When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins - Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every Rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested"
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WHOSE DAY HAS TO HAVE BEEN WORSE THAN YOURS!
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Ever had a bad day at work????
Sex God
:shock:
Hehehehehehe... I hope they wash them before they package them up and send them out to shops :shock: :shock:
Hehehehehehe... I hope they wash them before they package them up and send them out to shops :shock: :shock:
Reminds me of a wonderful monologue I once heard in a comedy club... If you look at the list of ingredients of Preparation H you'll find 'Extract of Whale's Liver'
The only rational explanation for this is that some poor bloke was wondering along a beach many years ago, complaining bitterly about his bumgrapes, when he came upon the decaying corpse of a stranded whale. 'Hmm" he thought to himself "Well, it can't really make it hurt any more, can it?". Whereupon he reached deep into the festering pile of whale organs, pulled out the bhemoth's massive liver, and crammed as much of it as possible where the sun doesn't shine.
The only rational explanation for this is that some poor bloke was wondering along a beach many years ago, complaining bitterly about his bumgrapes, when he came upon the decaying corpse of a stranded whale. 'Hmm" he thought to himself "Well, it can't really make it hurt any more, can it?". Whereupon he reached deep into the festering pile of whale organs, pulled out the bhemoth's massive liver, and crammed as much of it as possible where the sun doesn't shine.
Sex God
OMG I now have a mental image of someone bent over having their bum prodded constantly. Wonder if there's more than one 
:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Bev
xx
: :lol: :lol: :lol: Bev
xx
Forum Virgin
Quote by Libra-Love
Does this mean you had to pop a condom onto it first? :shock:
When you have fallen in love with it you make a solemn commitment and start going bareback
Quote by dirtydoug
Does this mean you had to pop a condom onto it first? :shock:
When you have fallen in love with it you make a solemn commitment and start going bareback
But wouldn't you have to have it tested first, especially after it's already been tested by the Johnsons and Johnsons tester, if you get what I mean?
Sex God
I don't want to alarm anyone unduly, but don't J&J also make toilet paper? :shock:
Sex God
Yes. They wipe the thermometers on it when they've been up the tester's bum, then they recycle it
Sex God
Quote by freckledbird
Yes. They wipe the thermometers on it when they've been up the tester's bum, then they recycle it
Did you know that hamburger cartons are made of recycled paper?
Anything I can do to appall you before dinner, just let me know. ;)
Sex God
That's not appalling. Hamburgers aren't made of ham. They are made of bits of animals we'd rather not be named. I'm not a vegetarian by the way, my daughter is and I am constantly lectured.
Quote by Libra-Love
But wouldn't you have to have it tested first, especially after it's already been tested by the Johnsons and Johnsons tester, if you get what I mean?
Well, working on the premise that each thermometer is "virgin" then as long as the tester doesn't take his work home or out to the bar with him.... we should be safe....ish...
Personally, I use digital ones you shove in your ear - less chance of STD's and come with their own "condoms" ;)
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: noooo!! have they got a bonus scheme and can mrs davej have an application form
.........davej skips off singing................were in the money........were in the money......
