Egg Donation

3 Dec 2004

I have been thinking about donating my eggs for people who can't have something that me and Steve have chatted about but havent yet looked into seriously.
Basically when i was pregnant with both of our kids i remember seeing ads in the back of pregnancy magazines from couples or clinics looking for women to donate eggs to couples who desperately want to start a family but can't for their own reasons,and it stuck with me.
All i know about is that you have to go through a similar situation as IVF with having to inject hormones and then the egg harvesting etc,and because of what has to be done then if i was to donate i'd want to wait till the kids are a bit older.
Now theres a few thoughts i have on this,the thoughts of giving a couple the joy of having a child would be immense to me as i know how much i wanted kids and very fortunate i am to have them biggrin

But i guess what troubles me is the thoughts of a little me running around somewhere that i'd never know confused

If i was to donate i would want to donate to a clinic and i dont think id want to know if the eggs went on to make a baby because i would always wonder!
I remember mentining it to my mum once a few years ago and her thoughts on it were that what if this baby grew up and got with one of our kids,and they were half siblings and that wouldnt be right!!But i think the chances of that must be pretty slim surely.
Anyways the point of this is to get some of your opinions on it,and especially any experiences to give me something to think about.
I know that i should be ok to donate as ive had two very healthy and text book pregnancies and labours so i can't see there being a problem in that respect.
So your views please?

3 Dec 2004

Quote by Clare_Lincs
I have been thinking about donating my eggs for people who can't have something that me and Steve have chatted about but havent yet looked into seriously.
Basically when i was pregnant with both of our kids i remember seeing ads in the back of pregnancy magazines from couples or clinics looking for women to donate eggs to couples who desperately want to start a family but can't for their own reasons,and it stuck with me.
All i know about is that you have to go through a similar situation as IVF with having to inject hormones and then the egg harvesting etc,and because of what has to be done then if i was to donate i'd want to wait till the kids are a bit older.
Now theres a few thoughts i have on this,the thoughts of giving a couple the joy of having a child would be immense to me as i know how much i wanted kids and very fortunate i am to have them But i guess what troubles me is the thoughts of a little me running around somewhere that i'd never know
If i was to donate i would want to donate to a clinic and i dont think id want to know if the eggs went on to make a baby because i would always wonder!
I remember mentining it to my mum once q few years ago and her thoughts on it were that what if this baby grew up and got with one of our kids,and they were half siblings and that wouldnt be right!!But i think the chances of that must be pretty slim surely.
Anyways the point of this is to get some of your opinions on it,and especially any experiences to give me something to think about.
I know that i should be ok to donate as ive had two very healthy and text book pregnancies and labours so i can't see there being a problem in that respect.
So your views please?

What a heavy subject for a Friday morning :!:
This is a very personal matter. If you wish to donate go ahead. Very comendable I say.
You are helping someone who is less fortunate.
I know what heartache infertility problems can cause. My partner had to go through lenghty tests and medication.
I only fire blanks now!
Go for it :!:

3 Dec 2004

A very good friend of mine has just become pregnant for the 2nd time through egg donation. Her first was born through IVF and when she decided she wanted another baby the 2 fertalised eggs she had left didnt work, so this was her only option as she coulndt produce her own.
When she decided she would like to try egg donation we sat down and chatted about it because i was all for donating mine. But like you said Claire the thought of a mini you wondering round is a bit scary. She decided that going to a clinic would be best.
Shes now 5 months gone and is so happy. I would definatley do this in the future. I already have little girl and cant see myself, well not in the for seeable future wanting to have another, and there are so many couples out there who would love children but cant have them.
Go for it I say....... smile

3 Dec 2004

Think its a grand idea Clare...
No doubt you will encouter those who doubt you or try to put you off the idea but take no notice of em...
:thumbup:

3 Dec 2004

Bloody hell Clare, thats a tough one for this time of the morning :shock:
My answer is, I couldn't do it. No way could I have another child or children running round and not have them as part of my life.
I've had IVF as I have a collection of medical problems a mile long sad

In fact, its getting close to two miles long :cry:
I don't think you realise what a commitment IVF can be. Sniffing medication 5 times a day for about 10 days. Then the injections every day for a couple of weeks which you can get your local practise nurse to do or learn to do them yourself. Which is what I did, filled my fridge with the drugs, mixing the power with the liquid solution with a wide needle and the syringe then changing to the finer one to inject in my thigh. A nurse would inject your bum but either way, thats 20 minutes out your day every morning for a couple of weeks.
Have to also warn you it doesn't always work, my first attempt never produced hardly any eggs dunno

