Like all blokes I think I am smart, sexy, handsome and a wit of the highest order*.
Imagine my suprise then that after finding the wonderful Swingheaven and thinking all my prayers had been answered I am here after a week of answering ads with a strike rate of 24 and 3.
And when I say '3' I only mean replies, not meetings.
And actually, two of those just tried to sell me porn (I wouldn't mind but there is just so much free stuff).
Truly, a chastising and humbling experience.
I recommend being forced to reply to ads on here as a perfect 'Clockwork Orange' style treatment for turning boorish, braggart men into whimpering, tortured husks, huddled in the corner, rocking, with not even a shred of self-esteem to their name.
Whoever said 'It's a man's world' must have only been considering it from the point of view of reverse parking.
Cheers
Cock of the North
*Continuing the theme I also think I am outstanding in bed, a great driver (other drivers can be categorised - and shouted at - as either 'grandads' or 'maniacs'), that I can hold my drink, that newspapers start on the back pages, that getting a kebab on the way home from a Michelin star restaurant isn't 'obscene', and that I am the only person who understands the offside rule. Feel free to add your own to this list...
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Ego's demolished whilst you wait...
Sex God
Are you one of my ex's???
:D :D :D :D :D
Hi by the way
:D :D :D :D :D Hi by the way
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: awwwwwwww humbled and still manages to retain his sense of humour - well done and welcome to the madhouse
bev
xx
Sex God
Hello Mate welcome , trust me thats a pretty good average .
Its when there isnt an opposing player between the offensive player in posession of the ball and the goalkeeper when the ball is played forward to him.
Its when there isnt an opposing player between the offensive player in posession of the ball and the goalkeeper when the ball is played forward to him.
Sex God
Is that one in the Kama Sutra then, or just the new edition of Escort?
Sex God
Ive seen it in a cortina , but never an escort
Sex God
Wonder if it's been done in a Mini?
Sex God
Quote by Silk and Big G
Its when there isnt an opposing player between the offensive player in posession of the ball and the goalkeeper when the ball is played forward to him.
except of course when the very offensive player is on the goal line but not interfering with play . . . typically seen at old trafford just before a goal!
:welcome: to SH mr cock of the north!
3 outta 24 ain't so bad. must be doing summat right to get the replies! ;)
have fun!
neil x x x ;)
Sex God
oooooooo you lot, this is for sex ffs , it's not about the footy or the telly remote or did u mean a remote control for a sex toy :twisted:
or did u mean a remote control for a sex toy :twisted: Sex God
I let Silky fly her sex toys solo . She always seems to make them do exactly what id do with a remote anyway :-)
Warming the Bed
Quote by freckledbird
Wonder if it's been done in a Mini?
i could try it on me bike? but i thinks i mite fall off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote by Cock of the North
Like all blokes I think I am smart, sexy, handsome and a wit of the highest order*.
Imagine my suprise then that after finding the wonderful Swingheaven and thinking all my prayers had been answered I am here after a week of answering ads with a strike rate of 24 and 3.
And when I say '3' I only mean replies, not meetings.
And actually, two of those just tried to sell me porn (I wouldn't mind but there is just so much free stuff).
Truly, a chastising and humbling experience.
I recommend being forced to reply to ads on here as a perfect 'Clockwork Orange' style treatment for turning boorish, braggart men into whimpering, tortured husks, huddled in the corner, rocking, with not even a shred of self-esteem to their name.
Whoever said 'It's a man's world' must have only been considering it from the point of view of reverse parking.
Cheers
Cock of the North
*Continuing the theme I also think I am outstanding in bed, a great driver (other drivers can be categorised - and shouted at - as either 'grandads' or 'maniacs'), that I can hold my drink, that newspapers start on the back pages, that getting a kebab on the way home from a Michelin star restaurant isn't 'obscene', and that I am the only person who understands the offside rule. Feel free to add your own to this list...
Quality post mate.
24/3?What a result!
Lb
Thank you one and all, for your greetings and kind words of encouragement.
Some specific replies:
Lil_Bunny - I could be one of your ex's. Were the you girl with three nipples, or the one with the hairy back?
Freckledbird - Of course I kept my sense of humour, I'm low enough on redeeming features as it is.
Neilinleeds - Fair point regarding Old Trafford, but as a United fan I can only revel in piss-poor refereeing; Mr Tickle couldn't have got Tottenham's goal out of the back of the net...
Is three replies really that good when two are porn-selling services? I actually had a polite knock-back this morning, so that's 24 and 4, but hats off to the couple in question for at least replying...
Well, even if you're just bigging me up to make me feel better it's worked. I'll look forward to my next twenty knockbacks with a spring in my step and a twinkle in my eye.
