Dominant men in the bedroom

9 Aug 2008

How do men feel about being dominant sexually? I guess in a swinging world where men are meant to be 'non pushy' 'respectful' and understand 'no means no' it might be quite difficult to fulfill this category without coming across as a bad swinger.
I personally love men that are dominant sexually. It makes me feel desired and sexy. I quite like being told what to do or guided to the sensitive areas so I know that what I am doing is stimulating them to the max. Of course I do love being given oral as well, but in a way it's quite nice when that is taken and you've had so many orgasms you're not sure if you can take any more as it is so intense.
(stops for a moment to compose one's self again lol)
My point is... are there many dominant men out there, or are you all looking for women to take the lead?
Do you feel uneasy being dominant sexually or would you just do it if you can see it is a prefence on a profile?
Are there many other women out there that like dominant men?

9 Aug 2008

Ohhhhhhhh I love dominant men, just the feeling of them being in control turns my legs to jelly.
It's great being told what to do and how to do it, knowing that your actions bring pure satisfaction.

9 Aug 2008

I agree with both of you, I love a man to be dominant but respectful, wimmpy men are just a turn off..
I have quite dominant character out of the bedroom so this is the one place I want to let go....
Sam xx

9 Aug 2008

Quote by Samndave
I agree with both of you, I love a man to be dominant but respectful, wimmpy men are just a turn off..
I have quite dominant character out of the bedroom so this is the one place I want to let go....
Sam xx

I dunno, I like to be in charge sometimes. redface

And, respectful doesn't mean wimpy.

9 Aug 2008

Quote by Freckledbird
I agree with both of you, I love a man to be dominant but respectful, wimmpy men are just a turn off..
I have quite dominant character out of the bedroom so this is the one place I want to let go....
Sam xx

I dunno, I like to be in charge sometimes. redface

And, respectful doesn't mean wimpy.
I agree with that statement and I don't think non dominant men are wimpy either, equal sex is great too, but sometimes it's nice to let go of the reigns and for me as I still have this little person in my head telling me I'm being bad all the time, it takes away the responsibility, so I can be even more dirty :twisted:

9 Aug 2008

I've only been in charge once, and didn't think much to it.
Was great seeing the reactions that I was causing but didn't feel confident enough to try it again.
Each to their own, we all like different things as the world would be a pretty boring place if we didn't.

9 Aug 2008

I have sex with both men and women and in a BDSM way I am switch. Because of that I have found it hard to find a man/woman who is able to dominate me to my satisfaction, until the other night when meeting with a man who presents as subby. But he made a fantastic Dom and we played switch all night.... he was the first man that has ever succesfully been Dom (with me). As I have often said 'the best dom/mes are the ones that know how to be sub' but that could just be my prejudice.
biggrin

9 Aug 2008

Quote by bbw_wboro
Each to their own, we all like different things as the world would be a pretty boring place if didn't.

Amen to that!

9 Aug 2008

Quote by splendid_
I have sex with both men and women and in a BDSM way I am switch. Because of that I have found it hard to find a man/woman who is able to dominate me to my satisfaction, until the other night when meeting with a man who presents as subby. But he made a fantastic Dom and we played switch all night.... he was the first man that has ever succesfully been Dom (with me). As I have often said 'the best dom/mes are the ones that know how to be sub' but that could just be my prejudice.

This is where I get a little confused. I have loads of friends that are Dom/sub but I'm not sure if I mean that as much as I don't really care for being flogged (although a little spanking can be fun). I don't like to be called too many names and humiliation? Maybe pushing my boundaries a little, but don't want to be wee'd on or anything like that. Where is the cut off point between being sexually dominant and being Dom?

9 Aug 2008

Quote by venus68
I have sex with both men and women and in a BDSM way I am switch. Because of that I have found it hard to find a man/woman who is able to dominate me to my satisfaction, until the other night when meeting with a man who presents as subby. But he made a fantastic Dom and we played switch all night.... he was the first man that has ever succesfully been Dom (with me). As I have often said 'the best dom/mes are the ones that know how to be sub' but that could just be my prejudice.