Second time around I had the injections an extra 4 days.
Thats before they sedate you to remove any eggs IF you have grown enough for it to be worth the effort of a collection process. Plus the twice weekly visits for internal scans to see if the eggs are growing inside you.
We are lucky, we've only had to go through this twice (and many other tests and treatments before the IVF) and it does disrupt your life for about 6 weeks at a time.
This was 8 years ago, so things may have changed a little but I doubt its that different.
I'm probably not helping you decide, sorry Clare, just trying to make you aware that its not a brilliant experience and after I've said all this I do urge you to do it if you can because I was told at 24 I wouldn't have any more children and it broke mine and Ians heart.
I wish I was able to give someone the enjoyment of having children but I couldn't do it, I would end up looking at kids in the street always wondering if one was mine. Anyway, I can't go through IVF again, I'm not mentally strong enough to do it a third time.
Dawn

3 Dec 2004

I think you have to gather ALL the facts before making any kind of decision. Try a Google search - that usually does the trick. wink

I've never considered doing that and I'm far too old now. rolleyes

3 Dec 2004

I think its a great idea and a very brave thing to do. Are you still allowed to do it anonomously? Or is it like sprem donations where the laws are changing, giving the child the 'right' to the parents details (I'm probably completely wrong on that but it is early!!!)
All I'd advise is make sure you are 100% sure before you do it.
H xx

3 Dec 2004

I don't really know a lot about this, but if I remember rightly there was some investigation being undertaken regarding the long term effects of donating eggs.
They were suggesting that there may be links to ovarian cancer from the stimulation required to collect the eggs.
I would check this out thoroughly before deciding, as you have 2 young children yourself, these have to be your primary concern.
I'm sorry I have no idea what the outcome of any of the research was.
That said, if its proved safe ,and you feel able, then you will be giving a huge gift to someone.
My brother is currently having IVF with his wife and it looks like their next step may well be egg donations.
Good luck with your decision.
Jas
XXX

3 Dec 2004

This is something i have thought of in the past.
If it was just a matter of nipping in to hospital having the eggs extracted then that would be fine but it isn't. I don't know all the facts but you should really find them all out as it is a long drawn out process. I know i don't have the time or the energy to go through this.
If it is something you are serious about and do go ahead with it then i take my hat off to you. Nothing more fulfilling than being able to bring a life into this world. If you feel able to give someone else that chance then go for it.
I think if i knew someone personally that needed my eggs then i would do it in a second without even thinking about it.
G x

3 Dec 2004

It is a very commendable and self-less thought, but as already suggested, you should find out as much information as possible before deciding. confused

:? :?

3 Dec 2004

Quote by dundeecpl
I think if i knew someone personally that needed my eggs then i would do it in a second without even thinking about it.
G x

Same here Gill, ive not looked into the medical side of this, but if a friend or member of family was having trouble and all they needed was my eggs, id do it. If it was successful, theres no way i'd see it as 'my child' just because my egg was used, as far as im aware, an egg is just an egg and nothing until its fertilised by the sperm. I dont eat a boiled egg and think that could have been a chicken, its the same here, i dont think about my period and losing my egg each month and think that could have been a baby. I would however feel very proud that i was able to help someone become a mother and father, to a couple that may otherwise not have been.
I would never see that child as mine just as id never think of myself as its mother, after all it takes a lot more than eggs and sperm to become a mother and father.
This is a very black and white view, but its just how i see this situation. :rose:

3 Dec 2004

Thanks guys youve really given me some serious stuff to think about.
As i said its something that we will look into for all the facts,i just wanted some real opinions and feelings on this,especially the experiences and its all helps.
It wont be for a good 5 years yet as i really want to wait until ours are old enough.

3 Dec 2004

Quote by GenHertsCpl
I think if i knew someone personally that needed my eggs then i would do it in a second without even thinking about it.
G x

Same here Gill, ive not looked into the medical side of this, but if a friend or member of family was having trouble and all they needed was my eggs, id do it. If it was successful, theres no way i'd see it as 'my child' just because my egg was used, as far as im aware, an egg is just an egg and nothing until its fertilised by the sperm. I dont eat a boiled egg and think that could have been a chicken, its the same here, i dont think about my period and losing my egg each month and think that could have been a baby. I would however feel very proud that i was able to help someone become a mother and father, to a couple that may otherwise not have been.
I would never see that child as mine just as id never think of myself as its mother, after all it takes a lot more than eggs and sperm to become a mother and father.
This is a very black and white view, but its just how i see this situation. :rose:
I totally agree with you both ... my best friend has had trouble for about 10 years and before they knew who was the problem I had the chance to get sterilised and it broke my heart to think that if it was her I wouldn't be able to help her ... the sterilisation never went ahead and they now know the problem is him but .......

