My sex drive and my wife's have been different for a long time. I've only ever had sex with her, never anyone else but my curiosity to explore different things soon surpassed her comfort zone.
I managed to get her to indulge in watersports and tried anal once or twice and the occasional outdoor fuck, but i wanted more. I wanted to try fisting and more anal sex and the obvious sex with others, which is how i ended up on this site. She however was not interested at all and the sex between us dwindled. At one point she accused my of straying, but I didn't and as a result we haven't had sex for a couple of years, but I still love her.
Which gets to my point - how can two people live with vastly differing sex drives? I love my wife, but am now at the point where I want to fuck almost anything in a skirt, but I know that if she ever found out it would end our marriage in an instant and i still really love her. I just wish that society was more open to open relationships and swinging in general. In my opinion an open minded society and government run brothels would save many a marriage!
Any advice gladly received.
my wife accepts that we now want different things when it comes to sex.
she never instigates sex but still loves a good fucking when she has had a drink & i talk her into it she still is happy to dress to please & when we go on holls she shaves off & sun bathes in the nude but she is not adventurous & just isn't interested in playing
we talked about it when i wanted more than she did & we agreed that i could get some pleasures elsewhere
Luvin,
You've got mail. ;)
The truth is swinging is a natural act for human beings.
We are humans not animals, the same old doggy position in the same fur coat doesn't do it for us.
Human beings require variety in everything they do, a dog doesn't get bored with doggy style sex, a cow doesn't get bored with eating grass.
Try eating your favourite food 3 times a day for the rest of your life, use the same wallpaper in every room of your house with the same pictures on each wall in each room or worse no pictures and no wallpaper and no ornaments, just paint it all green or white or blue.
Factories worked out many years ago that production lines move faster with a little music or variety for the workers.
Humans need variety in everything including in our sex lives, you can love one person all your life but we yearn for sex with others, and swinging is just that, sex with others, no love, no deep emotion, no long term relationship.
Even monogamous couples crave variety, not just the missionary position, different outfits, different rooms in the house etc.
It is only Governments and Religious groups that have turned peoples minds towards monogamy in their sex lives, and when it is not controlled such as in the days of the Roman Empire, orgies were common place occurrences for married men and women.
Where is it written that you should only have sex with your partner, in Bibles and Government laws.
Personally I did not see it as harsh, just honest, gsoh, yes, I don't think misleading people with your profile is the slightest bit funny, saying your a couple seeking fun as a couple when you later admit that you never have and never will seek fun as a couple is a lie, it wastes peoples time who contact you seeking to play as a couple, how else can that be interpreted, are you as a moderator saying it is ok to have a couples profile when your playing as a single ?
I am sure you don't need reminding how often my posts try to help people in the swinging section when they ask about the lifestyle or clubs or socials etc, but in the general topic area I do try to create topics for discussion and thought, I enjoy these debates, I learn from them and some but not all others enjoy them, those that don't generally ignore them and move on to topics they do enjoy.
The topics I choose are normally inspired by headlines and stories in the news that day.
On another site I use there are over 100 new topics a day discussed, another 100 frivalous topics designed to be fun and amusing, here on SH we are lucky to get one serious and 3 jovial topics a week, I am trying to get some interest going in the forums, there is a place in my life for serious thought and a place for humour.
Duplicitous might be a better word.
Can I just say that the date that appears someone "joined" the website is not indicative of when they became "members". So you can't always accuse people of being on here for years behind their partner's back or as a misleading profile. I for once just realised (thanks to the mods) that the reason I couldn't have my username without a "1" instead of an "i" is because that username is taken..by me..:huh: back in 2008. HUH? What the? I do NOT remember joining?? Maybe it was one tipsy night I was trying to perv at some pictures? who knows..
fair point, and fair play to him, he did not deny what I said or try to make excuses, he held his hands up, it is only others that have taken offence at what I said.
Good job I can take it as well as give it then isn't it, because at the time of my statement his profile was misleading, I have since apologised to him for what I said yet still people make equally derogative statements about me whilst claiming to be innocent of what I did, I gave my opinion of what I thought someone to be, a bit like people saying I have no sense of humour yet they have never met me, people saying I get no meets because I have no tact but have never met me, it's ok to call me names like tactless and humourless but not ok to stay someone is a timewaster or lying in a written statement.
Witch hunts are such fun. But as I said, it has been interesting to see that the total support has been for the incorrect profile and it has completely changed my opinion of the people here, I now believe that an inaccurate profile is much more welcome one than an accurate or honest one on here.
Am not quite sure what MidsCouple24 have done wrong here!
A question was asked in a forum and MidsCouple24 took the time and trouble to give an honest (if a little blunt)appraisal of the situations as he saw it.
This seems to have been taken by the author of the thread with good grace but the rest of the world wants to get offended on his behalf.
At least Mids offered an opinion, thought that was what forums were for.
My only experience of "different sex drives" is kind of hearsay, it has been discussed in swinging circles, but I have always found that my partners have been equal to me in how much or how little they want sex.
I know couples, we probably all do, where one partner plays alone with their partners consent because they have a higher sex drive but that works just fine for them, as I said it is by mutual consent so the relationship is sound each getting what they want from it.
I know couples where the guy likes to watch his partner being fulfilled and that works too though if this is a different level of sex drive or not I don't know because though it is the female having the sex with others the guy is still getting sexual fulfilment from the encounter too and more importantly he gets a lots of mental stimulation from it too be that the knowledge that his partner is getting what she wants or the actual turn-on of watching her.
There are some couples I know where that is reversed and the female is the one watching.
In my humble opinion swinging has evolved and if both partners consent to what is happening then it is still swinging even if one person is not taking part in the play, it does seem to bridge the gap over sex drive inequalities.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if couples who do find themselves with a difference in their sex drives could all happily swing, albeit one partner swinging and one partner approving.
Sadly though this is not the common practice, for two reasons, firstly one partner is not comfortable with their partner having sex with others and secondly because the age old problem of being open and honest means that it is not discussed as much as it could be.
I think if I was faced with the situation I would put it to my partner that if as she doesn't want sex as much as me how would she feel about me swinging and having sex with others, perhaps take her to a club, not to play but to see how it is just about sex and not emotional ties, of course if she did not feel comfortable with it that would be an end to it and I would not do it behind my back.
Shoe on the other foot I would be comfortable with my partner swinging without me being involved in the actual sex but would like to be at the club with her when it happens. To some extent we do this now as Sasha will meet and play with other women on her own and at such times I am not in the room nor would I want to be (watching bores the ass off me).