This is where I get a little confused. I have loads of friends that are Dom/sub but I'm not sure if I mean that as much as I don't really care for being flogged (although a little spanking can be fun). I don't like to be called too many names and humiliation? Maybe pushing my boundaries a little, but don't want to be wee'd on or anything like that. Where is the cut off point between being sexually dominant and being Dom?
Just names for the same things really venus. Some people who are into BDSM have to label the whole thing and really put in strict boundaries and definitions. Being Dommed is whatever you want to call it.
Being dommed by Wor lass is when she takes charge and tells me what I can and can't do. It can involve beatings/floggings/whipping but it is just as likely her taking my choices away and 'forcing' me to do things in her way and in her time. The gentleman the other night was calling me names (which I am 'happy' with to a certain extend) and was physically restricting me, basically talking me through fantasies and also biting me :twisted: . But it can be called anything that you like to call it. I haven't ever been into poo and wee and I certainly would never Domme or be Dom/Dommed in public (be that club or street) but just like swinging there are different definitions.
have I waffled enough yet ? wink

9 Aug 2008

Quote by splendid_
I have sex with both men and women and in a BDSM way I am switch. Because of that I have found it hard to find a man/woman who is able to dominate me to my satisfaction, until the other night when meeting with a man who presents as subby. But he made a fantastic Dom and we played switch all night.... he was the first man that has ever succesfully been Dom (with me). As I have often said 'the best dom/mes are the ones that know how to be sub' but that could just be my prejudice.

This is where I get a little confused. I have loads of friends that are Dom/sub but I'm not sure if I mean that as much as I don't really care for being flogged (although a little spanking can be fun). I don't like to be called too many names and humiliation? Maybe pushing my boundaries a little, but don't want to be wee'd on or anything like that. Where is the cut off point between being sexually dominant and being Dom?
Just names for the same things really venus. Some people who are into BDSM have to label the whole thing and really put in strict boundaries and definitions. Being Dommed is whatever you want to call it.
Being dommed by Wor lass is when she takes charge and tells me what I can and can't do. It can involve beatings/floggings/whipping but it is just as likely her taking my choices away and 'forcing' me to do things in her way and in her time. The gentleman the other night was calling me names (which I am 'happy' with to a certain extend) and was physically restricting me, basically talking me through fantasies and also biting me :twisted: . But it can be called anything that you like to call it. I haven't ever been into poo and wee and I certainly would never Domme or be Dom/Dommed in public (be that club or street) but just like swinging there are different definitions.
have I waffled enough yet ? wink

Not waffled at all, it's reassuring. :D
It seems a lot to do with the mind and that is what I find so sexy. I met one guy who was a Dom and he didn't know I was a swinger. We went for a drive in his land rover and he told me to take my knickers off. I new it was a test so I did it. Then he stopped the vehicle and told me to get out. I was panicking a bit as we were in the middle of no where and he could have drove off and left me there. He didn't. He got out and came round and told me to take his cock in my mouth. I did. Then he took me over to the drivers seat and took me from behind.
After he told me he had no intention of fucking me and it was my fault lol.
I loved it, but part of me felt bad for not telling him I wasn't sexually shy. The point was he was in control and I loved it. A car came round at one point and he quickly got me out of harms way, so he was looking out for me too.
Never did get my knickers back!

9 Aug 2008

Venus that situation you described is akin to some sort of horror story for me... but that is the beauty of being 'dominated' effectively and the Dom taking the person to their limits. It requires the Dom/me to be sensitive to the 'subs' needs and boundaries.
smile

9 Aug 2008

Quote by splendid_
have I waffled enough yet ?

You'd waffled enough about 2 years ago :mrgreen:
I've sort of discovered a bit of a dominant side since being here, nothing too heavy, just i like to take control. I think i found it while just having a laugh with a couple of friends who desribed themselves as 'domme' and i found it funny to stop them as i'm a fairly solid bloke so neither of them had the physical strength to control me :haha:
But i guess it woke up something inside me as i like to take charge in the bedroom (i pretty much always do things my way in RL, so it's just an extension of that i guess).
Although, i do like a woman to be a bit proactive when playing, i've been with a couple of girls in vanilla world who just lay there and although they were both very attractive they were among the worst shags i've had

9 Aug 2008

Quote by meat2pleaseu
have I waffled enough yet ?

You'd waffled enough about 2 years ago :mrgreen:
Although, i do like a woman to be a bit proactive when playing, i've been with a couple of girls in vanilla world who just lay there and although they were both very attractive they were among the worst shags i've had
I can help with this. :wink:

9 Aug 2008

Quote by meat2pleaseu
have I waffled enough yet ?

You'd waffled enough about 2 years ago :mrgreen:
I've sort of discovered a bit of a dominant side since being here, nothing too heavy, just i like to take control. I think i found it while just having a laugh with a couple of friends who desribed themselves as 'domme' and i found it funny to stop them as i'm a fairly solid bloke so neither of them had the physical strength to control me :haha:
But i guess it woke up something inside me as i like to take charge in the bedroom (i pretty much always do things my way in RL, so it's just an extension of that i guess).
Although, i do like a woman to be a bit proactive when playing, i've been with a couple of girls in vanilla world who just lay there and although they were both very attractive they were among the worst shags i've had
How about in the living room? :P

9 Aug 2008

I find the whole area of dom/sub fascinating, but I'm not sure I'm 'into it', if you know what I mean.
There are certain scenarios that turn me on, such as being dominated ( I dont know if that word has an explicit definition, but it seems appropriate) by one or more people. That would involve being told what to do, how to do it, being restricted (handcuffs/blindfolds), being used as a plaything...
If I met someone who wanted me to dominate them, I think it would feel like I was playing a role, rather than being 'who I am' so to speak. Does that matter? A big part of my satisfaction is turning my partner on, so if she wanted to be dominated, I'd play that part as best I could. Who knows, maybe exploring being dominant might awaken something I didn't know about me....

