ethics and generosity

12 Jun 2004

Interesting thread on a (far less popular) forum on another swinging site about 'Paying for the Company of a Couple'. Does seem to be something of a fantasy scenario for some guys and couples, people who have no desire to associate with those who 'escort' for a living but find the notion of money changing hands a turn on. Feels like treading into territory here sad

. Before anyone shouts, just to say we are only tempted by the thought of performing and fantasies, voyeuristic kind of thing but wondering if this is stepping outside the ethical bounds if we consider the 'generous'.

12 Jun 2004

Hi ukfantasies wave

The next bit is my opinion, please don't take it the wrong way, it is not directed towards you in anyway. I am writing from the angle that I too saw a similar/same thread, this is my thoughts on it from when I saw it, you've just jogged my memory thats all biggrin

*looks down, god I really did go off on one* redface

Before I found SH I used another site, although I didn't contribute to the forums there, I did read them. I saw a thread the same.
Now, this person who was offering money to join a couple in swinging was suddenly innundated with offers and replies. Certainly at least 99.9% more replies than he would've received had he not offered money. He didn't give much away about himself, his likes or dislikes etc, to warrant this amount of replies.
To me the whole thing stinks of sleaze. Prostitution and swinging are worlds apart. It's obvious these people are not swinging for the fun of it, they just want the cash. If it is that much of a fantasy for them, then they would've done the role play thing, just as effective - but still both parties are choosing to have sex with each other for no other reason than they click and want to play.
I just thank god SH doesn't advocate such a thinly veiled disguise for prostitution! At the time I saw it on the other site, I thought how suddenly it had cheapened it, any respect for the people that were suddenly replying to this guy, disappeared. A cheek to call themselves genuine swingers, when they wouldn't have looked twice at his ad before the offer of money.
mad

:x :x

12 Jun 2004

A lot of the men who want to fulfill a paying-for-sex fantasy seem willing only to offer a nominal fee. Now you could look at that two ways; it could be that they just want to remain "pure" swingers and don't want people sleeping with them solely due to financial inducement. Or it could be they just want a cheaper alternative to prostitutes.

12 Jun 2004

The thread I saw which all these people replied to with offers was mainly money based. He didn't say how much money, but he didn't give much else about himself away. He wanted to get into swinging but finding it difficult to find a couple to play with. He then said he would be willing to pay a couple to swing with........ This guy, who had no luck before, suddenly, hey presto, Mr Stud evil

Had it been a nominal fee he was meaning, surely he wouldn't have played on the money part so much - focussing more on the fantasy of it. At no point did he say it was a fantasy of his.
Sorry, this is a really sore point with me. It was when I originally saw it ...... makes me bluddy angry that these people can call themselves swingers, when it's far far from it :x :x
OK Roger, you can take the cotton wool out your ears now lol

have finished ....... I think redface

12 Jun 2004

Thank you Judy kiss

I also want to clarify that I do think the fantasy side of it all can be great fun - can make for some great role play scenarios cool

My only gripe is when money actually changes hands - it completely alters things from a game to a business transaction ........ and, to me, that ain't what swinging is about.
biggrin

12 Jun 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
My only gripe is when money actually changes hands - it completely alters things from a game to a business transaction ........ and, to me, that ain't what swinging is about.

Agreed MISSCHIEF, once money changes hands it becomes prostitution simple as that....

Quote by JudyTV
When money comes in the fun goes out.

Agreed again....
Shireen
xxx

12 Jun 2004

To be honest, i dont even think the FANTASY part of it is acceptable. I think offering ANY kind of payment for sex is degrading, sleazy, and downright disgusting, no matter HOW you look at it!
Swinging is totally different, its about friendship, fun and being able to have a laugh with the people you swing with. If someone offered me money at ANY point during a meet, i would get up and walk away. i think it's the worst thing you can do. you need to have a real lack of pride or dignity to accept any form of payment for letting someone explore your most secret intimacies.

12 Jun 2004

Quote by dazandlou
.........I think offering ANY kind of payment for sex is degrading, sleazy, and downright disgusting, no matter HOW you look at it!.......

Did you mean offering payment or accepting payment? Either way, IMHO there IS a need for prostitution and I don't think we should be denigrating anybody if that's what they choose to do. However, this is not the site to try to advertise it.

Quote by dazandlou
.........Swinging is totally different, its about friendship, fun and being able to have a laugh with the people you swing with. If someone offered me money at ANY point during a meet, i would get up and walk away........

Totally agree, although I can't think of any other reason for someone to offer me money other than "Piss off and leave us alone!" :shock:
Steve

12 Jun 2004

Quote by steveg_nw
.........I think offering ANY kind of payment for sex is degrading, sleazy, and downright disgusting, no matter HOW you look at it!.......

Did you mean offering payment or accepting payment? Either way, IMHO there IS a need for prostitution and I don't think we should be denigrating anybody if that's what they choose to do. However, this is not the site to try to advertise it.
Both.......... why would you offer payment when you can take the time to get to know someone and have a caring, meaningful relationship with them?? Sorry if this offends anyone, but at the end of the day, it's just an opinion.

