The only bad experience we had in a club when we told a couple we really wasn't interested in playing,was the woman to start crying saying "why don't you fancy me?".....well we really didn't know what to do.....so just left the club!
I'd also like to add another slant to ths thread:
reading your last post made me think of the role body language plays - something that isn't present on line.
In a situation where someone touched me inapropriately (IMO) in a club, all I did was grab their hand and remove it from where they'd placed it and turn my body away from them, which was enough to make it clear I wasn't interested without having to say a word.
Obviously with a club/social/munch/et. al. people are there.... i'm sure the rejected person(s) probably thinks one of the same responses as they do in emails/pms/what ever... but being in front of someone means that social decorum and the embarisment of public rejection holds sway so they bite their tongue and dont.
When I do get a rejection on the net.... I always send a "thank you so much for replying and letting me know.... its so nice to actually have an honest reply... i hope you find what you are looking for and again thank you for replying" or some such.
At least I know and the person(s) has had the politeness to respond so I think it warrents my thanks.
As for "hundreds" of emails for couples and single femails.... (from swinging as a couple)yes there is initially so I can understand the first time an advert goes live the "WTF" I cant reply to all of these.... but after that its in 10's a day if that and it doesnt take much to say "sorry but no"
However I do understand that its hard to reject people, I always worry i'm going to offend someone in saying no and even more worry if my no will be taken in such a way as it is due to one of their insecurities about themselves as I have my own self image issues.
However if the profile is not all sex related then i'm more likely to respond with a "lets meet up socially for a drink...." as sometimes the adverts and photos really dont do the person(s) justice and the people behind the screen just do it for me in real life!
jon Xx
Is rejection, and how "we" handle it, the last bastion of Swinging. That sets "us" as apart from those in the vanilla world ???
I almost sure that I've never taken offence at being rejected.
I've certainly been polite in declining offers. Or at the very least, tried to be.
The only thing that really still bothers me is the "You've become too much a freind to fuck you now"
I somehow can't see past the thought that it's a bit of a "cop out" answer.
But on the whole, I've generally thought that it was okay to say "No" . .. "No thank you" or summat such like.
Declining in the flesh can be hard.....however, once bitten, twice shy. So now I/we always make sure we decline if it doesn't feel right once we have met for drinks.
Although I am quite an open and upfront person, in the 'early days' my 'exit' technique was not as honest as I'd ideally like to admit...
with some, I could say "its been lovely meeting you, really enjoyed chatting to you but..."
but with others I knew from the look in their eye that either....that pint of beer on the table was going to end up over my tits and head in a minute or they would angrily demand a refund for their petrol costs...and so I felt I had to come up with some feeble excuse like... "I'm not feeling well" or "I've just had a text in from a friend...an emergency...need to go". I know...very cowardly.
Nowadays, I/we've managed to curtail the eagerness to get to the meet stage without being very selective and taking a little time to chat to look for quality as opposed to quantity. This has helped me/us avoid that dauntaing task of declining people in the flesh. I'm a pleaser by nature and hate saying no lol.....
IMHO, if they can't deal with a thanks but no thanks reply, they ain't the sort of folks you'd want to meet anyway
to me the 'your loss' type response just screams 'arrogant tosser' not the sort of person I would want to get intimate with, or be intimate with me or my partner
if they don't have the basic gumption to understand what no means, I guess the consequences in the flesh could be a bit nasty
i dont send PM's in the hope of meeting people, my confidence is nowhere near close enough, but what i have done, is send PM's based on conversations with people in the chatroom, or postings on the forum
While i understand people sorting the wheat from the chaff, it has annoyed me in the past that i havent received a reply
but when i sit and think about it, i realise that mine may be one of a few that a person would have to trawl quite a few messages, and it may have got lost among them, it may well be that i havent worded it particularly well, it may well be the person is ignorant, it may well be that i have been ignorant
if i let it get to me that somebody hasnt got the manners to even acknowledge that i have sent one, or they are too busy, or they dont want to encourage the likes of me then i could potentially lose a future chat mate, purely because i am throwing a hissy fit that i havent had any kind of reply
Sadly, if they fancied us then they probably think we don't like them.
