Clubs Vs Private fun

23 Aug 2004

Firstly....... I now know why people find it hard to start new threads, its nothing to do with being original, its because its so damn hard to find the right subject headline!! :giveup:
Secondly......... apologies if this has been discussed before, I did have a quick search of the archives and it came back blank, dunno

and besides, the input of any â€˜newbiesâ€™ since then would also be good.
OK Here goesâ€¦â€¦..
I am fully aware of the general guidelines for swinging/swapping partners; discussion, setting boundaries, consensual fun ect. Generally, pretty much a â€˜structuredâ€™ arrangement for want of a better phrase.
Now......when you visit a club, the swapping appears to be much less â€˜structuredâ€™, a couple approach another and then the â€˜funâ€™ begins, with what appears to be very few â€˜guidelinesâ€™/â€™rulesâ€™ boundaries being set.
Basically this waffle is to askâ€¦..
Is this a correct observation? Is swinging/swapping in a club less â€˜structuredâ€™ than when two couples meet for fun?
What are peoples views and/or experiences?
Answers on a postcard or stuck down envelope, failing that replies below would be great smile

hehe

23 Aug 2004

Yes, I've always found action at clubs much less structured at clubs than in private. I think couples who prefer to get to know each other first tend to stick with private fun, but those that like variety prefer clubs. Some couples meet their friends at clubs and have a social night out with a bit of swinging involved as well, but it varies as to how much groups like that swing with people they have just met at the club.
That's the sum total of my knowledge on the subject.... well it is Monday morning rolleyes

23 Aug 2004

Thank you both, but by no means does that mean i dont welcome others input still lol.
Pleasurlady - maybe i didnt word the quiery well enough :doh: lol Calista and I have been to a club a couple of time and know, petty much, what to expect and the 'rules' of swinging in a club. I was more interested in peoples views on the way the swinging takes part.... Yes clubs are a very social side of swinging and i agree with blue (thank you hun) and can see that swinging at a club is more of a physical saticfaction, a 'one-off' event, whereas swinging in private is generally more social and friendship based.
I find this interesting since I would say that Calista and I are looking to make new friends and hopefully have fun with them, however we both get a buzz from the club and the, i don't know, 'sex with a stranger' appeal.
Does that make sense?

23 Aug 2004

As a newbie, see "our first night" post, we think a club is best for the reasons that there would tend to be a lot more people who do not know the others, we where not the only ones who seemed to be a bit lost and being in the same boat is a bit of a help.
As we don`t know any swingers yet we would feel a bit isolated a a private party.

23 Aug 2004

Quote by morbiusUK
i agree with blue (thank you hun) and can see that swinging at a club is more of a physical saticfaction, a 'one-off' event, whereas swinging in private is generally more social and friendship based.
I find this interesting since I would say that Calista and I are looking to make new friends and hopefully have fun with them, however we both get a buzz from the club and the, i don't know, 'sex with a stranger' appeal.
Does that make sense?

We don't neccessarily agree with the idea that clubs are not social and friendship based...
We have been on the club scene for 4 years...we rarely miss a week at a club and sometimes go two or three times in a week. We have been to most of the NW clubs and several of the midlands clubs.
We have made very many good friends via the club scene and often go out with them for meals, drinks etc....anything that we would do with our straight friends. We have also played with very many people that we have not seen again. We enjoy "sex with a stranger" but it is also good to play with people that we know well and can guarantee a good time with, including a good laugh afterwards (and sometimes during). When we go to our regular club we can guarantee that we will have a good social time as well as having fun.
As regards setting boundaries, we have never had a problem at clubs despite never talking about it with couples before we start ... it's much more exciting just to begin playing and see where you end up. We have our own boundaries and we always stick to them. Changes to agreed boundaries are best made at home rather than in the heat of the moment. No always means no and a little tact and mutual respect always goes a long way.
That has been our experience of clubs, we hope that helps.
Ric n Jax

23 Aug 2004

northwest-cpl
I totally agree with what you said, indeed in our visits to the club we have made a friend or two that we hope to see again. However if you take/meet friends at a club for fun, isn't it essentially the same as playing with them at home?? You have to same 'boundaries' but in a different setting??
I suppose i was thinking more along the lines of the 'sex with stranger' situation. In this case, as you have said, you don't sit down and discuss boundaries you just go with the flow as it were.
I suppose I was curious, mainly because of people like us who enjoy both private fun with another couple and fun at a club. I just find it interesting that in a club people feel more inclined to 'go with the flow' and take things as they come, whereas i imagine most people wouldn't do the same in private play, that most wouldn't play without first setting 'boundaries'
Would people agree?

23 Aug 2004

Quote by morbiusUK
However if you take/meet friends at a club for fun, isn't it essentially the same as playing with them at home?? You have to same 'boundaries' but in a different setting??

For us, playing with friends at clubs is never like playing at their houses though. We might start as 2 couples at a club but that will often turn into a moresome...that doesn't happen if you have arranged a foursome meet at home. And when you want seconds and thirds you are a bit limited in playmates at home.
The club atmosphere can't be replicated at home...you never have the numbers, the big beds or the anonymity of at least some of the other people there. Think that's why we really only do clubs...the parties and hotel weekends we've been to have never been as good on the fun side, although they can be good socially.
But then that's us and everyone is different.
Ric n Jax

23 Aug 2004

Hi Morbius,
I think setting boundaries is due to being in your own home. Who wants to go in their bedroom and have bad memories triggered from a bad experience?
I would say if there is something you really don't want to do, mention it to the couple or person before anything happens. Then you are more at ease and they don't expect things you're not willing to do, and vice versa....
We feel more relaxed when we have spoken to the people before a few times and then you get a feel for what that person likes/ dislikes and can have more pleasurable experiences together.

24 Aug 2004

HI all,
Swinging clubs can be great for those starting out aswell as those who are used to it, just pick the right night as they have said before, for newbies they can be good as although you may not do anything on the night it may be the first time so see a group of people having sex which can be a great turn-on. Private meets are harder to make and harder to do, you may get there and then find out you dont get on with the couple or have a different view of what they are like in real life, so again you may not do anything but this time have no other choice to go on to, so just end up chatting or just going home again. Parties can be good as long as they are well run, you can chat to people and get on with them, but you dont have to and can still have fun, the evenings usually run slowly but later on the beds soon get filled and you can just get on it. You may be on a bed on your own ( as a couple) and someone will join you, we have been to clubs parties and meets, there have been parties where we have had a lot of fun and not even got the names of the people we have played with or have touch us, we may have sat in a lounge talking for ages to someone, only to go to the play rooms and play with someone we havent said a word to, thats the whole fun of swinging though, meeting and having sex with people you dont know from adam.
Tracy(bi) and Richard
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