clubs or personal?

20 Oct 2003

Hi all,
We are a couple who are contemplating trying something new, we are very nervous and not sure what the best way is to try, do we first go to a club, or do we post/answer ads, for meets with couples who are in the same situation?
We just want same room fun, play games with maybe a little touching, but ultimately with own partner, my wife said she may play with the female, and be plyed with, i would maybe up for touching male slightly.
Have most people done the club thing first? or have they gone in at the personal level?
We hope someone could give us some pointers as to the best route forward, if it is to be a club, where are the ones in devon?
Look forward to hearing from anyone.
pNh.

20 Oct 2003

My view would be go to the clubs first.
If you set up a meet with a couple and don't like them, or they don't like you, you're stuffed really, aren't you? There is also the feeling of being obliged to do something in 1-2-1 meetings so as not to dissapoint or waste anyone's time whereas at a party you are free to go as far as you want. You could also spot some folks you think you'll get on with and arrange to meet them in private at a later date.
Hxx

20 Oct 2003

Hiya pNh,
First, the things you are considering are the things that every couple have to consider when they begin to swing, so everyone in here has either been through it, is going through it, or is about to go through it.
Kit and I decided to go for a club first, then at the last moment (well - almost) changed our minds and went for a personal meeting. We are very glad we did as it resulted in a wonderful weekend.
It is a personal choice, we thought that at a club we would have more freedom to sit back and choose how much we wanted to be involved, and were worried that a personal meeting would have more pressure to 'go through with it'.
In the end, it was not like that. The meeting was very relaxed and open and there was no pressure, other than the natural first time nerves.
No easy answers, it very much depends on the type of people you are.
Heathers advice is always good. There is a recent string about Chameleons which may help you, it sounds like that is the sort of introduction you are looking for?
Good luck, and keep asking questions.
LHK
Kat

20 Oct 2003

Hi Guys
Perhaps if we recounted our recent experiences you might be able to gain something.
It was only during the summer that we decide to do something about our interest in " swinging ". We enjoyed a very health sex life but wanted to spice it up some and the thought of an threesome encounter really turned us on.
What to do about it? We bit the bullet and on the spur of the moment we went to a club. In hindsight we could have been more selective and more careful of which club we went to. On this particular night we turned up at a fetish night and what an eye opener it was. One thing that was confirmed that night was that we were definately not in to pain. Having said all that there was enough going on elsewhere that we were encouraged to pursue futher adventures.
Our second night at a different club was, we thought, boring and at times seedy. Enough said and we won't mention the club by name.
Third time we struck gold and have wished ever since that we went there in the first place. We will mention the name Xtasia in West Brom. Here we had and have continued to have a fantasic time. Its a place were you can totally relax, join in if you wish, simply sit back and watch or dance the night away as if it was a normal club. There is always plenty going on catering for what seems like all tastes.
During all this time we continued to advertise and reply to adverts. For two months we exchanged e-mails phone calls even had a meet . All to no avail. She who is sitting beside me says you just can't tell from a picture. We felt that there were so many time wasters and picture hunters that it was almost impossible to sort out the genuine from the chaff.
We placed an ad on Swinging Heaven 'Lets Meet Up' asking for other couples to meeet and say hi at Xtasia and the results was again pure gold.
The reasons for this are several. One, Saturday nights is couples only night. Great, skip all the single blokes pretending to be couples. Two, meeting at a private club eliminates the time wasters as only genuine people show up. Three, if noboby shows or you simply do not hit it off with the other couple you haven't wasted your night, like we said there is plenty to do and plenty of people to do it with.
After last Saturdays activities we may have to change our nickname NewCouple might get us in trouble with the trade descriptions bods.
Should we start a competition for best new nickname?
We are very happy. lol

20 Oct 2003

We are the couple who posted about our first time at Chameleons.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/2872.html
We placed a photo ad (without a photo confused

) and received an email from a couple who travel 130 miles to go to Chameleons. We exchanged a few emails and arranged to meet them there. Arranging to meet a couple there certainly made it easier for us. Because we were in a club where there were many other couples we didn't have to stay with the couple all evening (however we did wink

)

22 Oct 2003

I think it depends what you're looking for in an experience, but on the whole clubs are probably easier, provided you're not going to be put off by the amount of single guys that go to these places. Perhaps you could try a club that has a couples night - plenty do these days.

23 Oct 2003

I think that a lot depends on your personalities.
The first time we did anything it was to go to a club, partly because we weren't sure how much we'd be happy to do, and partly because we didn't want to feel "obliged" as the sumptuous Heather put it so well. We also genuinely liked the idea of being able to watch and see how things panned out. :shock:
There are drawbacks to going to a club though, because itâ€™s sometimes difficult to break into the natural groups of regulars who are there, or even to spot other new couples who may be feeling as awkward as we were! If it wasnâ€™t for a particular single guy I think we could have left hours later not having done anything at all (not a scenario that I particularly relished). One couple that we spoke to, whoâ€™d actually been kind enough to email us before the event, recommended meeting up away from clubs with another couple or a single guy as a first experience.
Since then, weâ€™ve had an experience with meeting someone on a one-to-one basis, though not with the express intention of anything sexual happening. We were extremely lucky and all (I believe) had a wonderful time, but I think it could be quite traumatic to plan to meet someone with sex being the prime motivation. I know I can feel obligated, even though I hate the idea of someone feeling obliged to do something with me/us! Would you feel able to say "sorry, but no thank you" to someone or a couple you'd just met? I know we should all be able to, but it's not that simple - I'd hate to hurt someone's feelings. confused

Good luck, whatever you do, lol

Mandy

24 Oct 2003

I think first and foremost you need to sit down and consider what type of swinging experience you'd prefer...
This is a massive sweeping generalisation, but I think it might help:-
If you're looking to swing with people you actually like, enjoying talki as well as the sex... maybe to meet regularly, or at least more than once, then a more private 1-2-1 meeting with another couple, or a small number of couples would be the better option.
If you're looking for a 'no strings attached' one night stand mad night of sex... just feeling horny, and want to be stimulated by seeing or participating on folk having sex.... then a club would be the better option.
Again, I'll repeat that this is a massively simplistic view... but not a bad starting point from which to start.
If you're worried about feeling under pressure in a 1-2-1 meet, then a) you're already with the wrong couple and b) it's not that much better at a club if you're paranoid and feel like the only folk not joining in.
Oh, and one small rule that you really should always remember...
Agree together on your boundaries - what you will do, and what you won't. NEVER EVER change those rules 'on the fly' whilst you're swinging. Even if your partner agrees at the time. It's a massive source of potential trouble the morning after.
Changing your rules is fine... but always change them in the cold light of day!...
Good Luck!!!!!
/TheKid