9 Aug 2008

Quote by Misterwood
I find the whole area of dom/sub fascinating, but I'm not sure I'm 'into it', if you know what I mean.
There are certain scenarios that turn me on, such as being dominated ( I dont know if that word has an explicit definition, but it seems appropriate) by one or more people. That would involve being told what to do, how to do it, being restricted (handcuffs/blindfolds), being used as a plaything...
If I met someone who wanted me to dominate them, I think it would feel like I was playing a role, rather than being 'who I am' so to speak. Does that matter? A big part of my satisfaction is turning my partner on, so if she wanted to be dominated, I'd play that part as best I could. Who knows, maybe exploring being dominant might awaken something I didn't know about me....

I have played at being 'dominant' for a play partner and it did very much feel like role play, but I quite like role play so that was fine. I did have to think a lot about what I was doing and it wasn't easy to keep it going as it didn't come naturally to me, but I think it gets easier with experience. I think it's easier to do it with someone you know well sexually as you know what turns them on. Doing it with a complete stranger is hard as you don't know where their boundaries are or what they get turned on by.

9 Aug 2008

Quote by splendid_
have I waffled enough yet ?

You'd waffled enough about 2 years ago :mrgreen:
Although, i do like a woman to be a bit proactive when playing, i've been with a couple of girls in vanilla world who just lay there and although they were both very attractive they were among the worst shags i've had
I can help with this. :wink:
i could be persuaded :rascal:

Quote by venus68
How about in the living room? :P

Living rooms are good too :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

9 Aug 2008

I think it is a question of knowing who you are and what you want. To do that you have to experiment and sometimes go with the mood.
I treat everyone with respect and am prepared to go 50-50 at the start but if you are receding I will be growing to fill the space. If you are pushing I am happy for you to do what you want to do as long as I aprove of it. I think it is important to be clear, especially if you do not know each other very well and send good messages.
I don't think there is any need for anyone to be totally dom or sub, although some people seem to be made that way. (and some of us are badly conditioned to think that way). I like the idea of expressing when you feel like it and accommodating when you want to accept someone elses lead. That way you get the best of both worlds and if you are lucky a nice balance between you and your partner(s)?
Be what you want to be Venus (or Mars biggrin

!)
(sorry I am replying to your posts again - they just seem more interesting than the others at the moment!)
Shay

9 Aug 2008

It is an interesting subject this; not just from the perspective of the 'traditional' view of dominance but it also brings into play - as this thread shows - matters such as physical strength (males usually have the advantage here - not always of course)- dominance or not - mental strength/control - the 'switch' from real life 'dominance' (confidence?) to sexual 'submission' etc etc. Oh so many variables. I'm not a qualified 'quack' but to me I always come back to the same point with this. A person who puts him or herself in a position where he or she willingly allows another to 'take control' of the body i.e. determine what happens when and how - has to be considered equal in terms of 'control' and ultimately dominance to the person that then takes up that role.
Thus equal and willing to achieve mutual pleasure. A person who does not give that permission yet is then forced to do something and/or when they do not wish to - could be described as having been - mentally or physically. So, on that basis - I don't think there is a dominant/submission issue at all. I only logged on to have mi coffee.....
Winding my neck back in now - if thats OK with you dominant ladies... :shock:

9 Aug 2008

Quote by RammyRam
It is an interesting subject this; not just from the perspective of the 'traditional' view of dominance but it also brings into play - as this thread shows - matters such as physical strength (males usually have the advantage here - not always of course)- dominance or not - mental strength/control - the 'switch' from real life 'dominance' (confidence?) to sexual 'submission' etc etc. Oh so many variables. I'm not a qualified 'quack' but to me I always come back to the same point with this. A person who puts him or herself in a position where he or she willingly allows another to 'take control' of the body i.e. determine what happens when and how - has to be considered equal in terms of 'control' and ultimately dominance to the person that then takes up that role.
Thus equal and willing to achieve mutual pleasure. A person who does not give that permission yet is then forced to do something and/or when they do not wish to - could be described as having been - mentally or physically. So, on that basis - I don't think there is a dominant/submission issue at all. I only logged on to have mi coffee.....
Winding my neck back in now - if thats OK with you dominant ladies... :shock:

Anything sexual without permission is obviously .
BDSM is consensual in every guise. biggrin

9 Aug 2008

As a woman on this site arranging to have meets with people for the sole purpose of sexual play, there are times when I feel inherently expected to be sexually dominant. I think there are guys who, because I will have perhaps taken the initiative and organised everything, will expect me to carry that into our roles in the play situation.
From my point of view, I enjoy being a feisty female in charge of her own sexual pleasure. There have been occasions when I have taken on a domme 'role' in a more structured scenario and yes, it was fun. However, for me there is also much pleasure to be had in meeting someone who is equally feisty and happy to do the 'in charge' bit. In fact, nothing I like more than a man who can 'take me in hand' so to speak! :twisted:
I do have quite a deep seated submissive streak. But that is something that I have only explored rarely with any success. Yes, I might enjoy a man being all feisty and at times physical with me, but the sub thing is a lot more mental and therefore requires a different type of person - someone I can trust implicitly. They're harder to find, in my experience.
Hmmmm... confused

Not sure how much of that will make sense anywhere other than in my head!
Nola x

9 Aug 2008

As I have often said 'the best dom/mes are the ones that know how to be sub' but that could just be my prejudice.

If it is a prejudice then it's not yours alone.
I'll probably go into a long old ramble about this later on.
But in the meantime, yes, I would say subs would make far better doms as they would know better than a "straight to Dom", what makes a sub tick.
D

9 Aug 2008

Quote by noladreams30
As a woman on this site arranging to have meets with people for the sole purpose of sexual play, there are times when I feel inherently expected to be sexually dominant. I think there are guys who, because I will have perhaps taken the initiative and organised everything, will expect me to carry that into our roles in the play situation.
From my point of view, I enjoy being a feisty female in charge of her own sexual pleasure. There have been occasions when I have taken on a domme 'role' in a more structured scenario and yes, it was fun. However, for me there is also much pleasure to be had in meeting someone who is equally feisty and happy to do the 'in charge' bit. In fact, nothing I like more than a man who can 'take me in hand' so to speak! :twisted:
I do have quite a deep seated submissive streak. But that is something that I have only explored rarely with any success. Yes, I might enjoy a man being all feisty and at times physical with me, but the sub thing is a lot more mental and therefore requires a different type of person - someone I can trust implicitly. They're harder to find, in my experience.
Hmmmm... Not sure how much of that will make sense anywhere other than in my head!
Nola x

Isn't the ultimate then one who can move easily in one sitting between the two and perfectly compliment your need to become one or both depending on the situation? Isn't it all about understanding whats in that head and being able to take control of that understanding?

9 Aug 2008

Quote by 665-667
As I have often said 'the best dom/mes are the ones that know how to be sub' but that could just be my prejudice.

If it is a prejudice then it's not yours alone.
I'll probably go into a long old ramble about this later on.
But in the meantime, yes, I would say subs would make far better doms as they would know better than a "straight to Dom", what makes a sub tick.
D
exactly.... oh, please ramble now.

9 Aug 2008

Quote by RammyRam
As a woman on this site arranging to have meets with people for the sole purpose of sexual play, there are times when I feel inherently expected to be sexually dominant. I think there are guys who, because I will have perhaps taken the initiative and organised everything, will expect me to carry that into our roles in the play situation.
From my point of view, I enjoy being a feisty female in charge of her own sexual pleasure. There have been occasions when I have taken on a domme 'role' in a more structured scenario and yes, it was fun. However, for me there is also much pleasure to be had in meeting someone who is equally feisty and happy to do the 'in charge' bit. In fact, nothing I like more than a man who can 'take me in hand' so to speak! :twisted:
I do have quite a deep seated submissive streak. But that is something that I have only explored rarely with any success. Yes, I might enjoy a man being all feisty and at times physical with me, but the sub thing is a lot more mental and therefore requires a different type of person - someone I can trust implicitly. They're harder to find, in my experience.
Hmmmm... Not sure how much of that will make sense anywhere other than in my head!
Nola x

Isn't the ultimate then one who can move easily in one sitting between the two and perfectly compliment your need to become one or both depending on the situation? Isn't it all about understanding whats in that head and being able to take control of that understanding?
Not sure this would work for me. Yes, it would be nice to meet someone with whom I could be comfortable enough to enjoy submission, but I doubt in practice that I would want to switch between the two roles "in one sitting." That's not how my mind works...
Finding someone with an equally voracious sexual appetite and a penchant for all things debauched would be a start though... :twisted:

9 Aug 2008

Dominant men are very, very sexy - I know I have one.
Dominant women (who Dominate only other women) are very, very naughty - I know, I am one.
:twisted: