FHM Joke book , joke of the day .....................
What do you get if you cross an existentialist and The Godfather ??
An offer you cant understand.
Sex God
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Cos its all gawn a bit dull
Sex God
What do you get if you buy a strap on when you have amnesia?
.... Buggered if I know!
.... Buggered if I know!
ops: Sex God
Whats another name for an annorexic with a yeast infection ??
A quarter pounder with cheese !
(ducks and waits ....................................)
A quarter pounder with cheese !
(ducks and waits ....................................)
Sex God
No, No, No, - you have that all wrong-
What do country-folk hang on their nipple clamps?
Ducks and Weights. (Ta Da!!!)
What do country-folk hang on their nipple clamps?
Ducks and Weights. (Ta Da!!!)
:rotflmao:
Sex God
Grafitto seen on a school building in Camden:
"Dyslexics of the world, untie."
"Dyslexics of the world, untie."
Sex God
Why did the swinger cross the road?
She heard the chicken had spotted some cock.
She heard the chicken had spotted some cock.
Sex God
What has 5 legs and an arm????????
A Happy Pitbull.
A Happy Pitbull.
Sex God
What would Marlon Brando be doing right now if he were alive??
Scratching at the lid of his coffin.
Scratching at the lid of his coffin.
Sex God
What has two legs and bleeds alot?
Half a dog.
Half a dog.
Sexpert
Is it possible to make someone feel paranoid?
Sex God
Quote by foxy30s_cpl
Is it possible to make someone feel paranoid?
Disguising yourself as me and following them around would probably do it. :lol2:
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we´d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £180,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There´s no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last
night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to "wait because she was coming too".
And I´ll be damned if I´m staying here by myself with an £180,000 mortgage and no
f ** king bike!"
His father said, "Son, we´d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £180,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There´s no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last
night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to "wait because she was coming too".
And I´ll be damned if I´m staying here by myself with an £180,000 mortgage and no
f ** king bike!"
Sexpert
Quote by Ice Pie
Is it possible to make someone feel paranoid?
Disguising yourself as me and following them around would probably do it. :lol2:
:shock: Oh sweet moses, I refuse to call THAT paranoia....youve somehow made santa look really scarey , i`m imagining being 6 and bouncing happily into the grotto...............
Casanova
A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?
The father, surprised, answers,
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers,
"Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties,it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree "
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only"
The father, surprised, answers,
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers,
"Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties,it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree "
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only"