Cheers
Cock of the North
Edit: Because I'm an idiot.
Some specific replies:
Lil_Bunny - I could be one of your ex's. Were the you girl with three nipples, or the one with the hairy back?
Freckledbird - Of course I kept my sense of humour, I'm low enough on redeeming features as it is.
Neilinleeds - Fair point regarding Old Trafford, but as a United fan I can only revel in piss-poor refereeing; Mr Tickle couldn't have got Tottenham's goal out of the back of the net...
Is three replies really that good when two are porn-selling services? I actually had a polite knock-back this morning, so that's 24 and 4, but hats off to the couple in question for at least replying...
Well, even if you're just bigging me up to make me feel better it's worked. I'll look forward to my next twenty knockbacks with a spring in my step and a twinkle in my eye.
Cheers
Cock of the North
Edit: Because I'm an idiot.
The first post I've read this morning - and what a post! Brilliant stuff, COTN!
I also took the liberty or reading your ad and while I am quite impressed I would suggest you sod the ads and stay here in the warmth and comfort of the Cafe - I think you'll fit in very well!
Welcome to the asylum!
Brilliant stuff, COTN!I also took the liberty or reading your ad and while I am quite impressed I would suggest you sod the ads and stay here in the warmth and comfort of the Cafe - I think you'll fit in very well!
Welcome to the asylum!
And when I say '3' I only mean replies, not meetings.
And actually, two of those just tried to sell me porn (I wouldn't mind but there is just so much free stuff).
Nothing wrong with good porn COTN m8, although i do sympathise with the having to pay for it though.
Welcome To The Jungle
We've Got Fun And Games
And actually, two of those just tried to sell me porn (I wouldn't mind but there is just so much free stuff).
Nothing wrong with good porn COTN m8, although i do sympathise with the having to pay for it though.
Welcome To The Jungle
We've Got Fun And Games
Quote by Cock of the North
Thank you one and all, for your greetings and kind words of encouragement.
Some specific replies:
Lil_Bunny - I could be one of your ex's. Were the you girl with three nipples, or the one with the hairy back?
Freckledbird - Of course I kept my sense of humour, I'm low enough on redeeming features as it is.
Neilinleeds - Fair point regarding Old Trafford, but as a United fan I can only revel in piss-poor refereeing; Mr Tickle couldn't have got Tottenham's goal out of the back of the net...
Is three replies really that good when two are porn-selling services? I actually had a polite knock-back this morning, so that's 24 and 4, but hats off to the couple in question for at least replying...
Well, even if you're just bigging me up to make me feel better it's worked. I'll look forward to my next twenty knockbacks with a spring in my step and a twinkle in my eye.
Cheers
Thom
Like the cut of your jib my man!
Yup 4(!)replies even selling ones,must be close to a single male record.
Oh and :welcome: forward to some banter.
Lb
Sex God
Welcome hunni
A brilliant post. Made me smile
Gill x
A brilliant post. Made me smile
Gill x
I'm touched, cheers for the feedback everybody.
Now after striking lucky with one topic people seem to find amusing should I:
(a) Quit whilst I'm ahead and mysteriously vanish, to be forever known as 'that witty Northern guy who used to come on here'.
Or
(b) Surf the wave, keep on posting and gradually erode your positive first impressions, making it clear I'm a socially inept saddo who hides his numerous faults behind a large dose of smart-arse-ness.
Decisions, decisions...
Cheers
Cock of the North
Now after striking lucky with one topic people seem to find amusing should I:
(a) Quit whilst I'm ahead and mysteriously vanish, to be forever known as 'that witty Northern guy who used to come on here'.
Or
(b) Surf the wave, keep on posting and gradually erode your positive first impressions, making it clear I'm a socially inept saddo who hides his numerous faults behind a large dose of smart-arse-ness.
Decisions, decisions...
Cheers
Cock of the North
Sex God
Stay, you're witty, intelligent and a laugh.
Nice profile too
You'll get used to us and the sometimes sarcastic and whacky remarks etc.
chill, put your feet up and stay for the hell of it
Nice profile too
You'll get used to us and the sometimes sarcastic and whacky remarks etc.
chill, put your feet up and stay for the hell of it
Sex God
Hi and welcome
I should keep it up m8te. You seem to be doing ok so far.
I should keep it up m8te. You seem to be doing ok so far.
Quote by freckledbird
Wonder if it's been done in a Mini?
Yes!!
Useful post Cock of the North... an eye opener, not a shocker, but an eye opener... Unfortunately the spamming porn peddlars have poluted every last bastion of the web, even here... I recently dumped ICQ cos it's nothing but a huge spamming machine these days.