Quote by dazandlou
.........Swinging is totally different, its about friendship, fun and being able to have a laugh with the people you swing with. If someone offered me money at ANY point during a meet, i would get up and walk away........

Totally agree, although I can't think of any other reason for someone to offer me money other than "Piss off and leave us alone!" :shock:
Steve
lol

12 Jun 2004

Both.......... why would you offer payment when you can take the time to get to know someone and have a caring, meaningful relationship with them?? Sorry if this offends anyone, but at the end of the day, it's just an opinion.
(Thats my bit in the above post................. still havent got the hang of the split quote thing yet, help appreciated, lol!!)

12 Jun 2004

I did once chat with a couple, who were genuine, and their kink if you liked was for the woman to be paid and she felt it turned her on more??? I agree with the comments but with everyone their is self discipline and we have thin lines in the sand where we have to make judgemental decisions on each case as they come to us?

12 Jun 2004

Quote by dazandlou
why would you offer payment when you can take the time to get to know someone and have a caring, meaningful relationship with them??

I can only speak for my own experiences, but... sometimes it's hard to meet people (and I'm not talking about swingers' websites here). When in the past I've employed prostitutes/escorts it wasn't so much for mind-blowing sex as for just an hour or two of physical intimacy with another person. A kiss and a cuddle, a hug and a chat, and maybe ten minutes of sex in there somewhere. Given the choice between paying for that and sitting alone in my house listening to a Dido CD, where the only thing that hugs me is my armchair, I sometimes chose to pay.
Anyway, I think we're getting away from the point here. smile

12 Jun 2004

Roger I think like a few you have the flop side of the arguement. I can see your point and that is cool because in this big old world even the most liked, the most respected and most popular people can so easily be so alone.

12 Jun 2004

I have to agree with what Lou said,when money comes into it then it is degrading and sleazy.
Its sooo very easy to meet people on this site that are genuine and can have some good fun with,sexual or otherwise,that i really dont see the point.
As for fantasies,they do say that some fantasies are best left at that.
Clare,xxx
wink

12 Jun 2004

Quote by clarensteve_lincs_69796
Its sooo very easy to meet people on this site

12 Jun 2004

Quote by roger743
Its sooo very easy to meet people on this site

What did i say????????????????????????
Clare,xxx
wink

12 Jun 2004

Someone mention me? biggrin

:D:D:D:D:D:D
My 2p's worth.
Ladies of the night, escorts, soliciters etc have been around since before money was invented. People will always be willing to pay for something that can't (for whatever reason) get normally. That's their choice and they are entiitled to it.
Anyway I'm driftiing off topic....

I think offering ANY kind of payment for sex is degrading, sleazy,

Isn't this why some people actually do this stuff? It's a step into a wild side.

12 Jun 2004

I agree with Misschief and the others who have supported her view. Even any hint of payment between parties is degrading and sleazy, and a long way from the true spirit of swinging.
Mike.

13 Jun 2004

I have to agree 100% with Misschief etc. on this one.
Whilst I accept that there will always be a need for prostitution, escorts and other sexual services, I do not for one minute think that payment has any place in Swinging society.
It undermines what swinging is about and is a completely seperate entity. For people who have this fantasy, fine whatever rocks your boat, but go to a professional to provide the service, or advertise yourself appropriately on the right type of site.
A swinging site is not the right place under any circumstances, as swinging is not about fulfilling all and any sexual related fantasies you may have, although many think it is and get disgruntled when it doesn't happen.
That's why I like this site so much and fully agree with the need for AUP's, it maintains the site for Swingers and those interested in the scene without being misleading.
Jas
xxxxxxxxx
passionkiss

MissChief - I'm starting my snog count for the munch

13 Jun 2004

This bear usually doesn't get paid for keeping a club swinging either - though thats usually cos my agent has run off with the cash.............. wink

What do you mean I've got the wrong idea ?
{re-reads thread}
:shock:
I'll get my neck-tie..........
PS Do bears get hugs too ?

17 Jun 2004

We talked some more about this after reading replies. Agree with a lot but can't see exploring fantasies for fun as black and white as some of you imply.
Money. Gold diggers. Accept a drink or dinner or use of a room up to Redford and Moore in Indecent Proposal. All the grey areas in between. Is a porn actress a prostitute because she is paid and work involves sex? Girls who make XXXX films would find this insulting and judgemental. How about a wife who feels pressured into the swinging scene from fear of money troubles if marriage goes pear-shaped? Anyone who *profits* from swinger events. A lot of ethical ambiguity.
One thought. If we were all loaded, the idea would probably not generate any moral outrage. Sex and money have always been the two biggest hangups.
"Swinging is totally different, its about friendship, fun and being able to have a laugh with the people you swing with" (dazandlou). YES. Although you'd hardly guess from the quality of the photo ads here sad

.

17 Jun 2004

is a guy that buys a girl dinner a punter?

17 Jun 2004

Only when that's the woman's sole criteria for deciding to sleep with him or not.

18 Jun 2004

I dont know the original poster of the thread , but IMHO only a punter would ask the question .
G