Do's and dont's of Rough sex

Hello all

I have been invited to a four man gangbang and the husband of the lady has advised me she likes it rough and we can do anything until such time as she utters the safe word, so far so good.  

He asked me if i was OK with that and the truth is I am not naturally a rough kind of guy so I would like to know, and especially from the ladies here, what is it that constitutes rough sex, how much is enough and what is going too far?

Surely rough sex is where pain is too intense for the lady. Forcing anal sex, hitting breasts hard and vaginal penetration with oversize objects, including very large penises, using no finesse or feeling, just male self gratification.

Just play by ear if you attend gentlealan, see how the lady reacts and what the other three guys are doing to her. !!!!

It's a fine line between pleasure and pain and there is an overlap. Not talking about extreme pain here or anything that causes actual harm - obviously that would be abusive and abhorrent. BUT getting fucked so hard it hurts, having your bum slapped, nipples and hair pulled can be highly arousing and orgasm inducing. Sometimes a girl just wants to be treated like a slut - yum - and there's nothing wrong with that. But do please check first and never assume xx

Thank you for your response Lynnandjames.

Everything is an education.  This event passed me by but I will bear your comments in mind if another opportunity crops up.

My pleasure xx Lynn 

The phrase I loved to hear was “it hurts nice” very simply a tryst where the boundaries were pushed but respect given. Every woman is different, every meet is different but “stop” always means stop!

I think 'it hurts nice' sums it up perfectly xx

We enjoy rough sex very much but there has to be trust. Doing with strangers is a risk and exposing both parties to misunderstandings. 

It is better with regulars who know your limits and just push them that bit further lol

"Rough sex" is an ambiguous term; to some people rough could just mean going fast, hard and deep where to someone else it could be more about the general treatment - pulling hair, 'forced' deepthroat (a consensual forcing, obviously!), biting, rough treatment of the tits, spanking etc, for others it may go beyond that, and it's vital you know where on the scale she falls. Obviously it's better to start lighter and get heavier as she responds, because once you have crossed the line her trust will have gone, the spell will be broken and it's hard to get back into things - but then you do also run the risk of leaving her with the whole "very nice, but not quite what I wanted" feeling. 

Not strictly helpful as an answer to the OP, but you can only really know what she actually wants from talking to her and getting to know her so you are able read any signs she gives as to wanting you to push things further or pull back. Once you know her limits, you can work backwards to find a starting point and ramp things up as you relax and get a feel for one another.

Personally, I like to be treated quite roughly during sex and meet up (in more normal times!) quite regularly with a guy or two who know exactly how far they can push the boundary but when meeting someone for the first time it's always tricky. I once met with a guy who treated me exactly as I liked from the get-go, but because he came straight into things quite heavy I was a little nervous about where it could go next so wasn't really able to relax (In the long run, that fear element did kind of ramp things up a little and he was a decent guy, but it was a warning for me of what I could be getting myself into if I wasn't more careful!) so it's good to start lighter to give yourself room to 'grow' into things so she isn't feeling scared. 

I have been involved in, and indeed organised many D/s group sessions where the female wanted ‘rough’ sex. I have always insisted in talking to the lady or knowing that the organiser has spoken to her to understand soft and hard limits. One would always hope that the husband and wife had the same view, but I am never prepared to take that risk, even if it is a case of hearing her say that the husband can call the shots.

I have been involved in sessions where the woman adored caning, whipping, hot wax, nipple clamps and hard fucking and that was her idea of rough sex and others where a hard fuck, hair grabbing and face fucking was all she wanted.

Just try to make sure, especially if a ‘forced’ scenario or restraints are being used. One you just don’t want to get wrong!

Quote by gentlealan
truth is I am not naturally a rough kind of guy

 This sentence passed me by yesterday, but re-reading today it stood out a bit.

I know the particular situation you were asking about here didn't pan out, but if this comes up again - if you aren't so inclined, I would wonder how comfortable you would have been anyway? 

I have met up with guys who whilst chatting were great at talking about the things they would do to me, but when we met they just weren't comfortable to act them out so I ended up going home feeling... let's say unfulfilled. Not that they didn't ensure I had been taken care of, but that they didn't play things out as I'd have liked! In one case, we talked afterwards and arranged to meet again with my thoughts (based on what he said) being that as he didn't know me he was being careful not to go too far - but even knowing he could be more... bad... the second time was much the same. Then he admitted that he actually didn't feel like he could treat anyone the way I expected him to, that chat wasn't like the real thing... yah, yah, yah. If he'd have said that in the first place, I wouldn't have bothered with meeting - I'm not about forcing a guy to be something he's not as much as I wouldn't want him to force me into anything. It works both ways. But actually he met anyway, knowing he wasn't going give me what I wanted, so there's that...

