Discreetness in Clubs...

2 Nov 2007

Last night, me and FuckBuddy(FB) - went to our local club for a play, now I had been the week before, and I know that my FB had been to another club called club X on tuesday but I wasnt there. Anyway after a very good play, we decided to go to the bar and there was a guy who we had both met the month before and he had played with us.
This guy then goes, ohhh to my FB and me it was nice to see the both of us at club x on Tuesday, ooo to me you have had a shave. Now obviously I knew my FB was at the club x, but i didn’t ask details as it was none of my business what happened there. He then went on to assume that her and her partner for night had played.
Now this obviously hit a raw nerve with me as how indiscreet is that, first off all he dint know our situation, and which prior to this play we had had a few issues, and this had kicked it all off again. Now I was angry not with her, but with him...
i didnt have words, but my FB wanted to know why i was not happy later on...so i told her. She understood why i was a little wound up..She did have words later with him to explain situation....
I was wondering if anyone had the same issues in club and how did you deal with it?

2 Nov 2007

I think that's shocking actually :shock:
I realise your FB had told you she'd been to that club but can you imagine the trouble that guy could've caused if she hadn't have wanted you to know?
Yes he was very indiscreet, he was also downright rude to approaching you both in that way.
evil

some people need lessons in etiquette.

2 Nov 2007

Whats worse is if imagine if Mike and his FB had actually been partners :shock:
How much grief would that have caused..... evil

2 Nov 2007

Yep ive had this, was at the races 1 evening with my fella (who i met at a club)i used to work at a swinging club so know alot of people from the scene, needless to say if i saw anyone when i was out, shopping or whatever, i never ! spoke to anyone, unless they spoke 1st, anyway we saw a bloke that i knew from before i worked in the club, but turns out he was a member there and had seen him a few times in there as well, he'd never met my bloke and just came over chatting all about the club and if i still worked there!! just imagine if he hadnt known about it all! fook knows what i would have done, he wasnt happy either, just because of the indiscreetness of the conversation xj

2 Nov 2007

tbh she didnt want me to know that she was with someone...she was going to tell me that night but why i was angry is that i heard from someone else.
Now dont get me wrong we might have all been a little indiscreet from time to time but that pushed my boundrys and lets say that issue really caused a frostness between the two of us, 1 coz i was pissed off..and 2 becuase i felt she thought i was overreacting. It ruined praticlly a good night.
for the rest of the night i was in a short tempered mood...and with other people...tut i know.
i cheared up in the end but i was really hurt sad

2 Nov 2007

Quote by MikeC
tbh she didnt want me to know that she was with someone...she was going to tell me that night but why i was angry is that i heard from someone else.
Now dont get me wrong we might have all been a little indiscreet from time to time but that pushed my boundrys and lets say that issue really caused a frostness between the two of us, 1 coz i was pissed off..and 2 becuase i felt she thought i was overreacting. It ruined praticlly a good night.
for the rest of the night i was in a short tempered mood...and with other people...tut i know.
i cheared up in the end but i was really hurt

awww BIG

:kiss: never seen u short tempered :shock: u always seem such a quiet boy lol

xj

2 Nov 2007

lol ohhh i was some dickhead kept banging on the door,,,,and asking if we needed a hand...
a short sweet "NO WE DONT" followed.
unlike me as well but....
i will learn from this experiance and hopefully my FB will as well....
Mike

2 Nov 2007

Aw Mike :therethere: that's not good. I can understand you were hurt not necessarily by the news but how it was delivered to you. Some people have no idea about discretion nor respect for others' feelings.
It's a tricky one, we've had a situation in a club which although different to yours, highlighted to me that feelings are naturally involved and that all people should consider others before action is taken. I got very cross with certain people in our situatuon as I will never be trodden on or assumed my emotions are not there.
Yes technically it's none of your business what your FB does and whether she chooses to tell you, but it's so easy to say that in theory. To find out otherwise from an indiscreet third party in a club situation is a horrible situation to be in and it's not surpising you were p'd off for the rest of the evening.
pink x
p.s. sounds as if my shag was a lot less compicated than yours wink

2 Nov 2007

ok gonna be a bit contrivorsal here i think but here goes
if she only a f/b i cannt see why you got upset because she didnt give you details of who she was with that other night..... if she was your wife or partner then that is another story and i can fully understand you being upset.
being upset with him is right and somone should have a word with him regarding descretion. but getting all frosty with your f/b when she did nothing wrong i say chill and have a coffee and think about how embaressed she would have been at having her exploits chatted about not just to you but to goodness knows how many others. the chap in question needs to ask himself why he was being so indescrete
sorry if this is as i said earlier contriversal

2 Nov 2007

sara not contraversial at all, smile

i knew she was at the club and i had an assumption taht she might have played but tbh that was not the issue...
the issue was that, for what ever reason she did or did not want to tell me...and that is down to her and I am cool with that. It is not for someone else to tell me. However for someone else to say it could have been a right tourchpaper issue. For example can you imagen if i said no i wudnt meet her tue then i said i will c her thurs and then she tells me she is at home....
and she really is in a club...
pink by the way the shag we had was before that and it was fantastic ;)))))

2 Nov 2007

I have to go with Sara, tbh. Fb to me still means NSA therefore why get upset?
However, maybe given some time you'll calm down a bit and realise that?
Some people seem to have the attitude that what happens in clubs is public property. I've seen in the chatroom and heard people talk about someone else's club activities quite openly. confused

2 Nov 2007

Quote by Marya_Northeast
I have to go with Sara, tbh. Fb to me still means NSA therefore why get upset?
However, maybe given some time you'll calm down a bit and realise that?
Some people seem to have the attitude that what happens in clubs is public property. I've seen in the chatroom and heard people talk about someone else's club activities quite openly.

I see this regularly and see people talking in main chat about who they have played with and to be honest it makes me cringe :shock:

2 Nov 2007

I always thought what happened at a club / party etc stayed at the club or party.
IMO the guy should not have been talking about it, and maybe in future Mike, if that happens again you should say that to the guy.

2 Nov 2007

i somtimes chat to people with whom i have played with about what we got up to at times but only with agreement first that it is ok to chat openly that we have met. honesty is always best.
anyway if it was in a club and not in a closed room surly others observed what went on as well so it really is really a question of whether you have deeper feelings for your FB than you realise.... please i think you need to look deeper as to why you got upset and perhaps you need to talk to your FB about this more

2 Nov 2007

Quote by Sarah
I always thought what happened at a club / party etc stayed at the club or party.
IMO the guy should not have been talking about it, and maybe in future Mike, if that happens again you should say that to the guy.

agreed it should stay in the club or at a party .. and the guy in question should be told ... but also if no one did anything wrong then why not chat openly about what went on with the people involved. as i am sure the guy concerned thought that if the FB was 'involved' with mikec then she would have told him what went on at the other club ... if she hadnt then there is a problem within the relationship ...but as its only FB's then why should she have told him ....
sorry i seam to have rambled lol ... well it sounded ok while i was typing

2 Nov 2007

sara, i am completley happy with FB playing with others......and have encouraged it smile

...
The same with me, we both play seperatly, we are both cool with that we both accept it.
I think the big issue i have is being told by someone else. That she was with someone else..tbh he could have easily said it was nice to see you at club X and I wudnt have said anything. But to start mentioning other people and saying the guy she was with is what pissed me of.
She did tell me the situation, and i am not bothered, as she was taking a friend who is from portugal and big in to it back home. I am more bothered about this twat that blabbed :)

2 Nov 2007

ok gonna put somthing else in the mix now .........you posting in open forum isnt that similar .. because i am sure that them that know you know your FB as well and arnt you almost being as indescrete about your relationship as the guy at the club was ....... i am sure that your FB would be just as unhappy with you about talking about what happened in open forum (a more public enviroment) than a chat at a bar in a swingers club???? just a thought

2 Nov 2007

well she would be if she was on site... smile

which she isnt,
i havent named her
i havent named the clubs....
i have just named myself...
now tbh i think that is being totally discreet actually.
TBH this is a lot more discreet than other peoples comments on site
evil

2 Nov 2007

Quote by MikeC
well she would be if she was on site... which she isnt,
i havent named her
i havent named the clubs....
i have just named myself...
now tbh i think that is being totally discreet actually.
TBH this is a lot more discreet than other peoples comments on site

so its total ok for you to be indescrete about her because she is not on the site, no matter if you named her or the clubs involved. and by naming yourself am sure them off the site that have met you both know who you are on about and probably the clubs involved.
yes its a bit more descrete than others on the site and probably include myself in that as well but at least the people i am talking to were involved in whatever i was discusing and were happy to chat about a subject as it was descused at a meeting whether or not to talk about what happened at a meeting.