3 Dec 2004

Quote by GenHertsCpl
I would never see that child as mine just as id never think of myself as its mother, after all it takes a lot more than eggs and sperm to become a mother and father.
This is a very black and white view, but its just how i see this situation. :rose:

Very very good point!

3 Dec 2004

A decision of this importance is always a very personal one - and made all the more important because it is one of those things that you can never really KNOW how you are going to feel until you have done it.
I've always been one for "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst"
Imagine the worst possible outcome from egg donation, if you feel you can cope with that, then you are well on your way.
From your post, it seems that your biggest real worry is forming an emotional attachment to a child who may or may not exist.
You should not take this lightly, your motives for considering egg donation are based on your own strong maternal instincts. Would those instincts be too strong for you to ever completely let go? If not, how would you feel when you thought about it? A warm, proud glow, or a yearning regret?
lhk
Kat

3 Dec 2004

Quote by KitKat
A decision of this importance is always a very personal one - and made all the more important because it is one of those things that you can never really KNOW how you are going to feel until you have done it.
I've always been one for "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst"
Imagine the worst possible outcome from egg donation, if you feel you can cope with that, then you are well on your way.
From your post, it seems that your biggest real worry is forming an emotional attachment to a child who may or may not exist.
You should not take this lightly, your motives for considering egg donation are based on your own strong maternal instincts. Would those instincts be too strong for you to ever completely let go? If not, how would you feel when you thought about it? A warm, proud glow, or a yearning regret?
lhk
Kat

Very good points and in all honesty i dont know,thats why its something weve gotta think about for a good few years first.

3 Dec 2004

I'm glad youve finally decided to put this on love,its an immense decision for us to make and especially for have a lot to look into,but if it looks like its something we could cope with then it would be a great thing for you to do for someone.
It would definately have to be an annonymous donation,so if the laws are changing on this then we won't go ahead as i know you'd never cope with knowing what happened to your the end our marriage and kids are our number one priority,but we'll wait and see how you feel when the kids have grown up a bit.
Love you hun,your a very selfless wonderful woman worship

3 Dec 2004

Quote by Clare_Lincs
Thanks guys youve really given me some serious stuff to think about.
As i said its something that we will look into for all the facts,i just wanted some real opinions and feelings on this,especially the experiences and its all helps.
It wont be for a good 5 years yet as i really want to wait until ours are old enough.

If you decide to do it, good for you. If a partner of mine were considering it I would support her fully, because the trials & tribulations of IVF etc must be awful for those involved. Its probably different for a bloke, but the idea of having a mini-you running around somewhere is to me not valid, because it would have been brought up etc by someone else. As others have said, there will be plenty of information around to help you & Steve come to a decision that you are happy with, & I'm sure the medical staff involved would be very helpful.
Whatever you decide, good for you for considering it.

3 Dec 2004

Its a good job Steve is supportive and i know he'll be great whatever i decide,just keep these views coming,theyre really giving me loads to think about

3 Dec 2004

I've thought about doing it but as I was near the upper reaches age wise, it didn't work out. For my part, I love the idea of mini-me's being in the world, with my good looks, intelligence and sense of humour/irony!!!
There are downsides to it: it is an intrusive piece of surgery which means general anaesthetic, if my memory serves me right. They also pump you full of hormones to make you release the maximum number of eggs possible that you can. This can make you feel a little sick and generally "hormonal" for a while.
There was a discussion at the beginning of November about whether or not women should be paid more than they currently are for their "time and inconvenience". Here is the link to the BBC website which has a few more links to relevant organisations.

Ultimately, it comes down to a personal decision: whatever feels right for you, your body and also your husband and your children.
Best wishes
R

3 Dec 2004

As a father of 2 great kids both adopted I think your idear is fantastic, to be told you can not have children of your own is one of the biggest heart aches I have ever encountered
and then to be told your only option is to adopt is like a sledge hammer blow
you have a fantastic opportunity to make a couple or 2 very very happy

4 Dec 2004

I just wanted to say thanks for the pm's ive had for this,they have been very insightful biggrin

Also i just wanted to say that i had no intention to offend anyone by doing this on here.