 Feb 2007

Can I ask a question for the people who have said "no there are no cliques."? Do you honestly and openly talk to new people after the initial welcomes? I would suggest that most do.. but there are some who do not and I've noticed this.
I have noticed in the past that people have had really warm welcomes by loads of people in here but when they come to make threads of their own or post some more the welcomers are nowhere to be seen until there is something they don't agree with!... I think everyone in here should admit that on occasionssome people will only stick to posting on threads of people they know unless there is something to argue about. Is this fear of rejection from their pals?
Is it then simply not a case that people in life tend to stick to their own until they become secure and knowledgeable with new people? and then the new people are not new anymore and have more or less made their mark and we have got to know that they are OK?
It's the same as being back at school really.... its a case of some people frightened of what others may think if they go against the 'norm'.
I've said it before, I don't think there are cliques in here but just groups of people who have been friends for years and whether it be SH, Vanilla world etc., this will always be.

1 Feb 2007

Quote by jaymar
Can I ask a question for the people who have said "no there are no cliques."? Do you honestly and openly talk to new people after the initial welcomes? I would suggest that most do.. but there are some who do not and I've noticed this.
I have noticed in the past that people have had really warm welcomes by loads of people in here but when they come to make threads of their own or post some more the welcomers are nowhere to be seen until there is something they don't agree with!... I think everyone in here should admit that on occasions some people will only stick to posting on threads of people they know unless there is something to argue about. Is this fear of rejection from their pals?
Is it then simply not a case that people in life tend to stick to their own until they become secure and knowledgeable with new people? and then the new people are not new anymore and have more or less made their mark and we have got to know that they are OK?
It's the same as being back at school really.... its a case of some people frightened of what others may think if they go against the 'norm'.
I've said it before, I don't think there are cliques in here but just groups of people who have been friends for years and whether it be SH, Vanilla world etc., this will always be.

1 Feb 2007

Quote by PoloLady
Are there cliques on the forum – No
But then when you consider the ‘need’ issues which lead to the formation of certain types of cliques – being visible would defeat the purpose of the clique, as it would have an adverse effect on fulfilling the needs….. Goody Syndrome.

Cor, luvaduck luv, can you say that in Hinglish?
You mean there might be a clique of SH members, but that it would not manifest itself on the forum but be conducted behind the scenes etc between the members? And that being visible would mean interlopers barging in and ruining the clique? And the "Goody syndrome" ...Jade Goody? Yerwot? dunno

1 Feb 2007

Quote by MikeNorth
Are there cliques on the forum – No
But then when you consider the ‘need’ issues which lead to the formation of certain types of cliques – being visible would defeat the purpose of the clique, as it would have an adverse effect on fulfilling the needs….. Goody Syndrome.

You're almost there wink

1 Feb 2007

There is no clique until you show you don't want to be in it lol

:lol: :lol:

1 Feb 2007

My thoughts entirely
does that make me part of a clique as i am agreeing with you??
pink x

1 Feb 2007

Quote by blueandpink

My thoughts entirely
does that make me part of a clique as i am agreeing with you??
pink x
No, we had a vote and you got a black ball

1 Feb 2007

Quote by Bloke2005
I call it 'Wizard Of Oz' syndrome

Well this sure ain't Kansas!

2 Feb 2007

Quote by McrM4M-pvtOK
I call it 'Wizard Of Oz' syndrome

Well this sure ain't Kansas!
Ohhh... I dunno wink

Interesting and varied opinions, thank you :P
It's actually really refreshing that people have also taken this thread in the manner in which is was meant...i.e. nobody has made it personal, nobody has fallen out and nobody has taken the 'I win, you lose' approach... cool :thumbup:
Some more posts from newer members and less frequent posters would be good :wink:

2 Feb 2007

Quote by PoloLady
There is no clique until you show you don't want to be in it :lol: :lol:

The power of the great norm subdues individuality. Then one day someone stands up and says "I believe....." Two or three more say "So do I"
Which is the clique, the great norm or those who stand together and disagree?
Were they a clique before their statement of descent?

2 Feb 2007

Quote by Mr-Powers
Can I ask a question for the people who have said "no there are no cliques."? Do you honestly and openly talk to new people after the initial welcomes? I would suggest that most do.. but there are some who do not and I've noticed this.
I have noticed in the past that people have had really warm welcomes by loads of people in here but when they come to make threads of their own or post some more the welcomers are nowhere to be seen until there is something they don't agree with!... I think everyone in here should admit that on occasions some people will only stick to posting on threads of people they know unless there is something to argue about. Is this fear of rejection from their pals?
Is it then simply not a case that people in life tend to stick to their own until they become secure and knowledgeable with new people? and then the new people are not new anymore and have more or less made their mark and we have got to know that they are OK?
It's the same as being back at school really.... its a case of some people frightened of what others may think if they go against the 'norm'.
I've said it before, I don't think there are cliques in here but just groups of people who have been friends for years and whether it be SH, Vanilla world etc., this will always be.

i rarely talk to some of the more estabalished members let alone newer members,doesn't mean i'm part of a clique.....thats just my choice,i'll add my thoughts to a thread if it interests me....it doesn't matter to me who posted it!....i won't just talk to someone for the sake of it!
As I said before, "I have noticed SOME",you then clearly are one of the ones who don't. I didn't say those who did were part of a clique either as if you read my other bit and other posts, I don't think there are cliques. wink

2 Feb 2007

My thoughts entirely
does that make me part of a clique as i am agreeing with you??
pink x
No, we had a vote and you got a black ball
Stormy, your're talking in riddles, what d'ya mean?
pink x