2 Nov 2007

Quote by MikeC
This guy then goes, ohhh to my FB and me it was nice to see the both of us at club x on Tuesday, ooo to me you have had a shave.

Sounds to me it was more a case of mistaken identity than a lack of discretion.
Just a thought biggrin

:D

2 Nov 2007

Quote by Sara_2006
well she would be if she was on site... which she isnt,
i havent named her
i havent named the clubs....
i have just named myself...
now tbh i think that is being totally discreet actually.
TBH this is a lot more discreet than other peoples comments on site

so its total ok for you to be indescrete about her because she is not on the site, no matter if you named her or the clubs involved. and by naming yourself am sure them off the site that have met you both know who you are on about and probably the clubs involved.
yes its a bit more descrete than others on the site and probably include myself in that as well but at least the people i am talking to were involved in whatever i was discusing and were happy to chat about a subject as it was descused at a meeting whether or not to talk about what happened at a meeting.
rolleyes

2 Nov 2007

Oh what a wicked web we weave and the perils of posting personal info on a public forum.
I can see both Mike's and Sara's points.
Now I have met Mike, and what a nice chap he is, but have I just posted personal info on Mike's character?
What is one to do in this situation? wink

2 Nov 2007

Quote by Sarah
I always thought what happened at a club / party etc stayed at the club or party.
IMO the guy should not have been talking about it, and maybe in future Mike, if that happens again you should say that to the guy.

When I was an LGB rights officer at Uni, I knew that someone who came out in my office could be the person the next day who stonewalled me or was making homophobic jokes. I gave them the privacy that was their due and never broke that trust.
In this case, the guy should have kept his mouth shut, it's none of his buiness who plays with who or where or when. As when I was an LGB officer, if the person involved wants to talk, then that's different, but until then polite conversation is the best option.

2 Nov 2007

I also see both your side and your f/b's side Mike. Personally i am also one who likes to keep things to myself. And i would also not reveal to my f/b what i do, what i get up to and with whom. That is for me private information.
I agree that the guy in the club should have been more descreet, and it's very unfortunate that he had such a 'big mouth'. I'd have been mortified had i been your female friend!
I have to say though, appart from being annoyed at the 'blabber mouth' i dont get why you should be upset with your f/b? She surely has no reason to tell you anything if she so chooses, as you're not a couple.
Just my thoughts smile

Sx
xx

2 Nov 2007

Its a shame but its life some people are just born without discretion
Dont think you have any need to be upset with your FB tho and i to think it was a case of mistaken identity :sad:
best thing to do is learn from it and move on swiftly

2 Nov 2007

Quote by ooer

This guy then goes, ohhh to my FB and me it was nice to see the both of us at club x on Tuesday, ooo to me you have had a shave.

Sounds to me it was more a case of mistaken identity than a lack of discretion.
Just a thought biggrin

:D
Reads that way to me too. :thumbup:

2 Nov 2007

oh we spoke today and i think things are OK...tbh i was in a twatty moody..
thanks for all your comments guys and gals smile

MIke

4 Nov 2007

well i think you happened to play directly into the hands of the male who opened his sounds to me like he's jealous.
however surely he was indescrete with her , rather than you, and if anyone was to get upset it should have been her.
i think that your worst thing was to let it show that this affected you.
obviously neither of them were afected by it.
move on.......... its best

4 Nov 2007

unless im reading the opening post wrong i personally cant see what what the guy did wrong, you said he said it was nice to see you both at this club tuesday so he obviously made a mistake and though it was you with you partner and was only being polite by saying hi was nice to see you confused

if i went to a club and saw someone there and then saw them at another club a few days later i think i would say hi to them too