Anyway, I waffle - the point is, if you aren't that kind of guy, that's fine. But don't talk yourself into doing something that you aren't going to enjoy. If you want to explore the rougher side of your psyche (because you won't really know if you are that kind of guy until you try it!) you'd do better to do so either one-on-one or just in a 3some. That way you can draw a line if you aren't comfortable. In a gangbang situation, how are you going to feel if the others are all 'mistreating' the lady and you decide you aren't happy to continue? Are you going to be able to get up and leave? 

I do also sometimes think men feel pressured to stress that "I'm not that kind of guy" because the alternative makes you seem like a dick - but it's ok to be that kind of guy when the lady wants/expects it. Don't be afraid to relax and pull a lady's hair if she asks for it - if she's acting like a whore, don't be afraid to tell her so if you know that gets her juices flowing! Men often thinking that they are showing a lady disrespect by treating her that way, but it's more disrespectful to knowingly not give her what she wants just because it doesn't suit you! 

TLR - if you really don't think you can be that way, no amount of advice from here can help you - you are better off turning it down and finding a group you can be more comfortable with; if you want to explore it, do so on a smaller scale rather than jumping right into a gangbang where you might feel pressured to go further than you want and if a lady asks you to disrespect her, it's absolutely ok to do so! 

Quote by HothouseSub

Quote by gentlealan
truth is I am not naturally a rough kind of guy

 This sentence passed me by yesterday, but re-reading today it stood out a bit.

I know the particular situation you were asking about here didn't pan out, but if this comes up again - if you aren't so inclined, I would wonder how comfortable you would have been anyway? 
I have met up with guys who whilst chatting were great at talking about the things they would do to me, but when we met they just weren't comfortable to act them out so I ended up going home feeling... let's say unfulfilled. Not that they didn't ensure I had been taken care of, but that they didn't play things out as I'd have liked! In one case, we talked afterwards and arranged to meet again with my thoughts (based on what he said) being that as he didn't know me he was being careful not to go too far - but even knowing he could be more... bad... the second time was much the same. Then he admitted that he actually didn't feel like he could treat anyone the way I expected him to, that chat wasn't like the real thing... yah, yah, yah. If he'd have said that in the first place, I wouldn't have bothered with meeting - I'm not about forcing a guy to be something he's not as much as I wouldn't want him to force me into anything. It works both ways. But actually he met anyway, knowing he wasn't going give me what I wanted, so there's that...
Anyway, I waffle - the point is, if you aren't that kind of guy, that's fine. But don't talk yourself into doing something that you aren't going to enjoy. If you want to explore the rougher side of your psyche (because you won't really know if you are that kind of guy until you try it!) you'd do better to do so either one-on-one or just in a 3some. That way you can draw a line if you aren't comfortable. In a gangbang situation, how are you going to feel if the others are all 'mistreating' the lady and you decide you aren't happy to continue? Are you going to be able to get up and leave? 
I do also sometimes think men feel pressured to stress that "I'm not that kind of guy" because the alternative makes you seem like a dick - but it's ok to be that kind of guy when the lady wants/expects it. Don't be afraid to relax and pull a lady's hair if she asks for it - if she's acting like a whore, don't be afraid to tell her so if you know that gets her juices flowing! Men often thinking that they are showing a lady disrespect by treating her that way, but it's more disrespectful to knowingly not give her what she wants just because it doesn't suit you! 
TLR - if you really don't think you can be that way, no amount of advice from here can help you - you are better off turning it down and finding a group you can be more comfortable with; if you want to explore it, do so on a smaller scale rather than jumping right into a gangbang where you might feel pressured to go further than you want and if a lady asks you to disrespect her, it's absolutely ok to do so! 

 Wonderful advice in both your posts. I think you sum up the situation perfectly. Better than I could anyway. Rough sex can be interpreted in so many ways as can being submissive - each is very subjective to the situation and the people involved. Even in a gangbang scenario it can vary from a woman you just enjoys the attention of more than one guy to a woman who just wants to be thoroughly used and fulfil her slut/whore desires. Understanding the situation is key as is making sure everyone is on the same page and is happy with what is going to happen, any limits etc. So know what you're getting into from the start.

Thanks for posting - I think these posts of yours deserve to be pinned as sound advice.

Lynn xx

Wow, a very lengthy and in depth reply from Hothouse Sub here, the points raised and answered have been dealt with very thoroughly and precisely.

Great post giving really sound information from all perspectives.   Thankyou.

Hello all

Thanks for the great responses, much appreciated.  

Ultimately I am not that kind of guy so guess I will turn down future similar opportunities.

Thanks, Lynne and Sensicum! I can be overly wordy... 

Gentlealan - it's important to know your own boundaries as much as those of the woman concerned. I am sure there are just as many women who would greatly appreciate being caressed and teased by a group of guys as those who want to be thrown against a wall and banged into oblivion, so don't write off the whole gb idea itself. Best of luck to you!